SidNi OS : The Return Of My Lover
So here's another new day ,it should have been any normal day but no life has surprises ready for you when you expect them the least. He returned today ,he is still the same! The same innocent eyes ,the same baby type face and the same love for me. I don't know if I am seeing things but he still looks at me as if I am his personal possession. I like it but hasn't time passed by ,I don't even think I love him anymore but then why does my heart flutter as his melody falls on the strings of my heart!
I want him to know I like him ,I do but there's something stopping me. Maybe the distance life has created between us will never cease at all. He approached me ,we talked but still we were conscious of each other's presence. We thought all the time how the other will perceive us , maybe we just complicate the easiest situations of life with over-thinking. Well I overreact alot I admit but I just know that seeing him after these years one thing is totally clear in my head ,and that is that we have changed ,the thing between us has changed!
Of course people change overnight then how can we not change after so many years. His presence however makes me feel alive ,I want to make him to notice me ,to consider my presence and to miss me in my absence. Can't life ever be easy? Can't we just sit and talk about things we are bothered about? Can't people just take out time for the things they love? We separated because he was always busy ,to prove himself he ignored me. His goal in life was always to achieve success but didn't he love me? If he did then shouldn't he have chosen me ,shouldn't I have been his priority! If not priority then someone whom he thought was worthy of knowing the truth.
But no ,I was nothing for him ,that's the reason he left me without an answer. The anger in me is burning up thinking of those times I cried for him. I turned around as I saw him coming my way ,I did not want our paths to cross this time. But as always destiny really takes your test. I do believe in the essence of destiny ,according to me if two people are meant to be they will be. A tug at my hand and he held it and took me to a corner. My heart came out as he touched my cheeks and stroked them lovingly. How couldn't I lose myself in his lovable eyes ,I wanted to touch his face too and as if he understood my feelings ,he tilted his face closer! I analysed his face as if it was a fragile petal ,he was still so soft and peaceful. Someone came where we were standing and he immediately held me by my waist and took me in the lift. He pressed the button for ground-floor and I freed myself with a jerk ,praying to God for not giving me any more surprises and excitements in this day.
He came closer and pulled me closer from the back ,how could I not fall for this guy who never failed to increase my heartbeats every moment he held me. I asked him to free me but I realized after a while how slow and low my voice sounded. It had no sense of conviction in it , he chuckled and the anger inside me bubbled to an unknown level. I jerked him away and my inner fury made me point a finger at him. The look in his eyes was surprise and I mentally congratulated myself for being able to keep him at bay. I asked him if he was done with his nonsense and I could go? A flash of hurt passed in his eyes and I faltered in my resolve to keep a cold face but the next second his face reminded me of the day he had left me. Sometimes without a reason we see things in a person's behaviour , decipher a hidden meaning in their words ,remember memories and moments due to their looks ,their clothes and it triggers an unknown force in us. It gives us answers to the questions roaming in our head. It clears our head to a certain extent and provides us with a path to our journey ahead!
Clearing my head once and for all I asked him to leave me alone and move on. Sometimes we need to let it go ,not because we want to but because it is the right thing to do. It will hurt at the present but in future it will be best for both. How hypocrites people get sometimes ,one one hand we say live in the present and otherwise we always keep dwelling in the future. I want to enjoy my present with him but can I? No ,because I am afraid. Yes I am afraid ,I don't want my heart to feel the same pain again. Our heart is the most selfless and selfish being that co-exists. At times it sways this way and another time it decides to stop you from following your rational mind. Like today ,I want him to go away but my heart is constantly fighting a battle against me to change my decision. But shouldn't it be fair ,that the heart takes the decision because it's about love we are talking?
So he went away ,my lover who had returned a while back was now gone. That is the moment questions start arising in the brain ,will he come back? Did he understand me? Did I do the right thing? The amount of questions is so large and vivid in nature that it feels all the problems in the world are stored in our bag. This thought comes in the life of every individual once in a lifetime ,are we worth living? The simplest answer is ,if you are sent on earth it has a reason ,as does all in this universe.
He comes back out of nowhere ,that's how people and things come back to us ,when we expect them the least. He pins me to the lift and I admit I am scared of the look in his eyes. He towers over me and I don't have any power over him. I look into his mesmerizing orbs and the next second all I can say is his name! The blazing look in his eyes subsides and a vulnerable guy is now standing in front of me. He leaves me and goes ,this time leaving me stunned. My lover had indeed returned or was this some other guy whose face I did recognize but whose heart I couldn't look into.!
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Maybe it was too descriptive and first time I wrote something without any dialogues.
Hope it is worth a read!!
Mangal Lakshmi
