llAbhiGya/TiSha AT#104ll - Page 13

*Pragya is passing by Mina's room and decides to ask her if she wants to join her for tea and kachodis. She knocks on the closed door. When she gets no answer she calls out for Mina, but then there is still no answer, so she opens the door and steps inside.*

*Pragya looks all around the room but Mina is nowhere to be seen, she calls out her name one more time*

M: *muffled* I'm here Bhabhi

P: Here where? Arre Mina! What are you doing under your desk??

M: Bhabhi I am hiding.

P: Hiding from what? Mina get out from under there.

M: No I'm going to stay here you can come here too.

P: Mina.

M: No Bhabhi I don't want to come out.

P: Why? What are you afraid of? There's nothing here.

M: Bhabhi they're EVERYWHERE!

P: What's everywhere? No bhootnis, no cockroaches, no corporators. Nothing to be afraid of meri baachi come out.

M: BHABHI.

P: Yes Mina??

M: EXPECTATIONS

P: What about expectations?

M: Expectations are everywhere and I am hiding!

*Pragya smiles to herself...leans on the desk and gets comfortable for a chat...*

P: Accha so that's what it is. Mina is hiding from expectations.

M: Yashhh.

P: What expectations are you hiding from?

M: ALL OF THEM.

P: Arre meri buddhu how can I help you if you can't tell me what they are?

M: It's just everything Bhabhi it's everything. What are you supposed to do when people want you to be a certain way or do a certain thing and you're not sure you can do it? I mean Bhabhi why can't I just be me and do what I want all the time why are there EXPECTATIONS?!

P: Ok. Yoga exercises.

M: Bhabhiii

P: Even though you're still under the desk I can tell you're not breathing deeply. Come on Mina what's the first rule? More oxygen to the brain will always help you solve a problem. Chalo, breathing exercises!

M: Are you my bhabhi or my fitness instructor?!!

P: Less talking more breathing.

M: Fine. *does deep breathing drills*

*Pragya leads Mina through the deep breathing drills by counting 1-4 and then backwards*

P: Ok. Now that you are breathing easy, let's talk about this problem you have. You still won't tell me what expectations are bothering you?

M: Just general ones.

P: Well the best thing would be to think specifically about what's bothering you, and then imagine what you would tell your best friend in the same situation. Generally we're much more able to think clearly for other people than for ourselves. So whenever you're finding yourself overwhelmed like this, you need to remember to be a friend to yourself.

M: Oh...ok. I guess I would tell a friend to...relax. And that she could do it. But that's because I believe my friend could do it, what if I don't believe that about myself? How can I give myself advice if my whole problem is that I don't believe I can handle things in the first place??

P: Why don't you believe in yourself Mina? Don't you know how many people believe in you?

M: Well...

P: Are all those people wrong? Your family and friends and the people at your job? Your AT fambly, behenas, everyone you know on the forums and online? They believe that you are good at being you. That's all you need to be.

M: But they don't know! All the things I have in my head, my weaknesses and doubts, they -

P: Exactly. So their vision isn't clouded by the negativity. It's normal and healthy to have doubts about yourself but you have to be careful when you're listening to your inner voice. Sometimes it's too negative just because it has no check against reality.

M: Arre? How are you supposed to protect yourself from a delusional inner voice? That's even more scary!

P: *laughs* Well, that's when it helps to talk to someone who isn't you. But in general, if you're feeling so overwhelmed that you need to hide under your desk from the expectations that are everywhere...

M: Yeah?

P: Then you're definitely being too hard on yourself. If there's something you think you can't do, maybe you just need to look at it differently. Look at it smaller. Can you do a piece of it? One piece at a time, and you'll get there in the end.

M: Maybe...but what if the pieces don't add up properly at the end? What's the point of starting if I'm not sure I'll be able to finish at the end?

P: Arre Mina! Life is too short to wait for that kind of certainty about everything! You have to just trust yourself to deal with it if things go wrong in the future. You can't figure out everything ahead of time.

M: Why not? Bhabhi if I live under my desk for the rest of my life, my needs will be so simple. I think it's a good plan.

P: It's a terrible plan, Mina. You won't have any kachodis, your behenas won't be able to visit you, and where are you going to keep your husband when you get married? I'm warning you now Mina husbands do not like being kept under desks.

M: How do you know? Have you tried keeping Bhai under a desk?

P: Mina I love you but some things are -

M: Yes, I know, married people secrets! *Mina climbs out from under the desk and rolls her eyes at Bhabhi*