How you consider extra marital affair ? just a mistake or sin/paap ?? - Page 2

Originally posted by: VS-Cool

One night stand....

R u serious or what?

This story is not anupama's ...it's the story of many small town and village women....

I have witnessed it .. women like anupama are ideal and present everywhere...

Do they deserves such in laws? Such husband or such kids who pukes over their emotions?

One night stand is not a mistake my friend....

I would rather use a word "p" for such cheap people... Wtf r u married for 25 years wid a woman and just have one night stand? Be it man or woman...

It's seriously not done

No they aren't ideal at all. Either they are a victim of circumstances who has no job, nowhere else to go, etc. and suffer out of compulsion, or they are just a poor decision maker who is responsible for their own misery (like Anu).

And chill girl we are saying forgiveness can be CONSIDERED if the husband has a one night stand... here Anu is forgiving Vanraj (and pressuring the kids to to do the same) for an eight year long affair with a family friend, and agreeing to live in one house with him and his mistress despite having many other options...

And no one is puking over Anu's emotions now except VanYa who she is supporting...

All others advised her not to take in Kavya but she wouldn't listen...

sorry out of the topic but which show you are all watching at the moment any good one ?

Originally posted by: VS-Cool

One night stand....

TOTALLY NOT A MISTAKE...SHAME ON THOSE WHO THINKS LIKE THAT

This story is not anupama's ...it's the story of many small town and village women....

I have witnessed it .. women like anupama are ideal and present everywhere...

Do they deserves such in laws? Such husband or such kids who pukes over their emotions?

One night stand is noT A MISTAKE..

I would rather use a word "p" for such cheap people... Wtf r u married for 25 years wid a woman and just have one night stand? Be it man or woman...

It's seriously not done..

Like I said it's a maybe ..I am a part of a large support group for women and have seen lot of such stories in real life ..

One went through a seperation lived apart underwent counseling and at some point they felt they still live each other. He felt he wanted to give his wife the second chance since he loved her and his children and he wanted to work on it . They are happy now but it took lot of effort from her side too. The man is a close friend and that is y I know .

I personally left my first relationship that totally devastated me since my then partner made out with another when drunk. But for me it was a no no . Since we were in a relationship for a long time .

I felt it was something I cannot forget no mattr what and we kindof cut contact for sometime later we are civil and u can say casual friends. Only thing I admired was he did not lie. So instill wish him happiness

It's different people have emo dependence on their partner and do tend to forgive sometimes

Muje laga tha except writers koi bhi isko mistake nai bolega! 😱

8 years long extra marital affair = MISTAKE WHICH CONTINUES FOR 8 YEARS👏

Mixed feelings about mistake and sin thingy..

Maine kiya toh mistake hai, tumne kiya to paap!!!

lots of love and best wishes for you.hope God will give you all the happiness you deserve

Originally posted by: sweet_tania

Muje laga tha except writers koi bhi isko mistake nai bolega! 😱

8 years long extra marital affair = MISTAKE WHICH CONTINUES FOR 8 YEARS👏

Yes certainly what Vanraj did is no "mistake"... I don't think anybody here is suggesting that...

And anyway he isn't even sorry

Originally posted by: Anjalika01

No they aren't ideal at all. Either they are a victim of circumstances who has no job, nowhere else to go, etc. and suffer out of compulsion, or they are just a poor decision maker who is responsible for their own misery (like Anu).

And chill girl we are saying forgiveness can be CONSIDERED if the husband has a one night stand... here Anu is forgiving Vanraj (and pressuring the kids to to do the same) for an eight year long affair with a family friend, and agreeing to live in one house with him and his mistress despite having many other options...

And no one is puking over Anu's emotions now except VanYa who she is supporting...

All others advised her not to take in Kavya but she wouldn't listen...

Just like her kids you also gave a strong POV about anupama , that she is responsible for her own misery ...

Just tell me one thing... If anu would have been an engineer, have so many bunglows in her name well educated but still doing the same & not uttering even a word against in laws then ?? What will be the reason which is stopping her to just grab and take everyone out to the court?

Situation like EMA is rarely black or white & it differs based on the relationship

Most societies and religions say infidelity is a sin

The act itself is deceitful & goes against ones marital vows / relationship agreement (unless it’s an open relationship)

However it’s also one of those things between a couple where only they can decide how to move on

So many factors /circumstances/situations that can lead to EMA

In this situation between Anu and Van the audience is privy to the circumstances & inner workings of this relationship

Having an EMA is one thing but Van has not recognized how he essentially destroyed Anu life & career ambitions so he could be successful/worthy of praise. He added value to himself while devaluing Anu year after year

Van tearing down Anu while using her to create his identity and worth is something I find unforgivable

Originally posted by: VS-Cool

Just like her kids you also gave a strong POV about anupama , that she is responsible for her own misery ...

Just tell me one thing... If anu would have been an engineer, have so many bunglows in her name well educated but still doing the same & not uttering even a word against in laws then ?? What will be the reason which is stopping her to just grab and take everyone out to the court?

I am extremely annoyed/disappointed with Anupama’s character at the moment, but still I wouldn’t want to be so cruelly unfair (and dishonest) as to say that she is responsible EVERYTHING that has happened in her life so far...

Definitely not.

Anupama was not responsible for Vanraj and Baa’s behaviour towards her throughout her marriage... she was always nice to them, performed all her her duties properly, supported Vanraj in any and every way she could... and yet nothing she did was ever good enough for them.

And Anupama was certainly not responsible for what VaYa have been doing for the past 8-9 years either... not Anupama, not Aniruddh, not anyone who has been cheated on is responsible for what happened to them... only exceptions may be people who are also cheaters, or abusers... hell even then there are much better solutions, and either way Anu was clearly not either of those things.

But Anupama IS responsible for how she raised her own children, Paritosh and Pankhi...

In a culture where respecting your elders, and particularly your mother is considered so, so important, she was unable to teach her her kids to do that much?

Our culture does not give a woman the upper hand over her husband and certainly not over the husband's mother... but certainly a mother always has the upper hand over her children and has full rights to set them straight when they are going down the wrong path...

Was allowing Paritosh and Pankhi to disrespect her so much throughout their growing years and youth a mistake Anupama committed unknowingly, or was it deliberate due to her seeming lack of self-worth and warped views? The former is much more forgiving than the latter, but either way, this situation was definitely in her control and it is still very, very far from ideal.

And we can't deny that Anupama IS responsible for the choice she is making now- to live under one roof with her ex-husband (who never respected her to begin with, and seems even more hell-bent on insulting and humiliating her since the divorce...), and worse still- his cheap young mistress. What kind of example is she setting for her teenage daughter, and the daughter in law who almost idolises her? To stay in one house with a man who you aren't even married to anymore, has all but given your place to another woman, and literally tells you to "GET OUT"?

As for your question of whether Anupama would be making the same decision if she was an engineer with many properties in her name, my answer is a big MAYBE.

Because Anu isn't doing what she's doing out of compulsion or a lack of viable options... this is a woman who has a stable, permanent job as a school teacher, as well as a small business that is apparently very successful... her children are all old enough to take care of themselves and her own mother literally pleaded with her to come back to her mayka...

It looks more like a case of poor decision making skills, poor self worth and backwards views- all of which highly educated women are overall less likely to have due to various factors, but certainly not immune to.

There are some educated, employed women living in metros or even in the west who remain in toxic or even abusive relationships against the advice of friends and family... these women could obviously provide for themselves, and there is little stigma against break ups/separation/divorce in the society they live in...

If I go by the way Anupama is behaving right now (and also a few things from her past that haven't been addressed properly), it looks to me like she is more a victim of her own poor judgement and incorrect views, rather than a victim of society or circumstances.

That is what seems to be stopping her taking any decisive action in the right direction... not any external factors.