I'm sorry for what's coming ahead, if anyone doesn't have the energy for an emotional outburst, please ignore this post. I'm a puddle of emotions right now, and might probably sound irrational, impulsive or extra, but I really feel like sharing this with people who might echo my feelings
I cannot at all seem to move on from what has happened. There literally hasn't been a day since the 14th of June when I haven't cried thinking about what this beautiful human being with so many dreams and so much of genuineness and love might have gone through. This pain is beyond my own comprehension. I cannot understand why it's so hard to accept that this particular human being is gone. It feels so, so personal that my heart physically hurts. And it's not even that I have followed him constantly like some of you all might have.
I'll be honest, before Sushant's demise I have not given him much attention; barely, if I have to be precise. I've followed Kis Desh and Pavitra Rishta, loved his characters in both shows, but stopped following him when he entered Bollywood. And this probably tops my list of regrets...
It's not just because of the current extreme outrage or because of the fact that he's currently out there displayed and discussed on every national and international channel on a daily basis; it's because after watching so many interviews of his and discovering this gem of a human being too late, it's just so hard to accept that he has had such a sad end, that too after suffering so much. This man deserved so, so much more. He deserved the whole world.
He was a talented actor, a genius with a brilliant mind, someone with whom I feel I would sit and discuss about everything all day. And learn so much from because I probably don't have 1/100 of his knowledge. But fundamentally he was just a simple, grounded and sweet human being at heart... someone who started from nothing and who made it to where he was on his own - his career is the fruit of his hardwork, his sincerity, his patience and his efforts. He was seemingly a sweet, gentle soul who had this child-like wonder that made his eyes sparkle when he spoke about the things he was passionate about. Like Ankita said, he seems like someone who found joy in the smallest things. Fhs, he actually made it a must to devote his time to replying to his fans everyday before his mental health started sinking. He had so many ambitions and plans for the greater good of this world.
He had no godfather in Bollywood, because of which he probably faced so many hardships and probably got hurt and he probably stayed quiet. Still he made it to a point where he was the one who played M.S Dhoni in his biopic, and he gave an award-winning performance ❤️ But I guess he was too good for this world so he got taken away. Too naive for his own good. I know that it's of no use ruminating on what could have been, but how I wish people hadn't used him and taken advantage of his magnanimous self. How I wish that the industry had been appreciative of him and that meritocracy had prevailed. How I wish people hadn't treated him like an outsider while he was there. How I wish people hadn't tried defaming him and that the media hadn't been avid for clicks pertaining to that. How I wish people could have been kinder to him, and that they hadn't judged him before knowing his story.
Yes, it's of no use blaming ourselves for realising what a gem we had in Bollywood only now, because he's gone, but it's just that so many "what ifs" come to mind.
What if most of us actually went to watch his films to encourage incredible talents like him? What if some of us hadn't blindly believed those blinds (ironically) and had not judged him? What if Sanjana had squashed those MeToo rumours earlier and he didn't have to spend 4 sleepless nights waiting for her to save his fragile mind from collapsing? It's just so, so unfair... Whenever my mind goes idle, his smiling face flashes. All he wanted was a little love, support and appreciation for his work. And we, as an audience, as a collective haven't rated him even half as much as he deserved when he was still there.
I hope and pray from the bottom of my heart that whoever got him to this stage - whoever tf those absolute excuses of human beings might be - are found and punished badly. This man has to obtain justice. That's the least we can do for him.
Edited by DushtKanya - 5 years ago
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