Chivalry is dead? - Page 4

Originally posted by: Mallika-E-Bhais

Funny this came up b/c just last night I was having a talk about this very same thing with a close friend!!

JUST on the 1st date, just on the 1st date if the other party, esp the man, let’s me pay the bill with ease… There won’t be a 2nd date with me. Simple.

On the 2nd date etc I’ll definitely INSIST on going Dutch but on that 1st date? Massive instant turnoff if he doesn’t ATLEAST offer to pay!!!

And when he invited you & asked you out on the date, he really should’ve been the one to pay. Simple.


ETA for Minty: When I was unemployed & went on a date with my now partner & I was whining about how expensive things are, how I’ve very expensive tastes etc (it was context of a conversation) and how I love good food etc… The date ended & this mothertrucker turns to me & says, “shall we go?” And I looked at him in pure confusion b/c like, we’ve to pay the bill, does he want me to wash the dishes now, lmaoo.

Turns out this mother trucker had gone quietly to pay the bill when I had gone to the washroom!! Now it’s a very simple gesture, but I was so touched.

Tumhe date karna.. matlab Khud ki hi supari dene jesa kaam hai.

Expensive tastes hai toh galati kiski? Mein toh na date karu tumko kabhi bhi. Gujjus wese bhi paisa waste nai karte. 😆

Aur bichare ne bill pay kiya phir bhi gaali kha raha hai. Batao.. ghor kalyug

I will tell you why, this might pinch some because ultra modern feminism killed the gentlemen in men. They do not want men to open doors for them or even pay the bill, as they think can do it themselves. Now men are afraid of such women because if they do something or anything they will get in trouble.

The actual feminist wanted rights, their campaign/goal was never to compete with men unlike now. These feminist do not even spare other women who do want to do competition with men, like be a full time mom & house wife.

I found chivalry sexist and patronising.

I hate men trying to hold doors for women or act like we are fragile and cannot even open doors.

What is wrong in splitting the bill if both are earning?

I would like it if man was okay with splitting bill or woman paying for date entirely.

I like genuine respect in a man. Not such infantilising gestures like opening door for woman or not letting her pay for anything.

Originally posted by: sunflower52

The actual feminist wanted rights, their campaign/goal was never to compete with men unlike now. These feminist do not even spare other women who do want to do competition with men, like be a full time mom & house wife.

Yes to this.

I find it funny when some people (esp ones who identify themselves as modern - day feminist) instantly paints a women who wants to be a stay-at home mom or housewife as “not strong” “weak” “dependent” etc.

Wasn’t feminism all about choices. If a woman chooses to be a stay at home mom , how is her worth any less than one who goes to office?

Real feminist (both men and women) have struggled a lot for us to enjoy trivial things which were once completely denied to women. But a particular section of modern day feminists are bringing a bad name to the the entire movement,

This isn't about chivalry but common sense and manners.

One should never choose an expensive restaurant unless you're ready and able to pay the full bill - especially on a first date. If he couldn't afford it he should have chosen differently or brought up going dutch before hand. If a long time friend did this I'd be annoyed. A first date has a much shorter leash.

I hold the door open for everyone - male, female, young, old - and appreciate the same - again manners.

Originally posted by: TheMinion

I read the title as “Chiranjeevi is dead” time for eye checkup 👀

Even i was like "who died?"

Originally posted by: Maikhushboo

What is going dutch?

Splitting the bill

Chivalry can be an inherent trait or later learned with life. For me chivalry is more about respect. Its okay if the person doesn't open door, choose to split the bill, doesn't do "ladies first" stuff. What has always mattered to me is the communication should be clear and the mindset should be on same page.

Men can go short on pocket too. Its okay for them to ask to spilt the bill. Its not okay to expect them to pay for bill or shopping or movie. If they really really wanna pay, I guess it's okay. But if both the person already share a rapport they can treat eachother.

Both the side should understand their limit and spend accordingly.

Originally posted by: Sense9

Yes to this.

I find it funny when some people (esp ones who identify themselves as modern - day feminist) instantly paints a women who wants to be a stay-at home mom or housewife as “not strong” “weak” “dependent” etc.

Wasn’t feminism all about choices. If a woman chooses to be a stay at home mom , how is her worth any less than one who goes to office?

Real feminist (both men and women) have struggled a lot for us to enjoy trivial things which were once completely denied to women. But a particular section of modern day feminists are bringing a bad name to the the entire movement,

They have tainted the movement and the young girls are being influenced by such women. That career and competing with men is good but not being a mother or housewife, where is the choice.

I believe in equality but it also has limits, we as women have to accept that in certain aspect we will never be like men. First we need to respect other women and then teach our sons to respect women, unfortunately this does not happen.

There is no shame in being stay at home mom but the main issue is financial independence.

Mostly women who have no career or education and do not even manage own bank accounts and have no legal or financial literacy and often DO NOT even do any work or chores at home and only live off a rich man are called out.

These types often remain at mercy of own husbands and are unable to take a stand or walk out of an abusive relation because they are dependent. Their sons also often grow up thinking women do nothing and only men do everything. They have not even seen women do work at home and only see women live off maids, servants or housekeeping staff or nannies and babysitters.

Also it is these women who often judge career women or speak against education or career of women or try to shame women who are focused more on career or have kids later or have fewer kids or choose to forego motherhood etc and these women try to act as if working women are not women at all, or less of women or they are bad moms, bad wives or their parenting is shit etc. Many stay at home moms shame working women and behave like they have higher moral ground as they chose to stay home. They try to shame kids of working moms too or claim working women are either greedy or materialistic or lack character, values, manners or are not devoted to family or kids or try to hint that woman pursues career at cost of family, or uses unfair means or sells her own body and soul to get ahead in career.

I cannot even repeat some foul language some men and women use against working and career oriented women and make presumptions about what a woman must be doing outside house or what she did to get ahead or get a promotion. 'Slept her way to the top' is least of dirty phrases they use for career women.

I have seen insecure and jealous women mock my mom, bhua, nani, aunt for working even in teaching professions (a job which is otherwise considered respectable).

Nothing wrong in being a SAHM but to hold higher moral ground or pretend to be more virtuous and paint career women as characterless, selfish, rude or careless, negligent or shame her family or assume her home must be in shambles, is disgusting. And such lot should not mind if someone responds back to them in language they deserve to hear.

Financial independence is a must, as it ensures safety of woman. Many women work online or freelance or part time or do some business once kids grow older.

Nothing wrong in encouraging a woman to stand on her own feet and not be taken for granted or live at mercy of others.

I fully support housewives who work at home, manage chores at home single handedly taking care of house, kids, sick, elderly, pets etc.

I have not seen anyone mock them. The only ones mocked are ones who do nothing at home or outside and just live off money of husband or dad or in laws and want servants, nannies, cooks, maids, babysitters to do all work as they just lie and watch TV or go to parlour or spa and have no idea where meals come from. These rich entitled ones are mocked by even their families and men and kids. It is not feminists mocking them.