e Realizations
Gopi finished her work quietly and walked to the backyard of the house. What's been happening in her life? Her life has been one big failure. Ever since she lost her parents she was at the mercy of her mama and mami. Mami made sure to make her life a living hell. Maji had come like a breath of fresh air. Gopi dared to dream first time in her life and what had happened? Some people are meant to live life miserably. Why she had to drag her Ahem ji too in a hell with her. Maji had tried so very hard to bring Ahem ji and her together. She was too scared to stand before him. He looked at her like a nuisance in his life. He was putting up with her only for his mother. Many times not in many words he had told her she was nothing to him. he hardly looked at her. he hardly felt her presence. Kanha ji! She closed her eyes. Why was she hanging in the house? She was ruining his happiness. He would never accept her as his wife, never. She had lost the hope in these few weeks. She had enough, enough of his complaints. Few times she had accompanied him he had only complaints to make to his mother. Now everything was too much. She had enough with everyone helping her. The ghost of Anita was a nail in the coffin. She needed to talk to Maji. Her maji she would give her life for the only woman who loves her the way she was. The one who takes care of her protects her from Ahemji's wrath. She heard the footsteps of someone she got up quickly wiping her eyes. She moved quickly out of his sight.
Ahem saw her leave quickly he glanced at her for a moment and walked to his room.
Gopi was lost in her thoughts the whole day. Kokila noticed her Gopi vahu walk like a zombie around the house. She had come to the kitchen and informed her about Ahem's arrival and asked her to make tea but she seemed not to hear her.
"Gopi vaahu?' kokila raised her voice.
'Ji maji'
'Where are you lost Gopi vahu? Make tea for Ahem.'
'Ji maji.' Gopi took the pan and poured water like an automaton and kokila stood there watching her Gopi. The more she saw the misery in her Gopi vahu the more she got angry with Rashi. The truth had heart her Gopi Vahu badly thought Kokila. How her Gopi vahu takes care of everyone and everything and Why Kanhaji Ahem dikra cannot see her goodness? Kokila saw her getting lost again and called out. 'Gopi vahu move aside I'll make tea you go and rest.'
'Sorry maji I'll make tea please forgive me.' Gopi trembled.
'It's okay Gopi vahu I'll make tea go outside and get some fresh air.' She touched her head.
Gopi's eyes got filled. She nodded her head and walked out of the kitchen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rashi saw Gopi in the garden lost in thought. She smiled to herself and walked out hurriedly from the room. She was almost panting when she reached Gopi.
'Gopi..' called rashi.
Gopi turned her head.
Rashi tried to smile but failed miserably she had seen the look on Gopi when kagdi told her the truth about Anita's ghost. She had never seen that look on Gopi ever. She found hard to look at her. 'Gopi, forgive me Gopi I did not mean to frighten you with the tale of Ghost Gopi, I .. er' wanted to help Ahemjiju and you to''
'Bas Rashiben, I know you mean well, but Rashiben here after I do not want you to interfere in my and Ahemji's life.'
Rashi was taken back at the determination in her voice. She was not the Gopi she had known all her life this Gopi was different.
'Gopi, I..'
'Rashiben, leave me alone.
'Ji Gopi.' Rashi gave her a look and left her alone in the garden.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kokila took his tea and went to Ahem's room. He was on the phone as she entered. He saw his mom with tea and disconnected the call.
'Ma aap. You should have sent it through mani.'
'Why mani? Kokila's face clouded. 'Gopi..' she then thought against saying anything. This was getting too much. Her son was nowhere near where she wanted concerning her Gopi vahu. Why cannot he see her kindness? She had been like a doormat ever since she was married to him.
'Ma, you are lost in thoughts.'
'Nothing Ahem dikra, how was the day at office?'
'Fine ma with your blessings nothing will go wrong.'
'Not just my blessings Ahem dikra, someone's prayers too.'
Ahem moved to the window without answering her. he saw her petite form walking up and down in the garden. She looked so small and lost. He moved away from the window. His mother was gone from the room.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kokila turned her attention to the door as she heard a soft knock on the door.
'Come in Gopi Vahu.'
Gopi walked into the room and closed the door. the door did not close properly she went to shut it Kokila said, 'Leave it Gopi vahu, what is it?'
Gopi was aware papa was out of town and she decided it the right time to talk to her maji.
'What is it Gopi vahu?' she asked looking at her hesitancy.
'Ji maji, I wanted to talk to you about''
'Yes, what about Gopi vahu.'
'Maji'' Gopi wet her lips. It's very difficult to say the thing she wanted to but how long.
'Gopi vahu come here and sit down.' Kokila patted the bed next to her.
'Maji I''
Gopi vahu you know you can tell me anything''
'Gopi closed her eyes and prayed and then she looked at her maji. 'Maji I want to go from here maji that will solve all the problems ..'
'Gopi vahu.' Kokila shouted and looked at her hard. 'What are you saying? Where do you want to go? And what about My son.'
'Maji for Ahemji you have to let me go.'
Kokila glared at her. Gopi closed her eyes again. 'maji you tried very hard to bring us together. It is not happening maji. Ahemji cannot accept me as his wife. It's been more than a year, you tried and still he cannot bring himself to like me maji. Maji he doesn't acknowledge me. he doesn't see me when I am near him. this can't go on. We cannot waste his life maji he need a good companion whom he can show off take places introduce to friends I am an illiterate maji I can never reach to those heights. I am failure I have failed you, I have failed him and I am beginning to hate myself for that and you know me better than anyone maji we need to let him go. He needs to live his life with the person he love not the one he don't see. Now I can look at myself in the mirror but there will be time when my own image will mock me and that day maji Gopi will stop to breath.'
Kokila's eyes fluttered. this was her Gopi who was talking to her. she looked very determined and she looked very sure of herself. Kokila stared at her. 'Maji, I love you and all the people here it won't be long when everyone will realize that forcing me to ahemji was' maji please understand.' Gopi got up from the bed and looked at her maji who was lost in thoughts. She saw her maji's tear filled eyes. She reached to touch her but then curled her fingers. With slow footsteps she walked to the door.
Ahem who had come to say good night to his mother moved away swiftly from the door as he saw her walk to the door.
Kokila stared at the walls. What should she do? there was Gopi whom she loveslike her own child and there was her son Ahem who was living the life she had forced up on him. What should she do?
-------------------------- t b c----------------------------------
Anupamaa
Debate Mansion
