The Thin line
Aarti was awoken by a searing pain ripping through her. His angry thrusts doing exactly what he had intended to do. Her punishment had started earlier the previous evening. He had come home while she was still in the shower. Her body still bore the evidence of this. Her shoulders and neck were full of bite marks and love bites. Her nipples were sore from him pinching and sucking at them so hard that they bled. Her lips were sore and swollen from his punishing kisses. But then, just as now her body betrayed her. The dryness which he had forced himself into was now soaking and she was now meeting each of his thrusts with hers. And then the worst part of the punishment. When she had completely surrendered to him, when she was at the height of the ultimate blissful experience, just then, he would withdraw and leave not only craving for more but utterly humiliated.
And why was he punishing her? She had eventually figured it out. He had probably seen or heard of her of her again today. Or it was a special date in their past relationship. Not that she was sure that the relationship ended. That was the relationship between him and the love of his life. His Precious Arpita. The one he was forced to leave and marry her, Aarti. Why, because she was of the status as him. In fact her family was even richer than his. From the outset he made it clear that she was forced on him. His disdain and disinterest in her was flaunted to all. He blamed her for his lost love. Despite the fact that said lost loved moved on quite quickly to another rich man. From what she heard she was a girl from a poor family that had her sights on a rich husband. The first time it happened was when she got married.
Before that, he wouldn't even touch her with a broomstick. That night he came home drunk. She was already in bed reading. She looked up for a brief greeting. She had switched herself from him emotionally. She too was forced into this marriage and had no time for his rants. So she interacted with him as little as possible and with as much aloofness as possible.
That night she hadn't even seen the signs. He came over to her side of the bed and yanked the book out of her hands and threw it aside. She looked up shocked and saw that crazy look in his eyes.
"Yashji? What are you doing?" She asked now realising the danger.
He merely pulled the blankets off of her and lay on top of her. He started kissing her. Punishingly. She pushed at him and she fought him. Her attempts at resistance were totally ineffective to his strength. He lifted her nighty and removed her underwear in a swift motion. His bottoms were removed before she even realised it. He entered her with an angry thrust, stealing a most prized possession with unbearable pain and total disregard. She screamed but no one heard. The family had all gone to the wedding. His darling Arpita had married one of his best friends.
He paid little heed to her pleas. She told him she was a virgin. But he didn't care. She was the cause of his pain and she would be punished. And he made sure that she knew that she was his to do with what he wanted, whenever he wanted. The pain was excruciating, the only solace was that it was over quickly. She pushed him off of her and looked at him in pure hatred. Her tears had dried on her cheeks.
"I hate you Yash Scindiya. This was not your right. Saying no was mine. You are my husband and because of our situation I am unable to leave you. But know that I will fight you at every turn. I might not win the fight because of your physical strength but I will fight. I am not making this easy for you. And you are not the only one that was forced into this. But I will not be a victim."
She left to have a shower and they did not talk of that again and their relationship was one of mere tolerance. So this behaviour of his would be spurred on by incidents with her sporadically and as always she would fight him. Even now his body bore as many scars as his. His lip had a gash where she bit him. His back and shoulders were full of scratches but inevitably she would give into the pleasure and then be humiliated to be left high and dry. She retaliated for this though. Her in laws were traditionalists so she had wear what was dictated by them but in the privacy of their bedroom she wore the skimpiest most revealing attire she could find. She knew he wouldn't touch her just because he wanted her. No, those activities were reserved for her punishment, but he couldn't hide his desire or rather lust for her so this was her way of punishing him.
Finally he was gone and she could do what she had been dying to do. She had met someone on-line. They had been chatting for about 6 months. It started in a forum of one her favourite authors. Soon they started chatting only with each other and the topic was long forgotten. She enjoyed their talks. He was sensitive and insightful. He read into her moods so easily by just a word or a sentence. He didn't know she was married and she didn't want to exchange pics. She loved the illusion she was creating and didn't want it crashed by reality. But he was pressing her to take their relationship further. He wanted to know who she was, where she lived and he wanted to meet. She kept stalling. She didn't want to break their mystery spell, yet she also didn't want to lose him. He was the only thing that made her life worthwhile at the moment. The fact that their interactions were becoming a little too intimate did not bother her as she didn't feel she owed that man any sort of fidelity or allegiance as he had none to her. She knew there was a pic of Arpita in his wallet. She knew when he looked at his phone in a certain way that he was looking at pictures of her. And of course, she had to be bear the brunt of his punishment when he saw her even after a year of marriage. She was at a stage that she wanted and needed more than her husband and her marriage could give her and to hell with the consequences. She didn't care about the families. They were the cause of all of this. She typed.
"Hi, prince charming, your Cinderella is ready to go to the ball"
"Will you be wearing glass slippers" he replied
"How else will you know me?"
"When"
"Soon. I'll be in touch."
2 weeks later Aarti walked into the restaurant. It was with great difficulty that she found a pair of jelly baby see through flat pumps with some silver sequence. Yes, these were her attempts at glass slippers. Otherwise she was plainly dressed. She was wearing a 3 quarter skinny jeans with a halter top and jacket. She was fully aware of the dangers of what she was doing. So she agreed to meet him in a public yet discreet place. She would have her "glass slippers" and he would have a copy of one of her favourite books. As she stepped inside the restaurant she knew she was making a mistake. No matter what her situation, she was not the type to indulge in extra marital affairs. She had already taken it too far. Her fairy-tale was shattered before it started. And she was the one that would crush it. She would tell him she was married and then leave.
She was unaware of the pair of eyes that followed her from the time she had entered the restaurant. He had not immediately recognized her in western dress. And her hair covered her face. She moved it away given him a clearer view of her familiar face. She never wore loose hair. It was either in a bun or ponytail. He could not keep his eyes off her as she was led by the waiter.
"Yash, you are not even listening to me." Said his companion.
He turned his head back.
"Sorry Arpi. What did you say?"
"I want you back. I made a mistake to marry Randhir. I just did it to hurt you but I am not happy. I love you."
It's what he wanted to hear wasn't it. That was what he was prepared for. To finally end his farce of a marriage and be with the woman he loves. Then she walks in here. She was sitting outside with her companion. Still within his vision. The conversation seemed no less intimate than that of his and Arpita's. At one point the man reached out for her hand and she didn't pull away. Something rose inside of him. He wanted to go there and punch the guy. But he stayed. His confusion growing as the evening progressed. Arpita told him everything he wanted to hear. Only those words seemed empty to him. He didn't know if he was doubting her sincerity or if he was doubting his feelings for her. He thought of his last encounter with his wife in the bedroom. Yes, he hurt her but it seemed the tables had turned. She always fought him but they both knew her strength was puny next to his. Nevertheless he bore the scars of her resistance. But now it started to feel as if he was punishing himself and not her anymore. He never allowed either of them to reach climax and when she paraded herself half naked in front of him every night, it made him forget that he was supposed to be in love with someone else.
She was the perfect bahu but as a wife she challenged him on everything. She did not allow his abuse of her after that first time. He hated himself after each encounter but he couldn't stop himself. And now it seemed that she too had someone else. Not surprising as she was very passionate. Finally he saw her get up soon after they had drinks. As she walked from her table their eyes met. Hers flitted to his companion and he saw recognition and something akin to pain or disappointment. She looked back at him but her steps did not falter as she walked to the door.
Her meeting was nice. He seemed like a genuinely sweet person. She told him immediately that she was married and apologised for leading him on. She also told him that her marriage was not a happy one but neither she nor her husband had given it a chance and she wanted to do that now. He took her hand and said he understood and that he was glad that she was honest. They only had one drink and left. She was surprised when she saw him there but she was not surprised when she recognised his companion. She was much more than surprised at the intense pain she experienced at the realisation that he was still seeing her. She needed to get out of there. She said good bye to her companion and took a taxi home.
She was pacing in their room. She felt like such a fool for entertaining any notion of a relationship with him. She was stupid to think that he would be interested in her in that way. He had always been clear about what he thought of her and their relationship. And for a moment she saw hope for their marriage and wanted to extend a hand of peace. To give their marriage a chance. She didn't expect him to love her, she only expected ... Well she didn't know what she expected. In any case, there was no expectation anymore now. It was over. That much was evident.
She was even more astonished when he walked in shortly after her. She had expected him to still be with his girlfriend. They looked at each other, neither sure how to react. She moved first. She got her pyjamas and went the bathroom locking the door behind her. She stayed there for a long time. She cried silently. She did not need him to know how hurt she was. She did not need any further humiliation. After, she went straight to bed. He went to the bathroom and came to lie next to her.
"Who was he?"
"Does it matter?"
"What is going on between you two?"
"Nothing that is not going on between you and Arpita ".
"How do you know what is going on between Arpita and I?"
"It's not that difficult to deduce since you have been pining away for her since we got married."
"How long have you been seeing him".
"I met him for the first time tonight in person"
"And?"
"Nothing. I discovered that I am not the type to indulge in extra marital affairs."
"So you are not seeing him again?"
"No, at least not till our divorce is finalised."
"Divorce? I gave up the woman I love to marry you. I will not give you a divorce."
She sat up, stared at him in anger and shouted "You gave up nothing! Nothing!"
He sat up too and looked at her with equal rage.
"Believe what you want. There will be no divorce. And from now on you better think twice about flaunting yourself in those flimsy little things in front of me. I will take you up on your offer."
"I won't stop fighting you" Never. I will not willingly share my husband with another woman. I will never be demure push over. If you want her then you can have her. Just leave me. You don't really want me, so why object to a divorce?"
"Fight? We both know how that normally turns out. But now I won't be stopping and once you've experienced what follows, you will beg me instead of fighting me. And don't talk to me about sharing. I wasn't the only one out with someone else tonight. So you can stop your self-righteous attitude right now. I said no divorce. You are mine. I won't leave you and you won't leave me. We agreed to that when we got married. Have a good night's rest Aarti, you might not have many from now on."
Aarti wasn't sure what was happening. His attitude and actions were not what she had expected. She'd expected punishment or at least him finally leaving her. She would have gladly accepted that. This relationship was becoming too much for her to handle. It made her a person that she didn't want to be. She was tired of fighting, not only physically but every day was a fight to stay and pretend that all was ok with her when her life was a complete disaster. Her marriage was a failure. Her husband was in love with someone else and she was having an emotional affair of her own. She who had always been someone of strong moral values had sunk so low. And now she was tired of fighting against her true self in the name self-preservation.
"I want to go home." She said the next day.
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"How long, Aarti?"
"A month"
"2 weeks. No longer"
"Why does it matter how long I stay away from you. Why does it matter if I never come back? You have your woman,"
"You are my woman. My wife. Arpita is no longer a factor in my life"
"How could I possibly believe you?"
"I have never lied to you. Not even about my feelings for Arpita. I never saw her since we were married, that was the only time and we made a clean break."
"So you suddenly have no more feelings for her."
"Let's discuss your feelings for that man you were with."
"I don't know what I feel or felt for him. I liked talking to him. He made me feel appreciated. He made feel wanted, like a woman not just an object."
"How?"
"We chatted. He was interested in me, in my likes and dislikes, what makes me happy and unhappy, what I enjoy. He listened to me. No one has ever shown that much interest in me. I liked it. Even now I miss it."
"Did you sleep with him?"
"I met him that night for the first time. And I told him I am married and I couldn't continue our relationship."
"Show me"
"What"
"Your chats"
"No, you won't like it."
"I want to see!"
"Fine" she got out her iPad and logged onto their chat forum and gave him the iPad. There was so much to read and he read everything. They sat there for hours while he read. Finally he was done. He let out an angry scream and threw the iPad against the wall. He advanced on her in his familiar way. Tears of shame, regret and fear started flowing. She knew this time she was at fault and deserved the punishment. She didn't flee and she didn't resist when his mouth came down punishingly on hers again. His hands were wrapped around her arms so tight that it felt like the circulation had been cut. She eventually started kissing him back. He suddenly pushed her away from him.
"Never again do you hear me. Unless you want to see me tear him limb from limb right in front of you."
She nodded.
"2 weeks Aarti, no more and you come back as my wife".
"And will you be my husband?"
"I am your husband and its time we both realised that."
She left the next day. He left for work as normal. The driver took her to the airport. When she stepped into her parents' home she knew this wasn't home anymore. Her parents were surprised at this new Aarti that got up early for prayers and helped with the chores. She didn't need to before as they had a numerous servants. She was the only daughter and was allowed to study but never allowed to work. She had often asked and pleaded with her parents. She was given everything she wanted by her parents but on her working and marriage they were very old school. She slept in her bedroom but it wasn't the same. There was something missing. His smell, his clothes, his horrible moody presence in the room, in the house and in the bed. The first week was almost over and he hadn't even contacted her. She couldn't help wondering if he was seeing Arpita yet she just did not have the freedom to call him. She also wanted to go home but she didn't know how to broach the subject. But something changed that day. She had a delivery. It was a brand new iPad. She was confused when she saw it. But none the less she set it up. She was unsure whether she should contact him to thank him. She was still contemplating when she received a message.
"Hello"
On the other side he let out a huge sigh of relief when she finally answered. "Hello, thank you for the iPad."
"No thanks required, I owed you one"
"None the less, thank you."
"How are you, Aarti?"
"Fine and you?"
'Fine"
"So, what are you up to?"
"Nothing much. Catching up with friends. And just staying in with the family. Reading"
"Uhm, it's a bit quiet here. No on one around to challenge my every word."
"I don't do that".
"Well not my every word but most"
"That's still not true but I agree that I can be like a dog with a bone sometimes."
"Yes, only sometimes."
She smiled at that.
"Aarti, I'm sorry."
She hadn't expected that.
She knew that it didn't come easy for him, and she knew it was a huge gesture coming from him, from the man that used her as an object of punishment to an apology. It was simple but profound. The tears were flowing freely now. She couldn't respond.
"Good night Aarti" he wrote after waiting a few minutes.
He didn't know where they were going from here. He didn't know if she could forgive all that he had done to her for a year. Blaming her for losing Arpita when she too was forced into this relationship. He had never really seen her as anything other than an object to vent his anger at first. Yet he admired her resolve to keep fighting him even though she knew she couldn't resist. Even her punishment first angered him, then amused him but it always made him want her. Yet he fought against it with everything in him. She was beautiful, intelligent, sexy and she was a passionate lover. He always believed in one love for a lifetime but he had started forgetting Arpita and thinking more about his wife. So for that he punished both of them. And when Arpita called him again, he wanted to feel that old excitement that he had felt before. Even when he saw her, as beautiful as she looked with her designer wear and make up, he compared her to his wife. When she was natural she was so beautiful. She didn't need make up or designer wear or a coiffed hair do. She was just simply stunning without even trying.
Then he saw her come into the restaurant, his heart stopped. He didn't want her to know he was with Arpita, something that would not have bothered him before. But he soon realised she was here for the same reason as him. To meet someone else. Only his crazy confusion made him stay in his seat. Soon it was evident to both him and Arpita that there was nothing from his side. All he wanted to do was to go to his wife. He went home not even sure that she would be there. He was immensely relieved that she was. They didn't speak much that night though he had so many questions. And when he did ask, she was forthcoming. Reading her chats to that man drove him insane. At first it was platonic but gradually progressed from platonic friendship to romantic interest to flirtatious and very suggestive conversations. He had seen worse. But she was his wife. He lost it and threw her iPad against the wall, and then nearly defaulting to his old behaviour but stopped himself in time.
This time she didn't fight. She felt remorse and guilt that was clear. He felt ashamed again, for less she felt ashamed. He was the one that should feel that way and apologise. He knew she needed her space but he also knew that she had to come back. He couldn't be without her anymore. He also knew he had to work to win her over. And he didn't know where to start. Then he had the epiphany to get the iPad and start their own conversations. To get to know each other. He hoped and prayed it would work. It didn't end well the night before.
He was sitting at the office when he received the message.
"Good morning, hope you had a good night's rest."
He was over the moon.
"Good morning, honestly it wasn't that great but my day is suddenly looking very promising."
"I'm glad. I won't disturb you any more, chat later?"
"Yes, we will definitely chat later. Have a wonderful day. Looking forward to our chat."
"Me too"
In the next week they learnt more about each other than entire year. It was easy because they didn't have to face each other. Their cyber conversations ranged from their interests, hobbies to intense discussions and even arguments about their relationships. But the conversation never stopped. It would carry on from morning to when they went to bed. Sometimes till the early hours of the morning, especially when they were talking about their near infidelities and arguments ensued. They would stop talking for hours and then one of them would eventually send a message.
"I'm sorry" and get a response.
"Me too" They would then continue talking and exploring their own feelings whilst apart.
But now the two weeks were up and she had to go home. She was anxious. She had been nervously chewing at her nails for the whole of the flight. Something she hadn't done since she was a child. At least she wouldn't see him till after work. She had worn sweats to be comfortable for the trip. She had a ponytail and no make-up. She was shocked when she saw him waiting for her. She felt self-conscious about the way she looked.
"Why are you here?" She snapped
"Aart..."
"I thought you were working."
"I took the day off work but I will take you home and leave. I won't impose"
They drove home in silence. He took her luggage upstairs and was about to leave.
"Sorry Yash. I was just surprised to see you there. I... I... this is all still a mystery to me and very scary. I didn't mean to be rude. Please don't go. Unless you had other plans then of course you can go. It's all up to you."
She turned around and shut her eyes tightly. She was behaving like a teenager that had no control over what came out of her mouth.
"I had plans." He said.
"Oh"
"I had plans to spend the day with my wife"
"Oh ...oooh" she said.
"Is that ok with you, Aarti?"
"Yes", she said.
"Go freshen up and I will get you something to eat."
"Ok" she said and walked to the bathroom smiling.
She showered and changed to something more flattering. They ate lunch together.
"I spoke to ma and bauji" he said.
"About?"
"Well, after discovering you have a degree in arts and culture and that you have magnificent skills, I thought we might find a position for you at SE."
"Yash? That was not needed."
"Just give it a try. If you don't like it, then you can quit."
"And your parents are ok with it"
"I can be very persuasive when I want to be, so yes, they agreed."
"I'd like that, but I've never worked before."
"Don't worry, I will take you under my wing."
"Do you have that kind of patience?"
"I am looking forward to it" they shared a happy glance.
"You have something on your lip." She licked her lips making his heart palpitate.
He shook his head and wiped the cream from her lips, causing them both to shudder. But he didn't want to move too fast.
She loved working with him and she seemed to have a knack for event coordinating. She loved it when he approved of her work. His approval meant everything to her. They had settled into a comfortable friendship, neither wanting to ruin the fragile relationship with romance. They were doing a big wedding for a very high profile client. Arpita happened to be there. Aarti was acutely aware of her presence and that her attention was more on Yash than her own husband.
Yash went back to his room to get something he forgot. There was a knock on the door and he opened.
"I missed you so much Yash," Arpita said. She pushed him inside and started kissing him. He was caught completely off guard so he didn't react. He heard the door slam and pushed Arpita away. Aarti was standing in front of them, livid.
"Aarti, this is not what it looks like."
"I beg to differ. It's exactly what it looks like." She said as she walked towards them.
"Aarti, please, I can explain."
"No explanation needed. We all know exactly what is going on here. Right Arpita. You are not satisfied with just your husband. You need to go after mine too."
"You are forced on him. He loves me."
"You listen to me, he is my husband. Mine. He might not have chosen me but we are married. He might have loved you once but that time is over. He wants me now. Stop forcing yourself on my husband. Face the facts. He doesn't want you anymore. I am done standing by and giving you easy access to him"
She grabbed Arpita at the hair at nape of her neck.
"Let me make it very clear to you. If I find you near my husband again I will ruin you and your entire low class family. When I am done with you, your husband and in laws will treat you like you have the plague. Do you get it? He is mine. STAY AWAY FROM HIM." She said in a quietly dangerous voice.
"Now get out of here." She let her grip go and pushed her slightly.
Arpita ran out of the room. Yash was stood watching this with shock. "Sorry, Yash. I know you have feelings for her but..."
Suddenly she was grabbed her arm and dragged her out the door along with him.
"We have work to do. Let's go."
It was hours later that they entered the room again. She was nervous as she didn't know what to expect.
"I am tired. I am going to have a quick shower and get into bed."
She went to the bathroom without waiting for a reply. She was expecting more after her crazy behaviour earlier. He hadn't even said anything. Her tears mingled with the water. Then she heard the door open and she embraced from behind. "Do you have any idea how turned on I was by your gangster persona. I would have made love to you right then, had we not had the function."
"Yash, are you still in love with her?"
"I believe that true love only comes once. And I found mine."
She struggled out of his arms but he held on tight.
"Let me finish. I realised that what I felt for her was infatuation, an unhealthy obsession fuelled by my need to rebel against my parents. I was always the perfect son and she was my one and only form of rebellion. But, as I said, I found my true love in my beautiful, scary, hot wife. Seeing you fight for me was even hotter than when you used to fight with me. I love you my darling. I am madly, hopelessly and completely in love with you. And yes I am yours and only yours."
She turned around and hugged him.
"I love you."
"No more fighting?' He asked.
"Only when needed." She laughed.
"But not tonight."
"No not tonight." She looked up at him and smiled. For the first time he claimed her lips sensuously, not out of anger but out of love. And she responded in kind. He entered her quickly. The feeling of joy and pleasure that engulfed them both was far beyond what they has imagined. When the finally reached climax they both proclaimed their love for each other. Finally they had nothing to hide, there were no holds barred. They gave all of themselves to each other, freely and without reservation. Now that they finally rode the wave of love, they didn't want to stop.
They woke up tired but satiated the next morning. Yash had called reception and asked to extend their stay for a few more days.
"Honey, won't Ma be angry if we don't come home."
'Nope, she is happy that we are working on giving her a grandchild."
"Yash!" she blushed.
"Baby relax I told them we worked hard on this event and wanted a few days break."
"Then what will you tell them when we come home even more tired." She giggled.
"And exactly why we will be so tired?"
"I won't tell you but if you feed me, I could show you."
"Let me get room service then."
He ordered their breakfast and she came to lie on top of him again.
"I love you Yash. So much. I am so sorry for all that I've done to hurt you." She said rubbing and kissing an old scar.
"I love you too, baby, I hurt you more. I am sorry and will do my best to make it up to you."
She suddenly had an idea "How long before the food comes?"
"About 20 minutes"
"That's enough time." She said and kissed him.
"Ouch" he said as she bit his lip.
'So my baby wants it rough now."
She answered him by biting him on the very scar she touched earlier. They enjoyed their rough play, this time was as intense but no malice or anger taking their healing and love a step further. They ate their breakfast with tingling and aching bodies, feeding each other knowing they had come full circle and could only go forward from strength to strength.
8 months later, Yash came out of the bathroom. He saw his naked wife looking at herself in the mirror. He went to her.
"So very beautiful" he said as he hugged her.
"I know right." she smiled back at him in the mirror and snuggled back into him.
Their hands met over her now highly protruding tummy.
"I love this Yash. I love being pregnant with our baby. And I love you."
"I love you more than my whole life, darling. I could never have thought when we got married, that I could be so happy, my love."
"Me too. You will love me always won't you?"
"Always and forever."
She turned around in his arms and looked into his eyes. The love was tangible in their eyes. She rubbed her hands through his hair. Then she hugged him tight.
He hugged her back and scooped her in his arms.
"Come wifey, pretty soon you son will impose on my time with you, so I have to make the most of this time before his arrival.
"You are insatiable. It hasn't' even been 10 minutes since we got out of the shower."
"10 minutes too long"
She giggled as he carried her to bed. He put her down on the bed.
He put his head on her tummy.
"Sorry my son. It's all mummy's fault. She tempts me all the time. I promise I won't be too rough."
She laughed out loud now.
"Lying to your son before he is even born. That's so wrong, Yash."
"Shhh, you are ruining my image in front of my son."
She laughed again. He moved up and when she saw the passion and his eyes, her laughter died in her throat. He claimed her lips, in a slow sensuous kiss, exploring her mouth with his. And their lovemaking was sweet and slow. They savoured every moment of their pleasure and their love.
What started off as a relationship of resentment and hatred had changed completely. There is indeed a thin line between love and hate. Freedom and captivity. And they managed to cross that line to where their destiny led. To each other. Husband, wife, lovers and parents. A family.
They had all that they never knew that needed and wanted. They were free to love and be loved. They were blessed beyond measure with each other and the new life that was the manifestation of their love. They were now complete and blissfully happy.
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