custody battle - Avni/Neil

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Sanleema

@Sanleema

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Posted: 7 years ago

Before I even start the post, I would like to make it perfectly clear this isn't about Avni or Neil and I'm definitely not taking sides. This post is completely based on the custody battle of a child, whose parents have put him in the middle in their tug of war.

At this point in time, I don't think both Avni and Neil are thinking about Mowgli. Both are being selfish, failing to recognize the damage this is all doing to the kid.

Neil - apart from the fact that I haven't seen any evidence of love for his son since his truth came out and his quest to seek justice (I feel revenge is too strong a word) for the supposed injustice caused by Avni to him, he isn't thinking about the kid even as a person. Anyone, even a stranger wouldn't react like the way Neil reacted yesterday to a kid when they come to your house for the first time, even if the kid is wrong. Here, he clearly believed the Superman tag is a given reason to gain the love of his son, when he hasn't even attempted to try to understand the state of mind of his son or at least address him as such until now. The very first thing the kid heard from his father is to leave the house, which is embedded in the kid's heart and mind. Even if neil does gain custody, it isn't going to be easy to make a place in his son's heart. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but the way to a kid's heart is not through toys or chocolates, but through the respect you show the parent they love, irrespective of mom or dad. Boys always feel a sense of responsibility to protect their mothers, just like daughters feel for their fathers. Unless Neil learns to respect Mowgli's mom, the path to his son's heart is going to remain closed.

Now coming to Avni, at this point in time Avni definitely has the goodwill of Mowgli in her heart more than Neil, nobody can argue with that, but she isn't being completely selfless too for me. The questions she put forth before Neil today wasn't fair, given the fact that she hid the truth of their son. Accepted Mowgli needs his mother right now more, but isn't Avni using him too bcoz at this point in time in her life he is the only reminder of Neil that she has left. I'm definitely not questioning a mother's love, but as of now Mowgli is hurt that his father didn't want him. The moment he came to know his Superman is his father, he was so excited to meet him when he heard Neil shouting. This is what has led to his reaction afterwards to everything. Obviously he's hurt and feels his father wasn't as thrilled to know about him. Now what bothers me is that so far Avni hasn't done anything to relieve his pain. Sure she has made sure Mowgli knows Neil loves him too, but she still hasn't said anything as to why his father is upset with his mom or the cause of his outburst that day, if not for anything else at least to ease his pain. One could argue that he is too young to know the details and yes he is, but does she want her son to hate his father. Didn't she herself yearn for her father's love and support all her childhood. So why would she be okay with her own son bearing the same fate. I know the show isn't going to be there for a long time, but still hypothetically what if tomorrow or even after she wins the custody her son ends up learning the truth about why his father hates his mom, wouldn't her own son question her or even feel betrayed? Even with all the best upbringing she might give him, wouldn't Avni want her son to know his father or is she planning to move elsewhere once Neil gets remarried. This is why I felt Avni too wasn't fully being fair to her son.

At this time, they want to win him, but neither Neil is thinking about the psychological damage to the kid at present, nor Avni about the longterm effect it might cause on her son. So, unless they don't completely figure out what is best for Mowgli and Mowgli alone first, I feel neither of them should get his custody.

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Shaiksafia

@Shaiksafia

Dazzler

Posted: 7 years ago

Really well balanced analysis especially Avni and Neil as parents 👏

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srinithi

@AgnesFan

Sparkler

Posted: 7 years ago

Well written balanced post ! Only if makers want to give importance to all this point .

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jansi38

@jansi38

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Posted: 7 years ago

Both are at catch 22 situation.. avni can easily reveals prakash truth to court and justifies why she ran away from her family - this might make her custody case stronger, but again she is selfless, therefore will not do so..i have feeling that neil will get the custody after the kidnap attempts; the court might decide avni stays with khanna family till mogli smoothly integrated into khannas family..as the divorce has been filed, she needs to stay with neil for sometime anyway till the court finalizes it..

Edited by jansi38 - 7 years ago

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Sanleema

@Sanleema

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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: Shaiksafia
Really well balanced analysis especially Avni and Neil as parents 👏

Thank you😊

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Sanleema

@Sanleema

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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: AgnesFan
Well written balanced post ! Only if makers want to give importance to all this point .

For all the hype they gave about teen pregnancy track, they messed up big time. Hope at least this time they deal the track with sensitivity...

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Sanleema

@Sanleema

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Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: jansi38
Both are at catch 22 situation.. avni can easily reveals prakash truth to court and justifies why she ran away from her family - this might make her custody case stronger, but again she is selfless, therefore will not do so..i have feeling that neil will get the custody after the kidnap attempts; the court might decide avni stays with khanna family till mogli smoothly integrated into khannas family..as the divorce has been filed, she needs to stay with neil for sometime anyway till the court finalizes it..

I don't think Avni revealing the truth about Prakash at court would be possible, bcoz then Prakash would end up in jail. Wasn't the whole point of Avni's fake death was to protect Prakash.

As far as divorce, there is no marriage between Avni and Neil legally anymore. Per Indian law,

"A spouse can remarry even without securing a judicial declaration of presumptive death. In other words, there is NO need to go to court and it's enough that any of the following circumstances is present: (a) there be no news that such absentee is still alive; (b) the absentee is generally considered to be dead and believed to be so by the spouse present; and (c) the absentee is presumed dead under Article 390 and 391 of the Civil Code.

Now coming to Avni staying with the Khannas so Mowgli gets settled in, it still doesn't solve anything between Avni and Neil right. Mowgli still isn't going to be happy with just one parent.

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IFLove

@IFLove

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+ 2

Posted: 7 years ago

Very well written post!👏

Neil's mistakes as a father are seen n accepted by all and many talked about Avni's unreasonable questions in the court or that she should tell Neil the truth. But u have made a very different n valid point about telling Mowgli the truth!👍🏼

I appreciated her for always telling Mowgli that his father is a good man n he shouldn't hate him. But the same issue again, y would Mowgli believe her words if he is seeing opposite actions of his father right now? She is telling both Neil and Mowgli the right things but since she fails at giving proper reasoning to anything, they both don't believe her words n continue their actions. At the moment, rather than anything else in the damn world, her priority should be to keep Mowgli emotionally stable n do whatever it takes to achieve that. I understand, she can't tell him the real reason since he is too young to understand that, but she can cook up any stories for now, or tell him the situation in a language that he understands, but he needs to know y she says his father is a good man. He needs to know that his father didn't want him to leave the house but only her and why her as well.

Likewise, Neil too needs to put his ego aside right now and talk to him the way he did as his superman. Even Neil's language changed since he is interacting with him as his father. "Tu" changed to "aap" and "main" changed to "hum"...idk I found that weird too😆 He needs to tell him he is still the same superman that he used to love so much. He needs to assure him that he loves him, doesn't want him to leave, its his house too. Neil needs to remind him of their bonding in the Superman-tiger days n make him realise that he has always only loved him even when he didn't know he was his son n will continue the same. He too needs to explain him that he is angry on his mother, not on him...n while doing that, he needs to ensure he doesn't badmouth Avni...again, explain him in a language that he understands. Maybe in the form of some prince n princess n devil story?

Again, I can't help but quote this example, when during the custody hearing of Ruhi in YHM, she chose to stay with Ishita than her parents, the judge asked Ishita who she is n what's her relation with Ruhi, to which she replied, "Iske maa baap ki ladhai mein jab yeh pisti hai, iske mann mein ankahe sawaal uthte hai, wo mere paas aati hai, mera pallu pakadti hai aur uski aankho mein dekhke main jhat se uska dard samajh jaati hu...main uski aankhein pochti hu, usse kuch bhi mann-ghadat kahaniya suna deti hu aur wo hass padti hai...usse rote se hasaana aata hai mujhe, yeh rishta hai mera uske sath! Aur itna rishta toh hai k main aapse itna keh saku, aap sab ladhiye, par Ruhi k hit mein ladhiye, kyuki iss waqt sirf aur sirf Ruhi ki khushi matter karti hai...aur kuch bhi nahi. Uski aankho me na aansu ache lagte hai na darr, sirf muskurate hue achi lagti hai Ruhi " This is how is a relation of parent should be...be it a mother or a father. They must keep their child before themselves. Right now, neither Neil's ego to win the custody nor Avni's insecurity of losing her lifeline matters, what matters is Mowgli should be mentally healthy as a child and has no fears about his family life. For that, both of them need to learn how to deal with the questions that are bothering their son even if he doesn't ask and how to satisfy his doubts the way he'll understand. Neither u need to tell him the real truth, nor tell him any lies...just learn the children's language...this might help both of them. I hope they both behave more selfless and understanding as parents hereon.

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Himani128

@Himani128

Dazzler

Posted: 7 years ago

Originally posted by: IFLove
Very well written post!👏
Neil's mistakes as a father are seen n accepted by all and many talked about Avni's unreasonable questions in the court or that she should tell Neil the truth. But u have made a very different n valid point about telling Mowgli the truth!👍🏼
I appreciated her for always telling Mowgli that his father is a good man n he shouldn't hate him. But the same issue again, y would Mowgli believe her words if he is seeing opposite actions of his father right now? She is telling both Neil and Mowgli the right things but since she fails at giving proper reasoning to anything, they both don't believe her words n continue their actions. At the moment, rather than anything else in the damn world, her priority should be to keep Mowgli emotionally stable n do whatever it takes to achieve that. I understand, she can't tell him the real reason since he is too young to understand that, but she can cook up any stories for now, or tell him the situation in a language that he understands, but he needs to know y she says his father is a good man. He needs to know that his father didn't want him to leave the house but only her and why her as well.
Likewise, Neil too needs to put his ego aside right now and talk to him the way he did as his superman. Even Neil's language changed since he is interacting with him as his father. "Tu" changed to "aap" and "main" changed to "hum"...idk I found that weird too😆 He needs to tell him he is still the same superman that he used to love so much. He needs to assure him that he loves him, doesn't want him to leave, its his house too. Neil needs to remind him of their bonding in the Superman-tiger days n make him realise that he has always only loved him even when he didn't know he was his son n will continue the same. He too needs to explain him that he is angry on his mother, not on him...n while doing that, he needs to ensure he doesn't badmouth Avni...again, explain him in a language that he understands. Maybe in the form of some prince n princess n devil story?

Loved your explaination.

Mowgli was angry on avni too when he came to know know that she is his mother.

He was angry and sad on her to that extent that he left the house.

But when avni explained him the situation he understood her not just bcoz he believed her words but bcoz he saw how other children are and how they would feel if Mowgli was given a special treatment. So he immediately forgave her and also he is being the part of her plan i.e. not to reveal that avni is his mom in front of other children.

But when it comes to Neil he can't believe it since what he is seeing and listening doesn't match.

His mother is saying that his father is a good person. But what he saw is his father asking his mother to get out of his house along with her son.

And what he sees is Neil always fought with avni and made her cry.

Mowgli understood that even Neil found out that he has a son but instead of being happy with Mowgli, Neil asked his mom and him to go away from his life and got engaged.

We all protected that Neil should have gone with engagement with neutral perspective . Mowgli is the son. He definitely has more expectations from his father

For any child it is impossible to erase that from mind.on top of it , how is Mowgli supposed to react with mitali when he knows that this lady is gonna take his mother's place in his father's life.

Mowgli will definitely understand if words and actions sink with each other.

In his mother's case they sinked well. But in his father's case it doesn't.

Mowgli is a small kid to understand these complications in his parents life. But he is not that small that he can't understand what is going around him.

Edited by Himani128 - 7 years ago

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Sanleema

@Sanleema

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Posted: 7 years ago

#10

Originally posted by: IFLove
Very well written post!👏
Neil's mistakes as a father are seen n accepted by all and many talked about Avni's unreasonable questions in the court or that she should tell Neil the truth. But u have made a very different n valid point about telling Mowgli the truth!👍🏼
I appreciated her for always telling Mowgli that his father is a good man n he shouldn't hate him. But the same issue again, y would Mowgli believe her words if he is seeing opposite actions of his father right now? She is telling both Neil and Mowgli the right things but since she fails at giving proper reasoning to anything, they both don't believe her words n continue their actions. At the moment, rather than anything else in the damn world, her priority should be to keep Mowgli emotionally stable n do whatever it takes to achieve that. I understand, she can't tell him the real reason since he is too young to understand that, but she can cook up any stories for now, or tell him the situation in a language that he understands, but he needs to know y she says his father is a good man. He needs to know that his father didn't want him to leave the house but only her and why her as well.
Likewise, Neil too needs to put his ego aside right now and talk to him the way he did as his superman. Even Neil's language changed since he is interacting with him as his father. "Tu" changed to "aap" and "main" changed to "hum"...idk I found that weird too😆 He needs to tell him he is still the same superman that he used to love so much. He needs to assure him that he loves him, doesn't want him to leave, its his house too. Neil needs to remind him of their bonding in the Superman-tiger days n make him realise that he has always only loved him even when he didn't know he was his son n will continue the same. He too needs to explain him that he is angry on his mother, not on him...n while doing that, he needs to ensure he doesn't badmouth Avni...again, explain him in a language that he understands. Maybe in the form of some prince n princess n devil story?
Again, I can't help but quote this example, when during the custody hearing of Ruhi in YHM, she chose to stay with Ishita than her parents, the judge asked Ishita who she is n what's her relation with Ruhi, to which she replied, "Iske maa baap ki ladhai mein jab yeh pisti hai, iske mann mein ankahe sawaal uthte hai, wo mere paas aati hai, mera pallu pakadti hai aur uski aankho mein dekhke main jhat se uska dard samajh jaati hu...main uski aankhein pochti hu, usse kuch bhi mann-ghadat kahaniya suna deti hu aur wo hass padti hai...usse rote se hasaana aata hai mujhe, yeh rishta hai mera uske sath! Aur itna rishta toh hai k main aapse itna keh saku, aap sab ladhiye, par Ruhi k hit mein ladhiye, kyuki iss waqt sirf aur sirf Ruhi ki khushi matter karti hai...aur kuch bhi nahi. Uski aankho me na aansu ache lagte hai na darr, sirf muskurate hue achi lagti hai Ruhi " This is how is a relation of parent should be...be it a mother or a father. They must keep their child before themselves. Right now, neither Neil's ego to win the custody nor Avni's insecurity of losing her lifeline matters, what matters is Mowgli should be mentally healthy as a child and has no fears about his family life. For that, both of them need to learn how to deal with the questions that are bothering their son even if he doesn't ask and how to satisfy his doubts the way he'll understand. Neither u need to tell him the real truth, nor tell him any lies...just learn the children's language...this might help both of them. I hope they both behave more selfless and understanding as parents hereon.

Thank you..

Today's Avni's argument is what made think through this point of view. These were the questions that even sunheri or Tara/sitar might know. The kind of questions she asked Neil were unfair, but human emotions oftentimes fail to think through what's right and wrong when they are desperate for something.

It is disappointing to see 2 people who both claim to love their child aren't putting his emotions and needs in the forefront before anything else. Is she the same Avni who at every point thought logically and emotionally about mishti's welfare, be it when she was a kid or during the pregnancy track. Is this the same Neil who sat down with mishti when she was badmouthing Avni and explained how much Avni has sacrificed for her, putting aside all his anger away. Two people who behaved exactly like parents and went to any level to make sure mishti's life was better, unfortunately are refusing to do the same for their own son. What really hurts me to see is Avni realizes her son is in pain, even though Neil doesn't seem to, but she still isn't doing anything to give the child any kind of emotional assurance or try to make him feel better. Everyone has wanted Avni to be selfish at least once for her own happiness and I feel she is for the first time, but only at the cost of her son's tears.

YHM - you wrote the entire argument, that was one beautiful episode really, so thank you for that. The example you mentioned indeed is apt, I have seen that scene, a kid choosing a complete stranger over her mother or father, even her loving grandparents. The best part was where ishita explains her relationship and request. Sweet memories of the show.

I for one strongly believe happy environment is what makes a healthy child. One may think giving a child his favorite toy or chocolate oftentimes is enough to make a crying child happy, but give the same child a parent's shoulder to lean on, the child definitely will choose the parent first. Let's hope someone soon realizes Mowgli's needs first and put them first.

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custody battle - Avni/Neil

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