Originally posted by: EkPaheli
Bingo.
Gautam was never selfless enough as everyone expected him to be as the eldest son of the family. He was more self-centred than Karan. Gautam expected the respect and responsibilities of the elder son that he felt were owed to him by his birth but he forgot that they demanded certain sacrifices as well, that as the one who is supposed to effectively take over are required to make. And in a family set up it’s not just about the son but his wife as well. Imagine if you have a son like Karan willing to give it his all but his wife is someone say like a Tripti or a Mittali… it can never work.
That’s why Mihir knew when he was the eldest son of the family tasked with keeping the family together in the future, he needed to be there for EVERYONE… and that meant his wife needed to share his responsibilities too. She couldn’t be like Payal who wouldn’t bother to turn up when his cousin has just tried to kill himself. Worse, who would head to a parlour before turning up the next day too to get her hair, mani-pedi and facial done as she’d a prior booking and she couldn’t let it go to waste or reschedule it.
That’s what attracted him to Tulsi in the first place. He saw how she was so attuned to his family and cared for them. He saw her there being selflessly for everyone he loved. People forget marriage is not just about living a life with someone who you find attractive and are in love with - it’s also about having to share your life with someone with whom you share your values, aspirations and with whom you wish to create a family one day wherein you hope to pass down the same values as those passed onto you by your parents and grandparents.
Tulsi had those values that Mihir was looking for, that he had been raised with.
Gautam never stepped up for those kind of responsibilities either. Damini was not as dynamic and had more of a follower mentality than that of a leader too. Ergo, they never matched up.
Tulsi picked Ganga as her successor amongst the bahus not just because she was the first one to step into SN but because she knew Ganga was headstrong while also being balanced and calm. Nandini had anger issues and couldn’t be picked for that. Mohini was too selfish.
Mihir and even before him Mansukh picked Karan as their successor because they saw him as worthy enough to ensure the family business stays intact and thrives under his vision.
Ideally this should have created a conflict between the family with one son taking over the professional reigns while his wife was not given charge at home, but Nandini to her credit had the grace to at least work with Ganga and respect her decisions which is what mattered. Moreover, Ganga and Karan had truly one of the best friendships and mutual understanding between the two as a platonic pair on the show. It didn’t matter to Ganga that Karan was picked over her husband either because she recognised his abilities and didn’t feel it was a slight to Saahil she should take affront of either.
Gautam couldn’t be calm and level headed when it came to business and was too selfish, hotheaded and arrogant to be the to take charge at home.
The thing that however differentiates him from Pari as a character and makes all his flaws tolerable is that Sumeet as an actor was able to sell the angst well, moreover we saw his upbringing was responsible for his mentality. Tulsi didn’t discriminate against her own sons because she was trying to keep Mihir happy by loving Karan more - he just somehow happened to be the son who would have all the values she wanted in her child.
Amongst Tulsi’s three oldest sons, coincidentally neither was raised by her be it Gautam, Karan or Ansh. Karan doesn’t even share her blood… but his temperament, mentality and attitude towards family ended up being the most aligned with Tulsi somehow. Add to that the respect he gave her, the way he never abandoned her in any crises and could be counted upon to hear and support at least even if not solve the problem clinched the deal.
Parents are often accused of having a favourite child by their other children but hardly is the mindset behind that favouritism analysed. Parents are humans too and are prone to be more close to the person they can rely on even when it comes to their children not just amongst friends and family.
If that child becomes their favourite it’s not bias born out of some prejudice always - an undeserved privilege, at least not in most cases while there certainly can be exceptions, mostly, it’s a parent saying when I am about to crash and burn, this child of mine is there for me. Hence, I prefer them.
Parents can’t say that bitter truth because they don’t want to hurt their other children more and further antagonise them towards their sibling.
Most people come to this realisation when they sail in the same boat as their parents and end up having a favourite child of their own too be it a son or a daughter, be it the oldest, or the youngest or somewhere in between. The gender and birth order is irrelevant to this conversation because it’s not about who came first - as Gautam’s grudge is - but who showed up first always.
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