Originally posted by: inlieu
I'm reviving this thread from months ago. My stance hasn't changed, especially the part in bold but look at the state of the show and the leads today! 😕
I had said I loved Raghav unconditionally, which is different from blindly. He's been doing some unacceptable and downright stupid things the last few months and I'll never stop calling him out for it.
Sure, I want him to remain rough and tough with the outside world, but not with family. He's been dealing much better with Amma and Pallavi but still missing the mark with Keerti. Right intentions, wrong approach.
Since Pallavi and he accepted each other, I wanted to see them as proper partners, not one doing uncharacteristic things to elevate the other. Writers need to balance it out. Where's the Pallavi who forced him to return her store keys or her stock? She fought him at every step and showed us her mettle. She wasn't portrayed as a typical mahaan superwoman FL but these days it's borderline. I've been seeing lots of comments on Twitter about the notion of a strong FL.
If we want the writers to avoid cliches and give us something fresh, such as flawed leads, then why are we unable to accept it when they make mistakes? (I'm not talking about situations where writers have amnesia about character sketches).
Raghav was never meant to be the overly mahaan pati parmeshwar type. Pallavi wasn't meant to be the adarsh bahu type, not 100% anyway. So if you don’t want her being that way with the Ds, then don't expect that dynamic with the Raos either. If she bonds with them or cares for them because she gets emotionally attached, organically, that's fine. Don't expect her to feel obliged to do things for them. Don't assume she will always be perfect and never mistakes. If indeed she is strong and independent she should own her decisions and actions, whether they are right or wrong.
If Raghav is over protective and nuts about her and would give his life for her, that shouldn't be surprising. He would do this for anyone who he considers family and he told his alter ego in his first appearance that he had already considered her his family. Yes, he says he can't breathe without her and many people don't like it. But that's the kind of person he is and that's the place he gave her in his life. We can't say that he doesn’t deserve her or she doesn't deserve him. Before the redemption track, maybe. But not now. They chose each other explicitly, without external pressure. However, this doesn't mean he forgets who he is or what he's made of. He didn't get where he is by being dumb so writers had better avoid doing that again to his character.
Perhaps the divine intervention was meant to be a wake up call for them both to stop being blinded by their love and be a bit practical. This had been Pallavi's advice to Keerti in the Hyderabad schedule. I hope our leads retain this in future tracks.
The CVs trolled us with the Raghvi kya karte hain, even though they should have always used their strengths as a couple to solve problems together. They could have avoided the backlash from the get go. I also want to add here that teamwork doesn't mean both have to be present or interfere in each other's matters all the time. I wouldn't want Raghav sticking his nose into D-fam or Pallavi's affairs all the time unless she needed support. Similarly, I don't want her dragged into his matters unnecessarily. It's important to share and care but also to have independent circles or space.
Sometimes one leads and the other follows, depending on who is better placed. At times, you just give other person space and remain in the background, letting them know you are always there for them if they need something. This is healthy and normal and doesn't mean one is superior to another. A husband saving his wife doesn’t mean she's weak and vice versa. I personally wouldn't want to be married to someone who wouldn't protect me even if I'm perfectly capable of handling matters but am aware that you can't always do everything by yourself.
From what I've been reading on social media the last few days, I think many viewers are tired of ITV showing the FL as a bahu always solving problems, investigating, being excessively giving or selfless, being a superwoman, etc. It was a novelty 10-15 years ago but not anymore. Being strong doesn't mean you have all the answers. It's fine to falter, as long as you realize your mistakes and learn from them. So when they bring this up regarding our show, it's not to bash Pallavi or undermine her value but to express frustration with clichéd writing. The writers managed to avoid this for a few months but eventually succumbed to it. I hope they won't go overboard with it.
I know the fandom is divided on her saying sorry or not. To each his/her own but also think about double standards if you hold Raghav to a high bar and expect him to have remorse and always apologize but not for Pallavi to apologize when she wrongs someone. Her saying sorry doesn't take away her dignity as long it's not for something she hasn't done. I know that because of role reversal on the show the ML apologizes easily but the FL doesn't, so either people can accept her that way or can keep wanting her character growth. You can't expect a flawed FL and then get upset when she makes mistakes or is called out for it. She may not apologize and that may be written in deliberately as a character flaw that won't change. Same with the ML. If his excessive rage has always been problematic then you can't just expect it to disappear now that he has a family. He may control it better but it will always keep coming up.
Re: the notion of being henpecked... the term is derogatory and used for a specific reason. A husband becoming like that is never a good sign because it often means he has no dignity or doesn't get respect from his wife in the marriage. Similarly, a wife becoming a doormat is never a good thing because she too doesn't have dignity or doesn't get respect from her husband. Raghav not using his own judgment and skills to deal with situations is understandable once in a while but if this is always the case where he's shown to be wrong in every matter and has to defer to Pallavi, then there is an imbalance in the relationship that gets people's hackles up. Pallavi not focusing on her own1 happiness and being excessively concerned about others to her detriment will also create an imbalance.
Equality and peace in marriage isn't possible without mutual respect. I said that in this thread months ago and I say it again today. During Mandaar's track they both advanced in this matter but there is still some way to go.
And to anyone who wants to accuse me of bashing Pallavi and blindly favoring Raghav, please go read my older posts where I had said at the start of Raghav's redemption track that even if he did reunite her with the D family, she was under no obligation to forgive him or choose him. She had every right to still walk away and start a fresh life, maybe even go to Kolhapur or start her own thing in Hyderabad. No one should judge her for that. If she chose to stay married to Raghav and accepted a life with him, that's her right. She did it after seeing him try to make amends, not before. She wasn't being a doormat then and I hope I never see her become one again like she was at the Ds. I think the whole thing was an eye opener and she slowly learned to show people their limits.
She doesn't need a Rao or Deshmukh surname to find/build her identity. As a woman, I want to see her be independent in the true sense and for her to learn to love and accept herself with or without a husband's presence.
I also don't want to ever see Raghav ignoring his gut feelings even if others think he's overreacting. Better be safe than sorry. As such a supposedly powerful man he can't afford to take risks.
Ganesh Kartikeya
