Navya: Diary Entry 2

Why Us??? Why do we have to go thru this pain?... NO...the answer is NO...for all those painful ...yet very real questions that he asked me...No I cant stay without being with him...No I cant afford to not have calls from him...messages from him...And No I will not be able to smile at the thots of the moments spend with him...Infact...the more I will think of it...the more I will curse the day I ever met him...not becoz he is a curse to me...but becoz our faith is a curse to me...A faith that had me meet him when I least expected it...A faith that made me brew feelings for him when those feelings cud never have found its solace...A faith that encompassed us into this beautiful bond that him and I share only to break it forever...and A faith that snatched away so mercilessly wat I have safeguarded all thruout my life...My Heart!!!

When he told me that he is being held in custody of choice between me and his family...I realized the amount of despair n inner detoriation that he was going thru...The crushed n divided Anant surfaced above the strong looking and focused Anant and a gush of guilt seeped into me...I had only been thinking about me...about my feelings...How cud I??? Why didnt I think the impacts it will have on him...on his family??? How did I fail to see above n beyond the beautiful glass globe that I had built around me??? How did I not see the horizons at which our realities lay??? How??? Am I that selfish??? I guess I really m...but not anymore ...Not after now knowing his stance...and definitely not after knowing that he is ready to go against his family just for me...NO that I shall not let happen...If I dont have to courage to see myself away from my family...how cud I put him in that situation??? He does not deserve that...and too at the cost of being with ME...me who has lied to my friends...to my family in the past few days...me who is so selfish that I dont find the strength to stand for myself...my thots and my feelings...

The weighings of his family on him is way over my feelings for him...He belongs to them and I have no right to rip him away from his nitch. I dont know if wat I am going to do now is right or wrong...but I do know ...that I cannot take this burden of guilt thats cribbing within me for having Anant in the situation that he is in today...Yes, I am prolly being selfish again...Huh!!! wats so new?? But atleast my being selfish may help salvage Anant from his sinking self...

I know the goings are going to get tougher for me more now...coz just like how Anant tried to lock me inside his car...I will have to lock my feelings...I will have to bury my inner self deep within me so that it cannot see the rainbows anymore...its going to rip me apart ...but I've got to do it...for him...and I only pray that I can sustain on this new found determination in me...💔💔