Hello CB, Laxmi, Gauri, Dreamy, Jessie, Sarah, Sharan and Neha🤗
Thanks for liking the topic😊
CB, Gauri and Dreamy👏...you guys have covered most of the points that I had in mind.
CB, who can forget the white clad, head shaven ostracized widows as shown in some of the Hindi films and DD tv serials? And the phrase "woh toh apne pati ko kha gayee"😡 that seemed to be staple in all widow related scenes...made my blood boil😡 I think it goes back to the deeply ingrained idea that woman represents fertility/life and if her husband dies, then she is somehow not kosher, there is something wrong with her and thus should be shunned. As you said D, that she has a bad aura.
Along with Ishwar Chand Vidyasagar, Raja Ram Mohan Roy and Swami Dayanand among others, did a lot to rid the Indian society of these ideas...but in some areas of the country, they still persist.
The practise of Sati, strangely enough originated with something that was called "jauhar" ...where the queens and wives of warriors would give themselves to mass pyres, in a bid to save their honour from the enemy armies!!...later on, it took the form of the wife of any man killed being asked to kill herself by sitting on his burning pyre...the idea being that once he is gone, her life has ended too.
But even though Sati doesn't exist anymore, the widowed life in some of the rural areas of India may still be jusst a tad better.
Also, IMHO, the idea of "marriage for life" also has a lot to do with it. I have come to realise this only when I moved to US and saw the easy acceptance of multiple marriages in a person's lifetime. It actually is the rule rather than the exception here. Most people I know/work with have at least been married twice, some even thrice or more. Step-parents and step-children are the norm...when I first filled DD school registration form, I almost did a double-take when I saw it had separate space for Mother's and Father's address, and the question who does the child live with?😲
The point being, that when society expects you to have more than one life partner (not concurrently of course😆) over the course of one's life, then the idea that one should remarry doesn't seem so far-fetched at all.
But in India and I am sure in other neighbouring countries too, remarriage or second marriage is not the norm...it is an exception. In the most of the middle-aged/older widows, it is never even on the table...never even comes under discussion...I saw that with both my grandmothers, who survived their husbands by a good ten years.
The other big factor is the issue of individualism and sense of self: back in India, women were brought up to think that they come last, it is the husband, the house and the children who take precedence over everything else. They were taught to seek their happiness and fulfillment in the happiness and achievements of their children and husband. So when a man dies leaving behind a widow and children, the widow does not think of herself...the well being of her children becomes the greatest factor and she refuses to even consider marriage in the fear that the step dad may not treat her kids right. So her happiness and needs go on the back burner and she devotes her life to bringing up her kids, as Gauri and D said.
As with you D and CB, I too have a very close and dear person who had to go through this experience...she was widowed very young, yet chose to remain unmarried for the rest of her life, jsut for the sake of her three children.
And you are right D...inheritance concerns and other factors were responsible for practice of the widow of one brother being forced to marry the other brother. Amrita Pritam wrote a beautiful story on this custom and it was made into a movie starring Hema Malini and Rishi Kapoor.
But as with everything, I think this too will change in the days and years to come.
Hopefully. At least to the extent, that widows have the option to remarry, if they so wish. It is their choice and not something directed by societal expectations.
Edited by Vistaa - 14 years ago
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
