I fixed my bracelet watch on my wrist and checked the time again.
4:20PM.
Where was HE? I had told him to be here on time, and yet, he was still late. I was nervously tapping on the table, suddenly scared that he might not come, just to irk me. But he had no idea that the meeting we had with Mr. Khanna today would be life-changing for his career. And it had taken a lot of emails, phone calls and friendly bribes for Mr. Khanna to agree to meet us. But of course, he's only thinking about his ego. Unke shaan me gustaakhi ho jaye gi if he comes here like I asked. I tried calling him one more time, but it went straight to voicemail.
And yet, if he knew I was still his Fuggy, he'd be calling me nonstop right now. Only three weeks ago, he had finally confessed that he loved me. That he wanted to spend his entire life with me. That he wanted to travel to the moon with me. Three weeks later, he wanted nothing to do with me. He said he regretted loving me.
Of course, lots happened in between. Even though I was estatic by his proposal, I thought I was coming in between him and his long-time girlfriend, who was also pregnant. And so, I asked for a divorce and left him, only to find out later that she and his sister had tricked us into believing he was the baby daddy so that we'd separate forever. Moreover, as fate would have it, before I could contact him and inform him of all the revelations, I met with a serious road accident. Though I survived, I didn't immediately return back to him; I couldn't. Daadi asked me not to. She wanted her grandson to figure out the difference between the good and the bad by himself. She felt he would only believe us if we had proofs, which we had none. Though I was skeptical of her plan, she was his grandmother, after all. Who knew him better than her? If she didn't believe he'd trust her, how in the world could I believe he would trust me, whom he only started loving a few days ago?
And so I returned to MM, per Daadi's plan, with a drastic makeover. And I acted as if I was never in love with him, but only after his money. I was so sure he wasn't going to believe me; in fact, I had secretly decided to tell him everything, even after Daadi's promise, if he saw right through my cold attitude. But what hurt was that it only took a few minutes for his doubt to turn into anger; how easily he believed that the Fuggy that he had lived with day and night for the past nine months was in fact a gold digger all along. Sure, it was painful to see him feel betrayed in love; but at least I saw his hurt. He never saw me wait for him to fall asleep so that I could get a turn to cry. He didn't see how much his taunts hurt me everyday, especially after his confession not too long ago. He never looked hard enough to see that I was obviously still the same person he fell in love with, that all my actions might have a purpose behind it.
"Pragya?"
I lost my train of thought as I looked up to see a young man dressed in a grey business suit standing beside me. His big brown eyes were peering down at me and it took me a good minute to finally recognize him.
"Siddarth Khanna...is that really you?"
He started grinning and swept me off my feet to give me the biggest bear hug. "Pragz! I can't believe its really you!" Though I was initially shocked by his overtly friendly gesture, it took me no longer than a few seconds to reciprocate his hug. "Its nice seeing you too, Sid."
He finally let me go and sat down next to me. "Look at you! Hellooo gorgeous! Not that you weren't before, but...wow, I'm just blown away by how great you're looking!" I gave him a warm smile at his kind, genuine-sounding words, though I felt a twinge deep inside. I had dressed up a little nicer than usual, hoping he'd compliment me. But as usual, he hadn't even glanced my way. Sid started snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Hey, kahan kho gayee?"
I shook my head and tried to divert the topic. "Sid, speak for yourself! Look how much you've changed! You've gotten...handsome, I have to admit." He chuckled as the waiter brought two glasses of water. "I've gotten handsome. Matlab I wasn't handsome before?" But before I could argue, he continued. "Who would have thought two library nerds from college could look this hot ten years later?" I couldn't help but giggle. It was truly ironic; aside from me, even he had changed quite a bit. He was no longer the scrawny boy with oversized glasses and a messy mop of brown hair. He looked like a model peeled off of a popular magazine cover from the newsstands.
I lost track of time, as me and Sid started catching up on life. He told me all about his travel diaries around the world, the few years that he lived in isolation in Spain and how he was in the middle of writing his third book, after the huge success of his second book. In fact, he was somewhat surprised I hadn't read it. How could I tell him that I've been occupied by utter chaos called marriage to even know what was happening across the street? In fact, once he was done sharing his life, I was at a loss of words on where to start.
As study buddies, me and Sid had been close enough to share what we wanted to do in life. And he had accomplished everything on his bucket list, from what I could remember. He wanted to know about my life and what dreams had I fulfilled. "Dreams?," I laughed nervously, "I wouldn't call them dreams, per se, Sid. They were just thoughts and suggestions of what I could maybe want to do later in life."
"Oh come on, Pragz! Stop being humble! You would constantly talk about them! Now what was it...aah yes, you always said you wanted to travel all around the world, collect stories about the people and faces you'd come across, double masters in philosophy and journalism, write books, take up photography as a side hobby, maybe host a talk show, create your own coffee blend! Did I get that right?"
I sighed. He was grinning unabashedly. He even remembered the coffee blend part! I reluctantly nodded as I looked down at my glass of water, avoiding all eye contact with Sid. How was I supposed to tell someone who had fulfilled each one of his goals that I had done just about none of what he listed out? I had no idea what to share and what to hide. Should I tell him my father left us stranded eight years ago, because of which we struggled financially and I picked up multiple jobs to help my mother put food on our plates? Was I supposed to admit to him that I had never stepped outside of Mumbai, let alone India, to even know what traveling meant? That because my mother started working full-time, I was responsible for looking after Bulbul day and night, so I never made friends or stayed in touch with the ones I had? That because we lost touch with society trying to earn enough for our home, I had multiple rishtas that come and went? That when I finally got married, I had to fight from the very first day to call my husband mine? In fact, I was still fighting for a happy marriage.
"Hey, Pragz!," he snapped his fingers in front of me. "You dazed off again! Is everything okay?" I hesitantly smiled at him and nodded my head. It wasn't that I was ashamed to share my struggles with Sid; after all, life was supposed to be unpredictable. But it was just that the journey was too painful for me to revisit all over again while narrating it to him.
"Umm, well, I did end up doing double masters in philosophy and english literature. And I, uh, well I, um-"
I was cut off when Sid signaled at someone behind me. And sure enough, finally, it was him. I checked my watch. He was almost 40 minutes late.
But surprisingly, he didn't look as amused as I would have expected. In fact, he looked somewhat pissed. Gorgeously pissed.
Sid calmly stood up and extended his hand towards him. "Mr. Mehra, pleasure to meet you. I'm Siddharth Khanna." He gave a tight smile and shook his hands in return. "Hey Siddharth. Sorry I'm late. Hope Mogambo didn't bore you to death."
"Er...I'm sorry, who?"
He pulled up an extra chair from a nearby table and sat in-between us. "Lady Mogambo! Wait, then what name did she introduce herself as?" I looked at him with a murderous glare, but he only naughtily winked back. Sid looked back and forth between us and politely, but hesitantly chuckled. "Ohhh, you mean Pragz?"
"...Pragz? What do you mean by Pragz?"
I look nervously between the two men. Here was an old classmate that was calling me in the most friendliest way possible. And then there was the love of my life...comparing me to a villain. And that too, Mogambo. Like, seriously. Annoyed already with the ultimate paradox at the moment, I proceeded on. "We are all here now. I say we move onto business, please?" Sid took out some papers from his briefcase and nodded at us, "Yes, of course!"
"Well, Sid, first of all, Mr. Mehra and I would like to thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to meet with us. It is real-"
"Wait, why are you calling him Sid?" I glared at him, slightly embarrassed he cut me off so rudely. "Excuse me?," I ask. "You called me Mr. Mehra. But you called him Sid. You should call him Mr. Khanna as well, na?" I literally married an 8 year old.
Before I could retort, Sid politely cut in. "Oh, its okay, I'm glad we're not being too formal here! I actually prefer you call me Sid too! And Pragz, you do realize that when I found out it was you who had sent all those email requests to meet up, I just had to say yes! The stationary sets and samosas were just an added bonus!"
"Samosas? Mogambo, who sends samosas as a bribe-wait, you guys KNOW each other??" he exclaimed, his voice getting a little louder than before.
"Yes, me and Pragz were in the same college! Same graduating class! We'd sometimes study in the library together. In fact, I have to say, a few of my As on my college transcript were solely because of her notes! So I can safely guarantee you, Mr. Mehra, that you are in good hands! "
"AYY, I know I'm in good hands, okay?," he almost yelled, hitting his fists on the table, gaining attention from tables nearby. I couldn't help but scoff, folding my arms across my chest as I leaned back into my seat. "Acha? So you admit I'm a good boss!" He pointed his finger at me, about to retort, but stopped abruptly, realizing what he just admitted. "No, I didn't mean it like that."
"So then what did you mean when you said you're in good hands?" And we kept going back and forth in our bickering for the next few minutes, totally oblivious to Sid ordering three drinks for our table while watching us in utter bewilderment. "Um, excuse me...but do you guys also know each other? In more than just a manager/employee type of relationship?"
It was his turn to smirk as he wound his arm around my shoulder. "Oh, you don't know? Pragzzz, was he not invited to our wedding? The day we became soulmates for life?" And while I knew he was being sarcastic, I couldn't help but flinch at his words. Our wedding day. Probably both the best and worst day of my life. The day when I could call him mine. But the day when I also found out that it was a sham; he wasn't mine. And he had no interest in calling me his.
"Wait, you guys are married??"
"Were," I quickly replied, as I gently took off his arm from around my shoulder, still disturbed by where this conversation had diverted. "And then we got divorced. Now I'm his manager and he's my employee." I looked up at Sid to see the tornado of confusion that was erupting through his brain, though he was trying his best to hide it. He definitely thinks we're crazy. I turned to my better half, who was looking dejectedly at the arm that was just on my shoulder a few seconds ago.Thankfully, the waiter returned to our table with the three drinks before Sid could ask more questions, because I didn't know if I could handle any more of his queries. I took my glass of juice and took a large sip, only realizing afterwards that this was definitely.not.juice.
I groaned outwardly. No no no, I could NOT get drunk at this time! Not in front of Sid! What if I let a little too loose and accidentally spill all my deep dark secrets?
He saw my face scrunch up at the bitter taste and immediately took the glass from my hands to sniff it. "This has alcohol in it! She can't tolerate even the tinsiest of alcohol, dammit!" Sid quickly sprang forward, apologizing for the mistake. "I'm so sorry Mr. Mehra! I didn't know Pragz still doesn't drink!" He scowled at him as he gave my drink back to the waiter. "Just because you knew her better ten years ago doesn't mean you know her better now!"
Wait. Did I sense...jealousy? Was he ACTUALLY jealous?
Though I definitely felt a little buzzed, I was still conscious and very much sober for the most part. But I was also just getting to see my husband's jealous side. For the first time ever. Jealous over me. And he's showing it when he thinks I'm drunk.
Hmm...maybe...if I pretended to be drunk...
Sid had called the waiter to order an antidote for the drink. But as soon as the waiter reached our table, I spoke up first, in the best drunken voice I could modulate. "Actually, can I have some gulab jamuns?" The waiter politely refused, saying they didn't carry gulab jamuns. I frowned at the waiter and looked at Sid. "Why are we here then? Augh, such a useless cafe!" I reached over for Sid's drink when Suniye pulled me towards him. "Arre, Mogambo. You can't have more!"
"But WHYYY?"
"Because you aren't able to handle it!" I looked at him and pouted, faking anger towards him. He gazed back at me and in a very long time, I finally saw concern in his eyes. For me.
"Ayy Mogambo. Don't tempt me. Stop making that face." Tempt him? What did he mean?
"Pragz, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you still don't drink!," apologized Sid, "You want me to order ice-cream? Remember, you loved butterscotch?" I tapped my finger on my cheek, thinking of what to say, but of course, he already had an answer. "She doesn't like ice-cream." I quickly glanced at him, annoyed at how wrong he was, though still entertained to see him irked by Sid. "Arre, but I love ice-cream!" He glared at me, probably angry I challenged his confident statement. "I know you pretty well, Mogambo. I think we were husband and wife not too long ago. And I never saw you eat ice-cream"
I snorted as I pulled away from him, trying to stifle my laugh, still acting drunk. "Yeah. OKAY Rockstar. Because me not eating ice-cream while we were married means I don't like ice-cream." I gently glided my finger down the side of his face, noticing him shiver just slightly. "If thats the case, then theres a LOT of things that I didn't do while we were married. Didn't mean I didn't want to." He stayed silent, looking deep into my eyes as I continued to glare back. Which was definitely difficult, because his angry, jealous expressions were definitely too hot to handle!
"Um...so should I order the ice-cream or..."
Without looking away, I leaned back into my seat and gave a tight smile, nodding my head. "HAAN, please Sid! And you remembered my favorite flavor! How thoughtful of you!" I should have taken a glance at bechara Sid and how utterly uncomfortable he looked while he ordered that ice-cream. "Yes, one butterscotch ice-cream for the lady, please! And a butterscotch for me too. Mr. Mehra, what would you like to have?"
"I'll also have the butterscotch."
"But you don't like butterscotch!" It was his turn to glare at me. "Well, maybe you don't know ME very well, Mogambo!"
"Yes I do." I don't even know why I was fighting with him.
"No you don't. Its a two way street. If I don't know you, you don't know me very well either"
"I know you don't like butterscotch. You like double chocolate chip. With sprinkles." And without letting him respond, I turned to the waiter and ordered that for him. Though in retrospect, I shouldn't have asked for the sprinkles. He was very secretive about his love for sprinkles. He thought it made him less manly.
"Mogambo, there's a limit to how much you can boss me around. When I said I wanted butterscotch, just let me have the damn butterscotch!"
"But you don't like butterscotch, na, and you're just eating it because you want to one-up me, like always," I replied, poking him teasingly on his huge arm. "You just can't admit it Rockstar, that I might know you better than you know me."
"Psh, please, in your dreams!"
"You don't even KNOW what my dreams are! In fact, forget dreams, you don't even know me in real life! Do you even know what degrees I mastered in? Do you even know what I wanted to be when I was younger? Okay fine, let me give you something a tad bit easier. What are my hobbies? When is my birthday?"
"...Well, I knew you before, not anymore! You left me and came back as this money-minded person! How am I supposed to know the real you when you keep changing yourself! First Chashmish, then Fuggy, now Mogambo!"
"Well maybe if you look hard enough, you'd understand that they're not really that different from each other! And that maybe, its all in your head! For God's sake, you created all those names!!"
Sid looked at us like we were two squirrels fighting over a chestnut. He started snickering, making both of us come out of our bitter trance. "Sorry, I just couldn't help it. I maybe see why you guys must have divorced!" And for some reason, I found that really offensive. Who the hell was this Sid from school to be telling us we weren't made for each other? Before I could speak up, Suniye beat me to it. "Ayy, you stay out of this! Its none of your business how we deal with each other" Sid chuckled some more, putting his hands in the air for the second time. "Hey, I'm on your side, sir! I might have known Pragz from college, but gosh. I get why you didn't want her to drink. She can be so...loud and stubborn!" I looked at Sid, highly offended. And to think that he was so successful because of those As I had helped him get back in college.
Suniye, on the other hand, reached ahead and grabbed Sid by the collar as a gasp escaped from my lips. "Listen Sid, Mr. Khanna...whoever you are. You have no right to say anything mean about my wife."
Sid tried to escape from his tight hold. "I just said loud and stubborn! And she's not even your wife anymore! Why are you getting so offended, yaar? I was sympathizing with you!" Suniye tightened his grip on the collar. "It doesn't matter if she's not my wife anymore. She's someone I care about. She's important to me. And I don't tolerate anyone bad-mouthing people that are important to me."
If only we weren't in a public environment and I had the guts to give him the tightest hug for being so protective about me.
Sid rolled his eyes. "Mr. Mehra, I was referring to her being annoying when she's intoxicated. Otherwise, I know Pragz is a beautiful person!" I couldn't help but frown at him in disgust. What a sleazebag. Suniye got even closer to Sid and I could see him gritting his teeth. "First of all, she is the cutest when she's drunk. If you don't know that, then you don't know her. Its when she was first intoxicated that I realized just how attracted I was to her. Secondly, I don't need a random hot guy like you telling me that you think she's beautiful. I have eyes, I can see how gorgeous my wife/ex-wife is for myself. And third of all, she has a name. And its Pragya. Not Pragz." And with that, he finally let go of Sid.
What the french toast.
He loves drunk me? He was attracted to me that early in our marriage? And he thinks I'm...gorgeous?
And most importantly, did he just call Sid hot??
Sid started fixing his suit and tie and grabbed his briefcase as he rigidly stood up from the table. "I think I should head out now. I have to receive my wife from the airport. In fact, I'm not sure I even remember why I wasted so much time here. You can kiss the deal goodbye, Mr. Mehra. And word of advice; before giving me advice, abide by it yourself. You're right, she does have a name. Its Pragya. Not Mogambo." And that was probably the last I ever saw of Siddarth Khanna. Hopefully.
We awkwardly sat in our places, avoiding all possible eye contact after one of the most weirdest lunch meetings that could ever happen. What had just happened and why? How did one little thing lead to another? To put an end to all the thoughts running in my head, the waiter finally brought the three ice-creams, assuming Sid had just momentarily stepped out. I slid Sid's butterscotch towards him. "Here, you can eat butterscotch now. Like you wanted" He shook his head and grabbed the double chocolate chip with the sprinkles. "Nah. This one is my favorite flavor. And it has sprinkles. Just how I like it." He kept eating his ice-cream as I watched him intently until he finally felt a pair of eyes watching him. He glanced up and raised his eyebrows. "What?"
I sighed. "Why could you not admit that earlier? Why were you so adamant to eat butterscotch when you don't even like it!" He stayed quiet for a while until he looked back down at his ice-cream, watching the sprinkles melt into the chocolate. "Because you like butterscotch. And that jerk did too" I was stunned to hear that mutter out of his mouth. "You think its the similarities that make two people close? You think Sid and I are closer than you and me? Just because of butterscotch?"
"No I didn't say that. But just look at us. We're so different from each other. Almost no similarities. There's a reason why our marriage failed." And at that moment, I saw his eyes tear up a bit as he continued looking at his ice-cream. I gently put my hand on his arm. "But thats not why our relationship suffered." I waited for him to interrogate further. But he paid for our awkward little rendezvous and we walked back to our car. The whole ride back home was travelled in silence. I had almost given up at the thought that he would further inquire what the reason was until we reached our home and I was about to open the door to get out.
"Then whats the reason?"
I took a deep breath, both relieved and nervous that he finally asked. "Our relationship suffered because it didn't start out with the two of us." He looked up at me, shocked as to where this was going. We had never had this conversation and I could tell from his eyes that he didn't want to talk about it now. But he needed to know. "You know, when I said yes to our marriage, it wasn't just for Maa or Bulbul or Daadi. It was also for myself. I've taken care of everyone all my life. Now, I wanted someone to take care of me. Someone to be mine. Just mine." He kept looking straight out of the window as I tried to regain my calm after completely venting out to him.
And then he finally spoke up, his voice barely a whisper. "If I could, I would rewind back time and change everything." I could see the guilt that was overpowering the tears in his eyes. That was not what I wanted to achieve. I shifted closer to him in our seats and gently caressed his hair. "You don't need to rewind time. You can make those changes now."
He frowned, unaware he had leaned into my fingers in his hair. "Yeah but how? And why should I change now when you changed yourself?"
I smiled. "Like the way you stood up for me to that sleazy Sid in the cafe. Like how you got concerned when I drank that juice to check whether it had alcohol in it. Thats taking care of me." He sighed, somewhat relieved that he had done something right in an otherwise horrendous business meeting.
"And maybe, whenever you have the time...try to get to know me a little better, Mr. Mehra. I might be your boss and you may think I cheated you. But maybe a lot of your confusion and questions would resolve if you'd open your eyes and dig a little deeper." And with that, I gave him a lingering kiss on his cheek, stepped out of the car, strolled back to our room and called it a night.
The next day, I woke up with a slight headache from the night before...but also with a lighter heart. I felt something good had happened yesterday-the fact that he heard my share of struggles and disappointments from this relationship. That even I was left heartbroken at one point.
With my eyes still trying to adjust to the sun seeping into our room, I spread my hand towards the side table next to me to pick up my phone. But instead I felt something sticky. I opened my eyes and to my surprise, there was a small bowl of fresh, warm gulab jamuns, a new book by one of my favorite authors and a note that was raggedly torn from one end with a numbered list of answers.
You asked me some questions yesterday.
1) You told me this at our engagement. You mastered in English Literature and Philosophy
2) When you were younger, you wanted to be a writer. And travel the world. But then Sarla Aunty had said that you gave up those dreams to manage the house with her.
3) Hobbies: poetry, reading books, watching Game of Thrones, making the best coffee, not wearing chashmas anymore. Being Mogam...being bossy. Wearing hot saris.
4) Your bday: Someday this year. It hasn't already passed...has it?
P.S. You're horrible at pretending you're drunk. We have to work harder on that next time. Learn from a pro ;)
Rockstar *scratched out*
Suniye *scratched out*
Mr. Mehra *scribbled over continuously*
Abhi
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Thanks for Reading! It really means a lot, and if you have the time, please please please comment below! All criticism/tomatoes welcome with open arms!
HUGE Shoutout to Sowmz for the beautiful banner! Thanks Sowmz!
Love,
Naina
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
