OS: Baavra Mann

(For Arjun, for I love you more than I thought I'd come to loving a fictional character.

And all my words become inadequate if I attempt to jot down what you truly are, Meera. You magic woman.)

Arjun and Kavi, here, are borrowed from ARRTI.

***

Love baffles me.

What is love?

How do you fall in love?

Isn't love compatibility? Or is it just compatibility? Or a bit of it? Is it enough?

Do you do the calculations, sketch out a plan (that'd be amusing enough and would be a treat to tell afterwards in life), delve into the merits and de-merits, rehearse and then fall in love?

Why do you fall in love, why do you lose yourself in the process (or do you?), what makes you think you'd be able to defeat every adversities when you're loved? (hurricanes and darkness if I romanticize and the irreverent playfulness of everyday life if I don't.)

Is love supposed to be slow, persistent, growing in gradually to finally flow in your veins, captivate your body till you can feel it in your every breaths, in your bones, in your very existence and the arguments of things reasonable and unreasonable least bothers you- and every words you write for your lover seems little of an extravagance?

Is rationality lost in love or you begin to understand things in a perspective you'd have never known otherwise?

What is the right time to fall in love? Who is the right person?

What do you mean by right and wrong person, anyways?

***

Bavre Se Is Jahan Main Bavra Ek Saath Ho
Is Sayani Bheed Main Bas Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavre Se Pair Chahen, Baavron Tarano Ke, Bavre Se Bol Pe Thirakna.
Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Two people, each pretending to stare at the oblivion. But silently peeking at their own cosmos, trying to figure out the symmetry, joining the dots and rehearsing the play. Suddenly a pressure is built at the back of one's mind. Silence staggers. Words sprout. A conversation is picked up, like picking up well thought words (that were abandoned) from the air randomly (and yet not so).

'Love when becomes unanswered, suffocates.' he draws a long breath, watching the ocean with strange anticipation. I can see the warmth radiating from his eyes. He relates love with ocean and watches his hopes surge up and down like the tides.

'It makes me feel alive. It makes me want to rush with the wind, bloom with the flowers, swim on the sand and plunge into the ocean. Love, unrequited love. It makes me feel so human, so fragile, so vulnerable yet so brave at the same time. So brave, Arjun.' I leave rest of the words cling somewhere between me and him.

He now looks at me. I look at him. His face doesn't show any expression of agitation. Instead, he looks utterly composed.

He then asks- 'Doesn't love worry you?'

I twirl, swing and slide my finger on the sand and write my name. Khushi.

Then, I speak.

'You know there are these moments when I feel like I reside in him. I feel so much love for him and it amazes me how selflessly I love him at the moment. My entire being awakens with new energy. I dream, I hope- I celebrate the colors of that strange ecstasy, that strange love. Yes, sometimes I get overpowered by emotions. I desire him in a way that is uncontrollable, ferocious. But then something calms down those tides. The feeling of being in love is so precious and indescribable. And if it brings pain, let it. I can bear that. I can bear to love him. I can bear to love without receiving the same. '

I see a small twinge of disapproval on his face.

'Where does that love stand now, Kavi?' he implores.

I smile and answer- 'Somewhere between hell and heaven. I become selfish in love, we all do actually. I brighten my day with his smile. His every little gesture is observed by me. It provides me such joy, to be a spectator of his every little moment. Ah, broaden it. It makes me realize how observant we become of the people we love. Like mothers. The beauty, the beauty of love.' As the ocean rests, I can feel the waves floating in my heart.

He listens to me carefully, raises his eyebrows with such ease and says-

'And one day, he's gone and takes love away from you?'

His questioning eyes do not falter my beliefs.

'Do you think we have such control over an emotion powerful as love? When people leave, they take away a part of you. He will do, too. He'll take away those occasional glances and those lovely daydreams. But he'll have given me a heart that is capable of loving with such passion, such selfishness and such purity. Look around the corner, and he's still there, smiling as ever.'

The clouds join hands. They darken. A droplet of rain kisses my face.

'And you know what', he adds (to my surprise) 'love is like rain. It soothes, it pacifies, it heals. Like the ocean takes in the rain with such zeal, we take love with such endurance and such hunger. We search love and we find it. But if it goes unrequited, why shall I complain when it has made my soul so vibrant and so kind? When it has given me a new perspective of the world and made me a different person altogether. You may think my love is an illusion. But no, it isn't. I love you because I can't think of doing otherwise. 'His voice then silences down.

He stands up to go. His beautiful eyes hold onto mine.

***

Bavra Sa Ho Andhera, Bavri Khamoshiyan
Bavra Sa Ho Andhera, Bavri Khamoshiyan
Thartharati Low Ho Maddham, Bavri Madhoshiyan
Bavra Ek Ghooghta Chahe, Haule Haule Bin Bataye, Bavre Se Mukhde Se Sarakana,
Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

Am I selfish? Did I know she didn't feel anything remotely romantic for me?

I don't know and yes.

I knew.

But I thought love was supposed to trigger from little incidents of everyday and that I'd be able to make her forget about the remnants of a love that she hoped, although hideously even to herself, for herself? If she wasn't to forget how she felt with him, why is it any wrong for me to try to find a way to her?

There are questions beyond right and wrong timings. Well, life's a tease.

***

'But if you find love that is reciprocated, embrace it.' He says with a smile.

He stoops down, kisses my forehead and leaves.

I shift my eyes to the ocean. His kiss still lingers on my forehead, to be finally washed away by the rain.

***

Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNB4ah9r79M

Originally posted by: MysticRiver

nice..

Originally posted by: Nivedita137

Ah, how utterly lovely this piece is AlwyzT!

While Arjun may have invoked a partition in the views of the River Sisterhood, when it comes down to the matter of hearts, who you are rarely matters. A gentle touch of fingers, or the mere presence of the other might not cause the sudden roaring in your blood or the heart's thumping resonating wildly, as it might with the one who swept away a part of you from you. Love gently washes over, as fluid as the wind. It's only the realisation and the what ifs that knock the breath out.

Fearing unrequited love, is never reason enough to not embrace what transforms you into this soul that floats in the space between dreams and reality. We deserve to be happy don't we? So why not love?

A heart that loves, doesn't it deserve to wish its holder would love them back? Unrequited love can be someone's definition, a whole or part of them but rarely do we ever forget that emotion, the euphoria that dies down into an ocean of doubts before the hearts shatter into a million pieces. Joined together, with remnants of scars.

A truly wonderful piece! If you've written some more, it would be my pleasure to read it. :)

PS: At the risk of sounding like a complete idiot - do I know you from your comments on the River?

Originally posted by: Nimie207

That was an awesome one yaar...such a brilliant takeout on our very favourite Arjun...!!! Glad to see such fantastic pieces of writing on our River!!!!

Originally posted by: AlwyzT.

What a pleasant surprise, Nivedita! You cannot imagine how glad I'm to see you here. Thank you for stopping by!

(Oh and you don't know me😃. I do not comment on the blog but I know of you since I follow the blog and read all the comments religiously if time permits. And when we're at it, I cannot not-tell you that you are one gifted writer (your words are poetry even without the intention) and I had really loved your take on AV Sir! Write more, will you?)

Honestly, if I were to analyse a character, break down the details and draw the conclusions- Arjun, for me, would stand out from the rest. Maybe it's because I can draw out parallels of my own persona with his...and he just feels so very close like I know him in and out (now I sound a bit fanatical haha) and I can justify his every action if I have to. Every one has the privilege to hold onto futile hopes, be selfish enough to wish love, verbalize their emotions and try one more time.

It's not strange that somehow we all tend to be inclined towards a person who appears not-so-attainable. Not that we hold power over the workings of our own heart, but I like to believe it takes quite of a strength on our part to accept that we may have somehow not been able to appreciate people who've loved us and taken them for granted, while running behind our greater pursuits of happiness (as we'd like to think).

But then who can deny the bittersweet melody the longing offers.

Thank you for reading, N.

Ps, Oh I've written around 10 (or more) One shots over the past three/four years. And after posting them here, I haven't revisited them. (I was at grade 9/10 when I wrote them and I tell you, I'm quite of an angst-y teenager and THAT just reflects in whatever I write. And thus, I'm quite apprehensive if they'd be enjoyable to read.

I'll scrap you the links😊

Originally posted by: meera30

Oh my! I will have to come back to this!

But before anything else - thank you for thinking well enough of a character I can claim to have created to do this.

Edited:

What can I say that will do justice to this piece of wonderful writing? Thank you for taking Arjun and Kavi and giving them something so beautiful. What is love - I can imagine that they may spend a lifetime knowing, understanding, fighting, accepting and then doing it all over again

Superbly written T.

Thank you for this and for letting me know that there are people who read silently and yet feel strongly enough about the story to do something like this. I guess Rivers are sources of life's most precious inspirations and avenues for eternal gratitude to something bigger than us

If you don't mind, I shall put this up on the blog. There are many out there who love Arjun and would LOVE to read this I'm sure

Thanks

Meera

Originally posted by: Junglebee

superb os