Can loving someone too much can also be toxic? - Page 4

I can't see the connection between shaan aastha love and how it affected Shaurya . Shaan and aastha were wrong in their respective places but there r a few things in this serial which is totally tv serial type kuch bhi logic

Shaan couldn't explain shaurya the real reason behind aastha not being there for him ? When he was a kid fine but so many years ? If devi poisoned him, he could have told him the truth. if not then, now ? Also, children go through worse kind of trauma . Much more than what shaurya did . This doesn't explain his hatred towards working women . It looks like shaurya never grew up . He has everything that an average person craves for. If aastha wasn't there for him, his devi ma was...Shaan wasn't there..tej papa was....Then whats the problem? All his needs were taken care of , money, luxury , education, career , success , a family who he loves ..what exactly is he cribbing for and blaming aastha and Shaan?

Originally posted by: _charu_

I can't see the connection between shaan aastha love and how it affected Shaurya . Shaan and aastha were wrong in their respective places but there r a few things in this serial which is totally tv serial type kuch bhi logic

Shaan couldn't explain shaurya the real reason behind aastha not being there for him ? When he was a kid fine but so many years ? If devi poisoned him, he could have told him the truth. if not then, now ? Also, children go through worse kind of trauma . Much more than what shaurya did . This doesn't explain his hatred towards working women . It looks like shaurya never grew up . He has everything that an average person craves for. If aastha wasn't there for him, his devi ma was...Shaan wasn't there..tej papa was....Then whats the problem? All his needs were taken care of , money, luxury , education, career , success , a family who he loves ..what exactly is he cribbing for and blaming aastha and Shaan?

Originally posted by: Sofna

They were loving parents. Shaurya was happy and loved.

Idk the backstory as I started watching after the hug - but I'm guessing from the posts here.

Which parent doesn't?

Sacrifice doesn't come with a manual and guideline - that if you act in this way, at this moment, only then you are a successful parent.

@bold: Then most of us wouldn't be here. 😆

I am a child of absentee parent's. My parent's lived in a different country to me. My physical situation was different to Shaurya but emotional was similar. I like how the cv's are layering his character with truly how a child comes out of this mess and their outlook in life.

I can sit here and blame my parent's, which I have done, but it's not going to change my past and just continue to haunt my future. There was so much going on and they did what they 'thought' was 'best' for their child. Yes, the traumas and wounds are there, but like I mentioned in my first post even the best of parent's lack in so many ways.

In any profession has someone being responsible for another below them. Not everyone gets it right and not every time either. That doesn't mean people just leave their profession because they cannot take the responsibility and fulfil it perfectly. Whether we're studying or working there's people impacting us with their behaviours daily,and leaving an imprint on our outlook of life.

That's why I said - parent's are only humans. And mistakes is a part of being human.

It's not just about abandonment. What came after is important too. If you think most parents don't sacrifice and prioritize their kids above everything then I think you are generalizing your situation. If shaurya was so happy and loved then how come he doesn't feel it? A child understands love better than anyone. I am not expecting Shaan and aastha to be perfect but they don't even acknowledge or accept their mistakes, selfishness and they keep pushing shaurya to love and respect them. The flippant manner with which aastha was talking about the way shaurya has turned out shows she doesn't really understand the depth of the damage she has done. Shaurya doesn't have emotional damage from just abandonment. He dealt with an alcoholic father who was mentally checked out. That is worse than what aastha did. If he is blaming them and reacting this way it is because they keep cornering him, pushing him and interfering in his life. Parents make mistakes and they correct them. Did that happen here ? Bringing up a child requires perseverance, resilience and love. It is not a trial and error job which parents can use as their training period. It can't be compared to profession as we are talking about shaping a humanbeing, their mind and giving direction to his/her life. There is no logical comparison between profession, studying etc with child upbringing because the latter is in a league of its own as nothing is more difficult than that. Parents either shouldn't have kids (thank God people plan for kids now and don't just have them) and spare them the pain or be ready to face all adversities. Making mistakes is ok but abandoning your child voluntarily to live with a toxic family like saberwals and a weak parent like Shaan is not a mistake. I am only human can't be used as an excuse here as it is too serious of an issue for that..aastha and Shaan didn't forget his lunchbox or birthday. They abandoned all of their responsibilities as parents voluntarily. It was not about being perfect parents,it was about atleast being there. Even now Shaan's life revolves around aastha. Shaurya doesn't matter. So let's not use "I am only human" excuse for them to justify their grave mistakes.

Originally posted by: Nomadic_Vibe

Having an alcoholic absentee parent hurts a child a lot in addition to an actual absentee parent. Also Tej and Devi never for once let him forget he isn't their son but they have taken him under their wings and made sacrifice for him. He didn't feel loved or obligated or under their favor so yes he is right in feeling angry and hurt.

In that case why does he love devi ma so much , that he is not ready to listen anything against her ? He had a mother figure a father figure plus a family plus everything that one desires..plus he isn't a child anymore ...yes if he was abandoned in a family who didn't care for him or traumatize him then his anger was justified. Like I said , things don't add up for me till date . Probably at a later stage when they tell us about what actually happened , why aastha left the house and couldn't contact shaurya , why Shaan didn't take care of him and why does he feel devoid of love when he has it all , I can know them better. A lot is missing in the story . She said family members didn't let her meet shaurya but She was always in touch with Shaan. Shaan was close to shaurya and aastha was in touch with him then why did he choose to go the majnu way?

There is no handbook of parenting or a rulebook which defines what's right and what's the wrong thing to do...pyaar care concern kahan se mila , mil toh gaya shaurya ko. My only point is , blaming anyone for your miseries isn't right . Somewhere shaurya was weak and he is weak. Shaan and aasthas story gives me the context but shaurya must not use it as an excuse to his behavior. If he is hurt deeply and he can know why, he can very well figure a way out of it .

Originally posted by: Akanksha29100

Loving someone too much can be toxic if it is capable of destroying your reasoning capabilities. Although I strongly feel that shaan's love for his noor is not toxic but his regret of letting her go like that is. It's not his love that has resulted him of what he had become today but for me it is his regrets which will not allow him to die in peace.

Those people who are not aware of the wrong done by them can fully live because there is nothing that eats then from the inside but those who are aware of the wrong done by them, they even find it difficult to breathe.

And it's not an excuse on Shaan's part for why he did what he did but I think Shaan found his way to survive by diving in his regrets. You see he started nurturing his ability to feel miserable.

In real I do not support the kind of love that overpowers one's every other emotion but I will talk solely about this show.

So in this I think Shaan's love for noor never become toxic for him or even Aastha but it was Shaurya who was subjected to toxicity. His father was never there when Shaurya was fed hatred neither Shaan was there when Shaurya nurtured that hatred.

And everything was justified in his eyes because he felt miserable !

So it was not his love that was toxic but it was his attachment to regret and vulnerability that is toxic.

Oh my goodness..

You have explained Shaan's character so beautifully.👍🏼 Nothing much to add. Fully agree with you.

I don’t think Shaan’s love for Astha is toxic or even extreme merely because if he loved her enough instead of pining for her, he would have done something concrete in all these years.

Shaan is a weak man, he didn’t stop Astha from leaving, he didn’t try to bring her back, he never took Shaurya to meet his mother (even if Shaan wasn’t aware of Astha waiting hours to meet her son), he readily agreed to divorce his wife to let Gayatri and her daughter in law stay in the Sabarwal house. A love like that is not love, his love is a weakling’s love, a selfish love. He needs to make serious amends if he wants to prove he really loves Astha.

As for Shaan not loving Shaurya enough, I think Shaan loves Shaurya the same way he loves Astha - with very little effort put forth - he was probably relieved Devi took over the rearing responsibility for his son so that he could indulge in his Majnu ways of drinking and pining instead of living up to his (wedding) promises to Astha and his promises to his son (when you bring a child into the world, you do make unwritten promises to love and protect that child). It is easy to love from afar, it is easy to drink and pine and put your misery centerfold - it is about himself and his pain - not his wife and his son. Don’t get me wrong, I like Shaan, he is kind of heart and fair but is a weak man completely overshadowed by his brothers and sister in law.

Originally posted by: john909

Firstly, I never said that Shaan and aastha didn't make mistakes . Imo it was completely Shaan s fault from a to z. He was the one who couldn't take a stand for his wife ,he was the one who couldn't take care of his son the way he should have . He is the one who couldn't stop his family to influence shaurya's mind. He is the one who is still helpless , na bete ka hua na family ka na aastha ka.

This i agree wth , people who cNt raise their children well, don't have time for them or have priorities must not have the child in the first place...... When the serial started aastha was extraordinary for me. She chose to care for her parents and leave the spineless man who couldn't take a stand for her against his family on an unreasonable issue. Can't a working woman take care of her family and job both and can't she support her parents after marriage ? Aastha didn't ask for money from sabarwals , she decided to work and support her parents . But since she has been shot , I believe she has completely lost it. Pehle she forgave that Gunda brother of anokhi then she used anokhi to get to shaurya...she is using all the wrong means to get to shaurya.

Lastly , a child has needs and the needs have to be taken care of . I believe when someone make them the center of their universe , there shouldn't be a problem . Chacha ho ya chachi ya grandparents or mama mami ..there are single parents too , one or both parents pass away , that doesn't mean all children evolve into disturbed humans...children are sent to boarding also , some take it well some don't, as per their psychology. I have seen some very gentle people around who spent their childhood in boarding school and who raised their children as single parents.

Yes parents cNt be substituted but aastha Shaan jaise parents se toh better hi ho Shayad and as per shaurya it did..his devi ma and papa r better than his parents as per him.....so Why is he in pain ? Bec he expected so much from aastha and still does ? Bec he still loves her but wants to hurt her for what she did. Pain which lingers on for years and affects ones personality isn't healthy. His mom left him and father wasnt there but rest everything worked out well in his life...His behavior comes across as conflicted all the times. The biggest irony with him and sabarwal family, He is running a top shot college , he is their teacher and what does he expect? ask them not to have a career after they finish studies ? He treats his devi ma and tej papa like gods..the best parents.. but still cry over his mom.abandoning him ?

The only thing is I am unable to comprehend is ,the endless suffering that shaurya has to endure due to aastha. He doesn't wanna forgive her don't. Why is he affected so much by her presence ? He can leave his parents aside and never forgive them, he isn't a child anymore.

I always loved the premise of this show , hence I am watching it . Shaurya will understand one day why aastha did what she did , he will fall in love , just like his parents, and he will have to take tough decisions against his family , might be , for anokhi too. I just hope cvs don't mess it up.

So right. Astha could have done both, raised her son, had a family and taken care of her parents if only Shaan had stood by her.
As for Shaurya turning out the way he has, I think it is because Devi has filled him with hate for his mother. The little boy that he was probably cried and wanted his mother but his aunt in her selfish effort to make the child her own filled the kid’s head with nonsense that he was unwanted and abandoned by his own mother. Shaurya is a well balanced guy (if there is such a thing as well balanced in life), he can behave normally most times, has a great life at home, has a great job, etc. The thought of his mother rankles only because he has been fed this poison as a child and he has seen the family blame his mother for his father’s condition as well. Naturally, he dislikes his mother. Hoping he grows to love Astha just as much as he abhors her now.

Originally posted by: soapwatcher1

So right. Astha could have done both, raised her son, had a family and taken care of her parents if only Shaan had stood by her.
As for Shaurya turning out the way he has, I think it is because Devi has filled him with hate for his mother. The little boy that he was probably cried and wanted his mother but his aunt in her selfish effort to make the child her own filled the kid’s head with nonsense that he was unwanted and abandoned by his own mother. Shaurya is a well balanced guy (if there is such a thing as well balanced in life), he can behave normally most times, has a great life at home, has a great job, etc. The thought of his mother rankles only because he has been fed this poison as a child and he has seen the family blame his mother for his father’s condition as well. Naturally, he dislikes his mother. Hoping he grows to love Astha just as much as he abhors her now.

Ditto 👍🏼

Atleast Shravan had his father, Ramnath with him. Though Ramnath poisoned shravan's head against his mother but it can't be denied that Shravan was the centre of his world. And he could go to any extend for him... Even if it meant blackmailing Sumo to stay away from Shravan.

On the other hand, Shaan neglected Shaurya completely. I feel so bad for Shaurya. His parents failed him. After Aastha's departure from Shaurya's life, Shaan should have owned up the responsibilty of being a Bhabhi...

Shaan was too much lost in his wife's memories that he forgot about the existence of his son.