Conversations
Her world began to spin out of control. She was in court presenting the evidence that Yash had shared with her before he sacrificed his life last evening. It had taken Adarsh and her a few minutes to recover from their initial shock. The scene had been unreal, and truly unbelievable. Recovering from the shock, she had checked the contents of Yash's email along with Adarsh. It had been an emotional moment when they realized that Yash had intended this to be the end result from the beginning. As incapable as she had thought it was, in that minute she had forgiven Yash. She was still unsure of his reasons for lying, but she didn't have it in her to be angry with him anymore. They had reached Delhi in the early hours of the morning. Although Adarsh insisted on taking her home, she had preferred to stay with maami. A few hours later, here she was, in court, presenting the evidence to the judge.
It was all going well. Lt. Yash Bundela had provided enough evidence to clear Asad's name of all charges. He had also stated conclusively that Haider maamu had nothing to do with any of the plots. Having presented this evidence, Swadheenta had expected to feel relieved. But to her surprise and chagrin, she had started feeling overwhelmed. She sensed herself getting giddy, and couldn't understand her emotions. She looked around to try and make sense of what was going on, only to see Abhay and Asad sitting with Adarsh and the others. She looked at them feeling confused, and the next minute, her whole world had blacked out.
She woke up some time later, in what looked to be a hospital room. Her eyes were unfocused, and she had a headache. When she finally managed to see things clearly, she found that she had been put on drips. Her left shoulder that had sustained the stab injury had been cleaned up, and her hand was in a sling. She saw through the glass window that Adarsh stood outside, talking on his phone. What had happened? Why was she here? The last she remembered, she was in court. As she kept trying to make sense of her surrounding, Adarsh walked in.
Hey, you are up? How do you feel now? You had us all scared!
What happened? I was in court. What happened? Swadheenta began to panic. Had they lost the case? Was maamu ok?
Relax Swadheenta. Everything is ok. You collapsed during the trial and I rushed you here. The case is closed. Maamu and Asad were acquitted. Asad's name had even been recommended for a bravery award. I was just talking to mom. The judge asked them if they should postpone the case to another date. But mom requested that if he was ready with a verdict, he should announce it to free maamu quickly. As a special case, the judge relented. So, maamu is free. You won. Congratulations!
I did not fight it to win Adarsh! Anyway, what happened to me?
You are weak. You had lost a lot of blood. the doctor was furious that you did not have it checked earlier. He also said that you were in shock? Your BP is high! You need rest.
Oh. I felt fine this morning. And considering the way things were going with the case, I had expected to feel relieved by noon. Apparently I don't know myself that well!
Is something bothering you Swadheenta? I know I have been anything but an ideal husband to you these last few weeks, and there is no reason why you should trust me now..
Adarsh? What are you talking about? We have been through this! I know exactly why you said and did what you said and did. I am not angry or upset with you. You have to find a way to let it go!
Then what is it? I know there is something that you are not sharing with me!
What? What makes you say that?
Well, for one thing the fact that you did not even tell me that what you had was a stab wound. Swadheenta, you were stabbed. I asked you about it, and you said it was something small and it just happened. You lied to me that all the blood was because you hadn't tended to it soon enough and had continued to bleed therefore. You lied to me about it.
You wouldn't let me continue my search for Ifthikaar if I had been honest
Yes, I wouldn't let you do it. But I would do it on your behalf!
You would? Really?
He didn't know if it was the words that she uttered, or if it was the doubt in her eyes, but he felt in that one moment that his heart had been ripped open. She doubted him?
You don't believe that I would do it for you?
Swadheenta looked away. I didn't say that
Adarsh walked up to her and with his palm on her cheek, forced her to look at him again You don't believe that I would do it for you?
Unknown to him, his eyes had filled up. As much as his mind tried to reason with him that this was expected and was nothing in front of the way he had treated her, he couldn't stop his heart from breaking.
Swadheenta saw the tears in his eyes and quickly raised her hand to wipe it. Adarsh, that is not what I meant. I know you would bring the world to my feet if I asked for it. I know you love me to no end. I know that.
But?
There is no but! There is nothing more to this conversation!
But? He insisted
Sighing, Swadheenta held his hand and guided him to sit next to her on the bed. Adarsh, I need some time. I don't know what it is that I am feeling. I don't know why I am feeling it. I just need some time!
Some time? I don't know what you mean. You need some time away from me? It hurt to even voice this loudly. In his misery, had he ruined things this much for them?
No. No Adarsh. I don't want to be away from you. I cannot be away from you. I need you. But I need sometime for things to get back to normal. Adarsh, I have been trying to think of what it is that I am feeling. To be honest, I don't know it myself. I had expected to be relieved after the hearing today, but I felt so overwhelmed when I was in court. For a moment, I felt like I saw Asad and Abhay in court today. I think that with everything that was happening, I did not get a chance to mourn their loss. I did not get a chance to let them both go. I think I got so focused into clearing maamu and Asad's name that I had not tended to that big large empty hole in my heart. I had not acknowledged the death of my brothers. Now, with the case getting sorted, the reality of their loss is glaring in my face. And I don't know how to deal with it.
I am with you. I will be there with you.
She looked down not meeting his eyes. Adarsh, can I please request that you let me do this my way? I want to do this alone!
Out of sheer shock Adarsh removed his hand from her face. Alone?
From the time all of this happened, willingly or unwillingly, we have walked separate paths. Now, you are way ahead from where I have been standing. Give me some time to come to you, and I don't mean that physically. I will be with you. We will live together. I cannot be away from you either. But emotionally, please give me some time. I need to process the happenings of these last few weeks at my pace. And also, maamu and maami will need me now, at-least for some time. Please!
Swadheenta, I know I have been pigheaded. I lost my way after chotu's death. I did not see what was glaringly obvious in front of my eyes. I did not connect the right dots. But I will not pay for my follies by letting you walk away from me. I need you. I am not letting you go. If you have anything of that sort in your mind, forget it.
And you think I will let you go? You think I want that? Adarsh, I love you. And my love for you is not so weak. We will have that beautiful life we planned together. All I want is some emotional space and time to let go of these last few weeks. Can you give me that space?
Adarsh was quiet for sometime. He finally spoke Yes. Yaad hai Swadheenta, when you accepted your love for me, you had said that even if I move forward, you will stand there and wait for me? Now I will do the waiting. For however long it takes. But please come to me, please?
I will, I promise. I will be with you, always. And we will both start walking together soon. Just stand by me and help me sort this out for myself.
I will always be with you, never to leave your side. I promise! You need to rest now! Mom and the others will be here soon. I think they are bringing maamu and maami too. Rest for a bit.
Will you hold my hand as I sleep?
Always. And this time, please count on it.
Always. I have always counted on it!
Edited by Soapoperasrfun - 9 years ago
Anupamaa
