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*both armaan and shilpa are senior doctors in this one shot.
A talk in the dark
'you haven't moved on, have you?', asked Shilpa earnestly.
Armaan sighed and bowed his head down. His silence was the answer, shilpa didn't have to probe any further. She looked ahead. A few minutes passed in complete silence. It was strange, she thought, silence is never so comfortable.
Armaan broke the silence by saying, 'she never really understood me'
Shilpa looked at him again, 'why do you say that?'
'I don't know. I guess...we had this intensity, you know? there was passion, attraction, and maybe there was love too, but I never felt she understood me. There was always....a kind of wall between us', he replied, trying to put his feelings into the right words.
She listented to him intently. Over the last few days, they had bonded really well. She didn't know why, but they seemed to share an unknown, undefined bond. After all these years of being lonely, Shilpa could sense the feeling in another person too, if it existed. And she had sensed it in Armaan, he was lonely. He just didn't know how to deal with it.
They were both sitting on the terrace of Sanjeevani. Their shift was over, and so was the day. It wasn't an extremely starry night, but sometimes you don't want there to be light, you just want dark to soak you in, and perhaps both Armaan and Shilpa wanted just that.
'When I first met her, I hated her', the memory lit his face up with a bittersweet smile, 'infact, both of us couldn't stand each other. Until the day we got lost in those woods. I still remember that night so vividly, as if it had happened just a few days ago. I don't know what exactly it was that drew me to her, but I think it was the fact that I noticed her beauty for the very first time', his spoke slowly, cherishing each memory. His eyes had a faraway look, and Shilpa could see the longing in them.
'And then, we fell in love. Everything else is just a blur. After that night, I couldn't stop myself from falling for her. Although, it took her alot of time to admit that. She literally took an entire lifetime', he chuckled softly, 'But those were the best times of my life. We were both mad for each other', after a long pause, he said, 'I think I still am'
unconsciously, Shilpa extended her hand and placed it on top of Armaan's. She knew he was hurting, and she let him talk. He needed to get rid of this hurt, he had been bottling it all up since god knows when. Armaan looked up and stared into her eyes, all he saw was pure understanding. He had never talked about his relationship with Ridhima before, but with Shilpa, 'talking' was as natural as breathing.
He continued, 'Everything was fine until we broke up. Over a silly misconception. It was the first time that I realized how weak our faith was. How weak our trust was. She didn't trust me enough, she thought that if given a chance, I'd always go out and do the wrong thing. I tried explaining, but she wouldn't budge. I chose the path of self-destruction, and she chose the path of denial'
Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes now, but he struggled to keep an even voice and continued, 'After an elongated phase of playing hide and seek, we were a couple again. Our relationship went through the same phase a million times. At the end of it all, I wonder whether we ever trusted each other, whether we ever had faith in our relationship'
Tears were now meandering down his cheeks. Each memory, each moment was like a stab in the heart. Even after all these months. Ridhima was now married, but he couldn't accept it, 'I can't accept she's married', he thought out aloud.
'Do you want to?', asked Shilpa. Armaan stayed silent for a while, replaying the question in mind over and over again.
'I don't know', he said after a long pause, 'I don't know'
She nodded. They fell into a comfortable silence once again. She thought about what Armaan had told her, and felt a protective urge towards him. Who could have thought? that a man who looked so strong and tough from the outside, was a vulnerable and broken soul from the inside. She wished she could somehow ease his pain, but at this moment, she knew that all he needed was time. Not sympathy.
'I was married once', she suddenly said. Armaan's head shot up to look at her with a bewildered expression. His reaction made Shilpa smile.
'What?', asked Armaan, clearly taken aback.
She nodded, 'yep, I was'
'What...what happened?'
She took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. He waited for her to speak while she gathered her thoughts, 'I...we were both young. It was a mistake right from the beginning'
She retracted her hand from armaan's and played with her fingers, 'We were both together in med college, fell deeply in love, or atleast I thought we did. We were together all throughout college, and by the time we passed out, we decided to get married. I was, what...22?', she smiled softly, 'and then the classic thing happened - our parents were against. So we did the next classic thing and ran away. Got married in court, and came to Mumbai', she paused there, her expression changed to a somber one, indicating that it all went downhill from there.
'As you know, it's pretty difficult to find accomodation in Mumbai, plus our stipend wasn't too great. We found a PG cottage for married couples near some shabby chawl. Our internship years were the most crazy years of my lifetime. And unfortunately or fortunately, our relationship couldn't sustain the pressure. It was falling apart, I could feel it. Money problems increased and so did our marital problems. And one fine day, he walked out, and didn't return for a year', although there was a tinge of hurt in her voice, she didn't seem broken. Perhaps time had healed the wounds, or maybe she had just learnt how to dissociate really well. For a moment, Armaan had forgotten about his own tragedy.
She took another deep breath, and continued, 'I was shattered initially, but then brought myself together and did my specialization in orthopedics during that one year. By the time he came back, I was an MD in ortheopedics and got a job in a government hospital. He had left the medical field by the way, and had started his own business, along with his new girlfriend. We got a quick divorce, and after all these years, I'm here', she finished with a mock-smile.
Armaan tried to digest all the information, was it possible for someone to go through such crazy times and not become crazy herself? Now he was the one feeling protective of Shilpa. She was a strong woman, no doubt, but he could have never imagined that she had had such a bad marriage in the past.
'But you know Armaan', she suddenly spoke, bringing him out of his reverie, 'I learnt one thing from that blunder of a marriage. Life moves on, it doesn't stop. No matter what you do, and how badly you're hurt, it will always move on'
Armaan looked at her earnest face, and saw a woman who had fought the worst time of her life, and survived. A person who had not given up hope, and had made it through the mess, a person who did not lose faith in life, and learned how to move on.
'Do you need a hug?', asked Armaan. Shilpa looked at him and her face broke into a wide smile, 'I think you're the one who needs a hug'
'Nope, I need a pack of cheetos, and maybe some coffee. Cafe?', he replied with the first genuine smile.
'And I need a hot, steaming cup of tea. So yep, I'm all for it', she replied and briskly got up. Armaan followed suit, but before she could take a step towards the door, he pulled her into a warm hug. Shilpa's eyes widened in surprise, but she wrapped her arms around him after the initial few seconds, 'Maybe I did need a hug afterall', armaan said softly. They continued to hold each other for a long while, trying to absorb each other's past, and trying to lessen the hurt in a way.
They finally broke apart, smiled at each other, and walked towards the terrace door. As they walked out, Armaan felt a new feeling grow within him, a feeling of hope.
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sooo, how is everyone doing? 😃 I wrote this because...well, I was bored. so nothing special. A simple conversation. may not be so interesting, but oh well, please comment?
song dedicated this OS:
[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJGX9i-jhig[/YOUTUBE]
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