Filing the FIR - IDEALISTIC and PRAGMATIC

Let us remove personalities and personal loyalties, self-interest, family and melodrama about "maa ka doodh" from the frame and look at the situation. After all, the law they say (and both idealists and pragmatists agree) is blind.

The last week has brought with it violence, systematic abuse, feticide and man-slaughter against a blameless, defenseless human being. In the face of all this a complaint was filed with the police in order to bring the criminals to book. Under what circumstances is this wrong? I had imagined that the rightness and inevitability of this course was self-evident. Evidently though, even overlooking cold-blooded murder can come with qualifying rationalizations. Attempts to put a stop to abuse can also be faulted! Apparently arguments have been found to find fault with this. In the thread "I don't blame Pratigya"- http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1488255 forum member Stillhopeful along with a surprising number of others find reasons to do just that!

The premise of their basic objection is that Pratigya is not Pragmatic. That idealism is the mindset of the lesser mind, the fool. Let us see what charges the people who call themselves Pragmatists have to lay against the FIR-

1) Accusation - This is not a solution

No? Then what is? I really want an answer to this question. A practical working solution rather than half-baked ideas of 'practicality' and 'sustainability'. The only offering of a 'solution' I have read so far is that Pratigya is to somehow, somehow(!) turn utterly sly and somehow inveigle a plot of land and money out of SS, through a spot of quiet blackmail perhaps, and then somehow smuggle, coerce(?) Kesar onto that plot of land to live by herself happily ever after. Then Shakti can happily remarry and proceed to abuse his second-wife. And you see how the happy cycle of abuse continues without a single blow to the SYSTEM of abuse or to the sacred cow of "keep it withing the family". All it takes in exchange for a lifetime of abuse, loss of human dignity and the cold-blooded murder of human rights and your unborn children is a piece of land and the life of a 'pariah', through whatever foggy means this is to be achieved. I doubt I even have to say it, but I DISAGREE!

First of all let it be clear, that this is not an isolated case of abuse in a place like New York, Mumbai, or Delhi, where the abused steps out of her home and has the option of being enveloped by a cocoon of a system of support that is already in place. Even in one of these cities you would have to file a legal complaint before the support system kicks into action.

In a society like the one depicted by the Thakurs of the show, abuse is not the exception but the norm! It is systematic, and enforced as a way of life. The show is dealing with this "MINDSET of ABUSE" rather than the isolated case of a single woman.

So what is the way for the system to change?

The Pragmatists say, "hell you can't change it!" "you are in UP, for crying out loud" "That is reality, you know" "How stupid of women in such backward parts to expect a better life" "their best hope is to play their cards really well, so that they can keep the people with the REAL POWER(MEN) sweetened so that they can get by with minimum abuse." "It is not practical to ask for human rights, so don't bother!" "Trying to use the government and law-enforcement mechanism! But that is so stupid and futile!"

So basically there is no overall solution according to the Pragmatists. They say that if you belong in the oppressive world of UP, learn to live with it. Leave equal-rights for those smart enough to have chosen to be born in London. The societal system is faulty, the government is faulty, the law-enforcement is faulty, so don't even dare to think you can question it, certainly not without the help of a MAN! If that does not look like a reinforcement of the oppressive ideology, please tell me what is?

Let me tell you what this 'Idealist' thinks about the matter-

Systems of oppression and subjugation are often based on the fragile yet deeply tenacious foundation of mental-conditioning. There is no reason for Kesar's mute acceptance of her situation apart from the fact that she has been told repeatedly that she has no options. If we say "NO OPTIONS" a thousand times on this forum, maybe every single person here will start to believe it also! The most important thing to be done in such a situation is to call the bluff! To say "you are wrong, these are my options, and I am going to exercise them!"

Frankly, there is nothing in Kesar's life worth salvaging. Hers is the life of a punching bag/slave/sex-worker combined. She had hoped for a saving grace of motherhood; that hope has been murdered. The 'Pragmatists' say that the FIR has made things worse. How? Her life was always in danger, a blow to the head or neck could have killed her anytime these past years, so what is the added danger? In fact the FIR has added tremendously to her powers of leverage. For the first time the Thakurs have recognized her as a civil citizen with her own rights, a voice that can squeal on them and raise a hue and cry, and as a person who may have the power to threaten their peace and prestige. That is a hundred times more positive than what she had earlier! As for killing her off now, that is slightly difficult after having had an attempt-to-murder case already filed against you once. So how is it worse? They will be angry? So how is that different from when they just kicked her around for fun? At least they have been scared shitless once and will be more circumspect around her. Even if she withdraws the case, (which she will) I say, ROUND ONE 'KESAR! She will know the effect of speaking out, and courage is very infectious! So I think it has been an all-gain situation!

2) Accusation - Pratigya did not consult her husband

I think an adult should be able to do what is right and appropriate and timely in a given situation irrespective of whether they have help and counsel or not. I don't know why a woman is automatically expected to await her husband and FIL's opinion on all matters. It is highly regressive- this mindset. I know that the argument will be that in this case the matter concerns them also. Ok so what if Pratigya had managed to consult Krishna like she tried (she had no intention of going behind his back). He would have said no way, no police, dragged her home along with Kesar. SS would have reacted exactly as he did now, first anger then 'Oh! Of course she had to be silenced'. Now with no baby to protect her, Kesar would have been abused everyday to keep her quiet, till Pratigya was murdered. She would have been threatened with murder to keep mum, till she herself was killed off quietly in about six-months time. Shakti would have re-married and Krishna would have either killed himself or gone mad. How is any of this a better course of action?

I understand and sympathize with Krishna's dilemma , but some times in life comes with tough choices and one has to undergo the test of fire. So what? If it doesn't kill him it will make him stronger! He has to make a choice between right and wrong, he has to overcome his conditioning and his genes and redeem himself, why not sooner than later? It is already quite late. Both he and Komal have been so desensitized by their cloak of selfishness that they only look to maintain a status quo that is least detrimental to their own happiness and peace.

Pratigya on the other hand has the generosity to sacrifice her own happiness for someone else (doesn't she know that she may be rocking her own boat? Of course she does!) It is just that self-interest is not something she can think of above anothers greater need. Moreover she knows that Krishna might be saddened by trouble in his family but she (rightly!) does not place that higher in her assessment than the grave grief that Kesar has had to undergo. And anyway what help can be expected of them (Krishna and Komal) from their past behavior? What have they ever done for their Bhabhi and what will the ever do if someone does not create a right royal fuss about her?

Why should Kesar be sacrificed because Krishna and Komal are on their mother's side, because they have been taught to look after their own interest at the cost of others in the name of "Dunia-daari? Because they have been handed the euphemistic blanket of Pragmatism under which to cloak their conscience and self-interest?

Doing the right thing will almost always come with its accompanying costs. Here Partigya risks her marital happiness and incurs her husband's displeasure. But it is a price she is willing to pay. It is brave, right and selfless of her. Does that make her a fool? I think it is an awe-inspiring foolishness.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Finally I would like to rescue the ideology of Pragmatism from the clutches a world that will use it as a cover for cynicism and the lack of heart and guts to do what is right and required. Pragmatism is a tool in battle-strategy, it is a device to be exploited after the war-cry has been let out. Leaving a friend to die and taking cover and running away from the battle field because you were frightened by the enemy's war-dance is cowardice, not Pragmatism. The Enemy will just come and stab you both of you in your backs.

Originally posted by: Relda

Beautifully written.

I agree with evrything that you have written.

I have posted a similar post on "If Pratigya was not present"

Originally posted by: Dyehard

Thanks Relda! I really liked the scenario that you have painted in your post, because it is probably accurate. People are objecting to the speed at which P acted. This translates to objecting to the following

-Not taking K's consent

I always assumed that the woman's lib movement was a thing of the 70s. But if my generation of women think that a woman is dishonouring her man if she does not consult him in a matter to which there is only one reasonable answer, in a case when the course of action is crystal clear, then maybe we need another movement pronto! Everyone seems to agree that the police was inevitable, but some believe a MAN should have been allowed to make the call. I think Pratigya's independence sticks a lot of people in the raw, which is why she is called head-strong and uncaring of others. All people from SS to K are self-willed in that family but nobody's right is questioned like P's. But if P's strength and self-belief really irritate people then this show is going to be pure torture for them in the future! She is only going to go from strength to strength! 😕
For those that are genuinely thinking that waiting would have been the courteous thing to do, well Krishna may have liked to know sooner, but then maybe he is at least relieved not to have had to make an impossible decision. Imagine if P had called him and said, Kesar has almost been murdered call the police? Could K have made such a big decision. the decision had to be made, it was best done without his involvement; that at least absolves him of a greater complicity in the family's eyes. It was best that P shoulder's all the blame. She has the guts to take all the blame so she has! I think that is good of her instead of trying to palm off responsibility.

There was nothing to be gained by waiting. Waiting a week for Kesar to recuperate at home (if the thakurs had actually allowed her to! and not beaten her further!) what would that have solved? Apart from weakening the case, losing the psychological moment, the impetus of the grief and the police being available at the hospital?

Originally posted by: a_uma

I don't agree with this.... it has nothing to do with women's LIB.... and whether K wil make a decision or not....

Krishna is her husband and Shakti and Amma are HIS family members.... before lodging an FIR against them she should atleast inform him about it..... whether he consents or not, and whether she listens to his advise or not, is a different issue....

however my POV is that he SHOULD be informed.... and Prats obviously thought so too... she was calling Chandu over and over again....

my advise to the young 'uns on this forum is ... a hubby should always be in the loop...

Originally posted by: Binny1247

Auma

I agree with you a husband should be informed especially if the decision has to do with his family members and prats made that effort even though she was well aware of the fact that Krishna would never support her decision of fighting for the justice of an unborn child. Krishna is the man who believes beating a women is similar to telling her to be quiet, he seems to follow the saying innocence is bliss he avoids the problems in his house by saying that it is between a husband and a wife so there is no need for his interference,

I can accept that due to prats his mentality has gradually changed but not to the point where he can understand the grief of a women and put her needs before the prestige and honor of his family members. He mentioned the humiliation his family would have to go through if his mother went to jail I understand his protectiveness and love for his mother as a son it is difficult for him to accept his mother could be so cruel but I would like to comprehend how he can sympathize with Kesar understand her pain yet still fail to realize the seriousness of the situation and the necessity of his wife's actions.

@ Dyehard I completely agree with you

I have repeatedly seen posts related to the importance of Krishna's presence and the difference it would have made. Well according to me it would have hardly made a difference he would have never supported prats decision because as expected he would be unwilling to accept his mothers involvement, he would have been confused, and the turmoil taking place inside of him to answer prats questions would have simply caused him more pain. Of course his family would have brainwashed him, while Shakti and Amma would have reasoned with SS and he would have forgiven them after all he wants to maintain a good image in Krishna's eyes.

Prats reaction to the situation was natural as well as justified it was her who had seen Kesar writhing on the floor in pain, she had taken her to the hospital in such a condition that she could have died at any turn, she was shattered after hearing of the miscarriage aware of the fact that Kesar may never be able to giver birth again, and above all she knew who was responsible was not an outsider but her husband and MIL a women and mother of three who stood around while her pregnant DIL was being beaten (now even though this was an accident she is no idiot she knew this was a possibility) and she saw how neither had any remorse for their actions as they walked out of the room grinning at their success. Even after witnessing so much she felt the need to inform Krishna the man who would have been nothing but confused in this scenario because she knew the importance of letting him know.

Prats character is capable of being both pragmatic as well as idealistic but in this situation she was practical when she tried to inform Krishna but overall I prefer to look at her reaction as instinctive true to her nature she placed Kesar's need before her marraige and her safety because her pain outweighs anything else at the moment. She is simply fighting for an abused women who is incapable of raising her voice against the injustice done to her, the families reactions will finally force Kesar to understand that she is not merely an object she can also make a difference and make her life better by reacting against her abusers. I refuse to accept the fact that she forces Krishna to support her ideals and principles just because she choose to take a course of action which was correct before asking him about his feelings. So far I have not seen prats force Krishna to believe what she did was right in fact she has calmly placed the reasons behind her decision before him and left the decision of who he would support up to him.

Krishna understands what his wife did was correct but he is torn between supporting what is right and those who raised him. He just needs some time eventually he will understand the importance of looking past his relations and support the truth regardless of the consequences.

Originally posted by: a_uma

I don't agree with this.... it has nothing to do with women's LIB.... and whether K wil make a decision or not....

Krishna is her husband and Shakti and Amma are HIS family members.... before lodging an FIR against them she should atleast inform him about it..... whether he consents or not, and whether she listens to his advise or not, is a different issue....

however my POV is that he SHOULD be informed.... and Prats obviously thought so too... she was calling Chandu over and over again....

my advise to the young 'uns on this forum is ... a hubby should always be in the loop...

Originally posted by: Dyehard

Thanks Relda! I really liked the scenario that you have painted in your post, because it is probably accurate. People are objecting to the speed at which P acted. This translates to objecting to the following

-Not taking K's consent

I always assumed that the woman's lib movement was a thing of the 70s. But if my generation of women think that a woman is dishonouring her man if she does not consult him in a matter to which there is only one reasonable answer, in a case when the course of action is crystal clear, then maybe we need another movement pronto! Everyone seems to agree that the police was inevitable, but some believe a MAN should have been allowed to make the call. I think Pratigya's independence sticks a lot of people in the raw, which is why she is called head-strong and uncaring of others. All people from SS to K are self-willed in that family but nobody's right is questioned like P's. But if P's strength and self-belief really irritate people then this show is going to be pure torture for them in the future! She is only going to go from strength to strength! 😕
For those that are genuinely thinking that waiting would have been the courteous thing to do, well Krishna may have liked to know sooner, but then maybe he is at least relieved not to have had to make an impossible decision. Imagine if P had called him and said, Kesar has almost been murdered call the police? Could K have made such a big decision. the decision had to be made, it was best done without his involvement; that at least absolves him of a greater complicity in the family's eyes. It was best that P shoulder's all the blame. She has the guts to take all the blame so she has! I think that is good of her instead of trying to palm off responsibility.

There was nothing to be gained by waiting. Waiting a week for Kesar to recuperate at home (if the thakurs had actually allowed her to! and not beaten her further!) what would that have solved? Apart from weakening the case, losing the psychological moment, the impetus of the grief and the police being available at the hospital?