Chapter 25
Abeer drove like a maniac and reached home in just 15 mins. It has been a week... A whole week. Seven days. 168 hours. He was returning home after a week. If it wasn't for some business emergency, he wouldn't have left the city leaving behind his pregnant wife. But sometimes you have to make a choice, and he made it. But now he was dying to see meher and take her in a bone crushing hug. Never had he stayed away from her for such a long time...
Abeer entered the house and madhvi faintly smiled at him. Well that was strange... He made his way upstairs. Every step he took towards his room, filled his heart with warmth and happiness.
"Hey chashmish..." Abeer said as he opened the door.
The room was dimly lighted and it was quiet.. Deadly kind of silence. Is there anything wrong... He wondered and soon brushed that thought away. Meher was still sitting on the bed and now she looked at him. If it was any other time, she would have ran into his arms and kissed him. She would have welcomed him in her style but today she didn't even smile at him. Then she tried smiling... A faint smile... The one that was forced. The smile not reaching her eyes. Her eyes... They were red, swollen and empty. Something was wrong... Terribly wrong. He could feel it. And it scared him.
"Meher... Baby..."
Abeer called her name with utmost love and closed the door behind him. Meher still looked at him with those empty eyes of her and then looked at her entangled fingers. Abeer was a bit shaken now. This reaction of hers implied only one thing. Something was not good and he was unaware.
"What's wrong..???" He asked, with his heart hammering loudly inside his broad chest.
She kept looking at her hands and a sole tear rolled down her eye. How was she going to do it... She had no idea. This very thought has been haunting her from the last 72 hours. She was so scared that she didn't even try and imagine his reaction.
"Meher... I'm talking to you..." Abeer said as he come towards meher and switched on the lights.
He needed to look at her and know what was troubling her. He was there for her and he needed to make her believe it.
She looked at him and another tear trailed down her eye. The dead drop silence in the room making things more difficult.
"What's wrong baby...?? I'm here... I'm here meher..."
Abeer cupped meher's cheeks and sat on the bed. The way meher looked at him broke his heart. Never has he seen her like that and it scared the daylight out of him. A bad news was awaiting them. He knew it.
Meher placed her hands on his and the tears she was holding back, were now set free. Her already broken heart started bleeding again and the wounds which were still fresh, they were hurting even more. The pain was becoming unbearable now and she had no power to go on ahead and to hold her pieces together.
"Abeer..."
Meher threw herself in abeer's arm and cried her heart out. She needed him all this time and now when he was here, she couldn't hold herself together. She needed him to take her pain away. She was vulnerable and weak and just wanted one thing - his love, support and care. Her heart was mourning for the loss while his cried for the pain and agony of his beloved.
"I'm sorry abeer... I'm sorry..." She said in between sobs.
Abeer brushed his fingers into her hair soothing her, trying to take her pain away. Her pain was hurting him right left and centre. It felt as if someone ripped his heart out, crumbled it up like a dried leaf into pieces and placed it back into his chest. He pushed meher back and wiped her tears with his thumb, kissing her forehead. When he thought it would make her feel better, it didn't. His love instead of healing her; did the opposite.
"Will you always love me...??" Meher asked in a tone - broken and weak.
"Yes baby... Tell me what's wrong..." Abeer told meher and again pulled her back into his arms.
Meher held a fistful of abeer's shirt and closed her eyes. It was the moment of truth. She had to do it. If not now, then tomorrow. She had to tell him. He had a right.
"Abeer..." Meher trailed and abeer replied in a hmm.
"I.. I.. We.. We abeer... Baby..." Meher fumbled.
"Baby...?? Baby what...??" Abeer asked, his voiced laced with urgency.
Meher took a deep breath and prepared herself to say the truth which she still hasn't accepted.
"We lost him. I had a miscarriage..."
And the world around her froze, heart skipped a beat and fears came alive. She felt his grip around her loosened and she could no longer hold onto him for support. Her support system was no longer supporting her.
"You are lying... Right...??" Abeer asked with eyes moist yet full with hope.
Looking at abeer and his eyes made meher more guilty. Only if she was careful, they wouldn't be sitting like this right now.
"Abeer..." Meher tried holding his hand but he backed off, getting up from the bed.
"Say it meher... Tell me it was a sick joke..." Abeer requested meher.
How she wish she could submit to his request and laugh it out saying it was one 'sick' joke. Only if it was possible.
Meher gulped the lump formed at the back of her throat and held back her tears before nodding her head in a no.
"I'm not joking. We lost our baby..."
Abeer felt that there was no wind, like the world was holding its breath along with him. He wasn't ready to what his ears heard. His heart was refuting it and retaliating it. Whatever meher was saying was not true, it couldn't happen to them. Not to him. To them. They have already been through hell... Haven't they...?? Life will not be that unfair to them... It will not...
"This isn't happening meher... We aren't supposed to go through that.."
Meher didn't dare and look at him while he waited for her to look at him. He was still crying, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Say something meher..." Abeer yelled and meher shivered with fear.
Before meher could reply, there was a knock on the bedroom door.
"Open the door abeer... Open it..."
It was madhvi. She wanted to help by not letting things turn ugly.
Abeer opened the door and let madhvi enter.
"Abeer bacha... Try to understand... Listen to her calmly..." Madhvi told abeer.
"You also didn't tell me mom..." Abeer accused madhvi.
"Abeer please..." Meher whispered, no one else was to be blamed.
"Please mom... Please leave..." Abeer requested.
Madhvi looked at meher sadly and excused the couple.
"Abeer please listen me out..."
"How did it happen...??"
The coldness and harshness in his voice broke her already broken heart. Why didn't he understand that she was a woman who just lost her child. A part of her.
"When you left, the next day evening when I returned home. I was feeling uneasy and weak. I thought it was tiredness taking over me. That uneasy feeling lasted the whole night and sometimes I felt my stomach ache. Next morning when I woke up, I was bleeding. And... And I knew -"
"And your carelessness killed our baby..." Abeer concluded.
"I wasn't careless abeer..." Meher defended herself.
"You were meher... You were... You killed my baby..." Abeer accused meher.
"It was my baby too abeer... Don't just accuse me... I'm also in pain..." Meher stated.
"You ruined us meher... You destroyed us... You dreams and aspirations ended up killing our baby..." Abeer said and smashed the vase kept on the corner table into pieces.
"Abeer just calm down please... We need to support each other... We both lost something that precious... We lost our baby abeer... We need to stand beside each other..." Meher told abeer, holding his hand.
"How can I be calm meher...?? How...?? I leave for a week and return to find out that my world had already collapsed... Only because of you... Why did u stress yourself out...?? Why...?? For a freaking job... A single job took so much from us meher... So much..."
"Stop blaming me now... I thought you would understand me... You would hug me telling me we will go through this... We will overcome this pain... But no... You are just blaming me like I went for an abortion and killed our baby... I didn't Mr. Malhotra... It was you who once wanted to kill it... Isn't it tragic that god answered your prayers now...?? You never wanted this baby... Not until you found out it was yours.."
Meher regretted the words that just left her mouth. She never wanted to be rude to him and hurt him. Hurting him meant hurting herself. Increasing her pain even more. Self destruction.
"I... I.. Am" meher stuttered.
Abeer glared at meher and walked out of the room. If he stayed there any longer, who knows he might end up hurting Meher or himself. Well hurting himself was a better option any day.
She waited for him to return but he didn't. Not until next morning. Abeer entered the room and meher hurriedly got up from the bed.
"Abeer I'm sorry... I didn't mean a thing..." Meher apologised.
"Fine..." Abeer replied and stood by the window.
Meher stood beside him and looked at him. His eyes were red, swollen, cold and distant. His face reflected the pain he was going through. A tear rolled down meher's eyes when she remembered abeer's excitement for the baby and plans about the baby's future.
"I carried him within me... A part of me died abeer... I need you..." Meher pleaded looking at him.
"Meher humara bacha..."
And he pulled her into his arms. One hug and this was it. They were crying their heart out. It was all about their dashed dreams and hopes. The pain was unbearable and they hoped someone took it away.
"Abeer kyun hua aisa...?? Humare saath hi kyun...??" Meher said in between sobs.
"I don't know meher... I don't know..."
Meher felt his tear touch the skin of her shoulder and then it rolled down her body. She pulled herself back and leaned into abeer. She kissed away his tears while kept brushing her fingers into his hair.
"I love you so much... We will get through it baby..." Meher told abeer with a smile.
"I hope so..." Abeer whispered.
Meher hugged him again and prayed god to give them the strength. She knew the news would break abeer and it did. She would stand beside him suporting him but when will he understand that the miscarriage has affected her emotionally and physically. More than what he can imagine.
"I still love you..." Abeer said and meher smiled.
They thought they will get through it. But it wasn't easy. Not easy at all. Standing beside each other through thick n thin, they promised. But what about pouring your heart out. Never did they talk about that night and that incident. Two months passed by and they were subconsciously standing on the same crossroad. No one dared to bring up that topic again.
Abeer was getting ready for office when unable to find his favourite tie, opened the wardrobe. He hurriedly looked for it here and there when he paused and his eyes turned moist.
A pink teddy bear.
Abeer took it out and looked at it longingly.
Only if things didn't go wrong... He thought.
But then the reality struck him.
"Meher..." Abeer shouted.
Meher came inside the room, looking at some file when her feet froze. Her eyes landed on the soft toy abeer held.
"What is it doing here...?? I told you to throw these... Didn't I...??" Abeer asked meher.
Meher answered him with a nod and tried holding back her tears. How could she throw it away... It was for their baby... It belonged to her child.
Abeer knew meher wouldn't answer him, so he himself threw the soft toy into the dustbin and left the room. Looking at anything they brought for their baby, now hurted him so much. It always reminded him that they failed as parents... They weren't able to protect their baby... Their first unborn...
Meher stood there until abeer left the room. She was used to this abeer now. Every time he would see something that would remind him of the baby, he would react like this. Shutting himself in or sometimes yelling at her. But what was she supposed to do. Only madhvi would listen to her and be her shoulder to cry on. Shanaya would always ask meher to stand for herself and tell Abeer the bitter reality. He wasn't the only one going through this phase, she was the one who suffered the most. She was the mother. She was the one who bore that baby in her body. Meher ran towards the dustbin and took oit the soft toy. She cleaned it by lightly dusting it... It was her baby's toy which definitely didn't belong there. In the dustbin.
Meher looked at it and hugged it close to her heart. The emotions attached to that non living soft toy were way too much that parting away from it felt like parting from her baby. All over again.
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Anupamaa
Bengali Shows
Shiv Shakti
