From the Diaries of... - Page 2

I straightened my specs in the mirror and took one last glance at myself in the mirror. This was going to go horribly, I sighed as I straightened out some of the wrinkles on my green monochrome chatri. Daadi had been on our backs to go on a shopping "date." However, neither he nor I were the least bit interested in spending any more than a few seconds together. Of course, no one else knew that; everyone else thought we were happily in love after our arranged marriage.

Wow, if anything, I'd become an excellent actor in the past few months, I scoffed at myself. And so, with Daadi and Daasi's constant budging, we had reluctantly agreed to go shopping. Well, he agreed after Daadi made our "date" a double date...with Aliyah and Purab. She thought this would be nice time for all of us to bond before their pending marriage next week.

Some bonding...he only agreed so that he can continue "torturing" me and Purab. To put a long story short, my nand/sister in law loved Purab. But she thought Purab declined her proposal because he loves me, when in reality, he loves my younger sister, Bulbul. And then all chaos broke loose. He thought I was a gold-digger trying to trap Purab, and so he married me to A) prove I was not really in love with Purab, but only after money and B) prevent me from coming in between Purab and Aliyah's relationship.

And unfortunately, I decided to stay silent and bear the false accusations, solely to protect my sister from my husband and Aliyah. If they could easily assume so wrongly about me, I could only imagine what they would do with my naive baby sister. Furthermore, my mother had all her hopes for this marriage to be successful. So for as long as I could manage, I was going to bear this crap. For Maa and Bulbul.

"Oye Chashmish, you ready for our date?"

I turned back to find him leaning on the door, arms crossed, with a mischievous glint in his eyes. His hair gelled back, he was wearing his leather jacket over his white V-neck shirt and his dog tags and bracelets were set in place. Never had I imagined such a guy described above to be my husband. We had nothing in common. There was no compatibility.

"LOVE LOVE HAPPY LOVE..." the radio boomed through the car.

"Can we please change the station?," I groaned irritatingly. I already heard his bak-bak enough at home to be listening to his talent-less songs in the car.

"To what? Bhajans?"

"At the moment, ANYTHING else will work."

And even though I had heard such taunts from him hundreds of times in the past, it always managed to hurt. But why? He didn't matter to me. He was no one to me...right? "So there's no in-between? Its either bhajans or your music?"

"What in-between? Who else is even remotely successful to me nowadays?"

Uff, the arrogance of this guy. I took the liberty of switching the station to one of my favorites, and sure enough, one of Kishore Kumar's songs was streaming.

"THIS. THIS is called music. But I'm sure you wouldn't know, because only behenji's like me listen to classic songs like this." He turned to me and opened his mouth to say something, but again, I didn't give him the chance to speak. I slouched into my seat, leaned my head onto the door window and closed my eyes.

"Mere Sapno Ki Rani Kab Aaogi Tu,

Aayi Rut Mastani Kab Aaogi Tu,

Beeti Jaye Zindigaani Kab Aaogi Tu,

Chali Aa, Tu Chali Aa..."

This was always one of my favorite songs. Whenever it would play on our radio in our room back in Chembur, I'd make sure to turn the volume up a little louder. At one point, I wanted to make this my ringtone, like how Bulbul would often change her ringtone to the latest tunes. But I was always shy. What would Maa, Daadi, Bulbul and Purvi think of me? I wasn't raised to dream of fairytales. Not me.

And yet, as cheesy as it sounded, I hopelessly dreamed to be someone's sapnon ki rani. Someone's dream girl. That I'd end up finding someone who cherished me. Someone who would like me for my simplicity. Someone who wouldn't find me boring. Someone who would admire me, my books, my glasses, my ideas.

But for the first time, I cringed as the song played in the car. I dared to dream once in my life...and what a joke that turned out to be. And I didn't want to be reminded of it. So, for the rest of the ride, I kept my eyes closed, trying to ignore the lyrics being played and fighting the tears that were threatening to spill...and soon enough, sleep overcame the strange pain in my heart.

"Chashmish...Ayy, Chashmish!" I woke up with a jerk to find him trying to wake me up.

"Huh?"

"Wake up. We're here." His voice sounded somewhat gentle, surprisingly. I fixed my glasses as I straightened up to see we were parked outside the mall. I was opening my door to exit, when I heard him softly say "And wipe your face...your eye makeup smudged because of your tears." And with that he got out, closed the door and walked towards the entrance of the mall.

I cried? And he noticed?

Apparently, when I fell asleep in the car, Purab had called to cancel on the double date, as he and Aliyah had to go invite a few more relatives before the engagement in two days. Which left the two of us awkwardly, silently strolling in the mall at a respectable distance from each other. I wonder why he didn't just turn the car around and come back home. Maybe because of Daadi...? Of course because of Daadi. Why else would he be here?

But he was awfully silent. More than usual. Sure, he had nothing to converse with me about. But there were no taunts either. Nor any teasing. Did Purab say something that made him upset? I looked up at him. He wasn't wearing his leather jacket anymore. In fact, he had changed into a white-collared shirt and jeans. His dog tags and bracelets were replaced by a beanie and sunglasses. When did he change? And why? But then I realized, no one was approaching him. We were freely walking around the mall and not a single one of his fans had stopped him for an autograph or a picture. But he always loved the attention. Especially around me, to show off his popularity? So why the subtle disguise?

As we walked past the shops, I couldn't help but stop at a certain store's front window. One of the mannequins was wrapped in a beautiful red sari that was embellished in gold sequins with a matching golden blouse. It was one of the most beautiful saris that I had ever come across. My hands and nose automatically pressed onto the window to get a closer look at the sari. Daadi would definitely ask why I didn't buy anything...so might as well buy something I like?

I glanced back to see him texting away on his phone. I paused for two seconds, what right did I have over his money? I was his nothing.Why bother buying a sari that he won't appreciate? I started walking back towards him, but then I halted my steps once again. I was his wife, dammit. So what if he didn't accept that? Every one else in this world did. And regardless, in a few days, after Purab and Aliyah's wedding, he was going to leave me, as promised. So why not make the most of the last few days I had with him? His opinion of me being a gold-digger was never going to resolve...so why bother trying to convince him of the truth?

Enough worrying about what he thought about me. Enough panicking of what he'd do to my family; he was going to leave me no matter what, so why panic? Enough of me trying to live in a bubble that would inevitably pop today or tomorrow? He tortured, teased and taunted me since the day I got married to him, na?

Well now, at least just for this one date...it was time for payback. Behenji-style.

"Suniyeee?"

He looked up from his phone to see me batting my eyes at him, giving him the flirtiest smile I could manage. In retrospect, it was probably more corny than flirty, since I'd never flirted with anyone before. But I had watched enough movies to know how I was supposed to flirt.

And it was enough to get his attention. He almost appeared...surprised?

"Suniye, why are you standing all the way there? Come with me! You know I don't like it when I don't have your hand to hold onto."

He just stood there, rooted to the ground. But he was frowning and he tilted his head to one side, as if trying to figure out what was going on. He looked so confused...and so cute. Wait, WHAT? No, I didn't mean cute. I meant confused. I sighed out loud, walked over to him and with all the courage in me, wrapped my arm around his. "Arre, are you listening? Come with me!" And without letting him speak, I dragged him with me inside the boutique.

"May I help you?" asked the sales lady. You can do this, Pragya. I shyly smiled, lowered my gaze and tightened my grip around his arm. "Woh, actually me and my new husband are out on our first date and he wanted to gift me the most special sari." I didn't turn towards him, but I knew behind those sunglasses, his eyes were trying to murder me with his glare. The sales lady smiled, assuming we were this cute, overtly-in love couple and asked us to give her a few minutes to find the best saris in their boutique.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He hissed.

"Arre! I was just telling her about our date. No need to by shy, Rockstar," I whispered back with a naughty grin. Well, I hope it looked naughty.

He took off his sunglasses and scowled, "Date, my foot! You really think I'm here to-"

"Dekhiye, no need to be all hush hush about it! We're married now! We don't need to sneak out anymore and be afraid the world will find out about our love!"

What the hell was I doing? I didn't even know how half of the garbage was even spilling out of my mouth. But his shocked, wide-eyed expressions were motivating me to push his buttons further. This could actually be...fun! Before he could retort back, the sales lady was back with 10-12 saris in her hand.

"Ma'am, I have picked out the best saris that are in our shop. They are all custom made by the most popular designers! However, what price range are you looking at?"

I leaned my head onto his arm as I continued holding onto his arm and purposely blushed. "When it comes to me, he says money doesn't matter," and bravely I peeked up at him, "Haina?"

The sales lady watched us in admiration. "You guys are so cute! I wish there were more couples like you!"

Trying not to burst out laughing at her comment, I politely took the saris from her as she led us back to towards the changing rooms. Before stepping into the changing room, I turned back towards him and asked "Suniye, aren't you going to come help me?" I could hear the sales lady softly giggle at the corner, while his eyes widened once again that night and his mouth formed a perfect "O." I winked at him, sighed out loud and turned towards the sales lady. "What can we do? My husband is still a little shy about public displays of affection." And with that, I walked inside the changing room.

I tried on all the saris that the lady had given me. Well, all the full-sleeved ones. Each one was a hassle to put on though, since not only were they extremely heavy because of the rich fabrics they were made of, but also because of the extravagant beadwork and embroidery that they were embellished in. And a few times I was sure that I dislocated my arm trying to zip up the blouse from the back. Maybe I should call him to help?

Wait, WHAT? What, how, why did that even CROSS my mind?, I shuddered. I hadn't had much sleep, therefore all the crazy talk in my brain.

But I did want to give him a hard time. So after each sari that I tried on, I walked out of the changing room and asked him to give his opinion. And because the sales lady was standing there, admiring her favorite new romantic couple, he had no choice but to sheepishly mutter a praise here and there. "Yeah, its nice," "You look great," "Lovely," "Good," was all that came out of him. And to think Rockstars are supposed to be romantic.

Not that I cared.

But even I didn't stop there. I have no idea where I found enough liberty to grab his phone from him and ask the sales lady to take a few pictures of us. She was more than happy to, of course. He looked pissed. But even I was angry at him. He had basically ruined any chance of me having a nice married life. And so, with each picture, I posed a little differently with him. I first sat close, then held his hand, then wrapped my arm around his, then rested my head on his shoulder, then pulled his ears "playfully," pretended to choke his neck, and then, finally, gave him a quick peck on the cheeks.

What the french toast. I kissed him? I KISSED him. I kissed HIM? He stiffened at the peck. But seeing the sales lady about to squeal in excitement at our apparent "cuteness," he managed to force a grin my way and then politely take the phone back from the sales lady, saying he had to make a call.

I ran for the changing closet and quickly slipped out of the sari back into my monochrome chatri. My lips were still having a quivering after-effect. Everything was going so well. Why did I have to kiss him? Where did I gather THAT much courage to go ahead and kiss him? What would he think? This was all supposed to be a joke.

"You guys are SO CUTE! I hope when I find someone, I happen to look as adorable as you guys!," exclaimed the sales lady. I walked out to find her taking an autograph from him. He had taken off the beanie and the sunglasses, and she had readily recognized him.

"Chalein?"

They both looked up to find me holding all the saris that I had just tried on. "I'm sorry, I wasted so much of your time. They were beautiful saris...but I guess I didn't like them on myself." The sales lady was about to speak up, when he cut in. "How about that red sari at the window?"

My eyes darted up at him.

"But sir, Ma'am asked for the most special sari and that one is just made by a local designer."

"I think she'll like that one. I think red will suit her, nahi?"

And with that, the sales lady left to go get the sari. I was too embarrassed by my recent actions to even look him in the eye. But I was surprised at him mentioning the red sari. I thought he was busy texting away in his phone when I had admired it through the window. Had he not been busy, after all?

The lady came back with the sari and after much reluctance, I went back into the changing room one more time. I had to say, though the other saris were rich and beautiful, this sari had so much elegance and poise in it. It was still way too heavy than any sari I had worn in the past, but it had sophistication that the other saris lacked. I was putting on the blouse, when I jumped hearing him softly murmur from the other side of the curtain, "Chashmish, do you need any help?" HELP? How was he going to help me? What was going on? Nothing was making sense tonight! My lips started quivering once again, but I managed to whisper back "No thank you."

"...Are you sure?"

"Yes! Now please step away!"

After a few minutes, I tip-toed outside in the sari. Having a look in the mirror prior to exiting the changing room, I knew it looked nice on me. In fact, I felt I looked nice after a long time. But when I saw his expression, I felt more than just nice. For the first time ever. He wasn't looking at me like a behenji. He was almost staring at me...like a wife. I wouldn't have known I was blushing until the sales lady broke our eye-lock. "Haaye, Sir, look! Ma'am's cheeks are starting to match her sari!"

I started looking down, my fists swinging at the sides. This was so uncomfortable. What do I do now? Suddenly, I saw his feet approach me. I looked up to see that he was still looking down at me in the same breath-taking manner. And finally, he said what I've always wanted to hear someone say.

"Beautiful"

It almost felt like time had stood still. I was hearing violins somewhere in the periphery. My heart was fluttering and I was so sure he could hear it exploding too. And then he did something even more unexpected. He handed the phone to the sales lady and wrapped his arm around me. "Can you please take one last picture of us?" The lady probably would have taken a picture of us from her phone, had he not asked, judging by her excited expressions. And right before the flash blinked, I felt a quick peck on my cheek. "Thank you," he said to the sales lady, "we'll buy this sari."

I'm not sure what happened that day, to be honest. Things went back to normal shortly afterwards. He was back to hanging around with Tanu. We were back to our fights. And I was back to acting in front of the family. But at the same time, something had subtly changed. I didn't hate him...completely. He didn't bug me...all the time. We got stuck in these eye locks more frequently. I knew he didn't like me nor was he attracted to me. In fact, he was a brilliant liar. I had seen him lie in front of our family all the time.

But for some reason, I knew that his compliment that night wasn't fake. That guy wasn't Rockstar Abhi that I thought I got trapped into marriage with. I don't know if he saw my embarrassment and tried to cover it up by his response. Or if he got caught in the moment. Or if it had something do with him figuring out I was crying in the car. I don't know what he did with that picture, whether he showed it to Daadi, saved it or deleted it the moment we left the shop. But his affection and admiration those few moments in that shop didn't seem forced; for those few seconds, everything was real.

I wasn't anyone's dreamgirl...but, just for those few seconds...maybe I was.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------