PreRish Fictions | Pg19 (To Win and To Lose) - Page 10

Originally posted by: KumbhkarnKiNani

And I can't describe how delighted I am to interact with you again ❤️

How have you been? I hope you're doing well. It's been such a LONG time. I logged in to IF after months, and I had no clue where to look for you. Luckily, I found you pretty quickly. Just soo happy to be talking to you again.

I've been amazing and couldn't be better. I hope you're great too!

Initially I thought you didn't know my new UN so you were posting just as a reader.😆

Indeed! I'm very very happy to see you again!

And how beautifully and patiently you've written all the reviews. I dunno but it requires humungous patience to sit and note down everything. Thank you SOOOO Much!

Can't decide if I've really written it this well or you just make it look so lovely with your keen eye for detail and perfect explanations. Special thanks for the last one. I really needed it.

The premise was very lose and weak, a wrong choice of location and events. My prime focus was the weak side of Bajaj, so I entirely forgot, or rather didn't care to develop the setting at all.

Love you Lavvvyyyyy!🤗🤗

Btw have you seen Jenny? I met her somewhere, I don't remember. Apart from the YPNTKH forum. I think here itself.

Originally posted by: Mishti_Dahi

I've been amazing and couldn't be better. I hope you're great too!

Initially I thought you didn't know my new UN so you were posting just as a reader.😆

Indeed! I'm very very happy to see you again!

And how beautifully and patiently you've written all the reviews. I dunno but it requires humungous patience to sit and note down everything. Thank you SOOOO Much!

Can't decide if I've really written it this well or you just make it look so lovely with your keen eye for detail and perfect explanations. Special thanks for the last one. I really needed it.

The premise was very lose and weak, a wrong choice of location and events. My prime focus was the weak side of Bajaj, so I entirely forgot, or rather didn't care to develop the setting at all.

Love you Lavvvyyyyy!🤗🤗

Btw have you seen Jenny? I met her somewhere, I don't remember. Apart from the YPNTKH forum. I think here itself.

@Bold - Na, I was aware all along that it's Mahi 😉😆

@Red - You're welcome! I've always loved reading your work, and it's a pleasure to review it :)

I love you too 🤗 You're my favorite person here on IF <3

About Jenny, I'm sure you must have met her here on the KZK forum itself. I remember reading some of her posts here. It's been ages since I spoke to her :(

Originally posted by: KumbhkarnKiNani

@Bold - Na, I was aware all along that it's Mahi 😉😆

@Red - You're welcome! I've always loved reading your work, and it's a pleasure to review it :)

I love you too 🤗 You're my favorite person here on IF <3

About Jenny, I'm sure you must have met her here on the KZK forum itself. I remember reading some of her posts here. It's been ages since I spoke to her :(

Italics - Haha, good good.

Bold - AWWWW❤️

Yes I miss her too!

I need hot os, I feel ksg and Erica will have good chemistry.

Originally posted by: KumbhkarnKiNani

I've read all 4 updates; will post my thoughts on each of them in individual replies. Here goes the first one:

1) Accused

Such an interesting OS! Mr. Bajaj has an air of enigma, a sense of panache about him. I loved how you brought this up at the start of the update. Instead of giving a direct account of the same, you let your readers draw an inference based on Mr. Mehra's uneasy demeanor -- this bit: "Sweat trickled down Mr. Mehra's forehead. His mouth dried as the man seated in front of him asked him questions. Mr. Mehra knew he was doomed, already, without facing a meager minute of his wrath." Beautiful writing.

Yeah, I dislike direct narrations when it comes to him. Also cause it is much easier to write in third perspective when it comes to Bajaj. He's so complicated. I prefer Prerna's or neutral narration

Prerna's range, in terms of emotions, was the real highlight of this update. Confident to begin with; the way she barged into the study. Bajaj leaving furiously diluted that air of confidence, clouding it with a sense of vulnerability. The spontaniety of the transition made it all the more striking.

I'm glad you liked it. I was a bit doubtful about this cause I was skeptical if people would understand that fire, seeing our meek Prerna

The next passage of storytelling was beautifully done. Prerna's guilt, concern and her inherently kind nature were captured nicely. Needless to say, I loved how you inserted a little snippet talking about Prerna "seeing through the insecurities in which this man lived." Such moments add so much gravity to the inter-personal dynamics between characters.

I'd again thank Ankie for that insecurity bit. It's her idea and thought.

The update concluded on a fascinating note. The awkwardness between the two was natural, but regardless of it, Mr. Bajaj sure does know how to fire some sumptuous one-liners, dosen't he?! “Don‘t compel me to accuse you of sensitivity, Ms. Sharma, it's not permissible by the clause" -- quintessential Bajaj!

Yess! I love this typical Bajaj! That's the best part about him!

Thank you so much Lavy! Your review is my penultimate gratification and the fact I've succeeded in my presentation :))

Originally posted by: mily_mathew

I need hot os, I feel ksg and Erica will have good chemistry.

I'm the wrong person for this honestly 😆

I think Wist and Amigos have written them, you can read them :)

Originally posted by: KumbhkarnKiNani

2) A Force To Reckon With

'Heartwarming' is the word. The simplicity is beautiful, the kind of writing that just leaves you happy from within.

Thanks a lot awww! I'm glad.

Prerna's nervous attempts to initiate the conversation were super-adorable! I visualized that passage in my head and couldn't help but smile; so beautiful. Prerna fidgeting with the radio and much to her delight, the apt song playing was a lovely moment. But alas, poor girl's hopes came crashing down as Bajaj didn't lower his guard.

Yeah, Dekho naa he doesn't understand. Or chooses to ignore 😆

The next bit was subtle, but very poignant. Prerna escorting him to the car, hoping that he would listen to the silent wish of her heart. It just went to show the element of hesitance that prevailed in their relationship, albeit in a good way. It's obvious that Bajaj too, wished to stay back, but he wouldn't do it out of his own agency. He wanted Prerna to spell it out to him. All in all, a subtle and beautifully done interplay of unspoken words and desire buried under a veil of silence and hesitance.

I'm so so glad everyone could understand the unsaid. Yayy!

I felt a sharp tinge of pain when Prerna thought about having no one by her side, as she battled through severe pain. Her pain subsiding having sensed Bajaj's presence offered a glimpse into the depth of Prerna's emotional connect with her man.

Yes I wanted that bond and that connect for them :)

You have a knack of concluding updates on a brilliant note. This one was no different. Bajaj picking up his little angel, Prerna feeling his warm radiance instead of the usual ice-cold demeanor, and finally, the lone tear in the man's eyes.

She laughed off to herself about this hard coconut who today, failed to accept it's own sweet water - Extra points for this cracker of a line!

It's my favourite too! I don't even remember how I came up with it!

I'm so proud of this editor of mine

With Prerna's life at stake, it compelled Rishabh to face the truth and understand the importance she holds over him and his life..It was like until she was deemed ok, even he was not ok..Once she was fit, he breathed easy....The way you have captured and written about Rishabh Bajaj's raw emotions it felt natural...Be it his scare, or his sense of being lost without Prerna, or his relief when she was ok, everything was simply wow..Wonderful..👍🏼

Originally posted by: MysticRiver

With Prerna's life at stake, it compelled Rishabh to face the truth and understand the importance she holds over him and his life..It was like until she was deemed ok, even he was not ok..Once she was fit, he breathed easy....The way you have captured and written about Rishabh Bajaj's raw emotions it felt natural...Be it his scare, or his sense of being lost without Prerna, or his relief when she was ok, everything was simply wow..Wonderful..👍🏼

Thank you soooo much!

You're really a big support. The way you analyse, makes me aware of my strong points :)

Originally posted by: KumbhkarnKiNani

4) The Safe and the Sound

So, we have a completely Bajaj-centric OS here. Mahi, trust me, this isn't as bad as you're thinking it to be. The premise is strong, it's layered and complex since it offers a peek into Bajaj's innermost circle of thoughts, his vulnerability, his psychic struggle. The area where this OS falters is in it's clarity, or to put it better, a certain lack of clarity in it's expression. There are a lot of things happening, it just needed to be written with more precision and detailing. For instance, the bit where you described Prerna's unfortunate fall into the water. Could you have presented it better? Certainly yes. The "dolphin appearing out of nowhere" was a loosely scripted plot-element. A bit more detailing about the setting, their surrounding, and it would have felt much more believable and realistic.

The strength of this OS lies in it's exploration of Bajaj's vulnerability. You've devoted a major chunk of the text towards achieving that objective, and it's come out really well.

Overall, it's a pretty good update. You tried a different style of narration, and it's fair to say that you've presented it quite well.

Thanks a lot Lavy. My favorite beloved critique!🤗

I'll take a note of this for the next time :)

Thanks a ton again! :D

Glad you liked the emotion part though.