DOTW - Nuclear or Joint Family - Page 2

Originally posted by: Farhanas

before I got married I was always thinking of a big joint family as i always love to live with a big family, then I got married & just a few months after I left Pakistan as my husband was living in Saudi Arabia & then from there to US & from there to Canada & my dream of living in a joint family never came true, but for me joint family system is best, when I had kids I was all by myself nobody was there to tell me how to take care of a newborn, when I was sick nobody was there to take care of me & even with high fever I had to do everything. so I think there r more advantages then disadvantages to live in a joint family. rahi baat bohat kuch bardasht karna parta hay to bardasht to apnay maa baap k ghar bhi karna parta hay, bus dekhnay wali nazar chahye k saas susr ko kitna maa baap samjha jaye aur nand dewar ko kitna behan bhai samjha jaye.

i agree 10000% with u,,,this is so true...........

omg guys i can't believe that all of u r pro joint family system. i mean i am not married but i have seen so many stories of joint family systems going bad. i mean my aunt married into a joint family system and wat happens her mother in law says she stole daal to send to my grandfather's. like how stupid is that who would steal daal? my aunt left the place and i think that's what she should have done. My mom's aunt has 3 sons and they all live together and they r all married. The oldest son has 3 daughters and 1 son he brings home like 8000-10000Rs. The middle son has 3 daughters and he makes like 20000Rs. The youngest son has no kids and he makes like 5000Rs. The three brothers bought a house together but their father owns it. Now in Pakistan when girls get married they leave the house so the brother who put the most money in the house his daughters will leave and not get anything and the brothers that put less in will more than likely keep the house. Since in pakistan there's the law thing that out of ur grandfather's property boys get 2 times as much girls the middle brother's daughters will not get much and who's gonna make them sell the house anyways. Aur woh jo saas bhi maa jaisi hoti hai wali baat bilkul kitabi hai. saas saas hoti hai aur maa maa hoti hai. Main jhoot nahin bolti main apni maa ki dant sun sakti hoon kyunki is rishtay main kabhi bhi yeh dar nahin hoga kai yay jhoota hai lekin saas pe aisa yakeen nahhin ho sakta. Now i dont think that a man should leave his parents but he should only bring his parents no nanden shanden. i mean if ur sisters r so important make sure they r married before u marry or if they can't get married then make sure they know that they dont have a say in anything ur wife does. NEither does the guys mother have any say in what his wife does. She can't tell his wife how to raise the kids either the woman who gives birth makes the decisions. She can tell her son what to do cause she has a right on him but otherwise nothing else.

N this is not modernism but practicality. This is not what the media is teaching because most people in Pakistan watch the indian shows and well they teach stay together no matter what. Stay together even if ur family is using u.
Exhibit A:Piya ka Ghar
Exhibit B: KKusum
Exhibit C:Gharana(this is old)
Exhibit D:Vishwas
I just think our culture has experimented with joint family and it isn't really working anymore. why not accept that and move on. Also for muslims a womann is supposed to be able to live easily and comfortably in her house how will she do that if she isn't with people that she can show her face to, those who r her mehram (i.e husband, brother, father, father-in-law) this doesn't include dewar or jaith or nandoi.

i am sorry if i ofended anyone that was not the intention.

This is true, when we make mistakes we make everyone that we love pay for it. It is difficult not to, as family is with you in happiness and sorrow. Like they say if you share your ahppiness it multiplies and if you share your sorrow it lessens.
Either way you are right, we should make our decisions very carefully as the evryone has to pay the price. I think we all need to learn from this. 😊

I see many saying its good and some saying no... but like zara said "its not working anymore"... question is Y?

Why isnt it working anymore? is it that people have started becoming very short tempered? not have any tolerence, no more respect for culture? or they were taught to be like that and they are teaching their kids to have an individualitic life and dont let anyone tell you how to live and raise ur kids?

There are pros and cons for both.

For joint families, you get to live together and relationships are stronger. The work needed to be done in the house is divided and therefore if someone is not well they don't need to take things to hard on themselves. There is more love between the kids and everyone who lives together, although it could be that way in individual families too. There are definately other good things about joint families too, but where there's pros, there are also cons. In joint families, many people are living together, and everyone is different. In most cases, differences within oneself or ones thoughts create conflicts, and there are conflicts in almost every joint family. These tifts may be small, but in the long run they slightly damage relations and the love within the family. Everyone wants things done their way and they may give in a few times, but after that they'll decide its useless and start living life the way they want to. and sometimes this can lead to people living together under one roof but still not being together. Although there are cons in living in joint families, I believe that the pros win over them. Sometimes people don't truly understand this until they live alone, in individual families.

Now for individual families... Well, you can live life the way you want to and have more freedom. Although you are far from people who are close to you, the essense of the relations is still there. Also, I guess if you try hard enough, you may still be able to maintain relationships almost as close as they would be in joint families. and the tifts and conflicts that happen in joint families aren't present in individual families. Still, there are cons to individual families. You are away from your family and even if the relations are almost as good as they are in joint families, they aren't the same. Sometimes, when children grow up, they don't get to know their other immediate relatives as well, and that causes distances between families. I guess in individual families, the pros and cons are balanced.

The choice between liing in joint or individual families depends on each individual person and the circumstances. According to me, I think both kind of balance out and neither one is better than the other.

Originally posted by: amreen1409

I see many saying its good and some saying no... but like zara said "its not working anymore"... question is Y?

Why isnt it working anymore? is it that people have started becoming very short tempered? not have any tolerence, no more respect for culture? or they were taught to be like that and they are teaching their kids to have an individualitic life and dont let anyone tell you how to live and raise ur kids?

idk if people or thoughts are changing. No, people arent losing respect for culture or becoming short-temered. Each person has their own personality, and some people choose that its better to live out of the joint family and live an individualistic life. Others like it the other way around. I guess, even before, there were people who didn't really tolerate different views, but society just worked differently then. Now it is alright in societ for people to lead individualistic lives.
Also, before there wasn't that much contact with other cultures. Now people who follow our culture have spread around the world and have been introduced to new ideas and different lifestyles. Many times those ideas are brought back to our country, and no matter how much we try to prevent it, some cultural diffusion occurs. Ideas begin to slightly mix, and society accepts new things which let people brake free and live individualistic lives.