It was already 8 in the evening and there was no sign of him, I took my phone to order to dial in but just could not. I just laid on the sofa and waited for him to return. Finally I heard the lock turning and looked to see him, he opened the door and came inside, his body language suggested that he was broken from inside, when he turned and face me, his tear stricken face killed me. His eyes very puffy and blood shot red as if he has been crying blood all the time. I so wanted to go and pull him into a hug but I could not. There was something stopping me from doing so. Breaking our eye lock he went to the washroom, while I gave a sigh of relief seeing him alright. He came out and went to the kitchen and came out with two plates of noddles, he handed one to me and himself settle on the other end of the sofa with the other. U know kitty whenever Arjun use to strike , do something, me and kabir use to come more closer to each other, our emotional bonding use to get more strengthen but this was a diff situation. There was a huge distance between us which we both wanted to close but still did not had the courage. We would have just sit there playing with the food and staring at the unknown for more than a hour or so. I got up from there and took both plates and kept them in the kitchen. I kept saying to myself that none of us are at fault and thus we should stop punishing ourselves and for us each other's silence was the biggest punishment.
I came to the hall and he was still sitting at his place, it pained me kitty to see him like this. I wiped a lone tear which escaped without permission. I went near him and sat next to him, and intertwined our fingers and kept my head on his shoulder. You know kitty no matter what the situation is he was my only solace. Being with him, near him gave me the peace I had being missing since a long time. But I felt bad seeing no movement at all from him. "kabir" I said in low voice, he hmmed in response. "please hold me close to u plz, I need it kabir" "hmm ya sure u need me to beat you, to slap you, abuse you and even force you" he said in a voice that could have killed anyone. I held his face between my hands and made him face me, his eyes were filled with guilt and hurt and something which killed me , it had hatred for himself, tears were still falling from his eyes. "never ever say those things again, I need you because u are my solace, being with you gives me peace and you are the only for me, you are my soul mate and my everything understood" I told him truthfully wiping his tears, he smiled a little and pulled him into a hug. We poured all our emotions, both were crying in each other's arm. After what felt like eternity we broke our hug still resting our heads against each other. "let's go to sleep Nisha, we both need it." I nodded my head and we both went to the bed. Lying in each other's arm sleep took over us.
Two weeks had passed since then, nothing of that sort has happened again and I was thankful for it. But a distance had occurred between me and kabir, kabir use to be more careful around me, he used to be cautious when near me and I hated this. I wanted us to go back to how we were when nothing of that sort had occurred but a fear had crept in him which had engulfed him fully.
I planned a trip for us to shimla, I really wanted my kabir back and I thought taking a break from all this is what we needed and it did help, the trip helped over coming all our fears and finally we were back to our lovey dovey selves. On the last day of our trip we had gone to a park, we were walking on the soft grass barefoot holding each other's hand. I just love being with him kitty, even the small small moments I spend with him are something which are just magical. While roaming in the garden I saw a couple with a child, the father and mother running around the little boy and the boy giggling and laughing. Seeing them a desire of us too having kids rose in me. "kabir I want a kid" I told him all excited, "what" was his reaction. "kabir I said that..." "Nisha I heard what you said but.." "but what kabir, we both love each other I am 27 if you think I am not ready for motherhood then I am kabir" "Nisha Nisha Nisha" he said holding my shoulders "it's not about you Nisha it's about me" "so you don't want a baby kabir" I asked him. "Nisha you are not understanding dear.." "kabir you just leave it" saying so I walked away from him. I could heard him calling me from behind but did not listen to him. I went to our hotel room, fuming with anger, I sat on our bed cursing kabir, that's when he entered the room and shouted on me breaking my thoughts. I looked upto him to see that it was Arjun, I quietly got up from the bed, and went out of the room where I took a relief. After had incident seeing Arjun use to send shivers down my spine, I use feel vulnerable around him, totally helpless. I use to avoid him as much as possible. I went to the dinner area and thinking about Arjun I realised the reason for kabir saying no to having a baby.
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