He leaned over her from back, burrowing his head over her shoulders, wrapping her up inside his arms.
"Jab se humhaari shaadi hui, meri andar constant war chal raha tha, between heart and mind. My heart wanted to believe in you while my mind warned me against it. Par jab maine wo bache ki sonography dekha, i had put all of the confusion to rest and maine tumhe aur bache ko dil se accept karne ki koshish me lag gaya. Kabhi kabhi mujhe lagta hai, agar wo bacha sach mein hota, toh shayad humhaari beech ki misunderstanding kab se door hogaya hota. Naahi main insecure rehta ya commitment phobic rehta, itne din"
Gauri's face reflected enormous guilt.
"Maaf kijiye omkaaraji, mujhe aise jhoot kehna hi nahi chahiye tha. Aapki zindagi ki sawaal thi aur buamaa bache aane mein hi aapko maar daalne ki koshish mein lagi hui thi. aap bhi humhaari baat nahi maan rahe the. Issliye humhaari paas aur koi option hi nahi tha. Par jab bhi main aap ko dekthi hoon, uss jhoot ki bhoj bahut dard deti thi"
"It's ok, Gauri. Main samajh saktha hoon. But do you know something, when i saw the positive pregnancy test, mujhe ajeeb si khushi aarahi thi, contrary to the situation, ki mera bacha tumhaari godh main hain" He kissed her nape while chills ran over her entire body.
"Kya main ek sawaal pooch sakthi hoon?"
"Haan" he just lifted his head out of the croon of her neck
"agar aap ki dil mein pehle se hi meri liye kuch jazbaat thi, aap ne aisa ghatiya insaam mujhpe daal a hi kyun?"
Omkaara's face turned red with guilt.
"Kyunki I was a possessive mad man that day. Itna possessive ki jab maine samjhaki tum mujhe chodke kisi aur ko pasand kar rahi ho, mujhe saha nahi gaya.I was burning inside thinking tum mujhe chodke usse i love keh rahi ho. Itna jalan shayad main zindagi mein pehli baar mehsoos kar raha haoon. So i lost it. Main toh kabse tumhaari attraction fight kar raha hoon, issliye mujhe bahut gussa aaya ki tum mujhe tadpake koi doosri insaan se pasand karti ho. Still doesn't justify my act, par until then i didnt realise the depth of my love for you. Jab tum gayi thi, meri jaan chali gayi" He closed his eyes reminiscing the painful memories of the day, as he held his arms wrapped around her shoulders.
"Aap mere baare mein jaante hi kya ho? kabhi aapne mere baare mein jaane ki koshish kiya..? Nahi naa.. agar koshish kiya toh saadhi ki pehle Bareilly mein jo kuch bhi hua tha , saari sach pata chal gaya hoga.." She sobbed as she held his arms back.
"Uski peeche ek wajah hai gauri"
"Kya"
"I didn't want to lose you. Maana ki tumhaari iraade kabhi galat nahi thi, par wo jhanvi takurein ki suicide shook me up alot. Jo bhi maine dekha, wo sab tumhaari against tha. Phir bhi main tumhe chahne laga. I have a dark past too Gauri, jiske baare mein tum nah jaanti ho. I have moved on from it,so tumhaari past mein bhi main guzarna nahi chah raha. Jo kuch hua, wo sab bhulake nayi shuruat karna chahtha tha. Isliye kabhi kuch nahi pocha. Par ab main sab janna chahtha hoon. Tumhaari childhood, lifestyle, taqleefein, sab kuch"
"Ab jaanke kya faayda hain omkaaraji" She was satirical.
"Please aisa mat kaho. I love you. Mujhe tumhari har dard aur har khushi ki parwah hain. Aaj raat tum mujhe bataogi naa?"
"aaj raat?"
"Haan.. aaj poori raat main tumse baatein karna chahtha hoon. Jo baatein humhaari beech mein itne dinon se adhoori reh gayi thi. Wo baatein"
Though she hasn't recovered from her hurtful state back yet, she realized that he is trying to recover her out of it in every rightful way. She turned to look into his eyes, releasing his arms off her, only to meet his earnest and concerned gesture.
"Han" Words slipped out of her lips without her knowledge
*********
Gauri sat in the bed with her hands wrapped inside his. They sat opposite facing each other, whilst she was contemplating his reactions after the KT reveal. No matter what, he needs to know what went wrong between them, just from the start.
She started off from childhood, about how she was an adopted daughter, how her father's demise threw her out of school and how she had to start running her father's shop for their living. Omkaara felt increasingly sad as she went through her not-so-pleasant childhood, realizing though he had gone through a challenging childhood, still his was far better comparitively.
She started the big reveal. His face changed shades of dark pool of grey to almost black when KT proposed to marry her with his brothers, how she was chained and made to dance since her mother was at gunpoint. He remembered the situation exactly even now. Her teary eyed statement, "Aap humhaari majboori nahi samajhthe". God, he was a moron and a monster!!
"aap nahi hothe patha nahi kya hua hotha. aap ne meri izzat aur zindagi dono bacha li" she still grew emotional thinking about that one life changing moment. Moment when he smeared his blood on her maang.
Omkaara was on a different state. He was shocked beyond proportions realizing that she was a victim of a potential rape, human trafficking whilst he held on to his infamously glorious judgements of her being a home breaker. He went to bareilly on such an undertone, but that doesn't mean he can judge her all wrong
She continue how she met svetlana and how she ended up in Oberoi Mansion.
"Shaadi hui issliye main zabardasti mujhe aap pe thopna nahi chahthi thi. Par jab main aapki ache dost bani, aapko jaana, chahe kuch bhi ho, main aapki madat karna chahthi thi. aapki taakat banke. Par humhaari phooti kismat, Kaali wapas aaya aur aapko dhamki deh raha tha, issliye main aapke liye uski paas wapas jaa rahi thi. phir bhi kaali ko shaq tha, kahin main dobara usko doka na doon. Jab aap wapas aaye the bareilly, chulbul ko bachane ke liye, uss waqt buamaa kaali ki custody mein thi. Usko shayad pata nahi, kyunki kaali ne buamaa ko behosh rakha. aap phir se mujhe galat samajha, par aapko kuch nahi pata, issliye aapki dosh nahi thi"
Omkaara felt like a demon. She had gone back to a potential rapist, staking her integrity, just for HIM!! HIS LOVE!
He had accused her of all the bad things, when she had risked her most precious thing in life! He couldn't bare the guilt of his own feelings, as he was too much numbed to even shed tears.
He had only one sanctuary, for his penance. He threw himself on her lap, head down, ranting and asking forgiveness for the monster that he has been. It was a night of a big reveal, a night of tears and emotions, a night of penance and a night of revelation!!
She knew he was going to breakdown on hearing the entire story. She didn't expect him to crumble on her lap. She was helplessly caressing her hair, while he washed his sins with his tears..!!
****
