Reasons for falling out of love.

There are many reasons why we fall in love with someone.............their humour, their personality, their looks etc etc. But what if after 10 years we sit there questioning ourselves as to whether or not we still really love that person. What could be some of the reasons for falling out of love?

Lets assume that there are no fights and no other man or woman who has enterd into your life ......why would you fall out of love with someone?

Also, why don't we ever fall out of love with our kids and parents no matter how much we fight with them?

Life is a continuous learning process. We all evolve every five years or so in to someone who could be a mere extension of what they were five years ago or, at times, in to someone who is a totally changed person as compared to what they were before. Now, if both husband and wife stay the same, i.e., no major events/changes/experiences in their lives that might help/force them to evolve, I see no reason for them not be in love even after ten years.

Problems crop up when they both evolve in to someone they were not to begin with or one evolves but the other remains the same. For example, a man marries a woman who stays a housewife for first four years or so but then start going to university, graduates, and starts her career. This woman might evolve in to a strong career woman where as the guy remained what he was at the time of their marriage. That's when emotional and thought process mismatch starts settling in and people end up being driven from each other eventually...what we term as...falling out of love. Similar thing happens when both evolve in to someone totally different as compared to what they started out at the time of their union.

Some couples handle the differences by talking about it, some just do not believe in rocking the boat because one of the spouses really do not see any problems with the marriage. So, even though they changed, they still pretend nothing changed. That's when the frustration sets in. They might still care a lot for each other and still may want to stay together but something somewhere starts missing....that spark no longer exists....the spunk is gone. It is a very painful situation emotionally and each one of us deal with it differently. That's when you need friends who are non-judgemental and there to support you....no matter what because relatives, for some reason, fail miserably to understand the couple's dilemma. We all want our near and dear ones to stay in the bubble of happiness after all...don't we.

There are no right or wrong answers. One should act keeping in mind the greater good...I mean the whole family's happiness vs. your own personal happiness and decide the best approach one can come up under the circumstances.

great response gauri. 👏

its a tough decision when kids are involved. if the other spouse thinks nothing is wrong and the kids are happy, would it be selfish of one to bring this matter up to the spouse. possibly souring things in their mind as well?


why does love for your parents and kids not change? i've never heard of anyone falling out of love with their kids or parents.

Originally posted by: mittijalebi

why does love for your parents and kids not change? i've never heard of anyone falling out of love with their kids or parents.

I've seen that. Some parents deserve nothing better. Some kids deserve nothing better. May God prohibit everyone from facing that situation.

Love is not just a priviledge. It is a responsibility. Love is complex and the only pure love attained is the purest form of BHAKTI.
Any love between a man and a woman will have moments of falling in and out of love. Our parents and our children are very dear to us and incredibly close, but the extent of SHARING is not even comparable to that between a cohabiting man and woman- body and soul- neither to be underestimated.
One spends the most part of their life-time together with their spouse. Such familiarity could translate into lack of novelty, and excessive routine and could diminish the WANT / CRAZY YEARNING for each other.
But as long as the FALLING BACK IN is a force stronger that falling out, the relationship is strong and lasting.

I don't know why people fall out of love forever, unless cheating / abuse / hurting one's honour is involved.
I cannot understand and never wish to.
One clearly cannot fall out of love just for miniscuous reasons like - hogging TV remote, not liking any vegetables, hogging the entire comforter, and not being supportive while the pretty and better one is crying for no reason 😉. Can they?

Originally posted by: mittijalebi

great response gauri. 👏

its a tough decision when kids are involved. if the other spouse thinks nothing is wrong and the kids are happy, would it be selfish of one to bring this matter up to the spouse. possibly souring things in their mind as well?


why does love for your parents and kids not change? i've never heard of anyone falling out of love with their kids or parents.

Thanks MJ...for highlighted part, that is a different kind of love based on nurturing and being nurtured. It has nothing to do with the spark or spunk that we look so desperately for in a romantic liason. No physical relations involved there in parent/sibling relations and that's why you work around your differences w/o letting a major part of human desires getting in the way or affected in any way......imho.

Originally posted by: Gauri_3

Thanks MJ...for highlighted part, that is a different kind of love based on nurturing and being nurtured. It has nothing to do with the spark or spunk that we look so desperately for in a romantic liason. No physical relations involved there in parent/sibling relations and that's why you work around your differences w/o letting a major part of human desires getting in the way or affected in any way......imho.

bingo! there is nothing as intimate, and hence as complicated though beautiful as M-W relation imo.

Originally posted by: mittijalebi

why does love for your parents and kids not change? i've never heard of anyone falling out of love with their kids or parents.

Jalebi, Another great topic. There was once a similar topic here where I posted I don't remember the subject of that thread.

For now my views are on just the quoted part.

There are lots of people who don't love parents or start hating them after their selfish demands and there have been instances where parents cheated one son's money to give to another son or daughter. Such acts do make people hate parents. But the guilt feeling compels them to continue the relationship. Similarly there are instances where parents disown children. We have read some thakur family in UP burning their daughter alive along with her lower caste boyfriend for eloping. Instances as compared to spouse separation is less in these cases may be because of the blood connection.

thanks maya!

is there such a thing as loving your spouse but not being IN love with them? if this is the case should you still stay with your spouse....if kids are involved and you have no other problems with the spouse?

Originally posted by: mittijalebi

thanks maya!

is there such a thing as loving your spouse but not being IN love with them? if this is the case should you still stay with your spouse....if kids are involved and you have no other problems with the spouse?

if kids are involved, then yes, you should make all efforts to continue the marriage...do not break it...just my personal opinion

isn't a person entitled to their own happiness? should they forsake that for their family? is it fair for one to stay with someone who theyre not in love with?