Only my bestie...??? #2 Chapter 31 updated on Pg 91 [11/4/15] - Page 13

He watched the letter placed before him with unsure eyes. Thousands of questions were mounting in his head. Khushi's letter!! Why would she write a letter to me? And then it registered, Oh hell, I have been neglecting her since the day she asked to stay longer, she dint have any choice apart from writing down her emotions in these, he thought remorsefully eyeing the letter in his hand.

Chiding himself for putting her through so much trouble, he opened the letter, and began reading it.

Hey Arnav,

Samajh nahi aa raha kya likhu aur kya nahi...khushiii...(his broken whisper of her name was a proof enough of his torment and emotional upheal)...I have so much things to share with you but words seems to elude me when it comes down to putting my thoughts on a piece of paper...mujhe bhi bohot kuch kehna hai khushi, you have no idea how I have survived these days without you... But well, I have to come up with something unless you get highly pissed off and change your mind...shush, mai aur tumse naaraaz? Aisa kabhi nahi hota Khushi and you know that.

I don't think I should ask, how you are because I know you won't be fine...He just gulped in response, wiping off the moistness from the corner of his eyes...Infact I am quite sure you must be raging like a wild bull stampeding away your terror on those poor little employees of yours...What the? Me and a wild bull? But then, your anger is completely justified this time. I know I deserve every bit of your resentment...No you don't. Its me who should be sorry, mai tumhe samajh nahi paaya bestie...

Had I been infront you, you wont have hesitated to thrash me till death, after all maine harkat hi aisi ki hai.Shayad tumhe itna gussa aa raha hai, you wont even want to continue with this letter...umm no, why did you thought so? I can never avoid anything you do for me khushi and looking at the number of pages this letter has, it clearly tells how much efforts you have taken for it, so I will any way read it. But Plzz I beg you arnav, don't stop...what the, have you gone mad?? Why would I leave it half way, are you saying it because of the size?

Infact I want you to promise me that you won't quit reading it in between at any point of time....Ye kya zidd hai Khushi, it so silly of you to think like that...My world would shatter apart if you wont promise so please ise silly kehna band karo, keep your hand on your heart and promise, NOW!!! Achaa baba, kiya promise (he, as told, kept his hand on his heart and promised all the while smilingly shaking his head at his bestie's crazy antics, missing her all the more)

Arnav, I know I have hurt you very badly with my actions... That's true. How could you do this to me yaar? Just you wait till I get my hands on you because this time I wont let you off the hook so easily. Be prepared for you will be getting a nice scolding from your bestie. You only seen my loving side till now, Trust me this time no one can save you from me...I have wronged you in every way possible, have hurt you unmeasurably, have merciessly smashed the faith you had in me, but to be very honest, I NEVER REALIZED. WHAT???

Very candidly (today, there's no point lying), you were never on my mind Arnav...Are you out of your mind? Its only me you care for, so stop speaking bull-shit for god sake you crazy girl and (suddenly angry) what do you mean I was never on your mind?...My insecurities always got better of me and I ruled out things for both of us, which held no significance, no worth at all. I am not justifying my actions par yehi sacchai hai. Why I did what I did, this is the only possible explanation I have. Stupid, idiot, you weren't insecure, tumne yeh sab Sameera ke kehne par kiya, that's the only explanation I would buy from you.

I was so bloody driven by my jealousy all along, that I never gave a shit to your expectations. You, for me, were a trophy that I was to get at the success of my efforts, but that's it. What was your emotional lookout towards my actions, It never really mattered... What nonsense khush?

Par dekho meri bewakoofi ka kya sila mila mujhe, aaj maine sab kuch kho diya. Har who cheez jo mere dil ke sabse kareeb thi, mujhse chin gai... Plz don't say that, I am coming to you bestie and promise ab ham kabhi separate nahi honge, I wont let you get away from me...Even for making you read this letter, I am seeking support of a lie to confide my thoughts with you, koi aur option nahi tha naaa. Huh!

Confused??...Aur nahi to kya and you better clear it fast. (he pouted looking around, making sure no one is noticing him in the office)

I wish mai saamne hoti iss waqt tumhaare, I would have given anything to watch that cute little pout adorning your face...Oye, stop teasing me alright? ...Okay baba, I won't tease you any further, waise bhi I guess I have lost that right forever...Shut up, nothing's lost.

Before you correct me, let me tell you if I had been at your place, I too would have felt like pulling my hairs...Oh really?...Why would Khushi be jealous? Guilty? Insecure? Yeah, she hide that hospital matter from you, but that's it. Usne wahi kiya jo ek dost ko karna chahiye tha...What the bloody hell? Why are you referring to yourself as 'she'? mujhe kuch samaj nahi aa raha khushiii...

Mai probably paagal kar rahi hu tumhe apni baato se isn't it? You bet! but what to do, this is my last chance. Well, I guess ab tak toh tumne guess kar hi liya hoga ke yaha ho kya raha hai...NO, i have no idea, kya ho raha hai?

God, Arnav put your harward brain to some good use yaar, I believe itni aasaani se sabko nahi milti yeh degree...Oh to meri kaabiliyat par shak hai tumhe haa? I guess, you need a reminder babes... Anyways, mai hi bata deti hu before your volcano like temper erupts again. Yes plzzz.

Khushi ne tumhe koi letter nahi likha hai... He stilled at his place, taking a moment to get rid of the numbness coursing inside,re-reading the line again and again...This letter is written by the one jis se tum sabse zyada nafrat karne lage ho... NO WAY!!! It can't be you, bloody hell!! What kind of a stupid prank is this? I won't spare you Miss Rathod (angered beyond senses, he was about to tear the letter apart when his eyes fell on the next few lines)...Yup, its me Sameera but before tearing apart think of your promise arnav. ASR never backs out of his commitments and you had promised me to finish this letter till the end...You and your stupid promise can go to hell and see if I care (Though, he dint tore it off, he refused to even look at it, but then remembering the promise and giving in to his curiosity, which he cant hide from his own self, can he? he decided after sometime to continue reading)

Would you believe if I say I am trembling right now? ... I don't believe in anything you say (he angrily muttered to himself)...Just imagining you with that horrendous, night raiding anger of yours is enough to bring me down on my knees...Oh really?...Maine dekha hai naa tumhe employees par garajte hue. Fortunately tum mujhpar kabhi naraaz nahi hua except once in the recent time...He only snorted turning around the page.

But this, I know is the second time I am enraging you... And guarantedly the last...Tumne socha Khushi ne khat likha hai and it wasn't her but me. lekin, I swear, this is the last time I am taking advantage of your emotions, iske baad kabhi bhi mai tumhe hurt nahi karungi. And I should trust you. (Sarcasm was dripping abundantly from his mouth as he read every next line)

I know you had trusted me a lot Arnav, Khushi aur family ke baad, tumne sabse zyada mujhpar aitbaar kiya, whether it was about business decisions or sharing your past, you always trusted my judegment. You believed in me aur isi liye, against your principles, tumne mujhe apna partner banaya. You were always there jab bhi mujhe tumhaari zarurat thi, bina kahe hi tum meri dil ki baat jaan lete the but me, I failed you completely. I can't tell you how sorry I am for whatever I did...To hell with your sorry

Jab tumne mujhe confront kiya tab bhi mujhe ehsaas nahi hua but tumhaare jaane ke baad I realized mujhse kitni badi galti hui hai. Plz forgive me. I know I am asking too much but please give me a second chance...Why don't you stop with your pretence Sameera, I won't fall for any of your cheap tricks now. Aakhir tum chaahti kya ho mujhse?

I know you must be thinking it's another trap, ke mai phir se tumhe dhoka de rahi hu. I took the chopper even when I knew you wont like to delay going to to Khushi, I wrote a letter with khushi's name and tricked you in reading it till the end, all these actions itself speaks out ke mai tumhe phir dhoka de rahi hu but it isn't the truth Arnav...he fumed and fumed some more when she self-confessed her crimes, he was seriously debating to continue reading wondering if this was all she had filled up all over this damned letter.

Yeh sab kuch maine tumhari mom and Shweta ke kehne pe kiya...What?... Mai galat ho sakti hu but wo dono? They can never hurt you, isn't it? The three of us planned to anyhow stop you from leaving for Lukhnow before you listened to what I had to convey. Urghhh! Meri mom aisa kyu karegi? stop weaving false tales, apni baat prove karne ke liye aur kitna girogi tum?

You wont trust me. fine then you only say, Kya lagta hai tumhe, contract termination ki news itne jaldi board of directors tak kaise pohoch gai? ...You mean, yeh office mishap bhi tumne plan kiya? You are definitely going to pay heavily for all this. Just you wait and watch.

Termination ki news Shweta ne spread ki and I am so glad, she was successful... (he flared his nostrils in rage, recalling the chaos sometime before, which he had handled with so much of difficutly) ofcourse, mujhe pehle hi samajh jaana chahiye tha... You probably want to kill both of us now, am I right?... Oh, you have no idea ... but Arnav, jis cheez ke liye hamne itne efforts liye, it would go all in vain agar tum hamara saath nahi doge... will you stop beating around the bush? Get to the point now, I am sick of your nonsense talks... I am going ask ou a few questions and I want honest answers buddy aur badle me tumhaare bhi saare sawaal answer ho jaaegne, it's a promise...I am hating this word, promise... So deal Mr Raizada?... Do I have a choice?

Allow me take you to a trip down the memory lane to your glorious deed of the past, believe me it contains answers to every single nagging thought going inside your head...He turned the page, and mentally prepared himself for her questions though the sane part of him still wondered what was going on and why in hell was HE co-operating? But somewhere deep down his heart, he knew Sameera has something real important to say or else a girl like her won't use such techniques to induce him. Something was gravely wrong and he was too keen to find out.

Here's your first question - When we were friends, tumhaari har baat me Khushi ka zikr zaroor hota tha. That means she was always on your mind. Why is that so arnav? kyu tum hamesha usi ke bare me sochte ho?... ofcourse she is my khushi, my besite. if I wont think abt her then who else?

You think every friend has such effect on you? Did you ever feel anything even close enough for me than what you feel for Khushi? well...umm...I... damn, again you are comparing yourself with her. Gosh Sameera, if you are going to justify you actions through this then forget me complying. (Althought this question had put his mind in some deep-rooted thoughts, he was quick enough to recover and get following the ever so expedient safety route - the all time bestie-excuse)

The answer, very obviously is NO. Till today, I was too envious to admit but ultimately that's the truth arnav. khushi is very special, defintiely more than a bestie ...y..yeah! (He agreed easily with a sly smile. Her convincing words over his and khushi's relation showing slight effects)

Arnav, I envied Khushi everytime she got closer to you. I always imagined me on her place, it suited me so perfectly, I never knew when that innocent little wish turned into a longing, desire and ultimately an obsession...And I hate you for that. You think I am a trophy to win? Jagah chini nahi jaati Sameera, use paana hota hai, DIL se. Do you know why I wanted to be khushi' for you? That's because you are altogether a different person around her Arnav... but that's because its only my bestie who bring out the best in me.

Lets just suppose, agar Khushi ke badle, it were mine and your parents that were friends and if I had come to live with you in the childhood, kya aaj jo position Khushi ki hai, wo meri hoti? ... I...I...don't know...b..b.ut...(he was lost in his thoughts, thinking about his life , if khushi wasn't there with him on each step he took, making it very precious and memorable) and suddenly the answer was crystal clear. Its only with khushi that I am at my real self. And moreover Sameera, if I want to get close to you then I wont be needing any damn excuse of living under the same roof. I would have stalked you everywhere. No one can stop ASR from getting what h wish for, but that's definitely not the case. I don't need anyone except Khushi. With her by my side, life feels so complete, I dint realized par mai kitna akela hu uske bina, so vacant, so hollow.

I know presently you would be imagining your life without khushi in it, seems impossible na? The years of bonding has strengthened your relation and its rock-solid now such that a mere dash can never break it...Hmm...

Do you know Arnav, the day you proposed I was soaring high in the air, mujhe aur kuch nahi chahiye tha. Meri Sabse badi khwaahish puri ho chuki thi but I was so wrong. Agle hi din, all my hopes crashed because I realized nothing has changed even after we got engaged to one another...What? That's not true. Many things changed, you dint had to come to office from then onwards, My family met you and those ritual, what do we call them...umm yeah roka, wo sab bhi toh pure hue, what else?

You said, it was khushi who fought for our relation, it was her who arranged that romantic date for us, right? Tell me one thing now, agar Khushi madad nahi karti toh kya tum mere liye stand lete, kya tum willingly mere liye wo sab karte jo Khushi ne kiya?... I wouldn't. Dad asked me to marry Khushi aur us waqt mere liye meri bestie ki izzat se badhkar kuch nahi tha, and about the date, I don't believe in such showing-off. Besides, such things are supposed to come directly from the heart right? but between us, I always felt something was amiss, probably because you, sameera weren't the one for me.

You hate showing off arnav, I know that but will you care to recall those numerous time, when you, with all your heart and will, had arranged surprises for Khushi... haa but...Be it for her b'days or for cheering her up when she is down. Even when she is slightly upset you have done everything within your reach to make her happy.

Magar kya tum mere liye yeh sab karte?... Are you trying to embarrass me?... You remember jab maine tumhaare liye pasta banana ka attempt kiya tha. I mistook tea-spoon for table-spoon aur pura pasta salty ho gaya tha, and you scolded me so badly and later laughed it off. Mujhe kitna bura laga tha pata hai?

I was heavily upset but did you even thought of surprizing me to cheer me up like you do for Khushi? you dint even came after me, I was waiting to pounce on you for hurting me so bad but tumhe to parwa hi nahi thi Arnav...I thought to give you sometime alone. (he thought nonchalantly)

You even hated my phone calls. I still haven't forgotten the night I called you hoping for a long late night chat but tumhe to wo sab bohot childish or immature lagta hai. Couples having Arranged marriage need to know each other but ham toh ek dusre ko bohot ache se jaante hai, so why do we need to talk and more importantly what do we need to talk, kuch aisa hi kaha than a tumne?... correct, why sacrifice our night's sleep? ...Then tell me Arnav, aisa kya ho gaya that when khushi was concerned, you contradicted your own opinion? When she had gone to Lukhnow, aunty ne mujhe bataya, you talked with her almost every night and that too for hours. Yeah, we used to do that but that was because I was missing her dammit. Is se pehle I was never separated from her for so long, I missed her continuous rants, her chitter-chatter, her melodious voice. inshort, everything about her.

Don't think that I am reminding you about all these things only to make you realize that you are equally wrong and then get you back... lag to kuch aur hi raha hai... Nope, not at all Arnav. I have got it now with full conviction, we cant force anyone to love us, its comes naturally if it had to.

I could never make a place in your heart because its already taken by someone. Tumne usi din mujhse keh diya tha ke tum mujhse pyaar nahi karte, ke hamare beech pyaar toh kabhi tha hi nahi. So very true arnav, what we had between us was only a liking that we develop for a person who is similar to us in ways indiscernible and appreciates our outlook towards life...You are right, I never loved you. I like to work with you, but once out of the professional domain, I would like to get back to my home, to my bestie. But what do you mean my heart's already taken?

You had a simple crush for me and I thought it was love... me too Sameera, maine bhi bhul kardi, it wasn't love...tumhe yaad hai jab tumne mujhe compliment kiya tha on my Salwaar kameez. You have no idea, what that single appreciative glace of yours had done to me that time, I was fluttering around in uncontrolled happiness, so much that I just fell for you arnav, all over again...What the, you really looked nice in that new look, and hence I complemented you. Get out from your world of long-boring shirts and trousers you are a fantastic woman Sameera, I am sure many men will fall for your charms (His heart spoke what he always felt about her)

But then the next moment, Khushi called you and all my flickerings got down the drain. Mai phir se murjha si gai, and I hated Khushi for that. Sath hokar bhi tum kabhi mere saath nahi hote the Arnav. Whether in a board-meetings, cafs, media-coverages, interviews, Client-dinners, fashion-shows, hotel rooms, business trips, anywhere. You just wont be with me. Physically, Yes but emotionally, naah! ... to tumne kya socha tha, I would forget all my work and spend all my time with you? (he dint knew why he was getting so infuriated. Maybe because all these comparing stuff of his changed behaviour with Khushi and Sameera had settled an uneasy feeling in his heart. It was freaking him out, as though the end result of this entire talking wont be as exciting as it seemed)

I haf often seen you smiling and so I had to shook you out of those thoughts because coughing to kabhi work karta hi nahi tha Arnav, you wont budge at all...ahaan! and I used to think that somethings's definitely wrong with these girl's throat. (he smirked recalling those several times Sameera would be making all sorts of weird noises) So all that was to grab my attention, interesting!

I knew tum Khushi ke bare me soch rahe the aur mujhe tumhe tumhare dreamland se waapas lana tha, bas! I tried doing everything in my reach to keep her thoughts away from you, but I was just a colluegue then. I held no special supremacy over your life, kis haq se tumhe rokti? I was just a friend but she was much more... and she will always be.

But when we got engaged, tab mujhe koi nahi rok sakta tha, mere paas haq bhi tha aur supremacy bhi. I was going to be your wife and I planned to take complete advantage of my situation, dictating things out for you and showing Khushi, what her actual place was... he grunted in disapproval but calmed down remembering all was past now and sammera had badly failed in what she was trying to do.

I daily came to shantivan but not for learning anything, mujhe koi interest nahi tha ghar-grihasti sikhne me. I just wanted to observe what kind of a bond khushi share with you and your family. And what I observed, got me raging in animosity. I dint liked her getting so much of attention and felt my rights were being violated. And so I strategized a new technique, that was to fit myself in her shoes and that's exactly was my mistake... ofcourse, tum jalti thi Khushi se, but tumne yeh nahi socha ke if you wanted same attention as that of Khushi to you should have tried impressing us, insteading of letting Khushi down

My aspiration yearning to prove myself better became so strong that the affection I had for you, backed out. All these days arnav, I knew you were highly pissed off with my constant phone calls or messages but that never stopped me, because mujhe khushi ko batana tha, ke job hi uska tha wo ab mera hai...his jaws literally dropped to the floor thinking that sameera had understood his displeasure all along yet she chose to act ignorant and why? Because she wanted to win over khushi.

I know I failed badly as a friend, as a lover, even as a human being. When I saw both of you hugging each other, I dint knew she was crying. I had no idea, that it was her parent's death anniversary the next day and you were consoling her. I misunderstood everything arnav, I thought it wasn't fair... and my Khushi bore the brunt of it, was that fair?

Aur uske baad hospital premises me maine jo bhi Khushi se kaha, I never meant anything but at that time I dint knew what got over me but lets just not go there. Mai jaanti hu maine jo kiya who unjustifiable hai and I don't expect any forgiveness either... Arnav just closed his eyes as a lone tear made its way down his closed lids. Remembering each word that Shweta had recited to him was so painful, he again felt immense guilt whelming his heart, when his failure as a best friend came to his mind.

Arnav I have failed in everything I tried to achieve but I don't want you to fail... I have failed already, I couldn't stop her, couldn't feel her sorrow, i wasnt there for her when she needed me the most (his heart tore apart thinking what she must have felt listening to the cutting remarks made by Sameera on her character, their relation and her upbringing)... I failed because I was more concerned in letting my rival down rather than rising up for myself, I showed off more and care less. I tricked people more and trusted less. I belived in diffidence more and less in myself.

But you Mr Arnav Singh Raizada failed till now even after showing your affection out in the open and do you want to know why? Because you, yourself never realized it ... huh! You again gone crazy?

To be continued...

Plzzz scroll down for an important note...

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simmi <3