Chapter 1. Jo Bheji Thi Dua
Her hands trembled and her heart raced as she entered her roll no and with bated breath, she waited for the result to be loaded. Every part of hers was shaking in nervousness.
Please let me be selected .Please Lord.
Her lips kept praying.
This was the last chance. She had to get through it.
Or else...
No, she cannot have negative thoughts at this stage. Everything will be fine.
She could feel her father's presence behind her, impatiently waiting for the result.
Her mother was sitting on the bed and saying," I don't know what you people are worried about but I'm sure this time the result will be in your favour. You're definitely going to the college this time. After all you've worked so hard."
But for the first time in her life, her mother's words failed to calm her senses. She could feel an unusual unrest in her heart, a premonition of sorts. As if she somehow knew what the result was going to be.
Exams had been good. The paper was easy. And that was the problem. The paper was easy which meant the cutoff would go high. And there were only 200 medical seats in Punjab. She couldn't qualify the national level exam so this exam was her only hope.
"Why is the internet working so slowly? Use the other SIM, "her father suggested. She was about to act on his instructions when the page finally loaded.
Punjab Combined Entrance Examination Result
Candidate Name: Prakriti Singh
Father's Name: Mahesh Singh
Roll No: 54321
Rank: 499
Qualified but not eligible for first counseling.
It seemed her heart almost forgot to beat. A shroud of numbness enveloped her cutting her away from the world. The tears that had gathered in her eyes found their escape.
The monitor screen looked hazy to her but even to her misted eyes; the words ' not eligible' were clearly visible. It got imprinted on her mind.
It couldn't be. No. It wasn't possible. Nobody failed in their 4th attempt. She had worked so hard this time. God couldn't be so cruel to her.
She wouldn't cry. No. She had promised herself that whatever may be the results she would face it courageously. It wasn't the first time. But these stupid tears...they wouldn't stop flowing.
She kept gazing at the photo frame that stood on her study table. She was smiling at the camera with the best student trophy in her hand. Her parents had been so ecstatic that day. She had been sixteen at that time. It seemed as if it was a lifetime ago.
"Did you enter the right roll number? Of course, it must be wrong," said her mother as she stood from the bed and came to stand beside her. "Mahesh ji she is too nervous, must have typed it wrong, you check once again."
Mothers are a strange kind of species. Their faith is on their children's capabilities is so concrete and angelic that they deny to accept that there might be a possibility of their children's failure. The belief that their child will succeed remains unmoved like a mountain
even if their child have already failed thrice.
Somehow this faith was unwelcome at this time and it angered Prakriti. She did not deserve such faith.
She entered the roll no again.
This time the page loaded instantly.
The result had not changed. She was still uninvited for the counseling. She knew it wouldn't change. Her parents also knew.
The result never changed. Never since the first time she had given this examination.
Prakriti Singh was not destined to become a doctor.
Not when she had failed the pre medical test for the fourth time. But she had badly wanted to become one. It was her only dream.
Her parents stood motionless beside her trying to accept the verdict that the result had brought. Her throat clogged with emotions, she could not prevent the cry that emerged from her.
And she cried. She wailed like a child. Her whole body shook with her cries.
She did not care about her father who stood there helpless with misted eyes nor her mother who patted her head trying to console her.
All she knew was that she had failed. Failed once again. Her life was finished. She could no longer be a doctor. No longer imagine herself in a white apron and a stethoscope. No longer her father would call her Doctor Beta.
She could feel her mother take her into her arms saying soothing words but it made her cry even more and she stood up and ran to her room.
Mahesh Singh walked into a room to see his daughter asleep. His heart constricted painfully as he heard her s occasional sniffs.
He was shattered to see her daughter weep. It had broken his heart into tiny pieces. He had devoted his entire life to his daughters and his wife. He had left no stones unturned to fulfill their dreams. He hated the helplessness that he felt as he saw her daughter crying to sleep.
His life had never been easy and he had seen tough days. He had learned to compromise with life but had never wanted the same for his daughters. He had wanted his daughters to study and work hard. Naina, his first daughter had a creative streak and did not take much interest in studies. Prakriti, however had been different. She performed extremely well in her academics. He wasn't sure what went wrong but things changed when she started taking her entrances.
He had been against the idea of sitting for the same examination the third time and yet she had argued. She had fought and he had yielded. Now that he thought about it, it had been a grave mistake. He shouldn't have allowed her. But the love for her daughter and the attraction of this profession was such that he had given in
He had seen her toil day and night and so each time she was unsuccessful it had torn him into pieces to see her crestfallen face.
This was the last chance he had given her and she couldn't make use of it.
The private colleges were beyond a common man's pocket. He wished he could afford them but he couldn't. He had joined a job late and had retired early thus did not have much capital. He had spent a lot in Naina's marriage and they had to live with the after effects for years.
His wife came and stood next to him. She fixed her tear laden eyes on her daughter and gave out an inaudible sigh. She wished she could do something. Oh ! Why did she have to be so useless?
"What should we do now? She has got 499th rank. It's quite close. She might have a chance in the second counseling, "she asked her husband.
"The chances are very minimal, Rima. Seats are very low in number. Last time the cut off rank was 300. Every year competition increases," he explained
"But she worked hard. I don't know what God wants. He is hell bent on testing our patience, "she cried ," What should we do now ? Can't you take a loan? I cannot see her in such state."
"And who exactly will lend money to a retired man. It is not just one year Rima. The course runs for five and half years. We won't be able to afford it. Last time I checked the total tuition fees of a private college was 22 lacs. It is too much."
"Then what will we do? It is the 4th year and this stubborn girl, she did not even get admitted in any college .By this time she could've completed her B.Sc. Her luck is not on her side. "
" Do not blame it on luck ,Rima.We think that she worked hard but there are people working harder than her. They have put their life at stake just for a single seat. What else can we do apart from returning to Hoshiyarpur? I don't think the little pension that I get will be able to support us in this city. The rent of the house is too high and the landlord plans to increase the rent from another month. There is nothing left for us in the town," stated Mahesh as he brushed his hand through his hair.
"What about Prakriti? Won't she study any further?"his wife asked, her heart beating rapidly. She knew she was going to hate the answer.
" What about her? She'll come with us. And we'll find a suitable boy for her and marry her off. I m tired Rima. Ive no expectations from anyone now. It's a shame that my children could not utilize the golden chance that they had got. While people brag about their children achievements I have nothing to say. Yes.. This is her destiny. Let's get her married and get rid of our responsibilities. I feel Ive finally aged, "he spoke while walking away from the room.
Rima watched her daughter for a while and then putting off the lights she followed her husband into their room.
Prakriti pressed her hands between her teeth to muffle the voice. Why did it always happen to her ?
No ..she did not want to get married at the mere age of 21.
The tears flowed through her eyes and sliding down the cheeks they disappeared into the folds of the pillow cover.
All these years she had prayed to each and every deity only for the fulfillment of one dream. The dream to become a doctor.
She had no reason to live.
Jo bheji thi dua woh jaa ke aasmaan se yun takra gyi
ki aa gyi hai laut ke sada...
