Speculation and Orientation in Bollywood

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

I know. Speculation about sexual orientation is not allowed. This topic is not to speculate on sexual orientation.

This topic is to discuss this simple premise related to Bollywood "Speculating on the sexual orientation of Bollywood celebrities is wrong". This is not about the forum rule. The forum rule is actually a derivative of this.

But do we understand why speculation is wrong?

a) It can be damaging to the career and personal life of the person if there is false speculation

b) Coming out is a personal choice and every human deserves the right to come out on their own

Then let's consider something else we do. Linking and gossipping about romances and breakups. We live in a world where we better know that sexual orientation and gender identity are a spectrum. We live in a world where traditional notions of monogamy are also changing. In this world when we "speculate" on the relationship between two people that have not been factually confirmed by them are we not making presumptions about their identities?

Consequently, if the speculation is false couldn't it be damaging to the career or personal life of the people involved? Similarly isn't personal life still a personal choice? Shouldn't it be up to people when they want to go public with their relationship or not?

So why do we have this hypocritical double standard when it comes to gossip and speculation?

We need to have one consistent stance

1) Gossip is fun and its enjoyable to speculate about our favorite stars. It doesn't matter what aspect we speculate on.

2) Gossip is wrong and an invasion of privacy. We should not speculate on any relationship or affairs.

I think the hypocricy in this forum, in Bollywood, in society in general stems from bullshit. That bullshit being the notion that anything that is not cis-het is uncomfortable and should be immediately stopped.

Another thing speculation does is give people someone to identify with. Many LGBT youth do not have many out Bollywood celebrities to identify with or relate to. It is a very cis-het fan club. Sure you can enjoy movies and the stars. But there is no ability to see oneself in stars or characters. That is changing with movies like Kapoor and Sons where a gay character was seamlessly woven into the story and it was not some great tragedy or epic romance - just an ordinary life. So in that sense would the world end if someone speculates SRK or John Abraham to be bi so LGBT can find some identity with the system. I know that SRK himself has many times said the speculation does not bother him and he enjoys having fans of all identities love him and crush on him. But then the forum rules are counterproductive to SRK himself.

I think I lost the topic...but its not "speculating about stars" it is about "why not to speculate"

PS: I also think asexuals did not get a chance to speak much about their identity. Asexuals feel free to identify

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

I miss when you were a MOD.

I totally get you, and you didn't lose the topic... but I don't think my post will be an appropriate response... ?

I think gossiping is an inevitable part of life, we do think and wonder, at individual level. If I see an actor that appeals to me, I do wonder about... him :p

So, it happens at a personal level, the part where we WONDER about stars or their lives.

But, as much as I support it and see it as something natural, I'll be very honest, RTH,personally, I sometimes find the interest or curiosity over someone's personal life to be perverse and I feel very sinful at times :( I know perversion is also human... but still.

It's not about LGBT peeps, it's also about the heteros, that I feel guilty about, sometimes.

I'm still yet to go either way... one, where I think it's all natural... and two, where I don't even think of such things. I'm split as you can see.

___________

Anyway, personally, for now, it's all about the way my mind bends or where my mind wanders while wondering :p I never get caught up in anything for much, and such speculations on social media don't hold my attention for more than 2 seconds, so IDC..

As for social media, at large speculating... it's alright, (it's natural) but as long as it only remains that - speculating. It is when people start passing on their digitial thoughts as truths is where it should stop. It may also be natural, but here your words that are passed on as truths COULD affect that someone you are talking about (psychologically, or socially, or image wise, etc)

Edited by Angel-likeDevil - 8 years ago

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..Khushi..

@..Khushi..

Dazzler

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

I think the intent behind the speculation makes all the difference. Like -

a. "OMG! I wonder if he's into guys"

b. "I wonder if he's into guys.Wow that would be cool"

Speculation is happening in both the scenarios, but while the first one seems to have a negative attitude towards it, the second one is cool and welcoming the idea... fine if he is, fine if he isn't. Not sure why many people think that when speculation/discussion about an actor's orientation happens, it means something damaging. Heck, it can be a general curiosity too cuz duh! an actor is a public figure.

For instance, if I were to ask if there are any asexuals in bollywood than that would be just a casual question. Nothing bad or mean or something I HAVE to have an answer to lol

Personally, I don't really have any interest in who's going out with whom/relationship/orientation etc. but like you said, if there are people who want to discuss it, they can discuss it in a healthy way. Speculations will happen no matter what, be it orientation or actor's personal life. Part and parcel I guess.

Edited by ..Khushi.. - 8 years ago

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Chudailpaapi

@Chudailpaapi

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

Because speculation lead to gossip which lead to blinds that get attached to star and may cause adverse damage to their careers. Bollywood audience is traditional by nature. Sexual orientation is one of the most intimate subject. Not everyone is comfortable accepting existence of different preference. Unless said actor or actress is comfortable enough to talk about their orientation, it is better to leave that door unopened. 😊

There are enough role models available around the world.

Edited by Chudailpaapi - 8 years ago

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Angel-likeDevil
But, as much as I support it and see it as something natural, I'll be very honest, RTH,personally, I sometimes find the interest or curiosity over someone's personal life to be perverse and I feel very sinful at times :( I know perversion is also human... but still.

I vacillate in the same way too. On one hand, I think curiosity and gossip are natural. It is as old as humanity. But then I feel guilty too. Like I have pried into something I should not have.

Who knows what is right in this Kardashian era.

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: ..Khushi..
Speculation is happening in both the scenarios, but while the first one seems to have a negative attitude towards it, the second one is cool and welcoming the idea... fine if he is, fine if he isn't. Not sure why many people think that when speculation/discussion about an actor's orientation happens, it means something damaging. Heck, it can be a general curiosity too cuz duh! an actor is a public figure.

This is part of what I was trying to get at.

Orientation should be irrelevant. It is just a trait. Like having black hair or brown hair. For some reason though even most innocuous questions about a person's orientation raise red flags.

It makes me wonder why there is a rule against sexuality but not a rule against discussing potentially cheating spouses.

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return_to_hades

@return_to_hades

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: Chudailpaapi
Because speculation lead to gossip which lead to blinds that get attached to star and may cause adverse damage to their careers. Bollywood audience is traditional by nature. Sexual orientation is one of the most intimate subject. Not everyone is comfortable accepting existence of different preference. Unless said actor or actress is comfortable enough to talk about their orientation, it is better to leave that door unopened. 😊

Funny that we live in a world where multiple affairs and cheating are more acceptable doors to open than sexual orientation.

Originally posted by: Chudailpaapi
There are enough role models available around the world.

You know, it is not about role models. It is about being able to identify with something. To be able to relate. To be able to exist in all spaces.

Why do you think whitewashing in Hollywood is so controversial? People of color have many role models. Why does lack of representation bother them? It is because of erasure. It is to seek visibility and validation.

Some people speculate for fun. Some people speculate as witch hunt. Some people speculate with the hopes of finding visibility and validation in a world where they feel erased. There are multiple reasons.

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Not gonna tell

@sherlockthor

Inactive

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

Till now I am trying to search celebs who are asexual.

But in this industry which basically runs on undertones of sex.. its very difficult.

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Angel-likeDevil

@Angel-likeDevil

Trailblazer

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

I vacillate in the same way too. On one hand, I think curiosity and gossip are natural. It is as old as humanity. But then I feel guilty too. Like I have pried into something I should not have.

Who knows what is right in this Kardashian era.

..😆...and also, in this age of social media - where there's a disconnect between the reach of our words we speak in real life and the reach of words we type out on social media.

I think before the internet era, if you were speculating, it'd be mostly by yourself or a handful of other people that you'd gossip with... the things said were safely locked in your own social bubble and thoughts traveled only a little further than you could do so physically.. But today, one person tweets something and the message travels all over the world!

...this is why speculating has become an icky subject today, because no sooner do you type out words coming from your very natural wandering mind, than they could be purported as truths..

It's actually amazing how SRK said speculating doesn't bother him, could be the person he is, or the unshakable edifice of stardom that he's built for himself to insulate him from such gossip, but that may not be the case with many other public figures, who could even get traumatized by innocent speculating... because, the crux of the issue here is words travel the whole world with a mere click/touch.

Same goes for forums like IF, so many people visit this website..

As for individual level... well, for the moment, I'm trying to give up on what I should or should not think like, because as much as I can analyse this whole curiosity-guilt axis, I think I'm only at the mercy of my mind 😛 ...so it's okay, we'll try to handle these opposite feelings when they come to us, RTH!! ..it's just mind, that likes to bend this way that way, let's try to enjoy all the shades of the grey matter! 😆

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Sunara

@princessunara

Trailblazer

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#10

The perception of the conclusion of the speculation.
It's not about us honestly. There r very less homophobes here compared to the paying audience in India. Majority sadly still thinks it's sick :(
Heck forget India just last night i watched this case of what would you do' episode where two US parents get their priest to pray the geyness out of their son'. And I was appalled! That's how some parents react who is in most cases the ones who loves u no matter what! And when someone gets the courage to come out that's the response they got from the ones who loves him the most! The ones who r the least judgmental are so opposed sometimes that it breaks my heart.

It's due to the prejudice and the sheer hatred LGBTQ community receive that I feel my hackles raised whenever such speculation happens. I feel worried for the ones we discuss who might actually be' that you know. I sometimes defend and oppose such discussions only due to that. If it was an attitude of wow "how cool she has such a beautiful girlfriend! I so ship them! that's normal for such an affair to elicit I'd love such discussions. But alas it's not so :(

Edited by princessunara - 8 years ago