Member Topic: How many of you had an arranged marriage? - Page 13

Arranged, later becoming love. So the usual shaadi sites wala rishta happened with us. I live in India and he lives in Europe. My parents started looking out sometime in late 2018 for my rishta. I was hell bent that I would not move out of India since it would be difficult to change jobs, travel so far, not being able to meet my family often etc... but somehow nothing was clicking in India for me, either I was not too happy with the potential guys or sometimes families were not suitable for my parents and this went on for few months..

After sometime, my parents came to me and asked if they can extend the geographical search to abroad. I was hesitant but on a whim, said it would be okay. We were holidaying in Italy, early last year when my dad had this usual habit of showing me profiles. In Venice we were, that day at our hotel, looking forward to the day's tour and dad was like ' Look at this'! I was like daaadd! Whyy! I was annoyed that he was still into this even during our trip and just barely glanced at his profile, just took a look at his pictures and his qualifications and to get done with the conversation, casually said okay! Turns out dad took it seriously and 2 weeks later when we got back, he said yeah his parents have agreed and if you want, you guys can talk! Took me some time to figure out who he was talking about😆

Turns out my now husband's parents had sent the like request twice to us, after their son's consent.. Earlier we had said no since I was not for going abroad and by mistake they sent to us again, forgetting that they had sent before! Later they got to know this and even asked how come I told yes now, so we kind of were like yeah things changed somehow😆

Then both of us started with our long distance audio and video calls, got to know each other, began exchanging views on all sorts of things, and I felt more and more comfortable as I started talking to him.. Both our parents were extra excited about this rishta so they kept asking us where this is going and we were like yeah its going somewhere but didn't elaborate much to their dismay😛 I was very sure that things would go forward only if we meet face to face and so was he because nothing like a personal meeting! SO he booked a flight to his hometown in India, came all the way for me, and that was a big sign. We hit it off personally and I was all shy and awkward because he was my first and only relationship (never had any guy before☺️), ended up going to his childhood friend's wedding nearby which happened coincidentally that weekend, as a couple on our first date (prompted by his parents to take me somewhere😆) ,where he introduced me as his fiancee to all his friends and their parents, had our official roka in their house and he left for Europe.

Long story short, we had our marriage last year December which was everything I dreamed my wedding would be! He is poles apart from me, personality wise but something about him I knew he's the one, and for him as well, I am his first and last, touchwood. ❤️And we relocated to Europe. I came back to India early this year for my dad's 60th birthday function, got stuck here due to corona and since then, unable to fly back! So for the past 6 months, we have been long distancing it which absolutely sucks :( but yeahh looking forward to things getting better and getting reunited with my husband 😳

Sorry for the long post but just reminisced my entire story! Thank you for this thread :D

Originally posted by: Deviant_Pixel

Thank you! Hahaha yes I am half catholic myself hope her parents aren’t like my dad 😆

My cousins parents I guess know about her indirectly, they never ask him though. In her family only her sister knows but the dad is super strict.

They have a deal/understanding she won’t convert and he’s not super religious. Both independent and strong minded, my cousins told few of our cousins to be ready for court marriage lol in case the fam goes crazy. He’s like will do Nikah/Church marriage later if we wish to.

Originally posted by: Thatgirl16

Oh that'd be a legit drama. My cousin's was a love story with a girl from same cast, but fam phir bhi baukhla gaye the😆

Family sometime just wants the drama 😆

Originally posted by: Deviant_Pixel

Well he is pakistani born and brought up (including passport) and I am Indian brought up in dubai also holding an indian passport (this is important because geographically it poses a challenge). We met in our university library (in the uk for context) actually, were friends for a year and I avoided liking him because I knew this was going to be a major struggle. We come from broken homes, countries we both cannot even visit and religions, I was like this is gonna end badlyy. But we couldn't help it and started dating in my final year of uni. I left to Dubai after graduation, he was unsure if he wanted to study further and went to Pak. Lots of tears at airport, because we legit were like we aren't seeing each other ever again logically but we still tried long distance and it was a disaster. We were way too young and couldn't handle the distance plus that time pressure of career.

After 6 months of our break up, he surprised me in Dubai, we reconciled. He left a good job back home with his dad's business and got a really bad one in Dubai and struggled for a year when his mom also passed away. Finally he settled in and then fast forward 6 years, I was like tell your father now, he went back home for a holiday bearing bribes and gifts, his dad instantly was like what have you done? When he told his dad, his jaw dropped he was like you both are nuts.

Finally after a year of convincing his father and stepmother came here. He and my mom are super close anyway as I introduced them very soon after he moved. His dad met me liked me alot and liked my mom but ofcourse they were like this is too hard and you guys will never see each others families, we wont see our grandkids lalala. My dad hasn't accepted him because he is super conservative and extremely rigid. In the end they accepted our relationship and told us go ahead and get engaged which we did privately without an official ceremony as of yet.

I applied for my canadian residency and he procrastinated, when I got mine, his tubelight came on and he applied and then bam covid hit and his application is stranded so we may have to go down the spousal route lets see. He met with a major accident this time in March when he went on vacation, so now hes stuck in Pak with physio etc. Nothing ever comes easy.

To be continued when and if this works out🤣

I would have had a panic attack every 15 minutes if I was in such a situation...I wouldn't have been able to muster enough courage to talk to either family...would have eloped maybe 🤣

Originally posted by: Veni-Vidi-Vici

I would have had a panic attack every 15 minutes if I was in such a situation...I wouldn't have been able to muster enough courage to talk to either family...would have eloped maybe 🤣

Trust me he was like let’s run away in the end. First he was all like all families should agree you speak to your family, jab apni bari aayi, hes like better we apply for Canada get married there 🤣

Originally posted by: K.Ahm

My cousins parents I guess know about her indirectly, they never ask him though. In her family only her sister knows but the dad is super strict.

They have a deal/understanding she won’t convert and he’s not super religious. Both independent and strong minded, my cousins told few of our cousins to be ready for court marriage lol in case the fam goes crazy. He’s like will do Nikah/Church marriage later if we wish to.

Better court marriage man. They all will start, oh our traditions weren’t followed lalala. In my house there’s a statue of mother Mary and a temple, his stepmother kept looking at temple, ganesha’s framed photos lmfao, she was like what are we doing in her head I’m sure 🤣

Originally posted by: Deviant_Pixel

Well he is pakistani born and brought up (including passport) and I am Indian brought up in dubai also holding an indian passport (this is important because geographically it poses a challenge). We met in our university library (in the uk for context) actually, were friends for a year and I avoided liking him because I knew this was going to be a major struggle. We come from broken homes, countries we both cannot even visit and religions, I was like this is gonna end badlyy. But we couldn't help it and started dating in my final year of uni. I left to Dubai after graduation, he was unsure if he wanted to study further and went to Pak. Lots of tears at airport, because we legit were like we aren't seeing each other ever again logically but we still tried long distance and it was a disaster. We were way too young and couldn't handle the distance plus that time pressure of career.

After 6 months of our break up, he surprised me in Dubai, we reconciled. He left a good job back home with his dad's business and got a really bad one in Dubai and struggled for a year when his mom also passed away. Finally he settled in and then fast forward 6 years, I was like tell your father now, he went back home for a holiday bearing bribes and gifts, his dad instantly was like what have you done? When he told his dad, his jaw dropped he was like you both are nuts.

Finally after a year of convincing his father and stepmother came here. He and my mom are super close anyway as I introduced them very soon after he moved. His dad met me liked me alot and liked my mom but ofcourse they were like this is too hard and you guys will never see each others families, we wont see our grandkids lalala. My dad hasn't accepted him because he is super conservative and extremely rigid. In the end they accepted our relationship and told us go ahead and get engaged which we did privately without an official ceremony as of yet.

I applied for my canadian residency and he procrastinated, when I got mine, his tubelight came on and he applied and then bam covid hit and his application is stranded so we may have to go down the spousal route lets see. He met with a major accident this time in March when he went on vacation, so now hes stuck in Pak with physio etc. Nothing ever comes easy.

To be continued when and if this works out🤣

So filmy and hope all goes well for you and wish you both happiness and prosperity🤗

Originally posted by: desertsun

Arranged. Mine was funny circumstances. My family was modest and we grew up in small town conservative where all relatives were close by and so had a huge extended family and outings was going to weddings and funerals of extended family or same caste people.

I am quite dark skinned. My dad's family is very dark and they used to joke that my great grandfather was so dark that even the palms of his hands were black. My mum's family was fair/light skinned , but poor and hence the marriage happened.

My second cousin's wedding was arranged too, but she was in love with a good looking guy who was a salesman who was there from another state. Somehow they suppressed it and arranged her wedding. But two days before the wedding, she ran away to the other state. If it was same state, they would send goondas and bring her back-it was considered a very shameful thing.

For some reason, the groom family was also very ashamed as they had made the arrangements, sent the invites and everyone is coming. Quickly they talked with my extended family and father and instead they arranged me as I was the only one available. Now those days mind you, we still had to give dowry -at least in my caste. No way we could have afforded such a match-he was educated, no sisters in family(that was important, as those days daughter in law had to take care of all the sister deliveries, and maternal uncle had to do so many functions he had to do for sisters children in my caste.) Also he was very decent looking, unlike me-who was dark but quite homely to boot. I was 18 and agreed-in those days the best I could have hoped for was marry some shop keeper or some one running a small business and live in joint family in our town. Most of my cousins at my level all ended up that way. If at all, my dear husband was forced. We were all from same community.

it went well, IT wave hit, we went abroad, after raising kids and youngest hit 7, I went to institution and learnt software-and they placed me and manged to survive and am working too.

We have a nice relationship too-he is happy-though in the beginning very unhappy as I guess looks wise I am no way his equal-but thank God those days looks alone was not everything. I take care of house, kids, finances and got a job too-so we are fine and have grown to love each other.

It is funny, I talk to people where I live from India who grew up in big cities, they have no idea how it is in rural/small town India. Probably why modern movies suck-all made by people growing up in Juhu and Bandra.

I felt like giving you a tight 🤗I hope you are happy...your journey after marriage is inspiring 👏

Originally posted by: TeluguChokri

Aww yours sounds like Veer Zara part 2 🤣

So filmy and hope all goes well for you and wish you both happiness and prosperity🤗

Yaar I hope not Veer Zara, mujhe jail kissi ke liye nahin jaana 😆 Thank you thank you ❤️

Depends on your spouse and the compatibility