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Cuty16

@Cuty16

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#21

Quiet a concerning topic vista di,
many things are running in my mind at this time b'coz i'm connecting bj wid other widows.

Well i will post my point a bit later.

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Sidda

@Sidda8

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#22

Vista, I have lived in a Western society all my life and in truth I do not mind divorce or remarriage. Sometimes it is better to move on with life and not allow the past to drag you down. I had two uncles who died and their widows remarried. One of them had a toddler and my cousin thought his father was sleeping in his coffin. My aunt moved on with her life and married for the sake of her son and her own self. Nevertheless, I have one aunt that has never remarried after the death of her husband and she has three children who are teenagers now. If the person is capable of accepting this change, then they shall remarry. India has changed a lot from the pasts where the widows would throw themselves into the pyres of the deceased husbands. I think it will take some time for people to completely accept this step as well.

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Vistaa

@Vistaa

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: Sidda8
Vista, I have lived in a Western society all my life and in truth I do not mind divorce or remarriage. Sometimes it is better to move on with life and not allow the past to drag you down. I had two uncles who died and their widows remarried. One of them had a toddler and my cousin thought his father was sleeping in his coffin. My aunt moved on with her life and married for the sake of her son and her own self. Nevertheless, I have one aunt that has never remarried after the death of her husband and she has three children who are teenagers now. If the person is capable of accepting this change, then they shall remarry. India has changed a lot from the pasts where the widows would throw themselves into the pyres of the deceased husbands. I think it will take some time for people to completely accept this step as well.

True words Sidda, very true. Sometimes it is better to move on and not let the past affect your future...the operative word being "sometimes"...there are instances when there is absolutely no compatibility between married partners and they make each other miserable by being together. Or there are cases of domestic violence, infidelity etc which are not to be borne and divorce is the only right thing to do...but too often, at least from what I have seen, read and heard, the principal reason for divorce is basic lack of committment. The easy acceptance of divorce, whether or not warranted, contributes hugely to its prevalance...classic vicious circle...

Here, I wanted to draw attention to widow remarriage...as with everything, with this too there can be thousands of scenarios. The couple may have had a perfect marriage, been deeply in love and as a result, the widow doesn't even ever consider marrying again. Or they may have had a horrendous relationship and the widow may feel a sense of relief and therefore never consider marrying again. Again, the point being that the choice should be hers.

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joliefille

@joliefille

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#24

Hi di one again for the topic ,

as i m very lae to post my views so i can see , al most eveything serious have been discussed here ,😳

all true , what ever the senerio first thing when some one think to remarry sply women in indian society lots of ppls came against her sply her own children but i think youngsters are changing now we know after our marriage n all our parents will be left alone so why should we restrict their lives they too had right to live life till the last breath so we should support them in their all decissions .

i think have said much about he real world now i will come to Bj , sorry di but i don't have any pity for her , sply after watching the last epi theres no chance for it🤢

ya its true she looses everything in just begnning of her life , but the thing which make her apart from this topic for me is that she choose to live like that, n i don't think she ever consider herself 'widow' as she said Avi at last " i never saw ur bro at all , i had seen only u🤢" it simply mean that for her those rituals she done with his bro doesn't mean at all. n she choose Avi a simple boy who loose everything in just a sec n give all controle of his life n house to the lady just for a relation "Bhabhi" for him that's another name of Mother n he contineously repeated it oh her face . then how can she think like that for him.😡 .

i Agree love can happen anywhere with any one but it doesn't mean that u have to distroy one innocent soul just for ur filhy thoughts , if she really loves him then she would be happy to see him as gentle respectable guy , happily married with one whome he loved (Arpita) spl when she knows how much he loves her n how much her trobles Pains him.

n about remarrige , if she let Avi grow as he wants i mean at least let him live peacefully with Arpi i m sure he want's her to get married n live happy life bz he never want's to see her as widow , it pains him more then anything bz he too knows how much it pain to live alone at such young age. But she choose to live alone in eyes of socity but wants to nurish illcite relation with Avi 🤢 that's what make me hate her n i don't find her worthy of any kindness or what ever i can say "daya , sahanubhuti " n all.

Sorry if i went against anyone's views but here i was talking about the cheracter of BJ only bz i find it really sick to nurish these kind of lusty feelings in such pure relations n sply when the one person is giving u the place which Avi gives her .🤔

Edited by joliefille - 14 years ago

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Cuty16

@Cuty16

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#25

According to me things are changing now due to growth of education,
now people's thoughts and thinkings have changed there views are new,
we have start thinking that how lady whose huby the biggest suport had died will survive this long life.
She is not safe in the society,
even if she dont wants to marry again (some emotions can't be forgetten few persons cant be replaced)
but atleast the family and friends should must keep his supporting hands.b'coz we are knowing many street dogs in face of man are roaming here n there who just want one thing from thing from a lady.

As i said i'm not talking about all many persons are there who are still clutched to the old customs and worst part is that they force others also to do the same.
I tolled the views &thinkings of people have changed but it is of no use till they implement that,

as there are three types of people
1.who still consider the old rituals importance more than some bodies life.

2.these people are of new thoughts protest whenever they feel something wrong.

3.these are neutral type people who just watches the thinks and says it should be changed.

Well we will find 3rd type of people mostly.

Widows remarriages has been a topic of discussion from long.

Previously long before
after husband's death the wife themselves use to kill themselves as they considering them as god as a tribute as
In Ramayan
Meghnath(ravan's son) wife had done it but it was not a ritual.
that had to be performed by everyone but then few dictators make that a pratha.

Well it was my thought i have something taking bj also i will post it.

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chista

@chista

Voyager

Posted: 14 years ago

#26

Hello Vistaa😊

WARNING: Long post😆

I know i m too late but i m sure u understand my condition. trust me vistaa i was typing this text from 2 days ago.cudnt sit more & on the other hand cudnt type more when i was lying on my belly I do not know which position I choose.

Anyways,back to your topic.as u said that is heavy & we coudnt discussion about that jst in a week😉

The sociologists have been discussed about this issue by many years but they didnt reach to a convincing result yet . Study on woman & widows life & situation is very involved & hurdle in the eastern country s because we are facing with intertwined cords of different faiths , traditions , myths and legends.

When we are studying about creation myths in Indian & Persian texts & their holy books,Men and women are created from one nature & they are the same in it. I did read in Vedas or Upanishads -dont remember exactly-men & women are look alike two part of a pea they are incomplete without another part or in Avesta ( Parsi's holy book) they are created from one root.All religions are pure in the core but when this thoughts are mixed with prejudice and superstition they will be away from their origin goal.

Unfortunately , Following of the superstitions and ethnic prejudice in Eastern societies is more than following the core of every religion.

As you know in Sanskrit Pat (patti) means husband but in a broader meaning it means owner & in some text it means God ...Indian woman say to their hubby Patti-Dev means: God- husband & in Persian we have a common proverb that say "if God wanted to create another guy except himself for worshiping, he was made husband for this work ."(worship). see God= husband in Persian also.

In such societies we can never change people's superstitious thoughts unless women themselves decide to change it. In fact, women in Eastern thought is a symbol of sacrifice and obedience and when she ll become valuable that will be a mother. Now jst imagine it, she lost her hubby also it wud be disaster for her. she have to sit in her home & grow up her child. No fun & No expectancy. I think i have been read some were about a kind of Fast between Indian woman that they are fasting in a especial day of the Indian mount for their hubby's long life(i cudnt spell it in hindi that was started with ch ) its very good that a women keeping pray for his hubby's health but why only a women have to keep fast? What about the men?!

BTW i m very optimistic😊 Eastern woman are now awakening & recognizing the difference between respect & obey & they are fighting for their right & their happiness.

But i wanna add one more option in your topic: Divorced women!

In our country s divorce is something alien and unappealing. Divorced woman dont have a right to freely life. In Iran says "A girl goes to her hubby's home with white & bridal dress & returns with a white shroud !"

Maybe one of the reasons that i left my hometown was my divorced.My family were too modern but i didnt live with them only ...when i was divorced i was 22 i was too young .Trust me i didnt have safety & peace in that society...I ran away from lusty & lewd looks. Many of the men didnt have any respect to me as a young divorced women... Some of them only wanted to had an immoral relationship with me... .Of course not all of men but some of them were too horrible & nasty.

I never forgot when i was divorced my granny (RIP) said to me :"why you wanna separate?you can give permission to your hubby that he remarriage & you & his second wife cud live with each other at one home but you have'nt right for divorce!!! "

However, my only wish is freedom and wisdom for Eastern women.👍🏼

Edited by chista - 14 years ago

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Jazmin

@jnawaz

Inactive

+ 6

Posted: 14 years ago

#27

haye haye...we are still having DOTW!? haw!? no one invited me *jaz crying*...lol...reserving my spot so i can come back...have to go clean the house...people coming over for dinner =/

JAZ

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PrashT

@PrashT

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 14 years ago

#28

Haila ..Its 11th😲😲😲

M sorry..m commenting it today...😭
My net betrayed me yday😭😭😭 my lappy's and PC's too😭😭😭

CB Di, Gauri Di,Dreamy Di, Vista di, Siddu,Jo, Rups and sara Di

U all are soo true👏👏👏

These are my thoughts😃

I think Im summing up what everyone have said above😊

Im strongly with idea of widow/ widower remarriages. Indian society is still male dominated society whether we accept it or not. In Indian society, widower get married and a widow doesn't. Our society will allow widower to remarry but a wont allow widow to remarry. But As CB Di said its upon the girl/woman also.

Our Indian society is such complicated that they wont allow it also and when the widow tries to stand up her own ..they wont let her too.

Basically it depends on the families.

In case of modern thinking families whether they live in villages or urban areas, they will let their widowed daughter in laws get married. They themselves convince her to marry.

And In case of old traditional families, they wont allow and make widows wear white clothes.

Take an example in the movie "Babul", it was very touching story which dealt with widow remarriages. Amitabh Bacchan convinced Rani Mukherjee to marry her then best friend John Abraham. In the story, Rani Mukherjee didn't want to remarry. He said some beautiful lines when he was convincing her ..He said something about Hope'He said he vil always be her father but parents wont stay always with their children. In life, at some stage we need someone for support how much ever we are strong. We need someone to be with us, to care for us. He said rising sun always brings hope. I don't remember when he said those lines but yeah he said them. In other case Amitabh Bacchan's elder brother didn't let his daughter in law to remarry because of old traditions.

Let us keep aside the woman who doesnt want to remarry but what about the girl/woman who wants to live her life happily again??

My friend's one of maternal uncle's widow was just 23 when her husband died. The family allowed her to remarry and In different case in her family, the girl wasn't allowed to remarry. She was her grandmother's sister. She lived alone for about 50 years. As a result, her mental situation is bad.

Old traditions are so deep rooted that unless and until we as society don't change it, they will always haunt the Indian widows. How much ever government make laws regarding widow remarriages, the situation will prevail until and unless the society doesn't stand up against it.

Things have changed..people are educated, society is changing..but in many parts of India or to be precise in almost every part of India except few places, the mentality towards widow hasn't changed.

The fictional character of Bahuji was wicked no doubt ..but she was human being afterall. She made Bhaiyyaji. Still she found solace in Avdhesh. She wanted the same love and care..but she didn't get what she wanted. She wanted to marry and love Avi. But fate again played a cruel card against her. And Avdhesh fell in love with arpita. No one made mistake here..But destiny had already deceided its course. Whether it was lust or love for Avi..but she found her match in Avi. But circumstances were against her.

Im not against Indian Society!! But Im against the old cruel customs against widows.

If a woman is widowed at a middle age, 99% of women feel that they should devote their life for children and then at a later stage to God. They normally don't want to get married again. The reasons may be several. But still, it depends on women too. If woman wants too, children find it hard to digest. In the poit of view of children, I can understand. But they don't think in their mother's point of view'.

With respect to western society, Western traditions are completely different than us.

Ok..I dont knw I made sense or not😆😆

I wrote what came up to my mind abt it😃

Edited by prash_t - 14 years ago