Gender Roles In the Household.. - Page 3

Originally posted by: Pr1yanka

Hey Disco…wow such a long time…thanks for the tag…bade dil key qareeb wala topic hai …had always debated this since childhood but never questioned the status quo until came to college n used to have long debates with male friends…lol totally believe there should not be gender classified work in this day n age…it should be based on your capabilities instead …one doesn’t have to change the tyre of a car to prove a point if one can’t physically do that …that having been said, I see a sea change in the scenarios in homes from my childhood to current times…but that vein of patriarchy is very much still there and does rear its ugly head every now n then through various mouth pieces …bottom line is be responsible for your own life n own chores …there is no shame in asking for help but the culture of gender classification in daily chores has to go.

I know right yeh topic humesha dil ke qareeb hi rehta hai. Exactly like you said there is a change from earlier some stains of patriarchy abhi tak hai kahin na kahin. Yes I completely agree with you job and responsibilities should be based on capabilities and not gender based. Do you have other family raise their eyebrows when you and your husband share responsibilities at home?

I believe in men helping in the kitchen and around the house. Though it's difficult to have a proper balance of duties, there should be the understanding between both partners that one has to roll up his sleeves when the wife is busy or incapable for any reason. Very few men do realize that because of their upbringing or how our society looks at men doing household chores.

Work from home provides men further opportunity to help in the kitchen and around the house.

As a man, my experience is that no matter how much housework I do, people assume that I'm helping rather than taking charge.

When there's a gathering of ladies only, and I quietly enter the room, set the table, serve the food, wash the dishes, smile the whole time but speak only when spoken to, and take out the trash, there are comments about how well-trained I am. In reality, I have learned enough from experience to do everything meticulously in my own way, and I'm critical of anyone who doesn't get the results I get.

When I salvage food that a woman is burning because she forgot to add water, I am called out for not being deferential to her superior ability.

When I'm the first to finish a meal, eating two helpings of everything and saying what I like about each dish, in spite of getting up repeatedly to bring whatever condiments the others wanted and reminding them to blow their noses, I'm asked if I appreciate the effort it takes to cook a meal.

At communal meals, some people assume that because I've done the man's work of setting up the folding tables and chairs and picked up the garbage, I shouldn't be redoing their not-so-washed dishes.

On the other hand, when I explain something technical or scientific, people tell each other to listen because I'm an expert, when in fact anyone could follow my logic.

I completely concur that both partners need to know how to do household duties and balance it from time to time, instead of expecting the woman to take on a double shift. I live in a city now so have seen the difference in the mentality in the women back home and here, but when it comes to family, the men remain the same.

Yes, we have now adopted the scheme of having the buffet set before any guests arrive and in the hall esp. Ganapati time, but yeah we still somehow find ourselves in groups discussing only things like work life balance while the men are discussing investments and life decisions, and if you go into their circle to discuss they will tell you that you are inexperienced and should stick to the other circle (where you sometimes don't fit coz you neither have a signicant other nor children to complain about).

In all, even if everyone learns everything and helps around, the evaluation criteria according to majority middle class households for men and women still differs, and while men get away with the bare minimum, women are not good enough even if they break their backs. We cannot force change, but we desperately need one with respect to this mindset too. Let the men help a little, and do not put them on a pedestal for it. Let the women rest a little, and do not shame them for it.

A bit late to the party - here is my two cents.

Men/boys should learn to do household chores and women/girls should learn to do all other than kitchen stuff.

My nephew cooks & manages house - better than me

once there was a blockage in our kitchen sink, my 15 years old daughter noticed and brought tools to fix or at least see what's going on.

My husband walked in and asked "I can take care of it, move" - I stopped him and asked him - 'are you staying with her whole life to fix that and other minor issues? Let her try at least! '