ShortStory - Haqeeqat Se Waqif
Part1
Talha’sPOV
I can’t stop it.
What can’t I stop?
I can’t stop stealing glances/staring at my adorable wife, whose sitting across of me, playing lego with Mohid, still quite oblivious to the fact that I am unable to take my eyes off her. Or perhaps, she can feel my gaze at the back of her head on and off but won’t show me a gesture off acknowledgement of the same, just to rile me up. She knows her ignorance,her indifference, her cold shoulder is eating me up alive. The acknowledgement of that bit is surely in her eyes, and yet she’s keeping at it - just to get under my skin. (And mind you, she’s succeeding brilliantly.)
But honestly,I don’t really blame her. Why? Kyunki woh abhi haqeeqat se anjaan hai. Kyunki woh haqeeqat ko sunna hi nai chahti. Manna toh bahut dur ki baat hai…
We are in Baba’s study at the moment, enjoying a cozy evening post dinner, as a family. Baba’s reading his book in a content silence right next to me. I am pretending to be doing some work on my laptop. Baba keeps smiling though.He’s surely caught me steal glances at Ayat across, a hundred times already but he’s done nothing to intervene or initiate dialogue for us and for that I am grateful. He knows,this is my equation to sort with Ayat. And he trusts that, I will be able to get through to her.
The smile won’t just leave his face though as he keeps gazing at the three of us, lovingly.Actually, even though, I know I have so much to sort with Ayat, the smile won’t leave my face too or even Mohid’s, for that matter. Only obvious, given that the light of our lives,is finally here at home, with us, gracing our lives as my officially wedded wife. Despite her indifference, I am so content within,that she’s finally home and that she’s finally mine.
I steal a glance at her, again, and the sight of her cuddling Mohid, as they continue building blocks together, warms my heart and being. I bite back a grin, because I realize yet again that there is still so much my adorable wife, is quite oblivious off…
1. She doesn’t know, that she is the love of my life for real. That she is the one who consumes my heart and soul. Ki maine sirf ussi se, bepanaah mohabbat ki hai.That I am literally feeling like the happiest man of the planet, floating in the clouds, ever since she married me. Ki uski nikaah mein haan ne, mujhe Jannat pahuncha diya hai.
2. She doesn’t know , that I had hired a private investigator post my visit to her university to get down to the bottom of the context regarding Shaariq. She doesn’t know, that I was aware about Shaariq blackmailing her, beforehand. She doesn’t know, I planned her groom’s disappearance from her wedding, because there was no way, I could ever let her marry that rotten of a human, Shaariq.
3. She doesn’t know, that I roped in Dada jaan into my plan, so that he could help me marry her, instead. She has no clue about the heart to heart, I had with her Dada jaan, on the day of her wedding, confessing my feelings for her to him, wholeheartedly.
4. She doesn’t know, that I have been succumbing to momentary Mafia mode, every then, watching my men beat the hell out of Shaariq, whose still in captivity, on video calls. She doesn’t know that I don’t regret my action one bit because well, no one messes with the woman I love. Period. Shaariq dared to mess with my aayat, so obviously there is going to be a price to pay. Did he really think I would let him get away with it so easily?
5. She doesn’t know that it’s also killed me to process that she still doesn’t want to trust me with the truth about Shaariq’s blackmail…even though…I am her husband now..
Oh my beloved, Aayat, there is so much you don’t know yet and all of this is exactly, what I have been dying to talk you about. I want to come out clean in front of her. I want her to know the truth.All of it.
Perhaps,this is what we need? A solid heart to heart, where in I actually do my best to voice it all out to her, instead of going numb with momentary guilt of having also been the one to hurt her so brutally?
I don’tknow if she will listen to me yet, but well, that’s not going to stop me from trying. I know, my words on the beach broke her beyond repair, wounded not just her pride, her self respect but also her soul.But I also know, only I can fix this. All I need is for her to hear me out…
Aap log bass dua karein mere liye?
Kareinge naa aap?
My phone beeps, in my pocket pulling me out of thought. Its Noman’s message askingme if they should continue to hold Shaariq captive for another day?
I excuse myself outside the room, to call him, stealing a glance at Aayat, wanting to observe, if she’d note or react to my leaving the room.
Nope.She doesn’t react. She doesn’t move. No change in her senses, as if my presence doesn’t matter to her at all …
Ya khuda iska yeh indifference meri jaan hi le lega…! Nahi. Bass aur nahi. Aaj hike aaj, mujhe isse baat karni hogi. Aaj ki raat, mujhe isse haqeeqat se waqif karana hi hoga….
………………………
Shortwhile Later
In the Lawns
Roshi’sPOV
Iv ’always loved the rain. There’s something so beautiful and soothing about the raindrops falling from the heavens above. But perhaps, today, I am extremely greatful for the sudden baarish, because getting drenched in the same right now,is momentarily helping me deal with all the internal chaos that’s been consuming my soul.
I close my eyes and continue to twirl around in the rain, hoping the bliss of the rain,will finally help wipe away, all the confusion, the pain, the confusion, the frustration, that’s been consuming me.
I’vbeen a confused, chaotic mess within. No doubts there. I mean, come to think off it, I don’t know what bit I hate more at the moment, the part that the only man I have ever loved, married me out of pity just to save my/my family’s honour on the request of my dadajaan…or the bit…that despite everything…I can’t seem to stop feeling for him. That despite, everything, I still cannot stop myself from being head over heels in love with him. That I fell in love with him allover again, the second, I saw him walking towards me at the Nikah whilst I was seated to be someone else’s bride?
Yup.That’s the truth. I love him.
Yes, I still do.With all my might.I can lie to the world, hide this monumental truth from even him but I can’t lie to myself. The wretched wicked man has got himself inked in my soul. Don’t blame me. Have you seen those eyes? His wicked, mysterious and magnetic eyes, that have the power to hypnotize all of humanity in one go. How can my heart and soul resist? His thoughts don’t spare me even a moment. How can they? Given the way, his gaze has been boring into mine, ever since we got married. Just the way he looks at me, makes me shiver, tremble and shatter within a million times over – a truth that is just for me to know and deal with for now. There is no way he can know, that he still has all this power over me, emotionally. That I am still totally, madly and irrevocably in love with him. Actually, I am quite proud of myself, for holding my ground, the way I have upfront, even though everything within me,has been melting under his enigmatic gaze..
I know,my indifference is eating him up alive. Its on his face, and in his eyes, but what I am confused about is why? Why is he so affected by my indifference? He never cared about me right? He is not supposed to be happy with this Nikaah.This was forced on him? Right? Then why does he keep looking at me as of there is so much he wants to say, as if there is so much I don’t know…
What don’t I know?????? Infact, I don’t even know, for sure, if I want to know, this bit, I don’t know. I am afraid, because, I don’t know what it might make me feel…
Baba’swords from earlier come back to haunt me, momentarily – “Talha ne sirf tumhechaha hai roshi. Haan woh tumse shaadi nahi karna chahta tha par uski wajahkuch aur thi…”
What does that mean? What did he mean?? Also, on that note,what did Talha’s lively interaction with Dadajaan from earlier today, mean??? Not that I heard anything, but I saw it. Clearly, the two were laughing and sharing a moment, of sheer happiness and bliss….
What was that about????
Confusion consumes me yet again. Perhaps, the only way I can have answers is if I finally ask him upfront? Like in a face to face, confrontation?
I wantto, a part of me, really wants to but a part of my heart also fears, that he’s going to look at me the way he does, and I am going to surely forget all about holding my ground. It was insanely difficult to pull that off in front of him,before the Walima, yesterday. But in the moment, I was so proud that I got my message across, that I don’t want his pity, his sympathy ever.
If only he knew, that all I ever wanted from him was…love. All I ever wanted from him was to love me with all his might, just like I do…
But he doesn’t love me. He never did. Perhaps, he never will. I will always be a forced equation in his life...and that hurts..it hurts so much.
His - “Mohabbat karta hum tumse…” from the university, comes back to haunt me. But I remind myself, he was faking it, so that I would break it off with Shaariq..
But just like that, the moments of him, being all caring and tender during the Walima fill in my mind. How he didn’t let go of my hand during photographs. How he made sure, he introduced me to every guest beaming in pride that I was his wife, how he made sure, I drank water, every now and then in the middle, how he helped settle my dress on the stage around my legs a gazzilion times, so that Iwouldn’t trip. How he even made sure, I was served food before him on the table and that I began eating before he did…
He even did that today during dinner…
What’s with him? Why is he being this way????????? What’s with this tenderness? What’s with all this care? All the flirting???
Baba’s words come to haunt me again…along with all the moments I have had with Talha since our wedding…
I am right on those thoughts, just when , I feel the air around me crackle and suddenly I know, I am not alone in this area of the lawn anymore.
He’s here.
Talha’s here.
He’s come looking for me, I guess? I stepped out here alone, after making Mohid sleep. He surely went to Mohid’s room to find me but when he didn’t find me there, he came looking out??
I feel a shiver go through me, well because, I can sense he’s watching me intently from behind and I can also sense that he’s walking up to me.
But do I react? Not really. I stay put in my spot, pretending to enjoy the rain for the next few minutes. Let him think his presence makes no difference to me,even though my senses within are always on red alert around him. Let him think that he actually has to say something, to announce his presence.
A few more minutes later, as I feel his presence close up behind me, his deep, laced with worry voice falls on to my ears – “Aayat, bass ab chalo andar. Bimaar hojaogi tum. Bahut der se bheeg rahi ho yahan. Bass karo”
I don’t turn around to face him yet and just shrug and answer, statued in my spot – “aap ko isse kya? Main bimaar hongi toh mera problem hai. Aapka nai. Aap jaayein. Mujhe yahin rehna hai”
His voice deepens, as I feel him take a step closer from behind – “ Pagal ho tum? Ofcourse,yeh mera problem hai?”
I finally turn around to face him.
Oops.I shouldn’t have. Why? Because, the sight of him getting drenched in the rain up in front off me, begins reaking a sudden havoc on my system. Why? Just why does he have to be blessed with a shehzada gulfam or rather Greek God personality?His beautiful face. The depth of his eyes. One can drown in them and stay happily drowned forever. The drooping droplets of water on his lashes. And,those unruly curls, all over his forhead. Ya Allah. Meri toh saasein hi ruk gayi….
Its taking every ounce of my strength within to keep up my mask of indifference but I manage, somehow. Oh my poor heart. It will soon collapse with all the torture.“ Maine kahan na…aap andar jaayein…mujhe yahan akela chod dein…”
He doesn’t budge though. Stands his ground, all tall and towering upfront of me,his gaze boring into mine. I want to look away. But I can’t. He’s a hypnotizer.This man. Somebody arrest him for all this enigma and hypnotizing capabilities. It’s surely illegal to have this sort of affect exuding from one’s frame.
He answers, his voice deepening, that nerve wrecking, soul searching gaze of his roving all over my face - “ Tumhe akela nahi chod sakta yahan, Aayat. Infact, yahan nai, kahin bhi, kabhi bhi, ab tumhe akele nai chod sakta….”
“Kyun?? Kyun nahi akela chod sakte mujhe ab? Aapki problem kya hai?? ,” I ask stubbornly, taking a step closer,glaring right back at him. A gulp makes its way down his adam’s apple and I can sense, that he’s taken aback, as if I just intimidated him in the moment. He probably didn’t expect me to step ahead,rather he expected me to step back and away? But well, I want to intimidate him too. Its good to see that I could.
He takes only a moment of think, before he steps in closer and asks, placing a hand on my elbow, sending tremors down my entire being – “ Tumse baat kahunga toh tum sunogi? Tumhe bataunga ki problem kya hai toh kya tum sunogi?”
There was something so raw and intent in his gaze this time around, that didn’t let me pull back from his touch on my elbow. Instead, my head found a way to nod itself in front of him, and the words – “ Haan, sunugi…bolein aap…main yahin hun…sun rahi hun….bolein jo bolna hai…” slipped from my mouth, in a murmur, before I could think or stop the flow of it.
Whats wrong with me? I should be walking away, right? I should be able to pull away…!!!!!
But i dont pull away. And to my sheer surprise, the very next moment, I feel him take my face tenderly in his hands, as he cups my face snug, his fingers beginning to softly caress my cheeks and he whispers – “ Tumhe kabhi akele nai chod sakta, yahan, kahin aur yaa kabhi bhi….kyunki…Mohabbat karta hun tumse aayat…itni jitni kabhi bhi kisine kissi se na ki ho…itni bepanaah mohabbat…ki mujhe khud andazza nahi tha ki main kar sakta hoon…itni mohabbat karta hoon tumse….ki mere dil, meri rooh mein sirf tum ho…aur koi nai….hamesha se mujhme… sirf tum thi, tum ho, aur tum hi rahogi aayat…aur koi nai……maine sirf tumhi se mohabbat ki hai…sirf tum hi ko chaha hai…aur woh bhi itna ki tum andaza bhi nai laga sakti….kitna…”
Wait.What?
Now,I step back.
Or rather fumble back in my steps, away and out of his reach. In shock obviously. Because, I was not prepared to see the raw emotion and vulnerability, I see in his eyes right now. I was not even prepared to hear those words.My heart partly begins to beam in joy. Oh it partly begins to soars, it truly does as I gaze straight at his face in shock, in a stunned silence still, surely a part of my being(ruled by my mind) also radiating disbelief to him quite clearly – in the moment – as I am processing the moment.
Suddenly,his eyes get consumed in deep anguish, , and he steps ahead and holds both my shoulders and admits, distress and vulnerability evident I every inch of his frame – “ shayad sabse badi problem hum dono ke beech yahi hai…aayat, jab tumne mere same dil kholne ki himmat ki…main uss position mein nai tha…ki tumhe haqeeqat bata sakun…ki haan main bhi tumse mohabbat karta hun…aur aaj…jab main tumhe yeh haqeeqat batane ki koshish kar raha hun…toh tumhe yakeen nai…..kyun tumhe yakeen nai… aayat??”
I gape at him confused and shaken. Unable to react. Unable to respond.
What do I say?
Heartbreaking emotions threaten to take over and spill out in the form of gut wrenching tears, I step back from him. I don’t want to cry in front of him. I once did. I can’t now. It’s a surprise my voicebox hasn’t shut down in emotion as I manage to muster softly – “ Kaise yakeen kar lun? Jab aapne bahut saaf lafzon se kaha tha…uss din…ki mere saath hone ki soch hi aapko sharminda kar deti hai?? Kaise ab yeh yakeen kar lun ab…ki aapne sirf mujhse mohabbat ki hai?”
That’sit. I can’t be here right now, with him. Not when I am not in the position to control my tears. Or my being.The memory of the day comes back to haunt me breaking everything inside of me, all over again. I begin to walk away. I want to run away. Out of his reach….
But he holds me back,this time around, to my surprise. Pulls my hand, holds it in his grip, and takes me right back to where I was standing – right in front of him - as he whispers firmly his gaze equally vulnerable and raw – “ Nai. Bass aur nahi. Bahut bhaag li tum aur bahut bhaagliya main. Aaj nai jaane dunga…aayat…aaj tumhe kahin nahi jaane dunga…uss din jaane diya…meri zindagi ki sabse badi bhool thi. Par yeh bhool ab kabhi naihogi. Bass ek baar meri baat sunlo. Ek baar…please? Mujhe please bass ek mauka toh do apni baat rakhne ka???? Apni haqeeqat se tumhe waqif karane ka….tumhe kitna kuch batana hai…tumhe abhi bahut kuch nai pata…aayat…ek baar suno toh…bassek baar….,”and he pauses because he chokes in emotion.
That gives me the courage to look straight back into his eyes. Ya allah, his eyes are brimming with tears, vulnerabity and emotion, just like mine are as if he’s fighting the urge to cry in front of me…just like I am….
When had I ever imagined, to see Talha Ahmed, choke in gut wreching emotion in front off me???
Okay,he can’t be faking this. No one in the world can fake that level of gut wrenching anguish in one’s eyes without a context of emotion in it.
When had I expected him to hold back tears in front of me????
And so just like that, with the sight off raindrops falling on us, and his unshed tears glistening in his eyes, my godforsaken heart melts and succumbs to the moment because i just dont have it in me to see him cry and the words slip my lips – “ Thike. Aap bolein. Main Yahin hun…sunrahin hun. Kahin nahi bhagungi…aapko mauka diya…aap bolein…main aapki puri baat sunne ke liye taiyaar hun……”
Instant Relief consumes all of him at that, and he laces his right hand into my left one the next moment suddenly and nods – “ Sab batata hun tumhe main aayat. Par pehle andar chalo. Bimaar ho jayogi…”
I nod…and let him take the lead…completely shaken in emotion…feeling like quite a zombie within..
And so,just like that he takes my hand, and guides me back inside, his feet tracing their way to his room. He doesn’t let go of my hand, even for a second.His grip tightens instead. And I am not surprised, that I don’t have the courage to pull my hand out of his grip either…anymore…
……………………………….
Tada!! How was that everyone? No shoes at me for stopping there. This will be a three to 4 parts of max five part story. i hope you all enjoyed reading the first part. Will post the next part tomorrow. Had been on a long writing hiatus but totally wanted to pen down somethin on talha and roshi...
do let me know your feedback in comments guys.
thank you so much
much love
prachi
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