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Helloo... š³
I am Paro.. š I have been watching Swaragini for a while, but recently got hooked to it after Swasan's fake marriage. I was this attached to only one show before and after it ended, I more or less had left IF but Swasan brought me back š.
Now I have read some awesome os and ss on this forum and was amazed by them. I had read some os on swara, ragini, lakshya and sanskar by an awesome writer and now here I'm presenting what I think is going inside (or should go inside) our Swara devi's mind. Please do give my os a try š³
And just so you know, this my first os ever, so please go easy on me.
All about trust
Trust...
A little word, only five letters. But with a meaning so vast that it can't be explained or understood by merely reading a dictionary. It is the most important thing in every relationship. Most people feel that it is love. I disagree, it is not. Love is essential for a relationship, but it doesn't lay the foundation. The foundation is always trust. As there is no love without trust.
Believe me when I say this. No one can talk about trust more than me. I am someone who blindly trusted before and I had to bear the repercussions. Now, I seriously lack the very thing that i gave freely to everyone. Nobody trusts me.
I am Swara Bose. That is my name. It doesn't matter that my name was changed twice later, in my heart I was always Swara Bose. That was me before everything began. Before the drama, the heartbreak, the tears. I was the proud daughter of my proud mom. We were happy. Mom, Dida and me. We trusted eachother completely. And sure, our lives were not perfect owing to the absence of a male figure in our family. But I had always felt content. My mom and dida did everything they could to make sure that I never felt the absence of my father. We really didn't need anyone else.
My life changed when I found out that my father was infront of me the whole while. But as shocked as I was, I accepted him very easily. Because as much as mom and dida had tried, i still had a place left for my dad inside my heart which more or less remained devoid of a face and personality. It was easy for me to fill baba into this vacant space. I had always envied the love and care he used to shower upon Ragini and was over the moon knowing I could have it too. He was the perfect father for me. Still is for her. It was easy for me to accept his family too. Even my kadoos dadi. I had already loved them all, having grown up seeing them and somehow I already had considered them family. Ragini was an added benefit. I was ecstatic about Ragini, she was the best part of my new life. I had always felt alone as an only child listening to my friends' talk on and on about their siblings. I always wished for one of my own and now I had her.
Ragini. My kind hearted sister who was too innocent for the world. What made her into what she is, I'll never really know. Was it Lakshya? Playing on and on with her for his selfish reasons giving no considerations to her emotions. Was it Sanskar? Making her a scapegoat in his quest for revenge. Was it dadi? For raising her in an environment where she learned ends are more important than means in a wrong way. Or was it me? Was I too happy in love with Lakshya that I failed to notice the lingering sadness and later the overwhelming madness behind my sister's eyes. Or was none of us really the reason? Maybe she always had this twisted individual inside her, hiding behind her sweet smile and innocent eyes, waiting for the right moment to resurface. I dont know. I dont care. None of this matters really. The only thing that matters is that I trusted her too blindly to think of all these then. For me, family was first. Everything else was secondary, even the exhillarating thrill of my first love. I trusted without a second thought that she too felt the same way. Alas, I was wrong. I was wrong about trusting a whole bunch of people. Ragini just takes the cake. I'm not even going to describe my feelings about her betrayal. It's like having one of my hands cut off. After a while, I stopped feeling the pain, but there is a new feeling of numbness reminding me of what had been there and had been brutally cut off.
Lakshya. Now his betrayal of trust I can understand to an extend. I always felt that he was immature. I really had no interest in him in the begining. Hated him at one point too. But it was always clear to me that despite all his antics, his sudden impulses and stubbornness he had a heart of gold. That's why I fell for him even though I knew he was wrong for me. I was too mature for him and I knew that in the long run, the two of us would not have worked out. But he had this charm about him that made people genuinely like him. I was not immune to it. So I accepted him, hoping that some way we could work around the other issues. Ofcourse my psycho sister had other ideas. Laksya was never the analysing one. He always believed what was shown to his eyes not bothering about the facts. And that's what he did. Although he initially trusted me, he failed in the biggest test of trust. He believed what was shown in the video not bothering to decipher my blank expression or my dazed eyes. Ragini played her cards right and Laksya as impulsive as ever married her. Had the circumstances been different his betrayal would have hurt a lot more. But his betrayal pales in comparison to an infinitely bigger one by my dear sister. Infact sometimes I don't even blame him for this. Lakshya was never perceptive and I accepted it was my own fault for trusting him beyond what he was capable of reciprocating.
Since I'm talking about the people who betrayed my trust I have to mention baba. Now this one hurt a lot. For the simple reason that he is my father and I had expected him to atleast hear out me if I had an explanation. In his case it was not a matter of trust. It was something much deeper. It was my faith in him as a father. And by not showing his trust in me, he damaged it beyond repair. But I do find a way to justify the people I love. Baba always trusted Ragini more than me. Everyone trusted Ragini more than me. She was the angel who could never do any wrong. And I was the troublemaker who made chaos wherever she went. And lets not forget Ragini was the daughter he raised, not me. So it was always her word over mine. I get it. But what hurts the most is that he never gave me a benefit of doubt. He is now convinced that I'm the devil's spawn and out to get his little girl. I dont care baba, not anymore. The only reason I'm doing this is because I dont want to be the reason behind your seperation with mom. After the truth comes out, you can take whatever road you wish. The one back to our lives or the one away from us forever.
I remember that my mom always told me that trust is like glass, once it's broken it can't be the same again. The crack always remains. And my trust on Ragini, Baba, Lakshya will always have cracks within in the future. But there is someone I trust completely now. He is more than a friend but less than the next thing. I dont know how to name it. But I trust him completely. And his trust is more special than the rest. It's because he earned his trust from me. Nobody else did. Baba, Ragini and Lakshya had my trust given to them freely. Maybe that's what makes the difference. Maybe they never really deserved my trust in the first place. And in that case what right do I have to feel betrayed when I was the one who made the mistake, not them. Maybe that's why I trust Sanskar even after all the betrayals. Sanskar. There is something about him. There is so much he hides behind those calm eyes. I never told him this but he gives me strength. He is my support system. I dont know how he does that, but he is just what I need. And it scares me. The possibility of what we could be terrifies me. His recent confession doesn't make anything easier too, nor does the red powder in my forehead which has someone's name on it now. I dare not think of this but he is my husband. Our marriage is as real as my mom and baba's marriage. I'm not ready for this, not even a month ago my heart was broken. I'm not ready, not yet. But when he stands next to me, it feels so right. And the part of his confession that scares me the most is me. All events considered, inside my heart, i feel a little bit of content. And that is what scares me, not the fact that he is in love with me but the fact that I was not as upset about it as I should be. How could i feel this way? And how would it affect our mission? Driven by the conflicting thoughts and chaos in my mind I took my frustration out on the only person I trusted would bear with it. There it is again, trust, I trusted Sanskar to not let me down, and he proved himself truly. Even when I demanded we go seperate ways later did he back out from our mission. My mission really, he just wants to redeem himself and can back out any moment he wished. But I trusted him not to and he rose brilliantly in my trust. I cant help but notice the irony of it. The man who wanted to seek revenge for his dead lover fell in love with the very girl he was out to destoy. It doesn't even sound real. But I know that it is as real as it can be. I can see the deep sadness behind his composed eyes. Trust is broken there too. More than my trust in Sanskar he had trusted me. He had trusted me to act as an adult in his confession, but me, resulting from the chaos of my life and my obvious denial made a mess. I hurt him too deeply. I just hope he loves me enough to forgive me. No, scratch that, I trust him to forgive me. Yes, that's right. I trust Sanskar. He had restored my trust on trust. And maybe after all this is over, after my mom and baba reunites, maybe we could find a way to trust eachother to spend our lives together. And it is my trust on this dream that keeps me going.
Trust.. It's all about trust..
I am Paro.. š I have been watching Swaragini for a while, but recently got hooked to it after Swasan's fake marriage. I was this attached to only one show before and after it ended, I more or less had left IF but Swasan brought me back š.
Now I have read some awesome os and ss on this forum and was amazed by them. I had read some os on swara, ragini, lakshya and sanskar by an awesome writer and now here I'm presenting what I think is going inside (or should go inside) our Swara devi's mind. Please do give my os a try š³
And just so you know, this my first os ever, so please go easy on me.
All about trust
Trust...
A little word, only five letters. But with a meaning so vast that it can't be explained or understood by merely reading a dictionary. It is the most important thing in every relationship. Most people feel that it is love. I disagree, it is not. Love is essential for a relationship, but it doesn't lay the foundation. The foundation is always trust. As there is no love without trust.
Believe me when I say this. No one can talk about trust more than me. I am someone who blindly trusted before and I had to bear the repercussions. Now, I seriously lack the very thing that i gave freely to everyone. Nobody trusts me.
I am Swara Bose. That is my name. It doesn't matter that my name was changed twice later, in my heart I was always Swara Bose. That was me before everything began. Before the drama, the heartbreak, the tears. I was the proud daughter of my proud mom. We were happy. Mom, Dida and me. We trusted eachother completely. And sure, our lives were not perfect owing to the absence of a male figure in our family. But I had always felt content. My mom and dida did everything they could to make sure that I never felt the absence of my father. We really didn't need anyone else.
My life changed when I found out that my father was infront of me the whole while. But as shocked as I was, I accepted him very easily. Because as much as mom and dida had tried, i still had a place left for my dad inside my heart which more or less remained devoid of a face and personality. It was easy for me to fill baba into this vacant space. I had always envied the love and care he used to shower upon Ragini and was over the moon knowing I could have it too. He was the perfect father for me. Still is for her. It was easy for me to accept his family too. Even my kadoos dadi. I had already loved them all, having grown up seeing them and somehow I already had considered them family. Ragini was an added benefit. I was ecstatic about Ragini, she was the best part of my new life. I had always felt alone as an only child listening to my friends' talk on and on about their siblings. I always wished for one of my own and now I had her.
Ragini. My kind hearted sister who was too innocent for the world. What made her into what she is, I'll never really know. Was it Lakshya? Playing on and on with her for his selfish reasons giving no considerations to her emotions. Was it Sanskar? Making her a scapegoat in his quest for revenge. Was it dadi? For raising her in an environment where she learned ends are more important than means in a wrong way. Or was it me? Was I too happy in love with Lakshya that I failed to notice the lingering sadness and later the overwhelming madness behind my sister's eyes. Or was none of us really the reason? Maybe she always had this twisted individual inside her, hiding behind her sweet smile and innocent eyes, waiting for the right moment to resurface. I dont know. I dont care. None of this matters really. The only thing that matters is that I trusted her too blindly to think of all these then. For me, family was first. Everything else was secondary, even the exhillarating thrill of my first love. I trusted without a second thought that she too felt the same way. Alas, I was wrong. I was wrong about trusting a whole bunch of people. Ragini just takes the cake. I'm not even going to describe my feelings about her betrayal. It's like having one of my hands cut off. After a while, I stopped feeling the pain, but there is a new feeling of numbness reminding me of what had been there and had been brutally cut off.
Lakshya. Now his betrayal of trust I can understand to an extend. I always felt that he was immature. I really had no interest in him in the begining. Hated him at one point too. But it was always clear to me that despite all his antics, his sudden impulses and stubbornness he had a heart of gold. That's why I fell for him even though I knew he was wrong for me. I was too mature for him and I knew that in the long run, the two of us would not have worked out. But he had this charm about him that made people genuinely like him. I was not immune to it. So I accepted him, hoping that some way we could work around the other issues. Ofcourse my psycho sister had other ideas. Laksya was never the analysing one. He always believed what was shown to his eyes not bothering about the facts. And that's what he did. Although he initially trusted me, he failed in the biggest test of trust. He believed what was shown in the video not bothering to decipher my blank expression or my dazed eyes. Ragini played her cards right and Laksya as impulsive as ever married her. Had the circumstances been different his betrayal would have hurt a lot more. But his betrayal pales in comparison to an infinitely bigger one by my dear sister. Infact sometimes I don't even blame him for this. Lakshya was never perceptive and I accepted it was my own fault for trusting him beyond what he was capable of reciprocating.
Since I'm talking about the people who betrayed my trust I have to mention baba. Now this one hurt a lot. For the simple reason that he is my father and I had expected him to atleast hear out me if I had an explanation. In his case it was not a matter of trust. It was something much deeper. It was my faith in him as a father. And by not showing his trust in me, he damaged it beyond repair. But I do find a way to justify the people I love. Baba always trusted Ragini more than me. Everyone trusted Ragini more than me. She was the angel who could never do any wrong. And I was the troublemaker who made chaos wherever she went. And lets not forget Ragini was the daughter he raised, not me. So it was always her word over mine. I get it. But what hurts the most is that he never gave me a benefit of doubt. He is now convinced that I'm the devil's spawn and out to get his little girl. I dont care baba, not anymore. The only reason I'm doing this is because I dont want to be the reason behind your seperation with mom. After the truth comes out, you can take whatever road you wish. The one back to our lives or the one away from us forever.
I remember that my mom always told me that trust is like glass, once it's broken it can't be the same again. The crack always remains. And my trust on Ragini, Baba, Lakshya will always have cracks within in the future. But there is someone I trust completely now. He is more than a friend but less than the next thing. I dont know how to name it. But I trust him completely. And his trust is more special than the rest. It's because he earned his trust from me. Nobody else did. Baba, Ragini and Lakshya had my trust given to them freely. Maybe that's what makes the difference. Maybe they never really deserved my trust in the first place. And in that case what right do I have to feel betrayed when I was the one who made the mistake, not them. Maybe that's why I trust Sanskar even after all the betrayals. Sanskar. There is something about him. There is so much he hides behind those calm eyes. I never told him this but he gives me strength. He is my support system. I dont know how he does that, but he is just what I need. And it scares me. The possibility of what we could be terrifies me. His recent confession doesn't make anything easier too, nor does the red powder in my forehead which has someone's name on it now. I dare not think of this but he is my husband. Our marriage is as real as my mom and baba's marriage. I'm not ready for this, not even a month ago my heart was broken. I'm not ready, not yet. But when he stands next to me, it feels so right. And the part of his confession that scares me the most is me. All events considered, inside my heart, i feel a little bit of content. And that is what scares me, not the fact that he is in love with me but the fact that I was not as upset about it as I should be. How could i feel this way? And how would it affect our mission? Driven by the conflicting thoughts and chaos in my mind I took my frustration out on the only person I trusted would bear with it. There it is again, trust, I trusted Sanskar to not let me down, and he proved himself truly. Even when I demanded we go seperate ways later did he back out from our mission. My mission really, he just wants to redeem himself and can back out any moment he wished. But I trusted him not to and he rose brilliantly in my trust. I cant help but notice the irony of it. The man who wanted to seek revenge for his dead lover fell in love with the very girl he was out to destoy. It doesn't even sound real. But I know that it is as real as it can be. I can see the deep sadness behind his composed eyes. Trust is broken there too. More than my trust in Sanskar he had trusted me. He had trusted me to act as an adult in his confession, but me, resulting from the chaos of my life and my obvious denial made a mess. I hurt him too deeply. I just hope he loves me enough to forgive me. No, scratch that, I trust him to forgive me. Yes, that's right. I trust Sanskar. He had restored my trust on trust. And maybe after all this is over, after my mom and baba reunites, maybe we could find a way to trust eachother to spend our lives together. And it is my trust on this dream that keeps me going.
Trust.. It's all about trust..
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