Numbed of the intense pain he felt shooting through his body, he stood there silently. As if a sharp knife had pierced through his heart without mercy. He was not able to move or speak. Rudre was on his way to his room when he noticed Soumya sitting there. All alone, crying, putting on a mask to comfort herself. She seemed so lonely and heartbroken. He never intended to intrude and listen to her conversation. But he heard all she had said. It was as if he had looked into a mirror and witnessed his naked pure soul in utter distress.
Rudre could relate to the loneliness. Yes, he was and is lucky. At least he always had his big brothers to take care of him. To make him feel safe. Omkara was always the super sensitive one. It was Shivaay who mostly picked up the pieces which all the elders left behind. There was nobody there, just him. He spoke out loud as if the mature Rudre was calming down his inner child Rudy.
I know it was not an easy task. After taking care of Om and myself, Shivaay had to pull himself together, wipe away his own tears and then at some point he would finally fall asleep. I pretended many times to be sound asleep but that was far from the truth. My brothers were there for me always. Looked out for me. Despite their differences of opinion, for him they would always put on happy face and take away his worries. I know that. Still, the fear that people around me would leave, leave me all alone, by myself, was always there. Till this date I am still scared. In the past it was mostly mom and dad fighting, Choti papa and choti mom. Divorce, lies, addiction and self destruction, mistresses and attacks on my family. People leave or are taken away from your life. Maybe that is why I shy away for commitment and fear abandonment. Why bother? It is a setup for failure. Why open myself up for more heartache? I will not cause stress on my body. Not like Om or Mom. Or Soumya even. I see what she is doing. Stress eating and pretending she is not bothered by her weight. No not me. Never. This is what I do well. This is what I can control!... Soumya..! I could help her..
Poor Soumya.. Rudre walked further to his room. He needed a few minutes to recover. How rude I have been. My name is Rudre not Rude Boy. I should make an effort and make her feel at home at least. I will do for her what my brothers have done for me. I will keep her safe, take care of her, make her smile or even fight with her (that's when she is her cutest).. Just to keep her distracted. I could be her family. I would never run away. But.. Would she stay?'
Rudre returned to the party with his camera, more alcohol and of course, with his Clown Face on. He knew what had to be done. What she needed. And tonight for once he would not hide away.
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