Posted:
Hi Gulaal we are from Blonde TV aur aap ka interview karna chahtey hain.
Gulaal: Haan mere pass aajkal thoda waqt hai. Talli se mein farigh ho gayee hoon. Aur koi family main shadi ke laiq nahin hai, aik bacha hai, woh in case koi aur deeyar-vatoo karna pada toh woh stand-by hai.
Blonde TV: Sunna hai ke aap bahut gifted hain.
Gulaal: Haan aap keh sakte hain. Mujhay bahut sarey tohfay miltay hain.
Blonde TV: Mera matlab hai ke aap ke pass Mavri ki shakti hai.
Gulaal: Kaunsi, woh paani dhoondney ki?
Blonde TV: Jee haan. Aap batein gi ke aap ko paani ka kaise pata chalta hai.
Gulaal: (giggling) waise to ye mera trade secret hai. Jab mein koi book likhoongi to uss mein bataoongi.
Blonde TV: Humko kuch bata dain. Hum promise kartey hain ke iss field mein aap ke saath compete nahin karenge.
Gulaal: Acha! to main aap ki baat par aitabaar kar laiti hoon. Mujhay pyass bahut lagti hai.
Blonde Tv: Kya matlab? woh to sab ko lagti hai.
Gulaal: Mujhay kuch zyada hi lagti hai. Agar hawa mein moisture zyada ho to mera jism moisture absorb kar laita hai.
Blonde TV: Pasina nahin aata?
Gulaal: arrey nahin bhai!, jism mein paanu nahin to paseena kahan se aayega, reverse flow ho jata hai.
Blonde TV: waqayee... kamal hai.
Gulaal: Asl mein jab mujh ko paani dhoondna hota hai to mein 2 din pehlay paani peena chod daiti hoon.
Blonde TV: Juice bhi nahin.
Gulaal: Nahin juice bhi nahin, nothing by mouth. Laiken sochti hoon ke thoda juice le loon, skin ke liye acha hota hai.
Blonde TV: Fresh juice try kar lein.
Gulaal: phir jab mein paani dhoondne jaati hoon to pehlay weather forecast laiti hoon. Humidity bilkul nahin honi chahiye, dry ho, sunny ho or cloudy na ho.
Blonde TV: wow ye information kahan se laiti hain
Gulaal: Mere Mobile par weather service hai. Ghar par internet se bhi le laiti hoon. Ghar se nikalne se pehlay bahir waley gutter par paon bhi rakh kar test karti hoon. Waise toh woh sewerage hai laikin testing ke liye kaam daita hai,
Blonde TV: Wow! phir aagey
Gulaal: Bas jab mein paani dhoondti hoon, mujhay garmi mein aur pyaas lagti hai. Agar zameen ke neechay paani ho to mere paon uss ko absorb karne ki koshish karte hai, jaise humidity ko karte hain. jitna zyada paani hoga utna hi zyada strong feeling hoti hai.
Blonde TV: Aap ki payal bhi bajti hai.
Gulaal: Haan wohi toh logon ko indicate karti hai.
Blonde TV: Kaisi feeling hoti hai.
Gullal: (smiling) Asl mein ye bhi secret hi hai. Waisay to meri khaal moti hai, laikin paon bahut sensitive hain. Mujhay pairon mein bahut tingling (gudgudi) hoti hai. Itni zyada hoti hai ke mujhay hansi aa jati hai. Ab sarey gaon waley paani ke liye bahut pareshan hotay hain toh mein unke saamne munh khol kar hans nahin sakti.
Blonde TV: Payal kaise hilti hai
Gulaal: wohi toh bata rahi hoon. Jab mein apni hansi ko rokti hoon to hansi mere pooray jism ko hilati hai, meri tang bhi hilti hai. Meri payal bhi hilti hai aur log khush hotay hain. Jab woh khush hotay hain aur taalian bajatay hain aur hanstey hain toh mein bhi apni hansi nikaal daiti hoon. Uss waqt koi note nahin karta ke meri payal ruk gai hai.
Blonde TV: Kabhi koi funny incident ya false indication hoti hai.
Gulaal: (sochtay huay) haan kabhi kabhi aisa ho jata hai, kahin kisi janwar ne paishaab (urinate) kar diya ho.. apko to pata hai ke woh bhi paani hi hota hai (giggles with slight embarrassment)
Blond Tv: Oh I see. Aap un ko paisay charge karti hain?
Gulaal: Nahin, kabhi nahin. Mujhay bahut mashoori milti hai. Jab mein paani dhoondti hoon toh bahut se tv channels waley bhi coverage daitey hain. Mein apne paon aur joote par different brands ke naam likhti hoon.
Gulaal shows them her feet.There are ads of X-factor, condoms and Safe water..
Blonde TV: toh iss tarah se paisay kamati hain. Inn paison ka kya karti hain?
Gulaal: Mein ne ek deeyar-vatoo trust khola hai. Ek Deeyar-Vatoo relationship building school khola hai. Abhi dono pooray nahin huay hain. Aas paas ke gaon waley abhi se registration ke liye aa gaye hain.
Blond TV: ye bhi Vasant ka dream tha?
Gulaal: Nahin Vasant ko nahin pata tha.Ye mera dream hai.
Blond TV: Kuch apne ghar ke barrey mein bataiye.
Gulaal: Ghar mein toh bahut masroof rehti hoon.
Blond TV: Aap ki routine kya hai?
Gulaal: Mein har waqt tyaar rehti hoon. Ghar ka sara kaam karti hoon, khana pakati hoon, masalay peesti, kamrey saaf karti hoon. Laiken iss tarah ke mera makeup bhi kharab nahin hota.
Blond TV: Ghar ke logon ka aap ke saath kaisa salook hai.
Gulaal: Ghar ke sarey aadmi mujh pyar kartey hai aur saari aurtein meray khilaaf hain.
Blond TV: Kon aap ko har waqt bura kehta hai?
Gulaal: Jamna Kaki mere bahut khilaaf hain. Har waqt budh budh karti hai. Har baat mein bolti hai. Laikin mein unki respect karti hoon. Sudha Bhabi bhi doghli hai.
Blonde TV: Zyada tar waqt kya karti hai.
Gulaal: Kuch din pehlay tak mein Talli ko promote karti rahi hoon. Ye bilkul aisa hi hai jaise film actors apne bachon ko promote kartey hai. Meri film bhi chali nahin bulkay poori nahi hui. Ab Talli bhi mere khilaf ho jaye gi shayaad.
Blond TV: Koi hobbies bhi hain?
Gulaal: Internet par chatting karti hoon, social networking karti hoon.
Blond Tv: Kiss ke saath.
Gulaal: Aas paas ke gaon walon ke saath. Logon ko mera pata hai aur deeyar-vatoo ke barey mein mera expert opinion laitey hain. Koi chat mein poochta hai toh koi e-mail mein, ab soch rahi hoon Deeyar-Vatoo forum shru kar doon.
Blond TV: TV waighaira nahin dekhti?
Gulaal: Hamrey gaon mein cable tv hai. Pehlay ghar mein chalta tha, leikin jab se mere aur Dushyant ji ka affair breaking news mein aya hai, aur ab talk shows main un par discussions ho rahi hain. Raman Ji aur Durgesh khas tor par uss mein participate kartey hain. Duhyant Ji ne cable band kra di hai. Yeh bhi sunna tha ke CID TV show waley Vasant ki death ka bhi episode banana chahtey thay. Ab toh bilkul hi band ho gaya hai.
Blond TV: Sunna hai aap Slaps badey achey marti hain? Kahan se seekhe?
Gulaal: (Giggles and is amused) Seekhne kahan se thay. School may bahut late daakhil hui thi. Mein 15 saal ki thi toh class two mein thi. Bache mujh se bahut chotey thay aur mujhe 'budhi-amma' keh ke chaidhtey thay, mein un ko thapadh marti thi. Phir chotey bachon se paisay laiker unko badey ladkon se protect bhi karti thi. Wahan bhi thapadh marti thi. Phir School ki boxing team mein bhi ho gayee, aur regional level par bhi cup jeeta. Iss liye aap dekhein ge ke mein left -right - left, ya phir left left, right right phir left wala combination use karti hoon. Punch nahin karti balkey slap karti hoon. Kabhi push bhi karti hoon
Gulaal looks at her watch and says
Gulaal: Abhi mujhe cow-milking ke liye jana hai, aap phir kisi din aa jayen toh baqi baatein pooch lein
Blond TV: Phir kyun? aaj hi batiye, Itni ddor se aayen hain, ye koi baat hui.
Gulaal: jaate hain ke nahin.. raises her left hand to Slap the interviewer. He gets up saying 'jaatey hain madam jaatey hain'
and they run out of the room
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