Mere Ban Jao (HUM) Zahid Ahmad , Azfar Rehman , Kinza Hashmi - Page 22

Nice show. It deserves more views and ratings. So finally Azmiya would reveal about the talaq. But then most likely Fardeen will threaten her with the videos

Originally posted by: mala06

Nice show. It deserves more views and ratings. So finally Azmiya would reveal about the talaq. But then most likely Fardeen will threaten her with the videos

Exactly, a different story not a typical love triangle

This is going great,... want to see how they tackle private divorce

randomly watched and ended up seeing all 8 episodes. I was wary of watching as the last drama that I watch with kinza as well as afzar were both bad to say the least. this one is well written and the characters are all stictched.

so will break up my thoughts in smaller sections -- but first I think this drama shows a very important message of having limits within your relationship and not blindly trusting in the name of love. this is a real problem that is happening in different forms in different countries but at the heart, it looks the same. what is supposed to be a private moment between two individuals instead is shared with other people -- either for gain or for revenge or a mix of both. in some cases, it is used as a means of extortion.

during lockdown, there was a bunch of instagram romeo fraud cases that propped up. every time the police would say the same thing -- don't share with some guy intimate photos and if he is blackmailing you, notifiy the police. don't let the threats continue.

so here is what would happen -- the guy would slide into a girl's DM and befriend her. because she was bored, she would start chatting and video calling. after a few weeks, they would be 'in love'. then he would ask her to start sending him explicit photos as well as videos. she agrees without a thought. then after a few weeks, he calls off the relationship and then asks her to give him money or else. she then starts sending him money.

then he uses the girl's contact list to hunt for another victim. the final girl was a lot smarter. when he first DMd her, she was like "who are you?" -- he said I am so and so's friend. she was wary but then agreed to chat. however, when he asked her for explicit photos, her danger antenna immediately pinged. she then told her father and brother that some strange fella on internet who she hasn't met is asking her for such pictures. they then filed a police report and when police arrested him, they found he had blackmailed at least 17 girls or more. what the police couldn't wrap their head around was that the girls had never even met the guy because of lockdown. so why did they trust him?????

here the drama is sending a strong message that just because it is your fiance and your cousin doesn't mean you should trust blindly. even though she is not sure, it takes hearing her sister-in-law for uzimi to start worrying that she might have made a mistake....

Originally posted by: columbia

Ahhhh thank you so much for these detailed explanations. It makes lot of sense. I do hope this is something that the show throws some light on too. It would make for an interesting story no doubt.

But it seems like from both of your posts there is still some confusion on what is legally or judicially acceptable by Pakistani law. am I correct in understanding this?

it looks like from the preview, this is something that might get discussed further because fardeen will not accept divorce easily. he keeps saying that he will consult a religious scholar. also, if he denies saying the words, then it becomes a he said/she said type situation. so how will it play out? we will have to see...

Originally posted by: columbia

I am unable to understand the girls mother, I am sorry, I myself have been brought up by a single mom and let me tell you, single moms are SUPER clued into daughters feelings, Ek minute ke liye bhi nahi chodh ti humari adhe baat. She will get it out of me and my sister, because in reality her life was she had to be both father and mother so she had to take tekhaa of all kinds of protectiveness towards us.

if I was sitting and crying like that, my mother would have stopped the whole ritual, taken me aside to another room and asked me straight up ki kya hua? Bataa mujhe,,,

The characterization of the girl’s mother, I am sorry is the stupidest most illogical thing I have come across. It’s actually insulting to moms, I rather they had shown her full negative or as a step mother. Not this clueless idiotic behavior

actually I do think it can happen. uzimi is super sheltered and very naive. while her behaviour seemed a bit strange, it would be natural for family members to think that she is just nervous because that is how she is behaving. this isn't like nadra who was so forceful when she said nah to her wedding. because uzimi has been over the top enthu when it comes to fardeen and how madly in love she was, no one is going to think that uzimi doesn't want this wedding.

Mango so good to see you here. I am also really liking this show, it’s giving me much needed meat for my brain… I am a fan of Zahid, so I knew I would check out his shows, I usually wait a while.

I am quite intrigued on how they take this. If it’s going to be typical and the perpetrator just gets away, I will be slightly disappointed. The story you mentioned is scary. Innocent and naive girls ho ya boys must be treasured by parents, even more reason for mothers to get on with the program to teach girls how to be in control seat.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

actually I do think it can happen. uzimi is super sheltered and very naive. while her behaviour seemed a bit strange, it would be natural for family members to think that she is just nervous because that is how she is behaving. this isn't like nadra who was so forceful when she said nah to her wedding. because uzimi has been over the top enthu when it comes to fardeen and how madly in love she was, no one is going to think that uzimi doesn't want this wedding.

There is always a difference, I feel between the family members and the bond a mother and daughter share, especially a single mom. She is like a tigress. Even if this mother’s personality is not one of a strong woman, I do feel she should have taken her aside. It need not have been ki she suspected she is saying na to the wedding, it could have been anything, even to calm her. A mothers instincts I do think work differently. I think this is more possible if the mother wasn’t a single mother, with more kids, with a demanding husband then yes, the mother will miss clues.

this drama does a great job of showing this type of control and manipulation tactics. think it is called 'coercive control' -- what is surprising is that no one in the family can see the relationship between fardeen and uzimi as unhealthy. the only one who spots it right off the bat is zaki but it is not like anyone is going to listen to the words of a random tailor.

their relationship didn't become like this overnight but rather over a period of time. but no one sees it as strange that uzimi cries if fardeen ignores her or blocks her or that she jumps through hoops to try keep him happy. she is always on edge and walking on eggshells to keep him happy but no one in the family sees it as strange.

basically the parents see it this way -- fardeen is childish, something that kids in love do. also it is uzimi's job to keep fardeen from acting out. they are constantly telling her to make up with him. so the onus is on her to always fix things somehow.

uzimi has never been taught how to face or handle tough situations. even something as simple as saying no to her sister-in-law, she can't handle. instead she makes her ammi do it. as zaki bluntly tells her, how will she handle when she moves to US.

the other problem is she has no idea if saying no is even acceptable. nadra boldly rejects the marriage and says it is her right to say no. when uzimi asks what people will say, nadra simply shrugs it off. uzimi can't believe that nadra said no in front of everyone and nadra's sardonic response was that qabool is also said in front of everyone. so she can't imagine handling rejection or public backlash or being honest about your feelings. uzimi has never taught how to be bold and stand up for oneself and declare that it is her right. she does not have the kind of street smart brain of nadra who is not afraid of the world.

however, uzimi's mom and others see nadra saying no as a negative and not a positive. something a badtameez uncultured rude girl would do.

so uzimi has a tough time understanding the difference between her mother's advice and zaki's advice. her mother's advice is about adjusting and giving in while zaki says she needs to be able to say no when pushed into uncomfortable areas. she does not understand how to find a middle ground between the two and know when she has to adjust and when she has to put her foot down.

add to that she is passive and has been taught that a good girl always listen to authority. so that made her a ripe target for fardeen to sort of train her to the point where she would share video without thinking at first. all he needs to do is to emotionally push her buttons by freezing her out, by blocking her phone calls and she immediately caves in whatever he demands. he calls her names and accuses her of all sorts of things and she takes the blame -- because she is desperate to keep this love.

it is only when people like zaki and nirghat offer alternate versions of what a healthy relationship between a man and woman look like and challenge her views, does uzimi actually start to question if some of the things fardeen is doing is right.

however, she has convinced herself that their love story is best and beautiful. as fardeen is also her cousin and the two families are close, she has no reason not to distrust him and this adds another layer to why she would be so naive and her radar didn't ping earlier.

as for fardeen, it is incredulous how he blames her for making him say talaq and calls her selfish, sadist and toying with his feelings. basically that she teased him by sending him those videos and then turned him down for s**. while the videos are definitely going to haunt her later, another aspect of what makes this divorce very uncomfortable to discuss is how it happened. basically people are going to ask why he said talaq and she will have to say that she was unwilling to have s** before ruksati. this would be a very difficult conversation to have in a conservative environment.

so given uzimi's upbringing, her very passive personality, her lack of understanding about love and healthy relationships look like, this is indeed going to be challenging for uzimi to navigate this divorce/marriage with fardeen.

Originally posted by: columbia

There is always a difference, I feel between the family members and the bond a mother and daughter share, especially a single mom. She is like a tigress. Even if this mother’s personality is not one of a strong woman, I do feel she should have taken her aside. It need not have been ki she suspected she is saying na to the wedding, it could have been anything, even to calm her. A mothers instincts I do think work differently. I think this is more possible if the mother wasn’t a single mother, with more kids, with a demanding husband then yes, the mother will miss clues.

the problem is fardeen is a cousin and the two families are close. that is part of why no one has been seeing any of his behaviour as even remotely problematic. that contributes a big deal to why the mother is blind to uzimi at that moment. it also doesn't help that in prior moments where uzimi had issues with fardeen, she always came across as bit nervous.

so I think the mom has enough instinct to notice that uzimi is quieter and seems more worried and she even asks what is in uzimi's heart twice. however, uzimi brushes it off both times. so uzimi herself is giving lots of mixed signals which makes it look like she is just nervous bride scared of relocation.