Posted:
Just a sudden urge to write .. and came up with this short piece...
Read at your own peril😆
THE 31st DAY:
He entered his room quietly shutting the door behind him. 30 days were up yesterday and today his family. .yes his entire family was under one roof..his 3 children..each an occupant of a special place in his heart...and the one who pieced them all all together...her.
The kids were exhausted after a prolonged pillow fight; initiated by Pihu but Ruhi making the most of it , almost reliving her childhood, she said, and Adi being a sport. They had both watched the kids with pride, with happiness,.. and then watched them over as they slept off and then she had walked away excusing herself. He had stayed on. .tucking Pihu in with her favorite teddy bear, brushing away stray strands of hair from Ruhi's face and putting away Adi's IPad and headphones.
That done, he allowed himself the first glance at his watch - 2 am - it said. And the realization that he had been wishing away the entire day, sank in. The 30 days of the farce they were living ended yesterday. Farce was it..or reality? Tomorrow reality would wake them all up at the break of dawn,...just a few hours away. And the reality of their lives would go back to the farce they were living before those 30 days..yes..she had decided to go back to Australia next morning.
They had broken it to the kids earlier that day. ..but she had decided to break it slow...she would meet them every summer, they could come visit .. she had reasoned - she would never leave them again. .she could never...
but then she was. .she was leaving him again. ..he thought sadly.
The kids had been reluctant, Adi at first adamant but then relenting, when Ruhi agreed reasoning that Pihu shouldn't have to go through the trauma of knowing her identity this soon and losing the woman who was her mother all this time too...she would know someday. .but then we don't want to lose her innocence this soon do we., she asked.
The parents in them had been proud then, but the fact remained that they could not trade one child's happiness for the other. .so the compromise was agreed upon. And they had compensated by spending the whole day together. That until now. .when suddenly the vaccuum in his heart began creeping on him. How was he going to get through without her ..he thought. ..as he watched her now.
She was standing by their closet, rummaging through the clothes. ..or was she?
She had come in earlier to pack and sleep...but couldn't sleep..she felt this strange obsessive need to collect every piece of information to add to her memory bank.. the house, the rooms, the children's faces, their smiles, the family, their stupid antics, his room, no their room, the drapes, the cushions, the bed covers , the pillows which had his scent, the discarded shirts with his lingering cologne. ..she had gone over them again and again ...and now she pulled out that wooden box where he had kept ruhis memories he had said. ..emotional fool ..my raavan kumar., she thought..she hoped she could take some photos back as a keepsake.
Yes, this is it.. she thought..as she pulled the box out and it landed to the floor with a crash spilling it's contents out...
Photos. .so many of them ...Ruhi and hers., she smiled. Ruhi's report cards, her Id cards, her father's day cards...and..their photos. .her most fav ones..his most fav ones...candid ones, posey ones and happy ones..he had kept them all...she thought..her heart pounding in her chest now...she sieved through the contents , more furiously now..the bracelet she gifted him, her earring... the ones he loved the most...her lock of hair...
And now tears brimmed in her eyes...'this one is new'..she heard him say in his raspy voice that was threatening to break too. ..' remember in ruhis party when your hair strand got stuck in my watch' , he forced a smile as he walked up to her . She kept the box down with trembling hands. ..as realization dawned or did it.. didn't she always know it...he still loved her!...she wanted to scream to the world in happiness but she couldn't. She never would be able to for the rest of her life...her legs gave way as she sank to the floor...what had they both done to deserve this fate. Yes, they had made huge mistakes, he had thrown her out and she had run away. But wasn't it both of them who got punished for it all these years. What kind of fate did they share. ..? And wasn't time supposed to be a healer..wasn't she supposed to forget him over time. .wasn't he supposed to move on ...but why was their love still so much there..why was it still so raw that it hurt to come back .. and now it hurt even worse when she wanted to go away. This was supposed to be easy , wasn't it? She burst into tears now...
'Ishita, she heard him say, yaar don't do this. ', I am sorry. Today was supposed to be a day you spent happily with the kids , I really shouldn't have spoiled it for you. ..this box is just silly stuff, you can keep Ruhi's things though. .don't think too much and try get some sleep...i will step out , okay?...she heard him mumble, as he wiped away her tears and turned to walk out.
No stay, she said, as she held his hand. Stay , she repeated as he turned to look at her questioningly.
You know one of my biggest regrets Raman , she asked., and he looked deep into her eyes,
I regretted a lot of things when I used to think of you, the family , the kids, but my biggest ever regret was never claiming you. Never claiming you for myself. In anger, in hurt , in happiness , in seperation. ..we always came together for someone else, but could never do so selfishly just for ourselves. I know you kept telling me that long back , that at times I should be selfish, but then thats how I am , Raman.
And see again today, if someone asked me what is the one thing I would wish for in the whole world at this moment, I wouldn't bat an eyelid Raman. I would ask for you, I would ask to be able to live the rest of my life with you. ...but look at me ...look at us. ..i don't have the right to ask that too any longer...i am a nobody to you...how do I even claim you. I am too late am I not? She asked , tears streaming down her face..
He looked at her, her words sinking in..sinking deep within stabbing his heart almost. Oh how he wished he could turn back the hands of time and undo everything. .undo every word, every action ..hers and his ...that brought them here...they had no choice but to go seperate ways...30 days together for one child and a lifetime away for the sake of another. .and then here she was saying the words that he always wanted to hear from her...
He took a deep breath and let his heart take over..'.so claim me ishita' , he said, claim me...
She looked stunned , almost dazed...he bent and held her by the shoulders, making her face him.
The past is past.. and the future is still a few hours away...right now, in this moment, in this room, it's just you and me. Just us. No one else. So be selfish, ishita. Choose us.
She looked up now..more certain than ever...as she put out her hand to his face...running her fingers over every contour,..etching it to her memory...and then waited looking deep into his eyes...and saw the same resolve as in hers..
They were going to steal these few hours from fate...and nobody could stop them tonight. ..
Her breath hitched in her throat as he pulled her close , kissing her forehead, her eyelids, drinking in her tears and claiming her lips ...pouring in all those lonely nights of waiting and waiting into his kiss..and it felt like home...she was with him now and nothing could take her away.
She yielded, responded and fought , gave him all the love she had kept inside her all these years...her passion matched his as they shed inhibitions, broke barriers, and expressed their love, their love that had surpassed time itself.
Tomorrow would be another day of compromises, but tonight was theirs ...and only theirs..
-----------------
Advocate Anjali Awasthi
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