Confusing Abuse with love ...IG post and a reflection wrt show - Page 3

Originally posted by: Param-Sundari

That's how abuse is normalised isn't it? The concept of accha and bura insaan is soo skewed and subjective.

Let's take Vanraj for example. He's a very realistic character, men are like that, and they are normalised by women. If we remove the ema angle then everything he did can be justified by "but he isn't an addict, doesn't beat you (physically), loves his parents and children, aur kya chahiye?"

The overall expectations of society with men is sooo low that not being a wife beater is a badge of honor.

Anuj on the other hand is highly unrealistic and fictional character. Yes he gives us hope, and we all want Anuj. But as women, it's more feasible and important to vow to raise one.

Thanks for tagging Pooji ❤️

I agree fully on what you've said, have some thoughts, but very scattered..let me come back when I have some structure to my thoughts.

Originally posted by: ga1986

Love your post yaar ❤️ ... Wish we could show it to the writers to remind them what they had originally started with , do they even remember? Not that they’ll care , as RG says everyone here is puppets in the hands of the almighty PH ... I think BVs obsession with KGF and crows is probably a way of escapism from the trash they’re being forced to write 🤣

It’s also imp to note that in this case Anu had the good fortune to have a friend like Devika as a rock solid support , many family members like Dolly , Samar ( purposely not mentioning Bapuji here ) who openly went against their own blood to support her and finally Anuj as the perfect soulmate to give herself a second chance ... Her own mom also seems much sorted and cool now ... Most ppl are not that fortunate ... yet her incessant crying for her fake Maika and sprouted-out-of-nowhere Sasuraal is so idiotic !!!

Exactly!! Sabke paas nahi hota!!

V and Baa were grey characters until the prequel. But their actions in the prequel erased the thin line between grey and black. Nothing in my eyes can ever redeem them and Anu worshiping Baa and V even after what they did to her makes me loathe her.

I really don't understand the maker's future plan. How is he planning to continue the show keeping V good? If V becomes good then there is not much story to explore unless they kill off Anuj and reunites AnuRaj. The Mayka sasural clash will bring them ratings for a month then they have to move forward with the story. If MaAn are happily married, V is good, Kavya is good, how are they gonna drag the story or show any drama? Why can't they show V as negative creating havoc in MaAn's life? This way the TRP aunties would get their favorite AnuRaj tashan and online audience MaAn's growth. Sudhanshu is brilliant in negative role. Why can't they show V as negative. This way they can give lots of screen space to V. Why is RS a puppet in Sudhanshu's hands?

Originally posted by: Param-Sundari

That's how abuse is normalised isn't it? The concept of accha and bura insaan is soo skewed and subjective.

Let's take Vanraj for example. He's a very realistic character, men are like that, and they are normalised by women. If we remove the ema angle then everything he did can be justified by "but he isn't an addict, doesn't beat you (physically), loves his parents and children, aur kya chahiye?"

The overall expectations of society with men is sooo low that not being a wife beater is a badge of honor.

Anuj on the other hand is highly unrealistic and fictional character. Yes he gives us hope, and we all want Anuj. But as women, it's more feasible and important to vow to raise one.

Originally posted by: BaAZiGar0

the biggest problem is a parent/spouse can get away with anything just because they have that title.

Well that's the way children/ women are conditioned. For this very reason that parents and husbands can get away with all the shit and feel entitled to forgiveness just because they apologised.

Originally posted by: Koms9

First of all, don't be sorry for spreading awareness or sharing your opinion as this is a free forum for all. Makers should be sorry and everyone should blame them for spreading negativity not u or anyone who tries to address what a mockery they have made of abuse and survivors.

I am yet to read everyone's opinions on this but will share something from my own experience. Sometimes these survivors experience guilt for moving on. And whenever the guilt overpowers logical thinking, they get pulled back into toxicity for giving it one more chance to ruin them further. I just want to mention that they don't do it out of love for the abuser but because they are groomed by their narcissist manipulators to always sympathize and try to find an excuse for the abuse instead of considering it WRONG by all means.

Originally posted by: Param-Sundari

Well that's the way children/ women are conditioned. For this very reason that parents and husbands can get away with all the shit and feel entitled to forgiveness just because they apologised.

It has been very interesting reading the well articulated thoughts and views on this thread.

Vanraj may have provided for the family’s economic needs but the psychological abuse that came with it was horrible. Instilling a fear of adverse repercussion is a very powerful tool when it comes to exercising control and getting people to toe your line.

The acceptance of his anger as his right as a provider is not uncommon in real life either. You see the “innko accha nahi lagega” governing the actions of so many women. A matter of fact acceptance of patriarchy that has led to it being normalised.

Television dramas are to a large extent a reflection of society. Its values and thought processes, its dynamics. Anupamaa was sold to the viewer as a woman’s journey to free herself from abuse, tyranny, betrayal and find her own wings. So much of it would have resonated with so many viewers.The makers are shrewd enough to have understood that. Therefore, they do have a responsibility to the audience to handle things with sensitivity. And not in this cack-handed nonsensical manner.

Bapuji saying that Anupama ko todna nahi sirf jodna aata hai is so superficial. It may make for a good soundbite but does not true wisdom and understanding come from knowing when the jodna is more harmful than the todna.

Anupama’s “bediyan baand kar udaane nahi bhari jaati” rung true at the time but this below is also needed,

Nikaal laaya hoon ek pinjre se ek parinda

Ab uss parinday ke dil se pinjra nikaalna hai

~ Umair Najmi

Originally posted by: ga1986

Sorry to spoil the happy Sunday vibes with a somewhat sombre post , but saw the below IG post regarding abuse and felt like sharing with all ...

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CegZomJjR9W/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

The post immidiately reminded me of our own Anupamaa and her relationship with Baa , Vanraj and the toxicland that she now considers as her "Maayka" . Though like all , I am dissapointed with the way many things are potrayed in the show , I never saw the show/Itv as a hallmark of women empowerment and other (pseudo) social messages anyway...so I'm not that outraged/suprised . However , there were some points today I felt like getting out of my head .....

- Would Anupamaa have ever realised/recognized the abuse (oh sorry , I guess she still doesnt recognise actually ) had it not been for the EMA ? Im 95% sure she would have continued ,happily living in the delusion of her idea of parivaar , dharampatni , sacrificing Maa etc . Though I never watched , the prequel also reinforced this fact I think

- The guise of the "Acha Pita, beta , Sasur "etc . Though we troll Vannu and the show for this one , but actually it is something relatable to ppl suffering from abuse . The Bf who is abusive , but at times "oh-so-caring" , the partner who is "a great parent " ...In RL it makes us ignore the red signals and many continue to suffer . It is especially problematic in marriages when children are involved , making it harder for an Anu to get a divorce than say a Devika .

- The “ sambhaal loongi “ syndrome : especially common when one partner especially women / gf initially feels the need to “ fix “ or “ mother “ the other one , under the delusion that their love will reform and make the situation better . Anuj’s caustic “ 26 saal tak sambhal paayi kya “ was a great mirror for the situation.

- The notion that mental abuse , gaslighting , any kind of shaming including the disgusting clothes shaming that Baa indulges nowaydays with BB isnt as bad since it is not "physical " . The makers themselves had to be very strongly reminded of this fact by the FD during the infamous DA track

- The final jolt / step : For Anupamaa it came first in form of EMA leading to the divorce and then moving out of the house after the Bhoomi Poojan and storm kaand post Anuj's entry . It was one of the most well executed tracks with impactful dialogues like "Bediyaan baandhke udaane nahi bhari jaati ...." etc, earning high TRPs . After all that how she's back defending her "maayka " , begging for cringeworthy hugs from the abuser, and overstepping boundaries is indeed baffling and beyond logic .

- The last blow is being delivered in form of whitewhashing of abusers at hands of favourite characters like Samar , Anuj and sometimes even Devika .

- The show prides itself on the fact that it has no "vamps " (RG said that during 1st episode of Star Parivaar) . But the so called "grey " characters of the show ( defended with full honours by the actor himself) , are much worst and 10 times more toxic than the other ITV vamps .

For Anu I still feel there is hope for a much better life if she's sensible and gets her prioritoes, looking at the way characters of Kavya and Kinjal are shown , I feel for them its all a downward spiral .....

This is an appeal to the writers , maybe also the actors and other creatives ( we know you go through our posts here and I also know mostly it will fall on deaf ears ) , please go through above IG post and stop making a mockery of abuse . You can show all the drama you want , but pls be sensible and sensitive about what you are showing as you have a responsibility towards a large audience many of whom are in similar difficult positions in life and taking inspiration from the show .

Adding few more tags ...

Originally posted by: Arshi67

Nikaal laaya hoon ek pinjre se ek parinda

Ab uss parinday ke dil se pinjra nikaalna hai

~ Umair Najmi

This is what is the need of the hour. 💯