Is Anupama naive, sweet and sensible?
Or is she a narcissistic, hypocritical woman?
Who is Anupama, really ?
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"Patient no. 28?"
Anupama looked at Anuj with apprehension while Anuj gave her a reassuring nod.
The psychiatrist turned to look at what appeared to be a woman clad in a cotton saree in her mid-fifties. She appeared nervous but looked like she was trying to mask it with an awkward smile.
"Name?" He asked.
"Anupama"
Age?
"45"
The doctor appeared calm but was internally surprised. Why did she look so much older than she really was? What kind of burdens were she was carrying?
"Your husband has given me a file containing all your basic information and the behaviors that he finds need a closer look"
Anupama looked even more nervous.
"You don't have to look so scared. Forget this file, Anupama. Now...why do you think you are here?"
"That's what I don't understand, that's exactly what I don't understand. I am an ordinary woman and I have had my joys and sorrows in life like anyone, doctor. Yes, I had a traumatic experience a few years ago in my life, but now I'm completely normal. It was because of the insistence of my husband, Vanraj -"
Anupama gave an audible gasp.
The psychiatrist looked puzzled. "The file says your husband's name is one Mr. Anuj Kap-"
"Yes, yes" Anupama immediately jumped in. "Anuj, I meant Anuj. That was a huge slip of tongue. Vanraj was my ex-husband and I have absolutely no feelings for him. Not at all. Infact the trauma I mentioned earlier was because of him, but I have moved on from that. I love Anuj and he is the biggest priority in my life and I love Choti, my daughter but we lost her custody so now...now she's not there anymore but -" her words came tumbling in a rush.
There seems to be a lot to unpack here. The psychiatrist thought to himself.
"Mrs. Anupama, please, please calm down. Let's take it slow. There won't be any judgement here. This is a safe space"
Anupama looked uncomfortable. "You are talking to me like I actually have some mental issue." But seeing the doctor's expression, she backtracked. "Not that I have any sort of stigma against mental health issues. Just like whenever one of our body parts gets injured and we go to the doctor, our mind also can get injured, and sometimes without intervention, they can never heal fully. So that's why we go to - " She looked like she was in her element.
She seems to have a penchant for giving lectures. The doctor noted.
"That is all fine, Mrs. Anupama. I'm glad you have a healthy relationship with mental health. Let this just be a routine thing. I'll ask you a few questions. Simple ones. If you are as mentally okay as you think you are, there is nothing to worry about. After this session, you wouldn't have to come anymore"
Anupama nodded. She knew she could handle it.
....
The session lasted 47 minutes. Anuj had become completely lost in his thoughts when he felt a pressure on his hand.
Anupama looked radiant.
"It went well, Anuj. He just gave me full attention as I talked to him about my entire life. I talked about my deepest sufferings but I also talked about how I overcame all that and are now living with my head held high. At some point, I don't know how, I started asking him about his own life and I gave him some advice too. He is a very knowledgeable person, but I feel like I gave him a new perspective of living life. I think that's what convinced him, he said he's done with the session for now. Also he wants to talk to you in private, I don't know why!"
"Aree you should have told me this first". Anuj immediately got up and went to meet the psychiatrist.
Once he entered, the psychiatrist's immediate response was. "Close the door. Tightly"
Anuj did and sat down.
"Your wife...your wife loves giving a lot of lectures, doesn't she?" The doctor asked.
Anuj started chuckling but then stopped seeing the doctor's expression. "So, what do you think, doctor?"
He looked very grave. "I have actually not seen a case like this. 25 years of what sounds like pure abuse, what sounds like so much more bad than good, and she's looking at that family with such rose coloured glasses"
"Maybe a variation...of Stockholm Syndrome? I'm not sure. This is a different case from kidnappers. They were actually her family for a very long time."
"Her mother raised her with extremely traditional beliefs, thinking that was what was right. Her duty in life, she believed was to keep all the members of her family happy. Take care of them, serve them, and also take the responsibility of the emotional well-being and peace of her entire family. It took something as extreme as a 9 year old affair of her husband with a colleague of his that she trusted as her friend; for her to start rebelling against their treatment towards her."
"If that hadn't happened Anuj, she would have been still there, and dare I say" he paused. "She would have been happy. Genuinely happy."
"But what happened post the revelation of this affair was, Anupama was forced to confront her own identity. Something she hadn't done in decades. Who was she apart from her family? Who could she be apart from her family?"
"I think she made genuine efforts to break out from this cycle, there was a time she actually wanted to be independent. But her ingrained beliefs of what being a mother is, and what respecting elders meant remained with her. A picture of a mother that's always forgiving, always sacrificing, taking care of not only the needs of her children but also their wants...no matter how much they grew in a physical sense."
"The picture of respecting elders and their life experience and knowledge, of always bowing down to them, touching their feet. No matter how regressive and cruel their thoughts and words were, to place them in a position where they can't be spoken against in the slightest of sense"
"But you know, you know what was the belief that holds her back the most?"
"What?" Anuj almost whispered.
"Her overwhelming, pervasive need to feel needed. For 25 years of her life, she never got respect or value from most of her family members. They neither respected her nor valued her, but they...needed her. They needed her to serve them so they can live relaxed, enjoyable lives. They depended on her to the point where they couldn't do anything without her. And she...she liked that feeling. She found her sense of importance there."
"Her quality of breaking out into lectures even when they are not needed is again, a craving for a sense of importance."
Anuj started looking disturbed.
"The need to feel needed, the need to feel important, these are human traits, Anuj. The problem is, her circumstances added to it and she has become an extreme case"
"However, this can also been seen in the perspective that she is just another human being with her own biases and preconceived notions, just her biases are extreme"
"So you're saying she's normal?" Anuj said almost eagerly.
"Oh I think she's a complete nutcase!" The psychiatrist said. Fearing he said too much, he immediately adds. "But that's my opinion as a human being. As a psychiatrist, I am unable to make judgements. She has a deep-seated attachment with that family which will probably never fade, and love can be like that, Anuj, it can make you wear such rose-tinted glasses"
Anuj looked uncomfortable.
"I've done all I can. If you want, you can take her to another therapist, or maybe couple counseling?"
"Anooj, what's taking so much time?" Anupama was standing there next to the door. Both the psychiatrist and Anuj froze. How much did she hear?
"Isn't this over? Anuj, I was thinking I'll make your favourite dish today, with an extra twist" She didn't appear to have heard anything.
Anuj looked at her and all he could think was. She has an incessant need to feel needed.
The psychiatrist sighed. "Yes, we were just wrapping up, goodbye Mr and Mrs. Kapadia."
As they were leaving, Anupama put her hand in his, Anuj looked serious while Anupama lightheartedly asked "So what did he say?"
"That there needs to be no more sessions after this" Anuj said curtly.
"See?" Anupama laughed. "I'm completely normal!"
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If anyone reached all the way here - I know nothing about the science of psychology, so this might all be bs, but I hope it's good quality bs!
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