Twinj sad os :: darkness ::

Well, as none of you know, I'm a quote freak ... super duper one too...I love quotes to the moon and back...

I just read a few hundred depressing lot of quotes and felt like writing... sadly enough, I miss twinj still... why sadly? Because the feeling of missing someone not only brings you happy memories but majorly brings you agonising ones.

When I remember twinj today, all I can feel is sadness... I've been spending nights crying over them... they were my happy place... my thing and now...im just sad.

Well, disclaimer

This is going to be a sad os.

Obviously.

This happens after kind gets shot.. Twinkle is not pregnant Nd she's living in the taneja mansion. Everybody is trying to get her be back to normal and thus is a month after kunjs so called death.

Darkness

A queen imagination

I close my eyes as I lean back into the head board of the bed. Why ? I think again, as my memories drift back to you... like they do everyday.. Every moment...all the time.

I gaze at my hands. They look old... I never noticed though... last time I looked at them was probably when you gifted me that bracelet... when you made me wear it with your hands. They looked beautiful... now they are just ugly... maybe it's the eyes of maybe due to nothing at all.

I sigh as I throw my legs off the bed. Grabbing a photograph of yours from the millions in my room, I walk up to the mirror. I gaze at the photograph I had picked. It's us. Me staring at you like you're the only star in my sky. You were kunj. You were laughing after exchanging the spiked drinks on that nehendi function. My superhero. Your eyes had become these adorably things as you're smile made me smile. It was the most beautiful thing on earth.

I miss you.

I catch a glimpse of my face in the photograph.. So happy so fresh... THE twinkle kunj sarna. Me and you. I catch that smile on my face... huge and soft... in love... with you.

I look at the mirror Nd gaze at my face... I see my chapped lips, and lifeless eyes. I gaze at the unkept hair and my new face.

I looked pathetic. I admit.

I look at my lips again... you know what I remembered... I remembered those million times when you had tried to bring the twinkle wali smile over there... I remembered that smirk we used to share... those kisses we stole and those pecks of love. I remembered you.

For the sake of all of this... at one moment of time I did try to live again.. To keep that smile intact for which you could do anything... but it never stayed kunj... it left with you... it left when you did and I bet it did not want to come back.

I watched a tear slide down my cheek. Then another. And another.

I walked slowly to the window and let the cold wind hit my face. I did not bother to brush away the dirt or my hair. My soul had seen something again.

Our balcony kunj. The balcony of our room. The same balcony on which you had to sleep on the very first night of mine in the house. The same balcony where I used to stand and wait for you. Where you would stand and wait for me. Where we had our thank you Nd sorry wala setup. Where you consoled me when mahi hurt me. Where you sat and texted me when we started dating. From where you called me to tell me I look beautiful when we had our movie date.

Today the door was closed and the balcony full of memories. I covered my mouth to stifle the scream that had formed in the Base of my throat. I could feel hot tears racing down my cheeks. Onto my nose, down my neck. I didn't care.

I miss you kunj. So much.

You know... bebe sometimes says you might be alive. You're body was never found, that was her explanation. Bubbly had so much faith in our love that she says you must be alive. Because our love can't just die. How do I explain to her that our love can never die. That I still love you and will love you even after I die. It was not only my heart or mind or body that loved you kunj, it was my soul... and soul's never die.

When people say those things, I Look at mummy ji. We share that glace that says it all.

You remember when mahi was pushed off the cliff, remember I said I felt her...That I though she was alive... that I knew she was alive? That was because I knew and I felt it.

But I don't feel you kunj.

I know you're gone. I know you're never coming back. I know that kunj. We always had that connection didn't we? You knowing something was wrong with me and I knowing when something was wrong with you?

And mummy ji knows too. Her heart is connected to yours kunj... she's your mother and she knows too.

I walk back to my bed and sit on it. I see a fruit bowl on the table in front of it. A knife was standing atop it.

I pulled it out and turned it in my hands. It glistened in the moon light. I slowly ran my finger on the blade. I didn't even wince as I saw blood literally flow from that cut.

Sharp.

I saw you smile and shake your head. I responded with a smirk. I was twinkle kunj sarna. Remember how annoyed you used to get cause you used to get because I never listened to you. I looked at a picture of you.

I love you kunj.

I pressed the blade into my wrist, ending our story on earth, forever.