ISHRA SS ~Zehnaseeb~ Chapter 18 on Pg 94 - Page 26

A/N: Well a lot happened in last few weeks.. at first I had my annual exams and later my health deterioted! I was hospitalized for some 4 to 5 days.. so update just got delayed! Here I'm updating two chapters in one go to compensate the delay! Hope you will like them.. Thank you! 😊

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As promised Precap: Ishita accompanies Raman to the site. Things are quite uneasy b/w them because Ishita had rejected Raman's proposal. At the site, Ishita gets all worried and jumpy when Raman spills hot coffee over his hand, signaling him that she loves him but is not ready to accept it! Later while dropping her back, Ishita offers him to stay back and get his burn cured. Raman sees this as an opportunity to confront her abt her refusal. After that they have a heart-to-heart conversation revealing some secrets of her dark past.. some are yet to be revealed!

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Chapter 7

Ishita's POV

She looked up in his eyes. They were sincere and pure.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" I asked.

"I've never been so sure!" He replied firm.

She took a deep breath, and made her way to the balcony. Raman followed her quietly, giving her time to prepare herself for it!

This is it Ishita! Abb chhupakar koi fyaada nahi hai.. He's very serious about you.. Aur tu yeh baat jaanti hai! Phir shayad Mihika ki baat bhi sahi hai I have to let it go someday!

(This is it Ishita! There is no use of hiding it anymore.. hes very serious abt you and you know that! Then, even Mihika is right! I have to let it go someday!)

Raman who was standing beside her patiently observing her, "Main intezaar kar raha hu!"

(I'm waiting!)

"Aap bahout ziddi hai." I said sensing his impatience.

(You are so stubborn!)

Raman chuckled, "I know!"

With a deep sigh, I began, "Jaisa maine aapko bataya tha I belong to a middle class family. Chota sa parivar hai Delhi mein. Amma, appa, main aur Vandita! Sweet little family. Appa government job mein the aur apne usulo ke pakke the. Mujhme aur Vandita mein jaan basti thi unki. Unki salary kam thi lekin Jo bhi tha jaisa bhi tha hum sab khush the. Kabhi bhi kisi bhi cheez ki kami nahi mehsoos hone di amma appa ne! Jo maanga woh diya.. Phir sab badal gaya!

(Like I told you before I belong to a middle class family. I've a small family in delhi. Amma, Appa, me and my sister Vandita! Appa was in government job and was a man of principles. Vandita and I used to be his lifelines. Salary was low but we were happy the way we lived! Never ever they let our financial condition to hamper our upbringing.. then.. everything changed!)

Mujhe yaad hai uss din mera aakhri board exam tha Jo ki bahout achha hua. Main kafi khush thi kyunki lagbhag saare he exams achhe hue the. Jab main ghar pahuchi toh kuch mehmaan aaye hue the. Main salam dua karke andar apne kamre mein chali gayi. Tabhi amma andar aayi aur kehne lagi ke taiyaar ho kar bahir aa jao. Mujhe kuch ajeeb laga par maine ignore kar diya. Jaisa jaisa amma kehti rahi main waisa waisa karti gayi. Aakhir mein mehmaano mein se ek buzurg aurat meri amma ke paas aayi aur unhe gale laga kar kehne lagi ki unhe yeh rishta manzoor hai! Ghar mein sab ki khushi ka thikana nahi tha. Aur wahin doosri taraf main hairaan thi.. I.. I just couldn't understand what was happening?! Rishta manzoor hai se kya matlab? Main chup chap kamre mein chali gayi. Maine kabhi sapne mein bhi nahi socha tha shaadi ke baare mein.. Main sirf padhna chahti thi.. Apne pairo par khada hona chahti thi.." I said as a lone tear rolled down.

(I remember it was my last board exam that day.. I was happy as almost all my exams had gone well! when I reached home there were some guests present.. after greeting them politely I retired back to my room. A few minutes later, amma came in asking me to change into decent clothes and come out. I thought it was odd but I ignored! I did whatever I was asked to do.. in end an old lady from the guests came fwd saying that she is ready for this alliance! Everyone's happiness knew no bounds..while on the other hand I was shocked.. what does she mean by alliance? I went inside my room quietly. I had never ever thought of getting married.. I just wanted to study and stand on my own feet!)

" Usi raat amma kamre aayi aur maine unse kaha ki main shaadi nahi karna chahti main padhna chahti hu, tab amma ne bataya ki Anirudh aur unke parivaar walo ko mere shaadi ke baad padhne se koi dikkat nahi hai! Meri jaan mein jaan aayi par phir bhi main bahout khush nahi thi iss rishte ko lekar! Magar amma appa ke liye main shaadi par taiyaar ho gayi. Meri aur anirudh ki shaadi ho gayi. Chand hafto baad unka transfer Mumbai ho gaya. Main kabhi Delhi se bahir nahi gayi thi so I was excited aur Mumbai toh hai he sapno ka sheher. Hum Mumbai aa gaye apni ek choti si duniya basaane!" I stopped, to gulp the huge lump formed in my throat.

(The same night Amma came to my room and I said that I don't want to get married.. I want to study.. but Amma informed me that Anirudh and his family has no problems with me studying after marriage. This motivated me a bit but I wasn't very happy abt it! after a few weeks, he got transferred to Mumbai.. I had never visited any place outside Delhi so I was very excited and Mumbai is no doubt the city of dreams.)

"Shuruvati kuch din behadd khubsoorat the bilkul fairytale ki tarah magar phir dheere dheere zindagi ki haqiqat saamne aane lagi! Anirudh turned out to be a very controlling guy with serious anger management issues. Unhe har cheez apne hisaab se chahiye thi, kuch bhi unke according na ho toh gussa ho jate the. Gusse ka yeh haal tha ki jo haath mein aata tha use uthakar pekh dete the." I wiped the tears streaming down my face.

(The starting days were beautiful..just like a fairytale but then slowly the harsh realities of life started to crop up. Anirudh turned out to be a very controlling guy with serious anger management issues. He wanted everything just the way he wishes. If something goes wrong or isn't pleasing to him, he used to get angry! Anger used to be so destructive that whatever used to come into his hand he would crash it on floor!)

"Mere Appa bahout shant swabhav ke hai, maine kabhi apne ghar mein kisi ko iss tarah gussa aur cheeze uthakar pekhte hue nahi dekha tha, isiliye jab bhi Anirudh ko gussa ata toh main sehm jaati. Haalaki jab gussa utarta toh woh har mumkin koshish karte mujhe manane ki.. kabhi ice-cream khilane le jaate, kabhi kahin ghumane. Kayi dafa mujhe samjh nahi aata tha ki main unke iss gesture pe khush hu yaa upset?! Samay beeta, abb unke gusse ka shikar aksar main banti thi. Mera poora din yeh sochne mein beet jata tha aisa kya karu ki Anirudh ko gussa na aaye.. y..yaa kya karne se unhe gussa aa jayega? Mera darr unki taqat banta gaya!" I paused again to compose myself.

(My father was much calm and composed person. I had never witnessed much kind of anger in my life. so whenever he used to get angry I would be so scared. That is different that when his cool would be back he would go beyond limits to make up for it.. sometimes ice-cream sometimes taking me for an outing.. I used to be so confused on whether I should be happy abt it or sad. Time passed by, and slowly I became the object of his wrath. Whole day long I used to wonder what should I do to please him.. so that he don't lose control.. eventually my fear became his strength!)

She saw Raman's tight grip around balcony railing, such was the grip that the edges of his palms has turned white. He stared through the darkness of the night as he turned to look at her, "Tumne.." then, with a deep breathe, "Tumne apni family ko kyu kuch nahi bataya? Kyu sehti rahi?" he questioned.

(Why.. Why didn't you inform your family abt it? Why ?)

She let out a sarcastic laugh, "You seriously think its that easy?! Main darti thi ki agar Anirudh ko pata chal gaya ki maine apne parents ko kuch bataya hai toh woh mujhe aur maarega.. aur kahin na kahin main amma-appa ko pareshaan nahi karna chahti thi.. main issi ummeed ke saath ki ek din sab theek ho jayega.. jeeti rahi! Phir jab sehna mushkil ho gaya toh bahout himmat juta kar amma ko iss bare mein bataya! Amma ne mujhe dilasa dekar ki sab thik ho jayega bhagwan pe yakeen karo baat khatam kardi!" I struggled to find words to narrate further.

(You seriously think its that easy?! I was scared that if by any chance Anirudh gets to know abt me informing my parents he would strangle me to death.. and somewhere I didn't wanted them to worry abt me! so I continued to live in that hell with a hope that everything is going to be fine one day.. but when it went out of my control I informed Amma abt it she said everything will be fine..have faith in god and closed the topic!)

"Hum bhale he 21st century mein reh rahe hai lekin humari society ki mentality aaj bhi pichhdivi hai, aaj bhi log issi baat mein believe karte hai ki kuch bhi ho jaye.. chahiye shauhar kitna bhi maare, kitna bhi torture kare, zehni taur pe, sharirik taur pe, maansik taur pe, saho aur apna rishta nibhao! Hum women empowerment ki baatein zaroor karte hai magar kuch.. kuch practically nahi karte! Aapko kya lagta hai humare neighbors ko nahi pata tha ki Anirudh mere saath kaisa saluk karta hai? Unhe kya meri cheekh nahi sunayi deti hogi? Bhashan har koi deta hai.. magar jab kuch karne ki baari aati hai sab peeche hat jaate hai!" I said, with anger rising suddenly.

(No doubt we are living in the 21st century but our society's mentality is still the age-old. even today we believe that no matter what happens.. how much your husband beats you.. how much he tortures you, mentally, emotionally, physically..have it all and try to save your relationship! We surely talk abt women empowerment but we don't do anything practically! What do you think our neighbors didn't knew how he used to treat me? were they deaf to all my cries and bruises? Its easy to give lecture but when the time comes to help someone out of it, everyone backs off!)

"Whatever..Amma ka yeh jawab maine kabhi expect nahi kiya tha! Phir ek din har limit cross ho gayi.. Anirudh ke office mein ek party thi. Mere chehre par kuch din pehle ki haatha pai ke nishaan the, unhe chhupane ke liye maine thoda make-up kar liya. Party mein Anirudh ke ek colleague ne meri tareef kardi, you know a formal compliment. Ghar pahuchkar the first thing I remember is a tight slap on my face. I was shocked beyond limits. Main samjh nahi payi ki mujhe thapadd pada kyu? Phir usne woh confusion bhi door kar di.. kya kya gande ilzaam lagaye usne! Mere character, mera family background, mere parents.. kisi ko nahi chhoda! Mere ko bhi gussa aagaya.. humari khub ladai hui.. end mein gusse mein aakar uske haath pehli jo bhi cheez aayi uthakar meri taraf pekh di! Mujhe nahi yaad woh kya tha, par main behosh ho gayi! Agle din jab mujhe hosh aaya toh main hospital mein thi..." He looked thoroughly confused at my confession.

(Whatever.. I was never expecting such an answer from my parents! Then one day, every limit was crossed! Anirudh had an official party and I was supposed to accompany him. I had few bruises on my face from previous fight so I applied light makeup to hide them. In party, some male colleague of Anirudh praised, a formal compliment you know! After reaching home, the first thing I remember is a tight slap on my face! I was shocked.. why? Then he cleared that confusion as well.. God know he uttered complete nonsense that night abt me and my family background. This provoked me further and we had a very ugly fight.. as usual he picked up the first think he got and charged upon.. I don't remember what it was but next I woke up in hospital!)

"Guilt was all over his face. Mujhe realize ho gaya tha ki something has gone terribly wrong." I stopped again to see his reaction and then with a deep breath, I reached out for my scarf. What lay behind made him flinch with horror. There was an ugly scar running across her neckline, so horrifying that he had to shift his gaze away and close his eyes in utter disgust.

(Guilt was all over his face.. I had realized that something has gone terribly wrong!)

"It was a knife that was charged upon me!" I finally let it out. "Main seriously marte marte bachi! Uske baad the first thing I had in my mind was to get rid of this man as soon as possible! Maine sabse pehle divorce ke liye file kiya.. as usual use gussa aya and stuff but main iss baari determined thi.. meri family ne bahout koshish ki mera decision change karne ki.. hazaar tarah ke pressure banay.. finally maine Anirudh ko FIR ki dhamki di.. kuch nurse ne mujhe support kiya jinhone mera khyaal rakha tha hospital mein.. mere paas witness the.. kuch neighbours ko bhi maine convince kar liya.. mujhe sirf pressure banana tha Aasif pe that's it! Anirudh had no choice left.. I got divorced! My life in that house was nothing but a living hell for those 8 months. Ghar wapis gayi toh Amma Appa ne saare rishte khatam kar diye yeh kehkar ki jab maine unki izzat ki parvah nahi ki toh unhe bhi meri parvah nahi hai."

(It was a knife which was charged upon me.. After that the first thing I had in my mind was to get rid of this man as soon as possible. I filed for divorce. as usual he was angry and stuff but I was determined.. my family tried real hard to get my decision changed.. finally I threatened him with FIR.. there were some nurses who came fwd to support me and I somehow managed to convince my neighbors to help me out.. now since I had witnesses Anirudh had no choice than giving me divorce! My life in that house was nothing but a living hell for those 8 months. I returned back home to be greeted by harsh behavior of my parents.. they broke all ties with me reasoning that when I don't care abt their reputation, they don't care abt me!

"Main Mumbai wapis aa gayi aur women's hostel mein rehne lagi.. main apni padhai continue karne ke bare mein soch rahi thi lekin uske liye I needed money.. toh maine ek do schools mein maths teacher ke liye apply kiya.. I got the job, completed my studies and here I am standing!" I finished my story, wiping off the tears.

(I returned back to Mumbai and started living in women's hostel.. I was planning to continue my studies but for that I needed money.. so I applied for maths teacher. I got the job, completed my studies and here I am!)

Raman looked at her for a while in awe. One could see the proud in his eyes. He began to say something, then stopped for a while, " I.. I really don't know what to say!"

"You don't have to say anything! I understand.. infact agar yeh sab jaanne ke baad you don't wish to marry me I understand! No man would want his wife to be so scarred with past.. and honestly speaking, main khud iss tarah ke relationship mein nahi involve hona chahti. I don't have that stamina anymore!" I replied in a go, maybe an attempt to hide my disappointment and turned away.

(You don't have to say anything! I understand.. infact if you don't want to marry me after all this I understand! No man would want his wife to be so scarred with past.. and honestly speaking, even I don't wish to be a part of such relationship.. I don't have that stamina anymore!)

"Nahi nahi.. not in that way!" Raman corrected, "I have no words for your courage...I respect your past and believe me, I still wish to marry you! In fact I'm more determined now.. Life mein humesha sab kuch bura nahi hota, achha waqt bhi aata hai bas kabhi kabhi thoda time lag jata hai uss ache waqt ko aane mein." he said as he held her palms in his.

(No.. no.. not in that way! I have no words for your courage...I respect your past and believe me, I still wish to marry you! In fact I'm more determined now.. life is not always abt bad times.. good times do come but sometimes they take long!)

"Tumne abhi tak sirf bura waqt dekha.. aur uska akele saamna kiya, par abb achha waqt aayega. Bahout struggle kar liya tumne, abb aur nahi ! I promise tumhari aakhon mein kabhi bhi aansu nahi aane dunga.. aur jahan tak baat rahi tumse shaadi karne ki.. main apne aapko bahout khushnaseeb samjhunga agar tum meri zindagi ka hissa banogi aur main yeh isliye bilkul nahi keh raha hu kyunki mujhe tumse koi humdardi hai par main sach mein yeh manta hu ki tumhare jaisa life partner kisi bahout lucky insaan ko he milega and I wish to be that lucky person.." He said with sincerity dripping from his voice.

(You faced all your bad times with utmost courage! now its time for the good time.. you've struggled enough, but not anymore! I promise I wont let tears to make way in your eyes.. and as far as marrying you is concerned..I will think myself to be the luckiest person if you agree to be a part of my life! I'm not saying this out of sympathy or something, but that is how I feel! Someone lucky will get a life partner like you.. and I wish to be that lucky person!)

She looked at him unbelievingly, too overwhelmed to say anything, "You'll regret it!"

"I won't ! Please give me a chance!"

"Main shayad kabhi aapko uss tarah pyaar na de pau jo aap deserve karte hai.."

(Maybe I wont be able to love you the way you deserve!)

"Mere liye tumhara hona he kaafi hai.."

(For me, your presence is enough!)

I smiled as fresh tears made their way.

"Shh.. no more crying!" Raman said as he cupped her face.

"I want you to tell your parents abt.. everything!"

Raman nodded, "Fine.."

She smiled wide, and so did Raman as he rested his forehead on hers as they stood there secured in each other's embrace.

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