Can loving someone too much can also be toxic?

My post is regarding Shaan's love for his "Noor". Is Shaan the first Indian Male character who unconditionally and deeply loves his wife so much that he stopped loving anyone else including his son. I mean if anyone can recall a Father on ITV who loved his separated wife so much. I recall the example of Shravan in EDV where his father poisoned his son's head for his mother. It's always the Father instigating his son against the woman who left him or It's the other way around where the Father has left his child and mother who still loves her husband. In both of those scenarios usually the ML learns hate and are turned off from showing emotions and love. My question was by loving Astha too much has Shaan turned off Shaurya's ability to love and be normal and express his emotion seeing it as a sign of weakness. Usually the hate of one parent can turn off the off spring from that emotion but can loving someone too much can do the same?

Am looking forward to some great insights.

Originally posted by: Nomadic_Vibe

My post is regarding Shaan's love for his "Noor". Is Shaan the first Indian Male character who unconditionally and deeply loves his wife so much that he stopped loving anyone else including his son. I mean if anyone can recall a Father on ITV who loved his separated wife so much. I recall the example of Shravan in EDV where his father poisoned his son's head for his mother. It's always the Father instigating his son against the woman who left him or It's the other way around where the Father has left his child and mother who still loves her husband. In both of those scenarios usually the ML learns hate and are turned off from showing emotions and love. My question was by loving Astha too much has Shaan turned off Shaurya's ability to love and be normal and express his emotion seeing it as a sign of weakness. Usually the hate of one parent can turn off the off spring from that emotion but can loving someone too much can do the same?

Am looking forward to some great insights.

It's good to hear this about this topic.

It has always been like that father poisoning kid's mind and instigating hatred against mother, while here Shaan is longing for his wife and neglecting his son.

Maybe others will disagree but if I was given some option then I believe hating wife and instigating could be slightly better than outright neglecting a child and not giving him a secure childhood.

As compared to Shaurya, we could say that Shravan had a better life.

Shaurya's lives a life of insecurity masking it with coldness and indifference. From inside he is just a small boy who doesn't consider himself good enough. According to him, he couldn't be someone's priority.

Shaan is too much blinded by his love for Aastha that he ignored his other duties. Love makes one stronger but in Shaan's case it's totally opposite.

It all went downhill from that point.

Loving someone too much can be toxic if it is capable of destroying your reasoning capabilities. Although I strongly feel that shaan's love for his noor is not toxic but his regret of letting her go like that is. It's not his love that has resulted him of what he had become today but for me it is his regrets which will not allow him to die in peace.

Those people who are not aware of the wrong done by them can fully live because there is nothing that eats then from the inside but those who are aware of the wrong done by them, they even find it difficult to breathe.

And it's not an excuse on Shaan's part for why he did what he did but I think Shaan found his way to survive by diving in his regrets. You see he started nurturing his ability to feel miserable.

In real I do not support the kind of love that overpowers one's every other emotion but I will talk solely about this show.

So in this I think Shaan's love for noor never become toxic for him or even Aastha but it was Shaurya who was subjected to toxicity. His father was never there when Shaurya was fed hatred neither Shaan was there when Shaurya nurtured that hatred.

And everything was justified in his eyes because he felt miserable !

So it was not his love that was toxic but it was his attachment to regret and vulnerability that is toxic.

Again playing the devil's advocate. Shaan is a one of a kind character. A kind person at heart but otherwise useless because of his lack of spine. It would be wrong to say that his love for his Noor made him incapable of loving Shaurya. He loves Shaurya. Maybe he never was able to show it like his Badima does.

I remember during the library conversation he told Aastha that he spent as much time as he could with Shaurya but he felt that Shaurya needed a mother. Given that they live in a joint family and Devi was willing to take up Shaurya's responsibility, he thought Shaurya might find a mother's affection from her. Maybe he was not aware of how manipulative she could be. People sometimes fail to read their own parents or children with whom they have spent years, so it is no surprise that Shaan failed to understand his bhabi's true intentions. As we have seen in some earlier episodes, Devi doesn't even consult Shaan while taking important decisions regarding Shaurya, like inviting prospective brides over.

Shaan definitely loves his Noor more than anyone else. But he could do nothing for her as well. He married her and brought her into this family knowing full well that she would be stifled in that environment. He could not stand by her when she decided to work, nor could he move out with her. Even now he tries to justify his elder brother and feels Aastha was wrong to leave. He only tried to contact her over phone when he could have gone to Kapurthala if he really wanted to see her. In short, like Aastha said, he loved her but could never understand her.

Coming to Shaan's alcohol problem, I think it was plain depression, from seeing his family shatter before his eyes and unable to do anything about it. The guy needed therapy but no one in that house cared for him enough to see that. I think Devi and Tej might love Shaurya to some extent but they never loved Shaan. How that got cured by Aastha's one call is for the CVs to explain.

P.S. - I too don't think I will be able to continue defending characters if writing is so inconsistent.

Originally posted by: RaarA

It's good to hear this about this topic.

It has always been like that father poisoning kid's mind and instigating hatred against mother, while here Shaan is longing for his wife and neglecting his son.

Maybe others will disagree but if I was given some option then I believe hating wife and instigating could be slightly better than outright neglecting a child and not giving him a secure childhood.

As compared to Shaurya, we could say that Shravan had a better life.

Shaurya's lives a life of insecurity masking it with coldness and indifference. From inside he is just a small boy who doesn't consider himself good enough. According to him, he couldn't be someone's priority.

Shaan is too much blinded by his love for Aastha that he ignored his other duties. Love makes one stronger but in Shaan's case it's totally opposite.

It all went downhill from that point.

Originally posted by: Akanksha29100

Loving someone too much can be toxic if it is capable of destroying your reasoning capabilities. Although I strongly feel that shaan's love for his noor is not toxic but his regret of letting her go like that is. It's not his love that has resulted him of what he had become today but for me it is his regrets which will not allow him to die in peace.

Those people who are not aware of the wrong done by them can fully live because there is nothing that eats then from the inside but those who are aware of the wrong done by them, they even find it difficult to breathe.

And it's not an excuse on Shaan's part for why he did what he did but I think Shaan found his way to survive by diving in his regrets. You see he started nurturing his ability to feel miserable.

In real I do not support the kind of love that overpowers one's every other emotion but I will talk solely about this show.

So in this I think Shaan's love for noor never become toxic for him or even Aastha but it was Shaurya who was subjected to toxicity. His father was never there when Shaurya was fed hatred neither Shaan was there when Shaurya nurtured that hatred.

And everything was justified in his eyes because he felt miserable !

So it was not his love that was toxic but it was his attachment to regret and vulnerability that is toxic.

Loving someone is not enough, you have to respect n nurture the relationship. In Shaan's case though he loved Astha to the core, he didn't stand up for her rights or her dignity. In the process he also neglected his duties as a father. 🙂

I feel as humans there is no solid right or wrong.

Because to err is human.

Tej, Shaan and Alokh- 3 brother's from the same parent's but very different in how they will approach life and it's challenges.

Absentee parent's create havoc in children's life. What great examples Shaurya has in both his parent's one present and one afar but both absent.

I think Shaan gave up thinking he won't be able to do the mother's role and with Devi and Gayatri there allowed them to rightly take over the female presence in his life.

His love for noor I don't believe is toxic but there's A vacuum of regret for what if.

Even the best of parent's buckle under the pressure.

I think we forget that parent's are humans and have feelings and emotions. And just because they have a child(ren) doesn't mean they can switch themselves off.

But yes both his parent's played a role in imprinting in him that love = weakness, abandonment.

Originally posted by: Nomadic_Vibe

My post is regarding Shaan's love for his "Noor". Is Shaan the first Indian Male character who unconditionally and deeply loves his wife so much that he stopped loving anyone else including his son. I mean if anyone can recall a Father on ITV who loved his separated wife so much. I recall the example of Shravan in EDV where his father poisoned his son's head for his mother. It's always the Father instigating his son against the woman who left him or It's the other way around where the Father has left his child and mother who still loves her husband. In both of those scenarios usually the ML learns hate and are turned off from showing emotions and love. My question was by loving Astha too much has Shaan turned off Shaurya's ability to love and be normal and express his emotion seeing it as a sign of weakness. Usually the hate of one parent can turn off the off spring from that emotion but can loving someone too much can do the same?

Am looking forward to some great insights.

What a thought provoking post👍🏼

Made me think: How much is too much?

Shaan's love was unhealthy for sure, but I don't think I'll use the word toxic.

His blindness to everything around him clouded his reasoning. Astha was clearly his world , and when she left, his existence had no meaning causing him to lose track of everything and develop a dependence on alcohol to ease the pain. I feel that because of the fact that he was unable to take a strong stand for her, he wallowed in melancholy and self pity so much that he poured too much of himself - and then, he was left so empty that he could not see that maybe, just maybe closeness with his son would have provided both of them with the much needed warmth in cold nights.

Love is such a powerful emotion and it is often perceived in idealistic terms and so we'd generally not criticise a person who is deeply in love. However, it becomes problematic when that love affects the behavior of the lover and the beloved - clearly both are affected here, however, there was also a child who was part of this dynamic and the child was made to feel like he belonged nowhere - physical detachment with the mother and emotional detachment with the father! For me, its Shaurya's presence in this dynamic that makes it sort of unhealthy - because the two people who took conscious decisions not only hurt each other, but also the child.

So yeah, that's what happens when idealistic love meets the practical one. I wonder where Shaurya and Anokhi would fall - I guess they'd balance! While for the time being Shaurya looks more practical in his relationship outlook, I do think that he'll swing towards the idealistic version when he'll be in love. He feels everything deeply as it is!

Shaan's love turned out to be toxic for his own self. He liberated his Noor but he got trapped in his grief.

Shaan is one of those people who fail to cope with trauma. Not because they are not trying hard enough but because they often fail to realize how much will it be worth it.

Some choose to not try but some don't see anything wrong with staying trapped in their grief. Over time, such people forget that there is a world outside this grief that isn't affect by their loss. Shaan could be one of them. He was so lost in his lost that he forgot that there someone else who lost a dear one as well.

They are not selfish but just.... They are too lost to find their way back.