Perennial Love OS

Perennial Love

I Would Not Wish Any Companion In The World But You - William Shakespeare

Staring out the window, I couldn't help but wish I could go back to the time we were together. Ragini. I let everyone think I was over her. That I hated her. Even loathed the mention of her name.

But that was far from the truth. My heart was shattered. Broken beyond repair. I still loved her, and that is the only reason even time couldn't piece together the thing in my chest I called heart. I could fix dysfunctional hearts, but I couldn't fix a broken heart despite the countless tries to do so.

---

NEIL TUMHE THODI SI BHI PARVAH NAHI HO RAHI HAI APNE BACHON KI?

Pam! Relax! Tum kyun itna chilla rahi ho? Everything's under control!

WHAT CONTROL NEIL? HOW COULD YOU LET AGAM GO TO RAGINI'S HOUSE? TUM JAANTE NAHI HO USS AURAT KO?

---

I felt my fists curl with the insults Pam was throwing about Ragini. I knew she was just protective about me and the kids, but she was crossing her limits.

I punched the wall in anger; even after everything, I still got angry when someone insulted her.

Ragini. That one name. The mere mention of her name brought me back to our memories together. Every. Single. Time.

I hated myself for still loving her. The love I held for her was poignant. I drowned myself in work and alcohol; distancing myself from everything that reminded me of her. But one look at Ranbir and Agam. One look at them and I would experience the pain, the hurt, the angst all over again.

I gave them everything they needed, but kept them away from me. I couldn't bear to break my already broken heart more. I feel guilty and ashamed, yes I do, but it was necessary.

I sat down, a glass of whiskey in my hand, a million thoughts on my mind, and countless emotions in my heart. How had things gone so wrong, so awry? Swirling the ice cubes around, I went back in time during our divorce.

---

Nachiket, aaj ke baad tum Nishi aur Aarav se milne ki koshish bhi mat karna. Woh sirf mere bacche hai.

Ragini, mujhse yeh kehne ki zaroorat nahi hai. Tum bhi apna vaada yaad rakhna, Ranbir aur Agam se duur rehne ka.

Mujhe tumhaare tarah apne vaade todne ki aadat nahi hai.

Tumhaari yeh hi toh problem hai. Khair, divorce ho chuka hai. Ab tumse mera koi rishta nahi. Main jaa raha hu.

Yeh rishta shayad kabhi tha hi nahi.

---

RAGINI! I screamed out, throwing the glass on the floor.

That day was precisely etched in my mind. How could she not trust me after all that we had been through? I felt tears sting my eyes, which I furiously wiped away. I refuse to let that woman hurt me again. I refuse to give her the power to do so.

I looked down at the now-broken glass which mirrored my helplessness. My emotions were scattered; from relief of seeing her, to anger at her moving on. From love towards my own two kids, to protectiveness towards my other kids. What was I supposed to do?

I heard Nivedita outside my room, asking to come in. Once again, I put on my mask of indifference on before allowing her in.

---

Neil, I got some coffee for you.

Thank you.

There's no need to be formal with me Neil!

She excused herself to attend a phone call, but she wasn't far enough to be out of my hearing distance.

What? How could the father be so careless? It's sheer stupidity! He's going to lose custody now. Okay I will look into it tomorrow. You too, bye.

What happened Nivedita? Anything wrong?

Woh actually there's a custody case our firm is handling. The parents split up 12 years ago and the dad had taken custody of all the kids. But now, she got married to a rich man and wants to get the custody of the children again.

Time stood still again as I realized how similar my situation was with this man's. With only one exception...

Even the children say they want to live with their mom. Can you imagine that? Now the court is going to be in the favour of the woman just because she has a man with her, providing the children with "so-called" parents.

No... Ragini would never do that. Agam could never leave me. I grabbed my suit and walked out on her. No one can steal Agam from me.

---

I was standing outside her apartment. My feet dragged me this far, but my heart denied me from entering. She would never go back on her word.

I was about to knock on the door, when I stopped myself in time. If there was one thing I knew about my wif... ex-wife, was that she was a woman of her words. Her valued self-respect would never let her back down on her promises. I always admired this quality of hers.

She would never sacrifice with her self-respect. It meant the world to her, and I remember falling hard for that.

Breaking the train of thoughts before I was gone too deep, I stepped back.

For once in a long time, I was going to listen to my heart. I was going to let Agam have the love he was craving for. I was willing to trust Ragini once again, despite being hurt by her the most.

Perhaps my love for her was still stronger than my hatred.

I traced my steps back to my car, going against all odds and giving her this much. She had always been the closest to Agam, not placing him down for even a moment back then. I was the same with Nishi; and if I had the chance to be a part of her wedding, then Ragini could at least be a part of Agam's birthday celebration.

I walked to my car, and stood under her balcony. As if on cue, she came in sight and turned towards me. Our eyes met, and the same feelings erupted in me again.

Anger, hatred, despair; but the strongest of them all, love.

I've never forgotten you Ragini. I don't think I ever will.

And with that, I put my shades on and sat inside the car. Driving off, only one thought clouded my mind; What if... And the vicious cycle began again with that one preoccupation.

---

The End

Glad to see you've made it this far 😆

Don't forget to tell me what you thought of it (:

Lots of love,

Hinal 😳