How many of us remember our first crush? Everything was a sign, every moment seemed to revolve around him. We saw him larger than life, the hero of our dreams, the prince who would sweep us off our feet, the person who filled our every waking moment, and sometimes would eagerly meet in our dreams.
I see Paro there, a number of feelings rushing through her. Her first crush, her first feelings of love, her understanding of why she is drawn to Rudra, why she seeks him now so earnestly, why she can't bear to be away from him. "See me", she seems to scream, "I'm right here...your Paro".
Paro has lost a lot. Her parents died when she was very young, and she lost her best friend. Her mami refused to acknowledge her when she needed her the most. Her husband, her marriage turned out to be a sham, and as a last straw, her father figure turned out to be the ultimate betrayer. She had fought relentlessly for him, stood steadfast in her belief of his goodness, his compassion, only to face the bitter truth, in the end.
Throughout it all, abandoned by everybody, she found Rudra. It dawned to her that the person who she thought to be her enemy, who she thought to be on the wrong, was actually right, and had been all along. She remembers Rudra - her savior, the one who cared for her, protected her, the one who never lied to her, held on to her, even when she refused to believe him.
In the face of this truth, she has equated her Rudra with Lord Shiva, the one who always stands on the right side, the one who always protects, the one who could always be counted upon, the one who is capable to make everything alright. She has placed Rudra on a pedestal.
Everything that happens around her now is interpreted as a sign of them meant to be, and she believes that it his her lord, her confidante- her bholenath, who is sending her all the signs.
I do believe she loves him wholeheartedly, respects him, appreciates what he has done, is proud of him, but she loves him like a girl. She believes she belongs to him because of fate, because of destiny, but also because she cannot fathom losing his trust, his care, his protection.
There will come a day, when this love will evolve. Her feelings will only get more intense, but she will be the soothing balm he requires. She will stand by him, guide him when he's wrong, love him with no expectations, trust him with no reservations. She will be his anchor when he sways, her quiet humility will temper his pride, and her sweet caress and innocence will soothe his tortured soul.
As she blossoms in her love for him, she will still be enamored by all his virtues, but she will also shiver when he gazes at her, she will tremble when he touches her, she will be breathless, when he kisses her. She will understand him, she will make him whole, she will encompass him in her warmth. She will see him as a man, and she will love him despite all his flaws, as a woman.
I wait for that day, when Paro undergoes the beautiful transformation from a girl to a woman. In many ways, I think she has already started her journey, and I for one am enjoying every tender moment of it.
Comments are always welcome...even if you disagree with me! 😉
BD
Anupamaa
