PreRish Fictions | Pg19 (To Win and To Lose) - Page 9

Surprise updates are the best Mahi🤗

I love Bajaj's POV. You nailed him in here. The pain, hurt and the fear to love again and then finally conquering that fear. Beautifully written🤗👏

Chalo now update fast.

It was soo good.. 👏❤️

I've read all 4 updates; will post my thoughts on each of them in individual replies. Here goes the first one:

1) Accused

Such an interesting OS! Mr. Bajaj has an air of enigma, a sense of panache about him. I loved how you brought this up at the start of the update. Instead of giving a direct account of the same, you let your readers draw an inference based on Mr. Mehra's uneasy demeanor -- this bit: "Sweat trickled down Mr. Mehra's forehead. His mouth dried as the man seated in front of him asked him questions. Mr. Mehra knew he was doomed, already, without facing a meager minute of his wrath." Beautiful writing.

Prerna's range, in terms of emotions, was the real highlight of this update. Confident to begin with; the way she barged into the study. Bajaj leaving furiously diluted that air of confidence, clouding it with a sense of vulnerability. The spontaniety of the transition made it all the more striking.

The next passage of storytelling was beautifully done. Prerna's guilt, concern and her inherently kind nature were captured nicely. Needless to say, I loved how you inserted a little snippet talking about Prerna "seeing through the insecurities in which this man lived." Such moments add so much gravity to the inter-personal dynamics between characters.

The update concluded on a fascinating note. The awkwardness between the two was natural, but regardless of it, Mr. Bajaj sure does know how to fire some sumptuous one-liners, dosen't he?! “Don‘t compel me to accuse you of sensitivity, Ms. Sharma, it's not permissible by the clause" -- quintessential Bajaj!

Lavy I can't describe how delighted I am!

Thanks a lot for that reply! Let me answer it in detail after reading it again

2) A Force To Reckon With

'Heartwarming' is the word. The simplicity is beautiful, the kind of writing that just leaves you happy from within.

Prerna's nervous attempts to initiate the conversation were super-adorable! I visualized that passage in my head and couldn't help but smile; so beautiful. Prerna fidgeting with the radio and much to her delight, the apt song playing was a lovely moment. But alas, poor girl's hopes came crashing down as Bajaj didn't lower his guard.

The next bit was subtle, but very poignant. Prerna escorting him to the car, hoping that he would listen to the silent wish of her heart. It just went to show the element of hesitance that prevailed in their relationship, albeit in a good way. It's obvious that Bajaj too, wished to stay back, but he wouldn't do it out of his own agency. He wanted Prerna to spell it out to him. All in all, a subtle and beautifully done interplay of unspoken words and desire buried under a veil of silence and hesitance.

I felt a sharp tinge of pain when Prerna thought about having no one by her side, as she battled through severe pain. Her pain subsiding having sensed Bajaj's presence offered a glimpse into the depth of Prerna's emotional connect with her man.

You have a knack of concluding updates on a brilliant note. This one was no different. Bajaj picking up his little angel, Prerna feeling his warm radiance instead of the usual ice-cold demeanor, and finally, the lone tear in the man's eyes.

She laughed off to herself about this hard coconut who today, failed to accept it's own sweet water - Extra points for this cracker of a line!

I can't wait to read what you've to say about the latest one. I really want a criticism waala review cause it's really not upto the mark.

3) Deal With It

How delightful was this?!

Mr. Bajaj is a tough nut. It's a well-established trait of his, but unlike some writers who'd go into overdrive to bring up that side of his, you present it in the most subtle and crisp way.

So, Prerna's been scampering around in her bid to strike a balance between work and tending to Bua Maa. That's an interesting premise. As difficult as it was, she was resolute in her attempts and did complete the report after a hard grind. The last bit was crisp, neat and dare I say, did we just see an element of mischievousness in Mr. Bajaj?! Bua Ji ko dharmik yatra pe bhej diya 😆

He really does care for her. There is a degree of maturity in Prerna and Bajaj's dynamics, their evolution as a couple, and it's lovely to read.

Loved the story and the way you described rishabh's feelings ❤️☺️

4) The Safe and the Sound

So, we have a completely Bajaj-centric OS here. Mahi, trust me, this isn't as bad as you're thinking it to be. The premise is strong, it's layered and complex since it offers a peek into Bajaj's innermost circle of thoughts, his vulnerability, his psychic struggle. The area where this OS falters is in it's clarity, or to put it better, a certain lack of clarity in it's expression. There are a lot of things happening, it just needed to be written with more precision and detailing. For instance, the bit where you described Prerna's unfortunate fall into the water. Could you have presented it better? Certainly yes. The "dolphin appearing out of nowhere" was a loosely scripted plot-element. A bit more detailing about the setting, their surrounding, and it would have felt much more believable and realistic.

The strength of this OS lies in it's exploration of Bajaj's vulnerability. You've devoted a major chunk of the text towards achieving that objective, and it's come out really well.

Overall, it's a pretty good update. You tried a different style of narration, and it's fair to say that you've presented it quite well.

Originally posted by: Mishti_Dahi

Lavy I can't describe how delighted I am!

Thanks a lot for that reply! Let me answer it in detail after reading it again

And I can't describe how delighted I am to interact with you again ❤️

How have you been? I hope you're doing well. It's been such a LONG time. I logged in to IF after months, and I had no clue where to look for you. Luckily, I found you pretty quickly. Just soo happy to be talking to you again.