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A brisk walk with an old and pleasantly plump friend leads to a heated debate on feminism. She has recently attended a talk by the great feminist writer Germaine Greer who stunned women in the '70s with glorious words like "I'm sick of peering at the world through false eyelashes, so everything I see is mixed with a shadow of bought hairs; I'm sick of weighting my head with a dead mane, unable to move my neck freely, terrified of rain, of wind, of dancing too vigorously in case I sweat into my lacquered curls."
And so, my friend, her cheeks red with exertion and matching her strawberry pink hair, haughtily reminds me of the time when we read those lines and proudly identified ourselves as feminists.
I reply, Well, I am not one anymore! None of that bra-burning and all for me because at this age, I need all of Victoria's secret uplifting support that I can get in order to kick gravity in the nuts for a little while longer.'
I am kidding but like all things said in jest, there is a certain kernel of truth within. I now feel a certain ennui when I hear the word feminism' being bandied about as a marketing tool to sell everything from face cream to Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired S&M gear targeted at the Baroda market with a tag like, Break out of your shackles, be a feminist and handcuff him instead.'
My friend snaps back, "How can you say that?" and starts throwing words like misogyny and oppression at me while frothing at the mouth with such intensity that I started looking around for an anti-rabies injection to stab her with.
I hastily explain my point of view, "Look, I am afraid men and women are not equal, it is a falsehood," I gingerly continue, fearing another onslaught, "Let's start at the very beginning. At birth researchers have found that preterm boys had a much lower survival rate and this is something that my gynaecologist always says as well " that whenever there is trouble in the labour room the chances of a positive outcome are always higher when it is a baby girl.
Then let's take intelligence and all that jazz. According to IQ expert James Flynn, women now outscore men on intelligence tests across Europe and the US. A study from the journal BMC Psychology found men of all ages, young or old, were more forgetful than their female counterparts. Which may also be the reason why men often forget about their wives when they see other attractive women and why women remember each girl her husband had glanced at even decades later.
Even when it comes to health, though our hearts get broken more often, those cracks are purely superficial as estrogen protects us from heart attacks and men have no such luck.
And finally we beat them at the finishing line as we outlive men by a good decade as well.'
My friend looks a bit taken aback and finally stutters, "But if you believe we are better than them then how can you say you are not a feminist?"
I look at her triumphantly, "Exactly! That's why I can't possibly be a feminist. Feminism states that we are equal and have the right to equal opportunities. I believe that we are superior and still don't get the same opportunities so I am clearly not a feminist. Let me also remind you that even on a chromosomal level, men cannot manage with two of their own chromosomes and need one of our fantastic X chromosomes added to their half-baked Y chromosome just to exist.
And yet, despite all the evidence to the contrary, we still keep looking out for knights in shining armours instead of giving them a hard shove and making them fall off their high horses.'
My friend sighs, "I never thought of it that way. Maybe I am not a feminist too. Do we need a new term, something fantastic, like what do you think of this, Wombist'?"
"That's a horrifying word," I moan and we go on walking with no fear of the rain or wind, with sweat glistening in our hair, though we will blow-dry and spray our curls later that evening to protect it from humidity because we are contrary, and there is no word that can truly define us.
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