Part 1: Woh Mera Rasta Bhi Hai, Aur Woh Hi Manzil...
Along the gloomy roads of Somnath, she was seen walking all alone. With her head bowed and her arms hanging limply by her side, she traversed along the path. A path to where? Even she didn’t know. If it wasn’t for her feet dragging themselves past the various cars and strangers, one might have considered her lifeless. She was searching. Searching for him. Her eyes yearned to catch a small glimpse of him. Her soul ached to be reunited with him. Her body craved his comforting touch. She felt incomplete. Without him, her once colorful world had tarnished itself, turning into a deep, dark, and bleak corner. A corner where warmth was nowhere to be found. Happiness? Was a long-lost feeling. Her mouth ironically twitched upward. Fate had served her what she outwardly desired yet her heart was plagued with loss. Her mind constantly spiraled within a loop of anxiety and forlorn battles with her conscience. When she realized the extent of the damage that had been caused, a feeling of defeat had overcome her. Her mind could barely comprehend the nature of the destruction which tormented her soul constantly. When she gave in to her desires, a spark of hope ignited within. All was not lost. It could still be salvageable. She had then set out on a quest to find him yet he was nowhere to be seen. Now, here she was as she roamed for hours before a feeling of dread cocooned itself within her fragile heart. She was losing faith. With a clouded mind, she walked aimlessly. It was in the darkened hours of the night when she found him. She felt lighter instantly. Her eyes watered and her heart thudded resoundingly. She reached out to him only to watch him turn around in horror. He pushed her out of the way yelling her name one last time as a light consumed his being. All that followed were her echoing wails. Blood had scattered everywhere...his blood.
She had managed to call an ambulance with one of her trembling hands as she used the other to cup his cheeks. His eyes were closing and the sight squeezed her heart with an intensity that left her gasping for breath. She patted his cheeks lightly and mumbled words of comfort trying to keep him awake She used her other hand to cradle his head on her lap before she wiped the gushing blood from his temple. Seeing him in this state broke something within her. A fear like never before gripped her entire being and crushed it from inside. Tears threatened to fall but she tried to remain strong for him. She sent a single message to Krish after the ambulance came to let him know the name of the hospital they were headed to. A few minutes after reaching the hospital, Dhara and Gautam appeared with Krish, as she waited silently for the doctors to begin with their operation. Dhara asked her about what had happened but no words escaped her mouth. All she could do was stare blankly at the white walls in front of her. Her eyes seemed devoid of emotion. Dhara’s tears, Gaumbi’s soft-natured words, and Krish’s questions didn’t do much to bring her out of her desolate state. She continued to stare at the emergency room, clutching his bracelet in her hands. It had come off his wrist when he was being pushed towards the operation theater. All that she could think about was how she couldn’t bear to lose him. She just couldn’t. When the doctors came out, she looked at them with hope, only to have her whole world shatter before her eyes. Their ominous words rang in her ears and the tears which she had been withholding finally broke loose.
“SHIVAAA!!!” Raavi screamed as she woke up with a startle. Sweat covered her entire body as she gulped for air. She whimpered and clawed at her chest trying to calm down her palpitating heart. The crippling fear and pain that gripped her soul were now familiar emotions. Her trembling hands reached for her phone to look at the time only to realize it was the same as every other night. Her nights had been plagued by such nightmares every day since that fateful argument. Every night, she would have a similar dream, but of a different variation. All of them ended up with her losing him forever and that’s when she would wake up. Tears cascaded down her face as she reached out to the other side of the bed with shaky hands, feeling the empty space beside her. He wasn’t beside her. He hadn’t been since the last two weeks. She looked around her surroundings and saw her old room. She was at her maasi’s place. It didn’t feel like home to her. Not anymore. She felt a foreign emotion settle at the pit of her guts as she went over her dream. She felt like they were warnings being issued to her. She sighed as she wiped her tears and got up to get a glass of water. After quenching her thirst, she came back up to her room and stared at her reflection. Her eyes seemed lifeless. Gone was the twinkle which used to adorn her doe-like eyes. Her cheeks felt a bit hollow as she poked them. Gone was her enthusiasm for life. She was wearing a mismatched night suit. Gone were the times when she would perfectly plan her every outfit and follow a nighttime routine before her bedtime. Instead, she spent her nights trying not to sleep. When she did fall asleep, her nightmares broke her out of what little rest she got. The rest of the night would be spent staring at the ceiling, wondering how her life had come to this point.
Raavi thought about that fateful day when things had gone awry. The day she and Shiva parted ways. Her eyes watered on their own accord as she relived their argument and felt an ache settle inside her heart.
“Humare saath aisa kyun hua, Shiva? Tune aisa kyun kiya? Maine...aisa kyun kiya? Kya hum yeh deserve karte hai?” Raavi whispered, finding herself walking towards her open window. She sat by the ledge, staring outside.
Their argument had been ugly. It had been a spectacle that strangers had witnessed. She wished she could take it all back. Her words to him echoed in her ears. She felt guilt overcome her body as a sob threatened to break out of her. She didn’t really mean those words. But his words had hurt her. In retaliation, she said whatever came to her mind. He hurt her and she wanted to hurt him back. It wasn’t okay. She realized that now but there was no going back. She felt hopeless. The light which resided within her had dimmed considerably. She no longer had the same gusto for life. His absence had covered her world with a veil of darkness. She didn’t have a clue on how to proceed with her life. More than anything, she wished to catch a glimpse of him. Both of them hadn’t seen each other in two weeks now. Despite multiple tries from their respective families, neither of the two budged from their stance, and neither agreed to meet each other when probed by their families. However, she felt the lack of his presence in her life. It ate her up from inside and pushed her to question why it affected her so much. Before their argument, she was content with compromising in her marriage. She never gave her feelings towards Shiva much of a thought. She had found a family within the Pandyas and she didn’t want to let them go. She thought this was enough to last her a lifetime. Oh, how wrong she was.
After going their separate ways, it wasn’t the family she always wanted that haunted her thoughts. It was him. Shiva: her bhoothnath. Being away from him made her realize just how detached she was from a world in which he didn’t exist. She never realized how important he had become for her. She never realized when his being present in her life had taken precedence over the Pandya family as a whole. Maybe, she had taken him for granted. They had both always been present in each other’s lives since their childhood. There was never a moment when they weren’t seen around each other. Even if it was just to have an argument, they would make themselves known in each other’s lives. And here they were now; at the crossroads.
“Hum dono hamesha se ek dusre ke aas paas hi ghumte the. Shayad issliye mujhe teri kami kabhi mehsoos hi nahi hui. Tere bina zindagi ke baare mein maine kabhi socha hi nahi. Ab jab sochne pe majboor hoon toh pata chal raha hai ki mujhe teri aadat hogayi thi. Lekin ab tu aadat bhi nahi, zaroorat jaisa ban gaya hai mere liye. Pann humare beech jo hua, usse kaise bhulau? Kaise bhulau tere unn kadwe shabdon ko? Kaise bhulau jo maine tujhse kaha? Zeher jaise the woh shabd. Sochti hoon unnke baare mein toh mera dil kaap padhta hai. Sahi kehte hai log, gusse mein kahe gaye shabd jo dard dete hai, unn par marham lagana bahot hi mushkil hota hai. Mujhe nahi pata main kya karoon.” Raavi looked up at the sky sadly, wishing for an indication from above to clear up her muddled thoughts.
“Darr lagta hai ki kahi tu bhi....” Raavi contemplated as her nightmares replayed themselves within her head. Her fear of losing everyone around her had stemmed from her childhood. She had lost her parents early on and it seemed to plague her thoughts for a while when she was growing up. Her mausima and mausapa had given her all the love in the world, yet that fear had always lingered, for she never got to have even a moment with her own parents. She searched for a family’s love, and being around the Pandya family, she was always drawn in by their loving and caring nature. But she never realized how a certain member of theirs had always been the center of her attention. A world without him now seemed like no world at all.
*****
Another week later, Raavi was bombarded by her maasima early in the morning. Prafulla put a paper into her hands and asked her to sign it. Raavi looked at her confused and read the words written on the paper. Her heart stopped beating for a second or two. She looked up at her maasi, gulping deeply, and hoping to make sense of her actions.
“Divorce papers?” A whisper left Raavi’s mouth.
“Haan, divorce papers. Ab toh main sure hoon ki woh rakshas tujhe apne saath le jaane se raha. Aur tum dono ke liye yahin accha hoga. Aisi bemel shaadi ka koi matlab nahi. Uss pagal Siva ne tujhe sirf dukh aur aansuon ke alawa kuch nahi diya! Ab tum dono ke alag hojane mein hi sabki bhalayi hai.” Prafulla gritted out in anger, shoving a pen into her niece’s hands.
“Yeh aap kya keh rahi hai? Mujhe koi divorce nahi chahiye.” Raavi uttered, a betrayed feeling taking over her voice. She was deeply hurt and appalled by her maasi’s suggestion.
“Raavi dikri dekh, aaj tak maine teri har chhoti se badi baat maani hai. Lekin aaj main teri nahi sunne wali. Main sirf teri bhalayi chahti hoon. Iss shaadi mein tere liye kuch nahi rakha. Maan ja beta, please. Apni maasi ma ki baat tu nahi manegi? Tu chinta mat kar, main tere liye ek accha sa gentleman dhoondh kar laungi jo tujhe apne sar ankhon par bitha kar rakhega.”
“Yeh aap kaisi baatein kar rahi hai? Divorce? Nayi shaadi? Dusra ladka? Aap khud ko sunn bhi rahi ho ya nahi? Yeh kitna ghatiya idea hai. How disgusting! Aap ne soch bhi kaise liya ki mujhe iss baat se khushi hogi? Main nahi sign karne wali yeh papers. Aur naahi mujhe koi aur ladka chahiye. Aap please mere maamlo mein interfere karna chhod dijiye.” Raavi cried out, folding her hands in front of her maasi, feeling defeat overcome her body. She tore the papers before she slid down to the floor and let her tears fall. She felt alone. Nobody understood her.
Prafulla looked at Raavi in shock and put her hand on her shoulder. Raavi’s head snapped towards her, her eyes swollen and red, looking at her with an accusing stare. She shrugged off her maasi’s hand and ran upstairs to her room leaving a baffled Prafulla behind.
Raavi slammed her door shut and let herself drop down across the floor. Her head touched the back of the door as she wrapped her hands around her knees. Her maasi knocked on her door, asking her to open up but Raavi refused to listen. She didn’t want anyone near her. Sobs wracked her body. She let one of her palms muffle her mouth as she screamed silently into it. Tears blurred her vision before she felt herself blackout.
*****
Raavi felt the warmth of a palm across her forehead. She felt another hand lightly caress her cheeks. The touch acted as a soothing agent for her parched soul. Somehow, it felt familiar. She tried to open her eyes but a bright light made her shut them instantly. She felt the palm drop and before she opened her eyes, a door slammed shut.
Her eyes fluttered open and she squinted at the door. She reached up to touch her forehead which had been encompassed by an inexplicable warmth just seconds before. She sat up slowly and couldn’t help but ponder upon why she was missing that warmth. Who was here with her and why did they leave before she could wake up properly?
Just then, her Anita di entered her room and smiled at her brightly. She engulfed her in a hug and stroked her back.
“Raavi, tune toh dara diya tha. Hum kitne der tere darwaaze ke bahar khade the lekin tune darwaza nahi khola. Thankfully, phui ke paas ek spare chaabi thi aur usse hum andar aagaye. Ye kya halat bana li hai tumne apni ha? Aise koi karta hai kya? Hum kitne pareshan the tere liye.”
Raavi shook her head sadly, not knowing how to answer her sister’s questions. She hugged her tighter, now needing the embrace of a loved one more than ever.
“Anita di, yahan pe aapke aane se pehle koi tha kya? Woh mujhe laga mere paas koi baitha hai par maine jab aankh kholi, toh yahaan pe koi nahi tha." Raavi questioned.
“Nahi, yahan pe koi nahi tha. Poore shaam tak toh hum hi the tere paas. Phir main kuch kaam se bahar chali gayi. Uss waqt, Dhara aayi thi Gautam ke saath tujhse milne ke liye par tu hosh mein nahi thi, issliye woh phir tujhe ek baar dekh kar chale gaye."
“Koi aur nahi aaya tha?” Raavi questioned, hoping for an answer that would satiate her curiosity. Anita shook her head a no and Raavi bowed her head in defeat.
*****
Three days later, Raavi decided to venture out of the confines of her room and into the world outside. While she had caged herself in her house, the world had moved on. She hoped a breath of fresh air and a change of surroundings could help her achieve some clarity.
As she walked in the streets of Somnath, she felt passersby stare at her but she refused to acknowledge them. She heard hushed whispers around her. She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath to calm herself. She resolved to not let anyone affect her. She walked along the paths, not knowing where her feet were leading her. Eventually, she found herself walking down a street which led her to Pandya Store. She stopped in her tracks when the realization settled in. She tried to turn around but it felt like her feet were glued to their spot.
Her eyes instantly searched for him. And it’s as if the fates were feeling generous for, she caught sight of a black and red plaid shirt. The person who adorned that shirt was none other than Shiva and at that moment, she felt her whole world stop. It had been more than three weeks since she last saw him. Letting her eyes settle upon him, she drunk in his appearance greedily. His hair was a bit longer, curling near the back of his neck, while the front of his hair had grown longer as well, curling upon his forehead. His clothes seemed a bit looser than usual, making her think he had lost some weight. He looked exhausted. There were dark circles under his eyes giving her a hint that he may not have been sleeping properly either. The thought made a pang of hurt pierce her heart. She saw him carrying multiple grocery bags in his hands while he escorted an older lady out of the store. He hailed her a rickshaw and helped her get inside before seeing her off with a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
This was her Shiva. “Yeh mera Shiva hai.” She thought internally, feeling a sense of pride seeing him help someone out. This was a side of him she didn’t get to see often because she used to always be busy bantering with him. She knew his heart was pure. He would always lend a helping hand to whoever was in need. He had shown her this quality multiple times, after all, he was her protector in many instances as well. However, she wished she had paid attention to his softer side a bit more. It was a treat for her eyes.
She wanted to reach out to him so badly. She tried to move her feet forward but she was stuck. She didn’t know how to approach him. A cynical chuckle escaped her lips as she realized how one argument had turned their lives upside down. She choked back a sob as she thought about all the times when she was easily able to approach him. How she would enter the store with authority and bicker with him endlessly. How there would be no room for awkwardness or any other misplaced emotions. There was never a time in all their moments together when she felt this helpless.
Suddenly, she felt herself go back to a time when they were 14 and 15 years old.
Shiva and Raavi were seen bickering in the streets of Somnath over a new gadget that seemed to be all the rage at that time. The two of them had walked over to a store and Shiva had randomly come across something which his classmates had insisted was a must-have. Shiva had been annoyed with Raavi for tagging alongside him. He cursed Dev for leaving him with this chipkali. He ignored her presence and devoted all of his focus to the gadget in his hands. He decided to buy it and if he didn’t like it, he would give it to Krish. As soon as he grabbed it, Raavi grasped onto it as well. She declared she had been looking for it since forever but Shiva didn’t buy her excuse. This led to a heated argument between them in which Raavi ended up calling him some mean names. She only resorted to them to make him believe she really wanted the item they were fighting over. Truth be told, she had never heard of it. She only grabbed onto it to spite Shiva and it seemed to work. She was miffed with him for ignoring her. How dare he ignore her when she was right beside him? She refused to let him win and as such, the gadget ended up falling on the floor, shattering to pieces in the process. The store owner was furious with them and made Shiva pay the full price for the broken item. Shiva’s wrath had no bounds at that moment and Raavi had run away, fearing for her life.
Later that evening when she timidly appeared at Pandya Store, she hid behind Gaumbi, peering around him to have a look at Shiva. He was sulking. His face was red as he punched a sack of flour. Raavi thought he must be imagining her in place of that sack. She wanted to apologize but wasn’t sure how to. She felt guilty for not only breaking that item and for calling him names. But she wasn’t sure if he would accept her apology. Suddenly, Shiva looked up from his sack and looked at Gaumbi.
“Aye gadhedi, Gaumbi ke peeche kya chhip ke baithi hai, bahar nikal.” Shiva grumbled.
“Shiva, Raavi, tum dono ne phirse ladaai ki hai?” Gaumbi questioned. Shiva nodded a no while Raavi shook her head, yes, making Gaumbi laugh. He ruffled Shiva’s hair telling him to calm down.
Raavi’s eyes widened as big as saucers when Gaumbi left. She decided to mutter a quick sorry and leave before Shiva decided to strike his anger of lightening upon her.
“S-S-Sh-h-iva....woh main...main...s-s-orr-” Raavi tried to speak but her tongue kept betraying her.
“Aye maami ki behen ki beti, apna sorry apne paas rakh. Tujhe bura lag raha hai? Chal, mujhe iss mein madad kar de.” Shiva spoke in his usual rough tone, but he grabbed her hand gently, pulling her along to the counter where he was supposed to be adding up some numbers for the inventory. It shocked Raavi when he didn’t say anything else. He didn’t seem as angry as he was when she first arrived either. She could deal with this. She happily helped him with the rest of his work, forgetting all about their previous argument.
Whenever Raavi and Shiva had fought, he would always be the one to diffuse the situation if things seemed to get a bit more serious. He would make sure they would always revert back to themselves. Raavi smiled wistfully as the memories hit her like a wrecking ball. She missed him. She wanted to talk to him. She yearned to hear his voice. She longed to see his usual fire back in his eyes. Yet, she wasn’t able to move an inch. Somehow, their grown-up selves had messed up so badly, she didn’t know what to do.
She just stood there, admiring him from afar, when suddenly his eyes looked up and wandered towards her. Their eyes met and she felt the outside world fade out of their existence, leaving only the two of them behind.
*****
Hello doston! This was a tough one to write. Again, I don't do well with emotional pieces but I hope Raavi's feelings/pov made sense. I had to listen to a lot of sad songs to churn out this chapter 🥺😆 I might edit this part later if I feel like adding things or removing something, but for now, this is it. The next part will contain Shiva's pov, hopefully. I might struggle a bit with that so it won't be out as quickly as I'd like. Anyways, do let me know how this was! Constructive criticism is always welcome 🤗
Sorry to anyone who hoped for an NDE 😆 Also, for the sake of the story, Anita is a positive character here!
Edited by blissfulcanyon - 3 years ago
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