Bittersweet Symphony
Chapter 1: Leading life without a safety net, crossroads never looked so scary.
Blink of eyes, roll of dice and a cosmic wink - the world was changed and relationships were permanently altered. Winds of change had swept his house and business rapidly which unrobed his dignity in its wake. The ever proud Maan Singh Khurana hadn't questioned twice when his step mother waved property related documents in front of his face. He hadn't questioned their authenticity nor did he challenge the content. He packed his bags and silently walked out of the house and Khurana constructions without as much as a backward glance.
And his wife had followed him without a question.
He wanted her to question his decision and his apprehension towards challenging Dev's mother. He wanted her to demand her rights as the legal shareholder of the company albeit by marriage. He wanted her to challenge his sanity in this whole thing. But she hadn't. It both angered him and brought a smile on his face when he thought about her silent approval of his decision.
His head was rested in his palms and the sharp stinging pain in his temples was creating havoc on an already troubled mind. It had been few months since he had quit being CEO of Khurana constructions. He was now a design engineer in a small firm who specialized in industrial structures. He had moved out of the city along with Geet when the odd looks they both received made Geet nervous and him uncomfortable. He didn't blame the people who stared at them in wonder when he walked into construction firms whispering things about him and his family. They were accustomed to seeing him in television and newspaper. But there he was - on the streets, amongst the common man and for all the worlds to see.
The pain built behind his eyes and he shut his eyes in frustration mingled with sheer irritation with the world. It was late and Geet wasn't home yet. He frowned when he saw the time. It was really, really late.
When she mentioned about getting a job while settling down for the night, his refusal was automatic and instantaneous. She hadn't responded but had stared at him challenging him to elaborate. The fantastic theories chalked out perfectly in his mind suddenly seemed to have too many loopholes and too many cracks. His speechlessness hadn't irked her but had sure brought out wild fire in her eyes.
"How could you refuse my help to support my family because of your pride?" She had wearily asked without really expecting an answer from him. She had suddenly been made to feel unimportant in the relationship and that had left a bitter taste in her mouth. He hadn't answered her then. He couldn't tell her that pride wasn't the reason for his refusal but the fear he carried for her safety in this society. Though she hadn't always been this wealthy, she however had always lived in a controlled and sheltered environment.
"The society isn't always very sympathetic towards people as you assumed it to be", he answered her after a long stretch of silence.
"Then it's a pity that you think I am a weak person", she turned off the lights and turned her back towards him - denying him the sight of her tears.
Given her experience in a company of his stature, she had managed to acquire a job in a small company with not so great pay scale and a long working schedule. She had sincerely accepted the job she was offered without thinking too much about it; their financial condition was in shambles and they needed the money. She didn't mind too much about the workload they warned her on.
Both worked overtime to make ends meet and plan for a future of their own. Maan had taken some time to accept the fact that he had to rethink everything he was and he wanted to be in future. He had to reinvent himself in the process and build a better future for his family.
The large extended family that he lovingly called as his own now only consisted of his wife as he purposefully distanced himself from his old co-workers.
His world had suddenly expanded exponentially and forgot to fill people in it.
He chugged down a bottle of water and stared at the street outside the small balcony checking if Geet was walking down the street. No, there weren't any signs of her there. He contemplated on going to the nearest bus stop as the clock struck eleven marking the small needle come dangerously close to midnight. The clock ticked away in patience and reverence as his heartbeat quickened in anticipation. Geet was still out at work.
An old couple had rented out their top floor to the young couple without asking too many questions. The rent wasn't very steep by normal standards but without any savings of their own, Maan and Geet had found even that a bit expensive. It was more than six months since they had started working in the new city with a new life and changing persona.
Changes in circumstances had brought on changes in their lifestyle and when looked closely, there were changes in them too. Nothing seemed to be drastically different between the two of them, he noted as he walked down the stairs. He was going to bus stop after all. They still loved each other very much and took care of one another more than they did for themselves. But he could see the weariness of daily drudgery thinly lacing into their interactions and sometimes even encompassing an entire evening in its predatory appetite.
He reached bus stop in five minutes and there was no sign of anything living around him. The first time Geet was late from work she had called him and told him that she would be late. The worry lines on his forehead had flattened when he heard her laugh underlying with care and gratefulness. She had gently teased him by calling him "dad" and he had dramatically sighed after cribbing about the almost decade age difference between them.
And that was almost five months ago.
Their habit of calling one another often when they worked slowly thinned. Maan's work made him stay back in office overnight or go on out of town site visits. He was on someone else's payroll which made his personal choice not the highest priority. Geet was now accustomed with his absence and so was he. Sure, they missed each other when that happened but work kept them busy and exhaustion after a long day helped them cope.
He shivered as cold night breeze chose that moment to tickle his spine. He wondered when was the last time he actually held Geet and uttered nonsense in her ears making her blush and hit his forearm in sheer embarrassment. The life that he shared with her and the moments that had made his life extra special seemed like bunch of Polaroid shots covered in dust because of late their conversations were clipped, crisp and to the point. They walked around each other on eggshells fearing their own thorns scratching the other next to them.
Neither acknowledged the distance that was slowly growing between them. The silly little arguments they had - be it for rent or cleanliness or supplies or grocery had started taking a toll on their better judgment. Forgotten electricity bill had both of them ranting for more than two hours. Geet had collapsed in his arms in tears confessing her scare of losing him over some petty argument. It had taken him hours to calm her down - tell her that he wasn't so easily dispensable. His voice had lacked the confidence when he had said that they will get through this without too many scars. She had looked at him worriedly when his voice shook.
With growing days her tears had stopped and had made way to resigned acceptance of the situation when the arguments between them didn't stop. Her indifference of him working from home even after office hours or during weekends slowly dissolved into annoyance and irritation. He argued about the importance of the work he was doing - how it could help him move across the ladder in his company.
She said it was his stupid pride and ego which made him an overbearing overachiever who prioritized everything else over her.
He said it was her childishness and incomplete education which made her decisions volatile and her work nothing extraordinary.
They didn't speak for another three days with each other.
And when they did, it was to decide whose schedule could accommodate paying grocery bills. And after that everything was back to normal. But he could see that her voice strained when she spoke of his work and she could see him struggling to verbalize the fear he felt when she said she was going to be late from work.
The care that they had for one another hadn't stopped even when they weren't on speaking terms. But it wasn't a healthy working model. The emotional rollercoaster that each of them were going through and even subjected one another to would probably destroy everything they had if someone didn't wake up soon.
People don't stop loving each other over petty arguments or silly fights. It's something that happens over a course of time when the necessity of another person dims and one day becomes obsolete. Two people can live under the same roof and spend decades together without an iota of love between them. Surely they are committed to each other and care as much as they can within their emotional reach; but nothing more.
In that deserted bus stop, Maan closed his eyes feeling the hopelessness consume him. If he didn't take some immediate actions, the distance between them would turn into an abyss and it would be too late for either of them to even attempt to cross.
He looked up when he saw a pair of feet approaching him. He couldn't help but reciprocate the smile Geet was throwing in his direction. It was moments like these which made him think otherwise - maybe he was over analyzing everything. Maybe they were just going through what most married couples go through. Maybe this was normal. Maybe he was looking in a totally wrong direction.
Maybe.
But the risks were far too drastic for him to leave everything for chance.
Geet wasn't something he was ready to lose in his life. At this point a life without her was absolutely unimaginable.
She was the personification of everything good he had done in his life and there was no way he was going to give it up.
"This is such a pleasant surprise Maan." She smiled wanly linking her arm with his. He gently removed his arm from hers and saw the confusion and disappointment dance in her eyes. He shook his head and threaded his arm across her waist and pulled him to her. She only laughed in response.
"We need to talk", he said looking straight in her eyes. Her smile dropped a little and her eyes focused.
Her acceptance nod shook his heart a little.
Anupamaa
