Chivalry is dead? - Page 5

Watching older couples and the golden era movies, I do feel chivalry is dead.

Men of my generation seem to be boys. They lack the charm, wisdom, humour and panache.

No wonder I am only attracted to older dudes 😆

Storytime:

There's this one guy I know, as old as me, and he messaged me asking if my parents and I were going to a party we were both invited to. I said yeah and he said he would come pick us. Sweet gesture, and he's an old family friend so it made sense.

Eventually we made it to the venue and I am wearing these super high heels. In Mumbai, everyone knows the road just outside a fancy place is always uneven. Cut that, roads everywhere in Mumbai are f**ked (thank you BMC). So I was sort of wobbling. My parents were walking ahead and my father was helping my mother.

This guy asks me if I am okay and before I can say anything, the mofo just walks ahead, leaving me behind 🤡 I stood there, mouth agape. The valet then offered me his arm and escorted me. Yes, older than me lol. The younger ones were laughing.

I thanked the valet and half rushed inside without tripping. Once I reached my parents and this guy, he has the audacity to ask me what took so long. 🤡

I had to fix my mood of course because the food and drinks were amazing lol. But throughout the evening, this guy kept on doing some things so stupid that my brain nearly exploded. I nearly cried with relief when some familiar faces arrived.

I went on a date with a guy who insisted on paying on the 1st one even though I wanted to pay my way.

Since I don't like being in someone's debt, I paid the bill on the 2nd one while he was in the washroom. He seemed mortified and annoyed at himself for leaving the room.

Suffice to say, he told me he didn't want to meet again, I'm sure he had some insecurities that came into play.

My own fault really for agreeing to go on the 2nd date.

Most guys I know will say they usually offer to pay the bill, but it’s off putting for them when women don’t even bother saying anything when the bill comes. I kinda feel bad for guys, there’s a general expectation that they pick up the bill but what if the two didn’t get along on the first date and he sees no future? And a lot of men/women date multiple people at the same time so that stuff adds up and can be hella expensive if the guy is always expected to pay for all first dates. My tip is don’t go to a place where splitting would make you uncomfortable because of the price. Or where you feel obliged to continue i.e. he paid for the first drink, I should stay and pay for the second. Everyone is different and going by this thread only, some women really appreciate chivalry and I guess others not so much 🤷🏻‍♀️

Originally posted by: Talis

This isn't about chivalry but common sense and manners.

One should never choose an expensive restaurant unless you're ready and able to pay the full bill - especially on a first date. If he couldn't afford it he should have chosen differently or brought up going dutch before hand. If a long time friend did this I'd be annoyed. A first date has a much shorter leash.

I hold the door open for everyone - male, female, young, old - and appreciate the same - again manners.

THIS!!!!

The one who asks you out on the date, should pay. Since he did, he should’ve paid. It’s truly so sad for me to see people think BASIC manners are “high-maintenance.” 🤣

I too open the door for everyone. It’s just basic manners & I NEED that in my partner.

The man seems really insecure if he did not want to meet again just because you paid the bill.

Why should someone feel so insecure and shocked if woman pays the bill?

Not extinct, but an endangered species

How is paying bills 'competing with men'?

Originally posted by: mintyblue

so I feel chivalry is basically dead. new-age men know how to flirt, but forget that what wins a woman's heart over is old-fashioned manners such as opening doors, offering to carry heavy objects, or paying for dinner....

Do you guys miss the good old' chivalrous days?

I am saying this because I went on a date recently and the guy was like let's split the bill at this very expensive restaurant he had chosen. Of course, I didn't mind that as I would have offered the same myself but I do feel he shouldn't have said it.

Needless to say, I'm not meeting him again.

What do you guys feel? Is chivalry an outdated concept or do you miss those days when men used to wine and dine women?

Recently, there was an uproar when Hrithik was seen holding Saba's slippers. I think such things have become so unusual that even small acts of chivalry are dissected.

Chivalry is not about paying for my food bill or keeping doors open - it's about treating me with respect and with equality in that relationship. I can pay for the both of us - why just him? Chivalry is good communication, respect, care and kindness, and being a good human - not just to someone you want to sleep with, but with all. With time, chivalry needs to evolve too,

I find that needing the guy to pay for you on dates regressive. I haven't lived life fighting for equal rights, pay, etc to go back to "main abla nari hoon, mera prince charming mujhe aa kar bechaye" mentaity. It's very sweet when your partner does do sweet gestures, but that should work both ways without expecting it as a norm only from one of us.

When I first dated my hubby, I paid for dinner. I'm Aquarius, and I think we have this thing where we rather die than be in "debt" for anyone. So we fight to death to pay for dinners and everything. So I paid in advance and said take the leftover as tip. Anxiety over this was real lol.

I will say it depends on the situation. Say you travel to meet someone whose not in close proximity like by air or long drive then I think it’s ok on the other party to take care the other bills. Though some guys and girls just use and put the burden on one party. Though if meeting locally that depends on the situation and one can get the sense whether person is old fashioned or not. But yes the burden should not be on one person.

As quiet chaos and others said it’s not just about whose paying and doing things but respect. Respect and how they value and prioritize you.