Re: 2 shades of Babita',s, Marriage - Page 3

Originally posted by: RTDeewani

That is how MILs are across our country. Blood is always thicker than water.

They say a girl's true home and family is her husband's after marriage. But all women must realize that we will always be treated as outsiders in both our maternal and in-laws' home, no matter how nice and caring we are.

At maternal home, they say betiyaan parayi hoti hain and in sasural, we are non-khoon ka rishta.

Life has no guarantees of happily ever after. A woman must be in a position to fend for herself under such circumstances. Marriage doesn't guarantee eternal security to a woman and it's high time the girls as well as their parents realize this.

Originally posted by: divyadaya13

and this is what i always try to convey the parents and girls in my neigbourhood.

She knows deep down that my views are valid but she is still being the typical 90s mother. Adarsh bahu and wants me to be version 2.0 of her. Damn annoying.

Originally posted by: RTDeewani

Here I am unable to convince even my own parents about this. Forget the neighbourhood. I am unmarried but mom has already started to warn that I behave like the ideal bahu at my in-law's. I can win in arguments against the entire world but not against my parents.

She knows deep down that my views are valid but she is still being the typical 90s mother. Adarsh bahu and wants me to be version 2.0 of her. Damn annoying.

Originally posted by: divyadaya13

relationship works in both ways. Otherwise the other party remain unhappy forever herself and however hard you try the daughter in law will always be an outsider. The more you give the more they will expect from you.

Marriage is not a happily ever after like they show in movies. It requires huge work and commitment. This is if both the partners are good and are willing to put in neccessary work. There will be days when you feel worst and there would be quarrels every other week. However there would be also days when it would be also worth it. There would be also quarrels with in laws from both sides. The plain fact is marriage is a association of not just two people but also two families and friends. As long as husband and wife are ready to adjust, marriage will work. The day it stops it will break. This is the plain fact.

Marriages happen as it is the only institution that can work despite all its flaws. There is no better alternative. Here I didn't see ashok putting any effort for his marriage with babita or even in the marriage with mita. The thing I like in the show is that they are not showing the other women as evil. Mita is also shown as human. That's is a change from normal.

My dear friends, this is not to offend any one or personal attack on anyone. Just for a second imagine yourself and your mother in babitas and minni's place. Even in dream if you see your dad has cheated on your mother you will not be able to bear it. whether your dad was staying with you or abroad you will not even for a second will be able to accept what your dad did to your mom. Your whole life you have seen her toiling and taking care of everyone at home except herself. You have seen her pining for her husband with a hope that one fine day he will come back and compensate for whatever tine she has sacrificed these many years. You have seen her waiting for the phone calls of your dad. Inspite of all these emotional turmoils she tried her best that this sadness she has shouldnt reach you. And one fine day your dad calls up and says he dosent love your mom and found some one else. What will you do. Will you immediately start researching whether your dad and mom had love marriage or arranged marriage. Will you start blaming your mother that why did you not try your best to be with your dad. Will you accept the other woman in your moms place. Will you be able to even imagine that the house your mom was toiling for so many years and suddenly some other woman has taken that place. You as a child was pampered by everyone at home and suddenly you have to leave that home and security. There will be so many things in that home that you are attached too deeply and one fine day you are homeless. Your mom now has nowhere to go neither can she nor you can bear to see your dad bringing back the other woman home. You seek shelter in the maternal home and there too you are considered to be a liability. Atleast in the story there was HS, but in reality this does not happen. I will not talk about further humiliation and problems. This is more than enough. Now just talk about ethics, morality, etc. Etc. You will find yourself behaving worst than mini with your dad and the other woman however good she might try to be with you.

No offence everyone.

Originally posted by: AnjuRish

Mostly how i feel

How many of you have seen or been der ver bab is or was

I have seen myself and another close friend in that position

Luckily i had no children and i had a bro and bff who helped me cope with the trauma and after 3 years i am remarried with a 2 year old

Do i resent my ex hell yes and wiish him all the worst

It is very easy to say.. But like they say jispe guzarti hai usko pata hai

I share a lot of my exp online with pple not because i want sympathy empathy but so that people learn from mistakes

Life is about living as per u r goals

Truth my dears is a matter of perspective

I'm glad that you're in happy space now. 👍🏼

Wish you get all the happiness in your life. 👍🏼

Originally posted by: divyadaya13

relationship works in both ways. Otherwise the other party remain unhappy forever herself and however hard you try the daughter in law will always be an outsider. The more you give the more they will expect from you.

Please make u r expectations clear from the beginning

Please remember and practice to say no and stand by it

Learn to draw boundaries

These are tips if i may offer from my experience

Yes, it's good to respect your relatives, especially your elders (whether your family or in-laws) but when they cross their limits or expect unreasonable things from you, it is better to be firm and say no or offer another solution that you feel is right. If your husband doesn't stand up for you (and you will see this early on in the marriage already) then he will not be there for you in tough times or let you keep your self-respect. It is not worth staying in such a relationship.

It's only in movies that the husband or in-laws magically change and reform. In real life, it's really rare so no need to waste time and energy on trying to change him. People's habits and behavior may change over time but not their character.

I know many women who have been in the position of Babita or worse and had no moral or financial support from their own families either. They had to live a tough few years because they initially put up with the abuse, but when they had enough they walked out and had to fight to survive alone. Eventually, things get better but I think it's better to minimize the time you spend in an abusive relationship because it leaves scars that can last a lifetime.

I know it's easier said than done and my heart goes out to women who are conditioned to think they are weak and dependent on their husband for living. Not everyone meets a HS or Naeem Bi, and they are caught in a circle of lies, harassment and eternal mental (and sometimes physical) suffering.